Women

By Abdullahi Mukhtar Algasgaini

Stubborn women fail in their marriages, and even in their relationships with relatives. Women who lack emotional intelligence and flexibility in dealing with people around them, are the biggest failures in their marriages and their lives.

Why? She enters into an egoistic tug of war with her husband, and prefers the voice of her ego to try to overcome him, and in fact she fails before the ego of her husband and the ego of those who are around her, because men become more stubborn in front of a stubborn wife and stubborn sister, and they become more gentle in front of a submissive woman.

A headstrong woman thinks that she can win while insisting on her opinion, and she can stand in front of any opposition. She forgets that even if she wins by her obstinacy in her opinion and stand, she loses the heart that was loving her and caring for her.

Many narrations and wise proverbs in all the cultures have praised an easy-going, soft, friendly, patient and enduring woman.

Even the Messenger (peace and blessings be on him) and the Companions after him, recommended and praised a woman who respects her husband and speaks with softness and wisdom, and in turn he will love her and never leave her.

The woman who will obey her husband and stoop to let the storm pass; she is the wise, rational woman who thrives, and holds the family together.

The woman who stands like an unyielding dry stick is the one who breaks, suffering irreparable damage.The uncompromising woman clings to her opinion. She tries to constantly perpetuate the illusion of her victory: I win and you lose, I am right and you are wrong. Such a woman destroys herself before destroying others. And she lives a life of sorrowful despondency in this world and the hereafter.

By Jerry Ayuba Yavo

Depression is not just a regular aspect of human experience but a serious medical condition. According to the National Institute for Mental Health, depression is a common yet serious mood disorder. It causes severe symptoms that impact how a person feels, thinks, and handles daily activities, such as sleeping, eating, or working. 

Some symptoms include persistent sadness, feelings of hopelessness or pessimism, irritability, frustration, restlessness, and, in severe cases, thoughts of death, suicidal ideation, or suicide attempts.

In 2023, the World Health Organization (WHO) reported that an estimated 3.8% of the global population experiences depression, with 5% of adults affected (4% among men and 6% among women) and 5.7% of adults over the age of 60. 

Approximately 280 million people worldwide suffer from depression, and alarmingly, depression is about 50% more common in women than in men. This disparity is primarily attributed to biological factors, including hormonal fluctuations, genetic predisposition, and other factors.

Despite its prevalence, many people with depression may be unaware of their condition. A woman in Nigeria shared her experience with a reporter, revealing how she had struggled with mood swings since childhood. Her parents believed she was facing spiritual attacks, isolating her from her siblings, who were considered “normal.” 

As she grew older, she turned to drugs and alcohol to cope, eventually becoming addicted. It wasn’t until much later that she realised she had been suffering from depression since childhood. After marriage, she also experienced post-natal depression, which worsened her case.

In recent years, treatments such as medication and psychotherapy have proven effective for most people with depression. However, over 75% of individuals in low- and middle-income countries receive no treatment due to several barriers, including limited investment in mental health care, a lack of trained healthcare providers, and the social stigma surrounding mental illness.

Both men and women must assess their mental well-being and seek professional help if they experience symptoms of depression. Addressing mental health openly and without stigma is essential for a healthier society.

Jerry Ayuba Yavo wrote from the Department of Mass Communication, Bayero University, Kano, via jerryjnr419@gmail.com.

By Rabi Ummi Umar,

Nature bestows unique characteristics upon creatures of all species. One distinctive feature for humans, particularly women, is menstruation, otherwise known as periods. This menstrual cycle often comes with an enormous amount of pain and discomfort. 

Hence, I get aggravated when people, particularly men, downplay or dismiss the pain associated with periods. It has become all too common nowadays, and I often wonder, “What is their thought process behind such disregard?” This disregard is part of what we have come to know as period stigma—the social, cultural, and emotional shame or embarrassment associated with menstruation.

Women typically experience menstruation for two to seven days a month. Still, they also face a range of challenges, including premenstrual syndrome (PMS), sadness, menstrual pain, depression, and post-menstrual depression. For these reasons, we deserve sympathy and support.

Menstrual cramps are painful sensations that affect many individuals before and during their menstrual period. The pain typically targets the lower abdomen and lower back. Women often experience additional symptoms, such as loss of appetite, nausea, diarrhoea, and more. Depending on the individual, menstrual cramps may last for at least three days or even longer.

Reports have shown that approximately 5% to 15% of individuals experience period pain so severe that it impacts their daily activities. According to Cleveland Clinic, the figure could be higher due to underreported or unreported cases.

There are instances where I have witnessed men being insensitive towards the pain women experience during their periods. Sometimes, if the situation warrants it, I share my opinion; otherwise, my best option is to watch helplessly or move on.

Women are paradoxically both fragile and incredibly strong creatures, enduring immense physical and emotional challenges every month. This never-ending cycle, which results in the loss of an appreciable amount of blood, makes it particularly hurtful when someone dismisses or undermines the experiences we go through.

A genuine suggestion is that when it is that time of the month for your partner, sister, mother, or loved one, show your support with a thoughtful gesture. Be present for them, even if you cannot fully comprehend their experience. Make them feel seen and cared for. Do your research, take the necessary steps, and understand what works best for them. It makes a bigger difference than you might think.

Recently, there was a heated discussion on X (formerly Twitter) regarding PCOS—polycystic ovary syndrome, a hormonal disorder that causes enlarged ovaries—that left me stunned. Although I cannot recall the exact comment, it disregarded the severity of the condition and painted women as unhealthy, much like what happens with periods.

One piece of advice from that social media conversation resonated with me: “Review your partner’s Twitter to gain insight into their thoughts before committing to a relationship.” I cannot stress enough how important this advice is. It underscores the need to have people in our lives who will be there for us, especially in matters such as menstruation and PCOS, which are dictated by nature.

Imagine being with someone who does not understand or invalidates your experiences. I urge women to prioritise getting to know their partners well, particularly their emotional intelligence, before committing to a relationship.

Men should also show support during menstruation. Instead of making insensitive comments, they can educate themselves.

Learn about menstrual health and its effects to be a thoughtful brother, husband, father, or friend. Offer emotional support and empathy, help with household chores and errands if needed, and encourage open conversations to end the stigma associated with periods.

By doing so and being more considerate, men can create a more comfortable and supportive environment for women. The world can be kinder to women—we deserve it!

Rabi Ummi Umar is an intern at PRNigeria and a student at Al-Hikmah University, Ilorin. She can be reached via rabiumar058@gmail.com.

By Rabi Ummi Umar

Recently, I found myself in the heart of Abuja—a bustling city surrounded by the everyday hustle and bustle of urban life. The streets were alive with activities—commercial drivers calling out for passengers, pedestrians hurrying to their destinations, and the overall pace of the city reflecting the urgency of modern life.

Though an intern, I was there with some female staff writers of Economic Confidential, a tabloid published by Image Merchants Promotion (IMPR) Limited. This, however, was not for leisure or sightseeing but for an official assignment—to shoot an episode of ‘Economy on the Streets’ for the Economic Confidential’s YouTube channel. Yet, what caught my attention was something that went beyond the task at hand, revealing a deeper issue about women’s involvement in public discourse.

As a budding communicator, this ‘field trip’ was more than just an opportunity to write news stories, features, or opinion pieces. It was a chance to extend my skills beyond the written word, to engage directly with the public through a street interview—what we call a vox pop—to gauge Nigerians’ thoughts on the contentious issue of the reintroduction of fuel subsidies.

It was also a chance to experience the realities of journalism beyond the confines of a newsroom. To my surprise, I noticed that most of the respondents were men. Conversely, women seemed reluctant to lend their voices or share their opinions on the matter.

At first, I rationalised that perhaps the women were in a hurry, given that it was a weekday. I thought they might not have a few minutes to discuss Nigeria’s pressing economic challenges as more important tasks were awaiting them.

However, as the seconds, minutes, and hours ticked by and the number of women who declined to participate grew, it became clear that they did not want to discuss our nation’s challenges.

This realisation took me back to last year when I was on my Student Industrial Work Experience Scheme (SIWES) with News Digest, an online media platform. I was invited as a guest on WE FM (106.3), a radio station in Abuja, to discuss “Women Participation in Politics.”

During that discussion, I argued passionately that there were insufficient opportunities for women to engage in politics, and I stood firmly by my belief. Yet, a year later, my experience during the street interviews has led me to question this stance. The opportunities, it seems, are indeed out there.

On the streets, even though these women were not holding political office themselves, they had the chance to contribute to public discourse. Yet, they chose not to. This realisation troubles me because it raises questions about women’s participation in public life—whether in political offices or the organised private sector.

We frequently hear discussions about gender equality, inclusivity, roles, and the presence of women in positions of power. However, when we look deeper, we might find that men are not the primary reason women like myself remain on the periphery of public discourse or power.

As women, we may contribute to our marginalisation by refusing to seize opportunities, even when they are right before us. This brings me to a few questions we should all consider: Are women not given opportunities because men seek to dominate?

Are women holding themselves back because society expects them to remain confined to domestic roles? Are we, as women, making efforts to break free from these constraints? Or are we simply holding ourselves back?

While I leave these questions for you to ponder, I want to call on women to recognise that opportunities exist to showcase our capabilities, our capacity to deliver, and much more. We should strive to reach our goals based on what we have to offer.

But we must start somewhere, even if it’s as simple as participating in a street interview. Your voice is vital to society’s prosperity. No matter how insignificant you may think your contribution is, your participation in various aspects of society, community, and the nation at large matters more than you realise. Your voice truly matters.

Rabi Ummi Umar is a student of Al-Hikmah University, Ilorin. She can be reached at rabiumar058@gmail.com.

By Aisha Musa Auyo

Come, let me share some secrets with you, my sis. Sure, many will not accept it as a fact that most men dislike heavy makeup and artificial stuff. Of course, like in every rule, there are exceptions. So, know your man. 

My opinion is based on the fact that you can look very classy, elegant, and feminine without using hard makeup or loud stuff. Yes, in most cases, decent men prefer the natural looks of the opposite gender.

Gurl (this also applies to you, bro.!), neatness is paramount in all cases. Bathe at least twice a day. Take time to wash your underarms, under and between busts, thighs, and navel. Pay attention to your feet, areas around your ears, and between your face and neck, and wash down with warm, clean water.

Brush your teeth at least twice daily, and floss at least once daily. Shave at least once a week. Use deodorant at least once a day. Use alum or lemon on your armpit if deodorant is expensive for you. Once in a week, try to exfoliate your lips. Dry, cracked lips are a turnoff. Mix sugar and olive oil to form a scrub, then rub on your lips for a few minutes. Clean with a wipe. Repeat the process more than once a week if you have dry skin. The result is something I consider a subject for another day. But know for now that moisturized and soft lips are more alluring than lipstick-painted lips.

You see, exfoliation or scrubbing is very essential. Our body releases new cells daily, and the old cells die. Ordinary soaps do not exfoliate. This is where bath salts, bath sugars, scrubs, and exfoliating body washes come in. These products ensure the dead cells leave your skin and let the new cells breathe. This will make your skin look fresher, softer and younger. This will make you neat and glow. Just as it will help eradicate bad smells from your body.

If money is a problem, there are cheaper options. Lemon. Squeeze lemon in your bathing water. It helps to remove dirt and impurities from your skin. It also removes all bad smells and won’t let your sweat smell during the day. It also lightens your complexion and leaves your bathroom smelling fresh. Scrubbing your body with salt once in a while similarly does the trick. Henna (lalle) also helps exfoliate, soften, and remove bad smells from the skin.

On perfume, this is tricky, especially for us Muslims, because our religion frowns at women using it. So, deodorant, cool body spray, and a kullaccam will work when you go out. When you’re home, if you like, bath with perfume. If you’re married, check with your husband what kind of perfume he prefers on you. 

Another very important self-care is manicures and pedicures. You see, the first thing people, both men and women, subconsciously observe in your body is your feet. It’s crucial, therefore, to work on your toes and fingers. Make sure your nails are trimmed. Learn how to cut cuticles and shape your nails. If you can afford it, go to the salon for expert service.

Long nails are a turnoff, please! As a Muslim, please use natural henna—black, red, or maroon- if you must colour your nails. If you’re married, check if your husband likes it before you do. “Kada garin neman gira a rasa ido.’

Let’s talk about the feet. Our feet must be clean, regardless of the weather or your skin type. If you have dry skin and cracked feet, make time every day to exfoliate the dead cells, and apply shear butter after every ablution and bath. That will soften the feet and make it look neat. Also, use socks regularly. If you’re lucky your feet don’t crack, make sure they’re always dirt-free and moisturized. Cracked, dirty, and dry feet are a turnoff. Soft, moisturized, neat feet are a turn-on.

For your palms, always use moisturizers after washing or using water. Because we ladies touch water often, this results in dryer, harder palms. Coconut oil, olive oil, and shea butter help with moisture and softness, but they darken the skin. Let’s look for hand creams made specifically for hands to overcome this. If you can’t afford one, vaseline also works wonderfully well.

Dear lady, the choice of body cream or moisturizer you use significantly affects your life. I’m not exaggerating. Girls who are comfortable with their skin colour, in other words, who do not bleach their skin, clearly exhibit contentment in how our Lord created them. They exude confidence, and they don’t smell like rotten fish when they’re under the sun. These ladies have almost the same skin colour throughout their bodies and do not have to hide their palms and toes. 

Don’t disobey your Lord and harm your body to attract men. Decent men prefer women in their natural colours. Moreover, while your skin colour or body may attract a man, it’s your character that will keep him.

Universally, that’s in time and space. Women have always known that our hair and how we take care of it play a huge role in our looks and attractiveness. 

Wash your hair regularly. Plait your hair, or style it in ways that accentuate your beauty. (Some ladies look better with braids, while others look better without them.) Or, in ways your husband prefers… if you’re married.

Wash your hair with shampoo and conditioner regularly, steam it monthly, and dry it after washing. Find a good-smelling hair moisturizer, or use natural oils that smell nice. You can add a drop of oil perfume to your hair creams or oils. When you’re home, please allow your hair to breathe. 

Earrings are the basic jewellery. If you can, necklaces and waist beads are perfect additions. Some people like anklets, nose piercings, bracelets, wristwatches, rings, etc. Please don’t overdo it—it’s classless! Keep it simple and modest.

When it comes to clothes, decency should never be compromised. But please don’t look like a granny when you’re a teen or even anything less than 60 years old. Even the grannies are now slaying—they don’t care for anybody! 

Tight clothes are bad for you religiously and health-wise. They make you look cheap and classless. Even hygiene-wise, tight clothes are bad. People who wear tight clothes smell! Yes, because the human body needs to breathe, and tight clothes hinder that process. 

Avoid shouty colours or mismatched colours when dressing. Don’t interchange corporate dressing with wedding attire. Dress nicely and appropriately for each occasion, and don’t take any outing for granted. You don’t know who you’ll see or meet. The phrase ‘Dress the way you want to be addressed’ is something you should always hold on to. 

Accessories like shoes and bags are available at different prices. You know better than me what you can afford, but they’re a must-have for ladies. Wear shoes that will not embarrass you, that are comfy, and that will not splash sand on your feet. We are in Nigeria. When they say there are shoes for car owners and trekkers, understand that it’s nothing but the truth. Shoe shining and polishing are not only for men. Please keep your shoes and bags neat.

Let me stop here… I’m tired… I’ll conclude with this statement. “No matter how neat and beautiful you are, you sink if your character stinks. In other words, there ain’t no need telling it: with a character that stinks, you’re finished, girl. So work on your personality more than your physicality”.

You are welcome.

Aisha Musa Auyo is a Doctorate researcher in Educational Psychology. A wife, a mother, a homemaker, caterer, parenting, and relationship coach. She can be reached via aishamuauyo@live.co.uk.

By Aisha M. Auyo

I asked a medical doctor a weird question. It went like this: “Dr, you have been seeing all sorts of women daily—beautiful, voluptuous, and many more. How do you know which one to love or choose as a spouse?”

His reply is the most sensible thing I read today, he said:

“Because we have been seeing a lot of them, we have seen all sorts of them, we have realised that it is not the body or the face that matters… besides, everything is almost the same… It is the brain and the heart that varies. That’s what matters most for decent guys, anyway. ” 

The same applies to university lecturers. They have seen them all, fresh students every year. My Dad once told me that of all the thousand female students he taught at that time, my Mom caught his attention because of her intelligence, manners, and decency. 

So my sisters…..  

Work on your personality more than your physicality. 

Work on your manners. 

Work on your attitude. 

Work on your social skills. 

Work on your emotional intelligence. 

Work on your neatness. 

A great body can be bought; Liposuction is everywhere. 

‘Kayan ciko’ are everywhere. 

Fair skin can be bought, and bleaching and skin lightening are everywhere. 

Fine faces can be bought; plastic surgery is everywhere. 

But good manners, patience, humility, intelligence, empathy, a clean heart, etc., can never be bought. They’re priceless. 

That’s what will distinguish you from the others. That is what will keep a man glued to you. That’s what will help you stay married.

By Aisha Musa Auyo

Hormones influence or determine a considerable percentage of our behaviours and physical appearance. If we say our hormones are what makes us, we won’t be exaggerating. Yet, we hardly discuss it. Yet very few know about it; very few believe in its impact. From genetics to behavioural scientists to physiologists and psychologists, these specialists believe in the power of hormones, especially in women. I will try my best to write in the simplest language possible so that I will not suffocate you with medical jargon.

Hormones are chemicals that coordinate different bodily functions by carrying messages through the blood to the various organs, the skin, muscles, and other tissues. Hormones are the signals that tell your body what to do and when to do it. There is no gainsaying, therefore, that hormones are essential for life and health. So far, scientists have identified over 50 hormones in the human body.

 Hormones control many bodily processes, including metabolism, homeostasis (constant internal balance), such as blood pressure and blood sugar regulation, fluid (water) and electrolyte balance, body temperature, growth and development. Hormones also affect sexual function, reproduction, sleep-wake cycle, and mood.

With hormones, a little bit goes a long way. Because of this, minor changes in levels can cause significant changes to your body and lead to certain conditions that require medical attention. The levels and nature of hormones in the body correlate with our moods, sense of smell, body odour, taste buds, thinking faculty, energy, and looks. 

In this week’s outing, I will start with women, as they are the gender whose hormones have a greater influence and impact on their lives. If you have a woman in your life, regardless of your relationship with her, know that hormones are constantly influencing her. 

Growing up and transitioning into a woman is a roller-coaster of emotional and physical changes. There will be noticeable differences in her attitude, looks, behaviour, and even how she smells. There will be irritability, sadness, and heightened or lowered confidence.

Women have heightened hormonal influence during certain periods. When she grows from a girl to an adult, when she’s ovulating, and at different times when she is on her monthly period. There is a hormonal influence in pregnancy when she is breastfeeding and when she is using hormonal contraceptives. There is yet another hormonal issue at menopause, just as it is at adolescence. 

A few days to menstrual onset (ovulation periods), a woman experiences a libido boost, appetite changes, heightened sense of smell and mood changes…usually in a good mood. But, during the onset of their period, a woman will experience cramps, dizziness, bloating, acne breakout, feeling tired, and mood swings…sadness, anger and anxiety. It isjust a roller-coaster of feelings and emotions. 

When pregnant (this should be a topic of its own), a woman is most likely to experience, among other things, morning sickness, dizziness, nausea, and vomiting; strange food cravings; fatigue; heightened sense of smell; forgetfulness; lack of patience; and crying for no explicit reasons. Bro, be patient and empathic; it’s beyond her. 

Then there comes the postpartum and breastfeeding period, which is associated with crying, difficulty in making decisions, lack of sleep or oversleeping, tiredness, mood swings, etc. Not infrequently, a woman may fall into depression at this phase. 

Then, there are issues relating to the use of contraceptives. These range from headache, migraine, acne, weight loss or gain, hair loss, smooth skin, dryness, and mood swings. The signs are numerous, depending on the woman and the type of contraceptives used.

Then, there is the advent of menopause, which comes with palpitations, hot or cold flashes, difficulty sleeping, tiredness and irritability, dryness and a whole lot of other changes.

Have you ever noticed how a woman can be so lovely today and nasty the next day for no reason? Have you ever seen a woman cry just like that? Have you ever seen a woman with clear skin today and skin full of rashes or acne tomorrow? Have you ever noticed that a woman can be thin today and bloated the day after? Know that these amazing, dramatic transformations result from the interplay of hormones. You have to be tolerant, understanding, and kind.

As a husband, father, son, brother, or friend, you need to understand the complexities of hormones in women to a certain level. This will help you make informed decisions about certain behaviours. This might help explain some oddities in women’s behaviour you experience or notice. The knowledge will help you and be the person she needs during those trying periods.

Sometimes, all a woman needs is space, silence, patience, kind words, empathy, massages, or a shoulder to cry on (that is, if she’s your wife, yauwa!). Chocolates, a listening ear, a credit alert (LOL!), hot tea, a pain killer, or taking her on a walk may be the healing or soothing balm.

The above is just a summary of what women go through. I will expound on each stage in subsequent editions, each stage as a topic of itself, and see how we can navigate through each milestone of hormonal symphony and the complexities of women’s health and emotions. Insha Allah.

Dear reader, but do you know that men, too, have hormones and emotional issues which we overlook? From childhood to adolescence and adulthood, men also come under certain societal expectations and pressure to suppress their feelings. I will try to summarise that in my next article.

Aisha Musa Auyo is a Doctorate researcher in Educational Psychology, a wife, a mother of three, a homemaker, a chef, and a parenting/ relationship coach. She can be reached via aishamuauyo@live.co.uk.

By Kamal Buba Danladi

Amina Buba is the first female urologic surgeon from Northern Nigeria, and we got the opportunity to have a quick chat with her after achieving another milestone by being awarded the Mbonu/Anugwu prize as the best candidate in the West African College of Surgeons Urology Fellowship Examinations. This also makes her the third female urologist to be awarded the Urology prize in the college’s nearly 60-year history. 

Can you share some insights into your journey to becoming a urology specialist?

Interestingly, my journey into Urology was never planned. In fact, throughout medical school, I never contemplated specialising in Urology. I wanted to become a gynaecologist. I attended conferences and even won a prize for my work in obstetrics and gynaecology as a medical student. However, when I qualified as a doctor and did a rotation in gynaecology, I quickly realised that the surgery attracted me to that speciality. I also didn’t quite enjoy the immense pressure that obstetricians faced (with respect to my O&G colleagues). Long story short, I began my surgical training by writing the Membership examinations of the Royal College of Surgeons, England. Then, I returned home to start my residency at the University of Abuja Teaching Hospital, Gwagwalada, to become a Breast/Oncoplastic surgeon.  

My first rotation as a surgical trainee was in Urology, and I fell in love with this speciality. I worked in a team where, despite the challenges of practising in Nigeria, people gave their best care to patients. I love that there are so many subspecialties in Urology and that it is constantly evolving. I owe a lot of my success to the people who taught and inspired me at the University of Abuja Teaching Hospital, where I started and completed my surgical training.

 What challenges did you encounter during your urology fellowship preparation, and how did you overcome them?

Training to become a fellow is a lengthy process that requires tenacity, physical and mental strength, and God’s guidance. It is also a great lesson in the power of patience and perseverance. Willpower and unshakeable faith are what got me through. I always “prayed like I didn’t work hard and worked like I didn’t pray.” I am so thankful to God for His continuous grace, mercy, and guidance.

Throughout my training, I was very fortunate to have had a solid support system, which superseded the noise of the few people who tried to discourage me. I always give credit to my family, friends and bosses. My parents never questioned my decision to specialise in a male-dominated speciality; instead, they constantly motivated me. My mum is a nurse by profession, so she understands medical terminology. Sometimes, I would sit her down and explain what I have studied during my exam preparation. She would ask me questions and challenge me.

My mum would surprise me with study desks and chairs when she noticed my posture changed because of long study hours. My dad would sometimes stay up late to wake me up to study, and my two older sisters are priceless! They were always at the other end of the phone, full of encouraging words. I also have a very small but close network of friends on speed dial. I cannot even begin to speak about the immense support I had from certain colleagues and bosses. There are too many names to mention, but I am sure they’ll know I am talking about them when they read this.

I found studying for a major examination difficult while still working full-time. I would sometimes function on 4 hours of sleep at night. I quickly learnt how to utilise every single minute of the day. I also learnt that the fellowship examination tests cumulative surgical knowledge gained over several years of training. Preparing for the fellowship exams starts on day 1 of surgical residency. I think I calmed down a bit with “burning the midnight oil” when I recognised this.

 How does it feel to be recognised as the Best Candidate in Urology by the West African College of Surgeons?

It’s very humbling! I feel deeply honoured, and I don’t think words can adequately capture how it feels to have one’s work recognised like this.

 As the third woman to win the Urology prize in the West African College of Surgeons history, what message do you have for other aspiring female surgeons?

Do not be blinded by the ‘female surgeon’ title. As my colleagues would say, ‘We are all surgeons, and there is no woman in surgery’. Your patients depend on you just as they do your male colleagues, so do not expect any special treatment because of your gender. After all, when you are standing in the operating room, knife in hand, those bleeding blood vessels do not bleed less ‘because the surgeon is a woman’. However, they bleed less in the hands of a skilled surgeon who dissects with care and sticks to the right surgical planes. Surgery is an apprenticeship; mastery is key, so work hard, and your work will speak for itself by God’s grace. I am still a work in progress, and I am constantly learning. I believe the only way to achieve prowess is through hard work. There are no shortcuts in surgery. Strive for excellence and do not accept mediocrity.

What advice would you give to medical students or young professionals interested in pursuing a career in urology?

Believe in yourself. I do not have two heads. If I can do it, so can you. Remember, dishonesty is the greatest disservice you can do to yourself, so be honest with yourself. And carefully introspect – why do you want to do this? Do you enjoy helping people? Do you have the tenacity? Can you work under stress and pressure? If yes – then go for it and give it your best. Maintain a good work-life balance whilst at it. Make sure you have a life outside of Surgery, identify good mentors, work hard and pray hard.

How do you plan to continue contributing to the urology and surgical education field in West Africa?

I plan to assume clinical, teaching and managerial roles in shaa Allah. I would like to see universal health coverage in Nigeria being established in my lifetime. Like I always say, our leaders ought to focus more on healthcare. The knock-on effects of neglecting healthcare systems are numerous. For example, regarding surgical training, you need patients to train appropriately. Patients are unwell and need to be treated whilst surgeons need to operate. The more surgeries a surgeon performs, the better they get. Where will you get the caseload/volume from if people are too poor to go to hospitals because they cannot afford to pay out of pocket, as seen today in most parts of the country? Let’s not even talk about the detrimental human, personal and economic effects of a lack of universal health coverage.

 What role do you see for women in urology in the future, both in West Africa and globally?

Globally, women are doing great things in Urology. For example, one of the global experts in Holmium laser enucleation of the prostate is an American female urologist called Amy Krambeck. Canadian and Swedish studies published in reputable journals have found patient outcomes to be better when operated on by female surgeons. As stated by Prof McNally in an article published recently, “Those women who have gone through the extraordinarily complex, difficult hurdles to become surgeons are the best of the best”.

Here in West Africa, we slowly embrace the idea that women in surgery are here to stay and that we can only grow from strength to strength. I soon saw women in urology become experts in their chosen subspecialties, delivering world-class surgical care and taking on teaching, leadership, and managerial roles as they changed the narrative and inspired future generations. Remember that women are natural multi-taskers!       

By Aisha Musa Auyo

International Women’s Day holds immense significance as a global observance dedicated to celebrating women’s achievements, promoting gender equality, and raising awareness about the challenges women face. It serves as a reminder to acknowledge and appreciate women’s contributions in various fields, while also highlighting ongoing efforts to address gender disparities. The day fosters a sense of solidarity among women worldwide, encouraging discussions and actions to advance women’s rights and opportunities.

The theme for IWD 2024 is “Invest in Women: Accelerate Progress”. It highlights the importance of women’s and girls’ empowerment and their rights to healthier lives.

I plan to write this article from a religious and social perspective because many have hidden behind the veil of religion to deny women their basic right to education and empowerment.

Without question, education for women and girls is an integral part of Islam.

In the Holy Quran, Allah orders both men and women to increase their knowledge and condemns those who are not learned. The very first revelation to Prophet Mohammed (ﷺ) starts with the word “read” and says:

“Read. Read in the name of thy Lord who created; [He] created the human being from a blood clot.

Read in the name of thy Lord who taught by the pen: [He] taught the human being what he did not know.” (Q96: 1-5)

In addition to the clear stance of the Qur’an on knowledge acquisition by every Muslim woman and man, the Prophet is also reported to have said (hadith):

“The acquisition of knowledge is the duty of every Muslim man and Muslim woman” (Rahman 1980, 397).

From the above verse and hadith, we can conclude that

1. Girls’ Education Is a Divine Command

The obligation for women and men to study is also confirmed by the hadith and the sunnah. Preventing women and girls from receiving an education is preventing them from fulfilling the divine obligation commanded by Allah and intervening with their akhirah, or afterlife.

2. Girl’s Education is a Divine Right

Education of girls is central to their faith because it increases their knowledge, teaches them how to use their intellect, furnishes them with critical reflection skills, and makes them better Muslims and better members of their communities. It allows girls and women to make use of the gifts Allah has given them.

Preventing women and girls from receiving an education is preventing them from fulfilling the divine obligation commanded by Allah and intervening with their akhirah, or afterlife.

Prophet (PBUH) Invested in the Education of Girls

Since the early years of Islam, learned women enjoyed high public standing and authority. The Prophet (ﷺ) made an effort to educate women and girls and encouraged his wives and daughters to learn and be educated. He held classes for women, and women were often present in the public assemblies that came to learn from the Prophet (ﷺ). Women in his household received education not only in Islamic sciences but in other fields such as medicine, poetry and mathematics, among others. He made arrangements for training women in the commandments, fixing one day a week to meet with them.

Aishah and Umm Salamah (ra) are among the greatest narrators of hadith. Much of what Muslims practice today in terms of their religion is transmitted via the education of these two great women. The world’s first institution of higher education, the University of Qarawiyyin in Morocco, was established by a Muslim woman, Fatima al-Fihriyya.

How the society benefits from educating women

“Education is the only way to empower them [girls], improve their status, ensure their participation in the development of their respective societies, and activate their role to be able to take responsibility for future generations.” – Dr. Yousef bin Ahmed Al-Othaimeen, secretary-general of the Organisation of Islamic Cooperation

Education is more than just the ability to read and write. It is the process of acquiring knowledge, skills, and values in various fields that enable individuals to contribute meaningfully to the social, economic, and political well-being of their families and communities. Without educating its citizens, no society can develop and prosper.

The concept of knowledge in Islam covers a broad spectrum of subjects. The Quran describes the breadth of knowledge as vast and states that learning encompasses both religious and secular subjects. Many verses of the Holy Quran invite the reader to reflect and contemplate the creation of the universe. Therefore, it is incorrect to restrict women to the study of only religious sciences and prohibit them from a broader scope of education.

Some of the benefits of educating women include the following:

Educating girls contributes to stronger economies and alleviates poverty. Economic development and poverty reduction require countries to benefit from the talents, skills, and productivity of all their citizens, both men and women. Reducing the gender gap and educating girls in science, technology, engineering, and mathematics (STEM) will help reduce the skills gap, increase the employment and productivity of women, and reduce occupational segregation.

Educating girls leads to healthier and happier families because, as mothers, educated women make better and more informed decisions for their children’s well-being, including protecting them from disease.

When women are educated, violence is reduced, and children have better psychological well-being and are happier.

Ways to invest and accelerate women progress

Investing in women for societal progress involves addressing various aspects to empower them holistically. Here are key areas for investment:

Education: Ensure access to quality education for girls and women. Support scholarship programs, mentorship initiatives, and STEM education to bridge gender gaps.

Healthcare: Invest in women’s health services, including reproductive health, maternal care, and mental health support. This contributes to healthier communities and improves overall well-being.

Economic Opportunities: Promote equal economic opportunities by supporting women entrepreneurs, providing training, and encouraging workplace diversity. This enhances financial independence and contributes to economic growth.

Legal Rights: Advocate for and invest in legal frameworks that protect women’s rights. This includes combating gender-based violence, ensuring equal pay, and promoting workplace policies that support work-life balance.

Technology and Innovation: Encourage women’s participation in technology and innovation sectors. Investing in programs that provide skills training and mentorship can bridge the gender gap in these rapidly evolving fields.

Community Engagement: Invest in community-based programs that empower women, addressing social and cultural barriers. This can involve awareness campaigns, support groups, and grassroots initiatives.

Media Representation: Support initiatives promoting positive and diverse portrayals of women in media. This contributes to changing societal perceptions and breaking stereotypes.

By investing comprehensively in these areas, societies can foster an environment where women have equal opportunities, contribute significantly to various sectors, and play vital roles in societal progress.

Let us unite in a collective call to action for the continued support of women’s empowerment. Support, sponsor, and encourage the women and girls around you. By standing together, we can accelerate progress toward a future where women’s rights are not only acknowledged but celebrated, ensuring a more equitable and prosperous world for all. The journey toward women’s education and empowerment requires each of us to play a role—let’s commit to this shared mission and create lasting change.

Happy International Women’s Day to all women and the men who have allowed, supported, sponsored, and encouraged women’s education and empowerment.

By Aisha Musa Auyo

Men’s preferences for women change with age, exposure, and income. What a man wants in his 20s will differ from what he wants in his forties. The woman he can afford at his first marriage will be different from the woman he would love to have in his midlife, especially in abubuwa na shigo masa. This is why we advise our fellow women to evolve with their men. 

This post is about men. I’ve written a lot for women and about women. It’s your turn now, especially since no one takes time to tell men what is required of them to keep their marriage going. The expectation is that a woman should keep her marriage. The reality is that it takes a husband and wife’s combined efforts to keep the marriage going.

My brother, know your woman can not be what you want without your support. Here, support means emotional, financial, and social support. If you marry a woman with minimal educational qualifications and you go ahead and add degrees without carrying her along, you are naturally creating a gap in your relationship. 

If you are always travelling within and outside your country, without her, she will be left behind in experience and exposure. 

If you are getting a lot of money, changing your wardrobe and perfume collections, and not doing so for her, she will soon be too local for you.

Know that the fine, educated, and brilliant lady you are eyeing and admiring is like that because someone invested in her. Someone allowed her to grow. Someone trusted, invested, and supported her. Good soup, they say, ‘na money me kam.’

Building meaningful connections with women, akin to nurturing a plant, involves investing time, energy, and resources. Just as they blossom with care, women flourish when given attention and support. It’s important to recognize the value of financial care, pampering, and spoiling in fostering a strong and vibrant relationship.

Let me start with these two hadiths.

Our Prophet, Muhammad, peace be upon him, said, “When a Muslim spends something on his family intending to receive Allah’s reward, it is regarded as Sadaqa for him.”

Allah’s Apostle said, “Allah said, ‘O son of Adam! Spend, and I shall spend on you.”

I don’t want to start listing the basic things a woman needs from her man because not all fingers are equal, and what is basic to one family may be a luxury to another. 

But a lady generally needs peace and care to look good and be happy. Everyone can afford that, huh? 

To chat, tease, and play with her is hard for some men. To acknowledge her efforts, praise her, pray for her, and engage in a meaningful, deep conversation with a wife is a big deal to some men. Watching movies with one’s wife, taking her out, travelling with her, or spending quality time with her is impossible for some men.

On nutrition, a good and balanced diet is the number one responsibility of a husband. A husband should spend on his family depending on his pocket. Don’t give her garri and Garau-Garau, then order shawarma, basmati, and tiger nut drink for yourself from Auyo’s Cuisines. Buying grains only and leaving her to cater to the remaining ingredients is wrong. Sometimes, the ingredients for food preparation cost more than the grains. 

Body care essentials like soap, pads, deodorants, perfumes, hair products, and clothing are non-negotiable. If you have the resources, give her money for a good skincare routine, spa treatment, gyaran jiki, salon, manicure, pedicure, etc. 

Normalize buying clothes more than two times a year. Give her money for nighties, underwear, comfy wear, and pyjamas. A woman also needs hijabs, veils, laffayas, and abayas. Everything I listed here has prices that vary with one’s income, dan Allah a kamanta.

In education, a woman needs to update and upgrade her Islamic knowledge, Western education, and socialization. The world is changing and evolving in the blink of an eye. If she’s stagnant in these areas, she might not be well-equipped to raise your kids and be the wife that you need.

Aisha Musa Auyo is a doctoral researcher in educational psychology, a wife, a mother of three, a homemaker, a chef, and a parenting/relationship coach. She can be reached via aishamuauyo@live.co.uk.