Aisha Musa Auyo

By Aisha Musa Auyo

I will begin my write-up with this Hadith: Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, “Nothing is heavier on the believer’s scale on the Day of Judgment than good character.” (Sunan al-Tirmidh).

If we pay attention and are fair to ourselves, I bet you will realise that none of us is perfect. We all have areas in our lives where we excel, and we all have areas where we do not excel – or even fail. This will be true in your marital life as well. So, let us try to upgrade our character based on this fact.

Marriages collapse for many reasons. Some marriages and relationships go wrong because people fail to praise each other’s strengths and tend to criticise each other’s weaknesses. 

Let me tell you from experience. I love getting praise when I do something good, but if I totally blow something, I am already critical and upset enough with myself that I do not need my mate coming in and twisting the knife, so to speak. I am pretty sure everyone out there would agree with me on this. 

If you want to approach marriage the right way, you must generously praise each other, particularly when one excels at something, and use criticism sparingly when one flounders. Pray about the challenges and allow Allah, the Most High, to handle the work. 

Crushing your spouse’s soul will only push them away and never pull them toward you. When you see your spouse has messed something up, this is a time to draw them into your arms, hug them tight, and assure them everything will be okay. 

Marriage is teamwork, not competition, so learn to support and encourage each other. If you discover that you have strengths in areas where your spouse is weaker, take the lead in those aspects of the relationship and allow your partner to excel in what they do best. This synergy is achievable only in a healthy, selfless, progressive marriage.

If you both struggle in an area, agree to collaborate to address it. Learning to use this key effectively will create tremendous harmony in your relationship.

This formula can be applied beyond marital relationships. Any type of relationship can benefit from it, including those between parents and children, teachers and students, siblings, coworkers, or employers.

In a world where you can be anything…. choose positivity, compassion, empathy, and kindness. Remember, people may forget how you look, but they may never forget how you made them feel.

One more reason to be kind, encouraging, and compassionate is the hadith that the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “The best among you are those who have the best manners and character” (Sahih al-Bukhari).

Aisha Musa Auyo is a Doctorate researcher in Educational Psychology. A wife, a mother, a homemaker, caterer, parenting, and relationship coach. She can be reached via aishamuauyo@live.co.uk.

By Khaleed Suleiman Abdul

We thank Allah for a life well spent. Indeed, from Allah we come, and to him we shall return. Professor Musa Abdu Auyo’s death is undoubtedly one of the few transitions that shocked Bayero University Kano and the entire academic circle within and outside Nigeria. 

The Comrade, as we fondly called him, was an unrepentant freedom fighter and social justice crusader. His uncommon spirit of tolerance and forgiveness earned him popularity among different classes of people. In fact, he is a man of the people, and the turnout of people from all walks of life who paid their last respects during his internment testified to that.

My first close encounter with him was when he and a few other individuals helped me secure admission into Bayero University. That was about three decades ago, 1993 – 1994, to be precise. From then on, the relationship knew no boundary and continued to wax stronger until his death.

I always recall with joy how he facilitated the securing of admission for ten qualified candidates in different departments and faculties whose credentials were forwarded to him by my humble self.

His simplicity and sense of accommodation enabled him to act or respond with dispatch to any request I put before him, particularly on student admission or counselling issues.

He once said, “As a lecturer, I don’t have much financially to give, but when it comes to securing admission or imparting knowledge to people, I must do my best”.

Comrade was always ready and willing to help you irrespective of your tribe, religion, class, or age. He believed that society must change positively through education and the creation of public awareness. 

His exemplary, simple lifestyle contributed immensely to our conduct. 

He taught us the spirit of accountability, answerability, patriotism, and sympathy in the common person.

The late academic guru was bereaved by two wives and nine blessed and educated children. One of them is completing her PhD, and others have or are doing their master’s degree and undergraduate programs in different fields of human endeavour. May God Almighty protect and guide them, ameen.

Professor Musa Auyo graduated in library and information sciences from the prestigious Bayero University Kano, received a master’s degree in the same field from Ahmadu Bello University Zaria, and received a PhD from BUK. He has also been a professor from the same institution lately.

He was the Head of the Department of Library and Information Sciences, Dean of the faculty of education, Bayero University librarian, one-time pioneer librarian at Federal University Kafin Hausa, and, very recently, chairman of the Board College of Education, Gumel, Jigawa State.

Despite all these academic responsibilities, the late professor still found time to belong to associations within and outside the university walls. 

I remember as a student, whenever a symposium was organised, and comrade Auyo and the likes of Prof. Ibrahim Bello-Kano (IBK), late Auwalu Umar, and Auwalu Kawu of sociology were to make a presentation, the theatre always appeared too small to accommodate the mammoth crowd of students anxious to hear words of wisdom from the effervescent cum erudite scholar.

His belief in public education and enlightenment led him to champion the establishment of the Auyo Youth Association (AYA), Hadejia Youth Organization, and Literacy Club Society of Bayero University (LICSOBUK) in which I worked closely with him to champion the cause but was short-lived immediately after we graduated.

He was a great pillar, a beacon who nurtured and groomed students and intellectuals within and outside the campus. Some of his students today are professors doing well in their chosen professions. They include professors Abbas Mai Dabino and Baffa Abubakar, to mention a few.

I recall with pride how the late Professor Auyo, as a crusader of social justice and other sound-minded intellectuals in the Senate, saved many students from rustication for merely embarking on a lack of electricity and water protest in the new campus, where the Vice Chancellor insisted that the students must be punished. 

However, these noblemen, including the late professor, stood their ground to ensure no student fell prey to victimisation.

In conclusion, filling the vacuum created by your demise will be very difficult. Your contribution to education, community development, social justice, mentoring, and nurturing within the university perimeter and across society will remain indelible in our memory.

We pray to almighty God to grant you the highest level of Jannah, peace, and everlasting Rahma in your grave until we meet and part no more. Alhamdulillahi!

Khaleed Suleiman Abdul (Sardauna of Gwagwarwa) wrote via akhaleed431@gmail.com.

By Aisha Musa Auyo

Dear Dad, I can’t believe you’ve left this world

Earlier today, I found myself

Praying for your health

Instead of praying for your Rahma and Ghuffar

In my subconsciousness

You’re still alive

I’m still in the denial stage of my grief

It’s unbelievable, the man that brought me into this world

The man who loves me from day one

The man who nurtured me day and night

Even after my marriage

He never let go of me

Is no more to see me grow

His dreams for me were larger than life

His belief in me was stronger than rock

His patience with me was deeper than the ocean

His respect for me was limitless like air

Dear Dad, I tried to move on from your death, as you would have loved me to

But I couldn’t escape the reality that my hero was gone

During the day I’m mostly fine

During the night it’s a different story

Only God knows the silent tears I’ve shed

The numerous plates I’ve broken

The countless foods I’ve burnt

The tiny cuts on my fingers

As I tried to move on from your death

Dear Dad, I was told your grave was full of water

That I should be happy, it’s a sign of Rahma

But this news tore my heart

As I imagine you inside the mud

Alone in your grave

But I learned that,

Your Ruuh is with our Lord

It’s just your body under the mud

Dear Dad, I was reminded that you lived a fulfilled life

Reached the pinnacle of your profession

Touched thousands of souls

Mentored countless lives

Fathered numerous of us

Built dreams and hope for others

Cemented relationships and communities

That your life is a dream of many

The smiling scholar as they named you

Yet, I still hoped you were here

To witness my PhD viva

To witness that big appointment you’ve always envisioned for me

To witness the marriage of all your kids

The successes of all your kids

But Allah’s timing is never to be questioned

And in His will, we were together

Few hours before your death

And your parting words: ‘Allah Yai muku albarka’

Will forever echo in my ears

For you’ve repeated it too many times at that moment

The prayers are too much I thought to myself

Not knowing that was the last thing I’d hear from you

Dear Dad, till we meet in Jannah I would say

For I hope writing this poem

Will give me closure

Will make me accept the reality

That you’re no more with us

That you’re in a better place

That you’re in light and peace Bi iznillah

By Aisha Musa Auyo 

September is globally declared Sickle Cell Awareness Month.  The month is dedicated to raising awareness about sickle cell disease (SCD) and the challenges faced by those living with this inherited blood disorder. It serves as an opportunity to educate the public, promote early diagnosis, and advocate for better treatment options and research. 

The month also highlights the importance of genetic screening, support for patients and families, and increased funding to improve the quality of life for individuals affected by SCD. Through community events, health campaigns, and social media, advocates aim to bring attention to the urgent need for action and support for those impacted by sickle cell disease.

Today, I want to discuss sickle cell disease from a social and psychological perspective rather than a medical one. While I’m not a medical doctor, I’ll focus on the impact this condition has on families and individuals beyond the clinical aspects.

Anyone who knows me as a relationship coach knows that I deeply love and believe in love. I advocate for it passionately. However, when it comes to marriage, love is just one of many essential foundations. I’ll be very realistic here—there’s much more needed to make a marriage thrive. We’re all witnesses to the struggles and the painful moments of crisis of sickle cell sufferers. We know how their parents strain to cope with the financial demands at times of crisis.

For AS-AS couples who choose to look beyond their genotype and marry for love, the romantic vision they once had is often overshadowed by constant worry, fear, and apprehension. The looming possibility of having a child with sickle cell disease adds significant stress. After having children, the anxiety only deepens, with parents constantly fearing an impending crisis or managing one. This often results in the other children not receiving the care and attention they need, as the focus shifts primarily to the sick child.

Sometimes, the mother has to forfeit most of her dreams and aspirations because she’s always in and out of the hospital. I don’t want to mention the fear, horror, and pain they endure whenever their kids are in the hospital. The hospital becomes the second home of sickle cell kids with their parents. 

These parents hardly have any social life outside their homes and hospitals. The mothers, who are naturally more emotional, tend to be most affected by this.

Now, let’s discuss the pain and agony of sickle cell children. As much as I hate to write about it, we have to do it.  The pain experienced by a sickle cell patient is not only severe but often unpredictable. It can occur when least expected. 

The crisis stems from the sickle-shaped red blood cells that block blood flow, reducing oxygen delivery to tissues and causing intense pain. The pain can affect various parts of the body, particularly the bones, joints, chest, and abdomen. It can be acute (lasting hours to days) or chronic (persistent over time). The episodes are triggered by stress, dehydration, cold, or infections. The ensuing pain can be debilitating, leading to hospitalisations and significantly affecting the patient’s quality of life.

As these children grow older, many develop feelings of resentment toward their parents. They feel that their parents prioritised their desires over the potential suffering of their children. Every painful episode and crisis can remind you of choices made without fully considering the long-term consequences. This resentment stems from a sense of betrayal as they bear the physical and emotional toll of a decision that was not theirs. Parents often face this blame, which adds another layer of pain to an already difficult journey.

Parents in this situation are bound to carry the heavy burden of guilt and regret. Some marriages don’t survive the strain, leading to divorce, while others remain intact but with the painful decision to stop having children. 

I’ve seen firsthand the difficult choices couples make, including terminating multiple pregnancies because the babies were predicted to have sickle cell disease. It begs the question—why start down this path in the first place, knowing the potential heartache? No one should have to make these choices, and it’s a reminder of the importance of understanding genetic risks before taking that step.

Dear aspiring couples, Love, while beautiful, is not enough to withstand the many challenges that marriage brings. If both of you carry the AS genotype, I urge you to reconsider your relationship. There are many potential partners out there, and though it may be difficult, stepping away now could save you unimaginable heartache later. Trust me, it’s not worth the pain.

To couples already married with the AS genotype, please think carefully before bringing more children into the world. Consider the immense suffering that comes with sickle cell disease—for both you and your child. Spare them the pain and constant crises. Your love can be expressed in ways that protect their future.

Dear parents of children with sickle cell, my heart goes out to you. As a fellow parent, I can only imagine the trauma, pain, regrets, and difficult choices you face. The physical, financial, and emotional toll can feel overwhelming at times. 

Please remember that this is beyond your control, and you are doing your best for your child. Stay strong and lean on each other for support. Don’t hesitate to seek help from family, and make time for yourselves to recharge. Remember, there’s a life outside the hospital and home—try to socialise and find moments of joy. 

Connect with other parents who understand your journey, learn the best ways to care for your child, and never stop seeking knowledge. Above all, pray for Allah’s guidance and strength. You are not alone, and you will get through this.

Dear sickle cell warrior, please know your parents are deeply feeling your pain. They live with a mix of empathy and guilt, wishing they could take away your suffering. While they can’t change the course of destiny, they are sacrificing so much to ensure you have the care and support you need. Their love for you runs incredibly deep, often even more so because of the battles you face. If they could go back and change things, they would do so in a heartbeat. Always remember that your health and happiness mean the world to them.

The spread of the sickle cell genotype can end in a few generations when we intentionally avoid reproducing that genotype. It is a must for all of us to know our genotype before engaging in any serious relationship with the opposite gender. A stitch in time saves nine.

In my next post on this topic, I will discuss prevailing medical solutions in the management and treatment of sickle celldisease.

Aisha Musa Auyo is a Doctorate researcher in Educational Psychology. A wife, a mother, a homemaker, caterer, parenting, and relationship coach. She can be reached via aishamuauyo@live.co.uk.

By Aisha Musa Auyo

Come, let me share some secrets with you, my sis. Sure, many will not accept it as a fact that most men dislike heavy makeup and artificial stuff. Of course, like in every rule, there are exceptions. So, know your man. 

My opinion is based on the fact that you can look very classy, elegant, and feminine without using hard makeup or loud stuff. Yes, in most cases, decent men prefer the natural looks of the opposite gender.

Gurl (this also applies to you, bro.!), neatness is paramount in all cases. Bathe at least twice a day. Take time to wash your underarms, under and between busts, thighs, and navel. Pay attention to your feet, areas around your ears, and between your face and neck, and wash down with warm, clean water.

Brush your teeth at least twice daily, and floss at least once daily. Shave at least once a week. Use deodorant at least once a day. Use alum or lemon on your armpit if deodorant is expensive for you. Once in a week, try to exfoliate your lips. Dry, cracked lips are a turnoff. Mix sugar and olive oil to form a scrub, then rub on your lips for a few minutes. Clean with a wipe. Repeat the process more than once a week if you have dry skin. The result is something I consider a subject for another day. But know for now that moisturized and soft lips are more alluring than lipstick-painted lips.

You see, exfoliation or scrubbing is very essential. Our body releases new cells daily, and the old cells die. Ordinary soaps do not exfoliate. This is where bath salts, bath sugars, scrubs, and exfoliating body washes come in. These products ensure the dead cells leave your skin and let the new cells breathe. This will make your skin look fresher, softer and younger. This will make you neat and glow. Just as it will help eradicate bad smells from your body.

If money is a problem, there are cheaper options. Lemon. Squeeze lemon in your bathing water. It helps to remove dirt and impurities from your skin. It also removes all bad smells and won’t let your sweat smell during the day. It also lightens your complexion and leaves your bathroom smelling fresh. Scrubbing your body with salt once in a while similarly does the trick. Henna (lalle) also helps exfoliate, soften, and remove bad smells from the skin.

On perfume, this is tricky, especially for us Muslims, because our religion frowns at women using it. So, deodorant, cool body spray, and a kullaccam will work when you go out. When you’re home, if you like, bath with perfume. If you’re married, check with your husband what kind of perfume he prefers on you. 

Another very important self-care is manicures and pedicures. You see, the first thing people, both men and women, subconsciously observe in your body is your feet. It’s crucial, therefore, to work on your toes and fingers. Make sure your nails are trimmed. Learn how to cut cuticles and shape your nails. If you can afford it, go to the salon for expert service.

Long nails are a turnoff, please! As a Muslim, please use natural henna—black, red, or maroon- if you must colour your nails. If you’re married, check if your husband likes it before you do. “Kada garin neman gira a rasa ido.’

Let’s talk about the feet. Our feet must be clean, regardless of the weather or your skin type. If you have dry skin and cracked feet, make time every day to exfoliate the dead cells, and apply shear butter after every ablution and bath. That will soften the feet and make it look neat. Also, use socks regularly. If you’re lucky your feet don’t crack, make sure they’re always dirt-free and moisturized. Cracked, dirty, and dry feet are a turnoff. Soft, moisturized, neat feet are a turn-on.

For your palms, always use moisturizers after washing or using water. Because we ladies touch water often, this results in dryer, harder palms. Coconut oil, olive oil, and shea butter help with moisture and softness, but they darken the skin. Let’s look for hand creams made specifically for hands to overcome this. If you can’t afford one, vaseline also works wonderfully well.

Dear lady, the choice of body cream or moisturizer you use significantly affects your life. I’m not exaggerating. Girls who are comfortable with their skin colour, in other words, who do not bleach their skin, clearly exhibit contentment in how our Lord created them. They exude confidence, and they don’t smell like rotten fish when they’re under the sun. These ladies have almost the same skin colour throughout their bodies and do not have to hide their palms and toes. 

Don’t disobey your Lord and harm your body to attract men. Decent men prefer women in their natural colours. Moreover, while your skin colour or body may attract a man, it’s your character that will keep him.

Universally, that’s in time and space. Women have always known that our hair and how we take care of it play a huge role in our looks and attractiveness. 

Wash your hair regularly. Plait your hair, or style it in ways that accentuate your beauty. (Some ladies look better with braids, while others look better without them.) Or, in ways your husband prefers… if you’re married.

Wash your hair with shampoo and conditioner regularly, steam it monthly, and dry it after washing. Find a good-smelling hair moisturizer, or use natural oils that smell nice. You can add a drop of oil perfume to your hair creams or oils. When you’re home, please allow your hair to breathe. 

Earrings are the basic jewellery. If you can, necklaces and waist beads are perfect additions. Some people like anklets, nose piercings, bracelets, wristwatches, rings, etc. Please don’t overdo it—it’s classless! Keep it simple and modest.

When it comes to clothes, decency should never be compromised. But please don’t look like a granny when you’re a teen or even anything less than 60 years old. Even the grannies are now slaying—they don’t care for anybody! 

Tight clothes are bad for you religiously and health-wise. They make you look cheap and classless. Even hygiene-wise, tight clothes are bad. People who wear tight clothes smell! Yes, because the human body needs to breathe, and tight clothes hinder that process. 

Avoid shouty colours or mismatched colours when dressing. Don’t interchange corporate dressing with wedding attire. Dress nicely and appropriately for each occasion, and don’t take any outing for granted. You don’t know who you’ll see or meet. The phrase ‘Dress the way you want to be addressed’ is something you should always hold on to. 

Accessories like shoes and bags are available at different prices. You know better than me what you can afford, but they’re a must-have for ladies. Wear shoes that will not embarrass you, that are comfy, and that will not splash sand on your feet. We are in Nigeria. When they say there are shoes for car owners and trekkers, understand that it’s nothing but the truth. Shoe shining and polishing are not only for men. Please keep your shoes and bags neat.

Let me stop here… I’m tired… I’ll conclude with this statement. “No matter how neat and beautiful you are, you sink if your character stinks. In other words, there ain’t no need telling it: with a character that stinks, you’re finished, girl. So work on your personality more than your physicality”.

You are welcome.

Aisha Musa Auyo is a Doctorate researcher in Educational Psychology. A wife, a mother, a homemaker, caterer, parenting, and relationship coach. She can be reached via aishamuauyo@live.co.uk.

By Aisha Musa Auyo

Hormones influence or determine a considerable percentage of our behaviours and physical appearance. If we say our hormones are what makes us, we won’t be exaggerating. Yet, we hardly discuss it. Yet very few know about it; very few believe in its impact. From genetics to behavioural scientists to physiologists and psychologists, these specialists believe in the power of hormones, especially in women. I will try my best to write in the simplest language possible so that I will not suffocate you with medical jargon.

Hormones are chemicals that coordinate different bodily functions by carrying messages through the blood to the various organs, the skin, muscles, and other tissues. Hormones are the signals that tell your body what to do and when to do it. There is no gainsaying, therefore, that hormones are essential for life and health. So far, scientists have identified over 50 hormones in the human body.

 Hormones control many bodily processes, including metabolism, homeostasis (constant internal balance), such as blood pressure and blood sugar regulation, fluid (water) and electrolyte balance, body temperature, growth and development. Hormones also affect sexual function, reproduction, sleep-wake cycle, and mood.

With hormones, a little bit goes a long way. Because of this, minor changes in levels can cause significant changes to your body and lead to certain conditions that require medical attention. The levels and nature of hormones in the body correlate with our moods, sense of smell, body odour, taste buds, thinking faculty, energy, and looks. 

In this week’s outing, I will start with women, as they are the gender whose hormones have a greater influence and impact on their lives. If you have a woman in your life, regardless of your relationship with her, know that hormones are constantly influencing her. 

Growing up and transitioning into a woman is a roller-coaster of emotional and physical changes. There will be noticeable differences in her attitude, looks, behaviour, and even how she smells. There will be irritability, sadness, and heightened or lowered confidence.

Women have heightened hormonal influence during certain periods. When she grows from a girl to an adult, when she’s ovulating, and at different times when she is on her monthly period. There is a hormonal influence in pregnancy when she is breastfeeding and when she is using hormonal contraceptives. There is yet another hormonal issue at menopause, just as it is at adolescence. 

A few days to menstrual onset (ovulation periods), a woman experiences a libido boost, appetite changes, heightened sense of smell and mood changes…usually in a good mood. But, during the onset of their period, a woman will experience cramps, dizziness, bloating, acne breakout, feeling tired, and mood swings…sadness, anger and anxiety. It isjust a roller-coaster of feelings and emotions. 

When pregnant (this should be a topic of its own), a woman is most likely to experience, among other things, morning sickness, dizziness, nausea, and vomiting; strange food cravings; fatigue; heightened sense of smell; forgetfulness; lack of patience; and crying for no explicit reasons. Bro, be patient and empathic; it’s beyond her. 

Then there comes the postpartum and breastfeeding period, which is associated with crying, difficulty in making decisions, lack of sleep or oversleeping, tiredness, mood swings, etc. Not infrequently, a woman may fall into depression at this phase. 

Then, there are issues relating to the use of contraceptives. These range from headache, migraine, acne, weight loss or gain, hair loss, smooth skin, dryness, and mood swings. The signs are numerous, depending on the woman and the type of contraceptives used.

Then, there is the advent of menopause, which comes with palpitations, hot or cold flashes, difficulty sleeping, tiredness and irritability, dryness and a whole lot of other changes.

Have you ever noticed how a woman can be so lovely today and nasty the next day for no reason? Have you ever seen a woman cry just like that? Have you ever seen a woman with clear skin today and skin full of rashes or acne tomorrow? Have you ever noticed that a woman can be thin today and bloated the day after? Know that these amazing, dramatic transformations result from the interplay of hormones. You have to be tolerant, understanding, and kind.

As a husband, father, son, brother, or friend, you need to understand the complexities of hormones in women to a certain level. This will help you make informed decisions about certain behaviours. This might help explain some oddities in women’s behaviour you experience or notice. The knowledge will help you and be the person she needs during those trying periods.

Sometimes, all a woman needs is space, silence, patience, kind words, empathy, massages, or a shoulder to cry on (that is, if she’s your wife, yauwa!). Chocolates, a listening ear, a credit alert (LOL!), hot tea, a pain killer, or taking her on a walk may be the healing or soothing balm.

The above is just a summary of what women go through. I will expound on each stage in subsequent editions, each stage as a topic of itself, and see how we can navigate through each milestone of hormonal symphony and the complexities of women’s health and emotions. Insha Allah.

Dear reader, but do you know that men, too, have hormones and emotional issues which we overlook? From childhood to adolescence and adulthood, men also come under certain societal expectations and pressure to suppress their feelings. I will try to summarise that in my next article.

Aisha Musa Auyo is a Doctorate researcher in Educational Psychology, a wife, a mother of three, a homemaker, a chef, and a parenting/ relationship coach. She can be reached via aishamuauyo@live.co.uk.

By Aisha M Auyo

Love, it is popularly said, makes the world go round. This implies that the presence of love engenders harmony, peace, and tranquillity in relationships.

As the nucleus of the family, which in turn is the pivot of human society, it is very important that true or genuine love exists between the two people who live together as a couple, as in husband and wife.

Do you know the concept of love language? Do you know your love language? Do you know your partner’s love language?

Knowing about these will solve most of the issues that usually rock marriages and our relationships with others.

Love language is defined as a person’s characteristic means of showing affection or care for another. It can also be portrayed as how a person prefers to express love to—and receive it from—a partner. 

If you doubt your partner still loves you, know you are not alone. The fact is, you might be speaking a different love language from that of your partner. 

Relationship expert Dr. Gary Chapman created the concept of love languages in his book The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. 

The book explains that to ensure a healthy relationship, it is essential to identify and use your partner’s love language. This will help eliminate miscommunication and allow for a more understanding, harmonious couple. The following are some points to know about love languages to help you on the road to a healthier relationship.

There are five types of love languages: 

1. Words of affirmation.

When words of affirmation are your love language, words build you up. You thrive on spoken affection, praise, encouragement, and compliments. Harsh words and criticism irk and can bother you for a long time.

2. Acts of service.

As a woman, anything your partner does willingly to ease your workload is a sign of love to you. You feel cared for when, for instance, your partner vacuums (or sweeps) before you get to it or makes you breakfast as a surprise. On the other hand, broken promises or laziness can make you feel unimportant.

3. Receiving gifts.

When you speak this love language, a thoughtful (special) gift shows you that you are special. In contrast, generic gifts and forgotten special events have the opposite effect. This love language is not necessarily materialistic – it could be as simple as receiving your favourite snack after a bad day.

4. Quality time.

To you, nothing says you’re loved like undivided attention. When your partner is genuinely present (not looking at their phone, laptop or TV), it makes you feel important. Failure to actively listen or long periods without one-on-one time can make you feel unloved.

5. Physical touch.

Holding hands, kisses, hugs, and other tender touches are your preferred ways to show and receive love. Appropriate touches convey warmth and safety, while physical neglect can drive a wedge between you and your partner. 

Generally, men are people of action, while women thrive on words. If a woman disrespects a man, doesn’t obey his orders, or talks to him disparagingly, it is usually very difficult to convince that man that she loves him, even if she does.

 If you, as a man, spend time, resources, and efforts to make life easier for a woman and make no effort to tell her sweet nonsense, trust me, you may not win her heart. On the other hand, a playboy, with few spoken words like, ‘I love you’ or ‘you’re beautiful’, will win her heart in no time.

 Although some women may be materialistic and prefer gifts and money, some men, too, may prefer a voluptuous or sophisticated woman to a submissive, uneducated one. The examples are endless.

How love languages can improve your relationships

Most of us have one or two preferred love languages – often different than our significant other’s. If you express your love through your preferred love language, the chances are that it goes unnoticed by your partner.

For example, if your love language is gifts, and you often surprise your partner with thoughtful gifts, how does it make you feel when they just have a quick look at your thoughtful present? Meanwhile, your partner hardly values gifts but appreciates acts of service. It would mean the world to them if you did chores around the house instead of buying gifts. So you and your partner won’t feel loved, as there is a difference between what one gives and what the other wants to receive.

Many women complain that their men are not romantic: no hugs, pecks, or holding hands. Some frown at their women when they initiate any of these gestures. Some men find it hard to vocalise their feelings, such as “I love you”, “I miss you”, “you are beautiful”, and “You smell nice” appear to be very difficult for some men. “Allah Ya yi miki albarka” is difficult for some men. The issue here is a difference in love language between the couples. 

If these men go out of their way to provide for the family and make you comfortable, then to them, they’re communicating that they love you. If your man is interested in what you do, listen to your small and big talks, even if he doesn’t say a word, it means he cares about you.

My sister, if your man hardly comments on your clothes or outfits, it means he values your character and personality more than your looks. But if he’s so inclined to your physical appearance, it means you should pay much more attention to how you look than how you behave.

My brother, I know it’s a man’s nature not to vocalise what you feel, but your woman needs to know your love language to please you. Know your love language and communicate it accordingly. Also, try and get to know hers.

Some women love gifts, but this doesn’t mean they’re materialistic. Even if it’s something small, the thought matters to them. She will be happy and submissive. 

Some women love to hear sweet nonsense. These kinds of women do not care about your gift as much as they care about your attention and affection. If your woman is of this type, men, your wealth or gift will not mean much to her. Lack of attention makes her feel unloved.

In conclusion, speaking your partner’s preferred language can drastically strengthen your relationship. Relate with your partner in their love language, not yours, for a better and more fulfilling relationship. Let me stop here.

Aisha Musa Auyo is a Doctorate researcher in Educational Psychology, a wife, a mother of three, a homemaker, a chef, and a parenting/ relationship coach. She can be reached via aishamuauyo@live.co.uk.

By Aisha Musa Auyo

Oxford Dictionary defines decision fatigue as a difficulty in making a good decision experienced due to the number of decisions one needs to make. In psychology, decision fatigue is defined as mental and emotional exhaustion due to excessive or relentless decision-making.

According to Bob Pozen, a professor at MIT and author of Extreme Productivity, we make between 10,000 and 40,000 decisions per day, ranging from insignificant to critical.

The figure looks exaggerated, right? I didn’t believe him at first until I started to count the decisions I had made from the moment I woke up, from what to make for breakfast, to which kid to bath first, to which clothes to wear, which shoe or bag, what time to go out, what article to write, to eat before leaving or not, what type of tea to make? To call my siblings after work or before work, to read either a book or a journal, to address a junior colleague or to let it pass, to watch a movie or sleep. If I chose to watch a movie, then which one? The decisions are endless. 

The more energy we spend on mundane tasks, the less we have for the important ones.

Roy F. Baumeister, a social psychologist, developed this theory, arguing that our mental energy diminishes as we make more decisions. The brain’s ability to make decisions wears out over time like a muscle that is used too much.

According to a 2016 study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, people find it difficult to make intelligent decisions even after spending hours deliberating. Brain scans revealed a decline in mental energy in the lateral prefrontal cortex, an area crucial for decision-making.

Everyone experiences decision fatigue from time to time. And that’s OK. While we can’t always control the situations that cause our decision fatigue, we can build protective measures into our daily lives to make that fatigue less likely and more manageable

To combat decision fatigue, experts suggest simplifying daily choices as much as possible and learning to manage our mental energy more efficiently. But I’ve summarized a few points that will help us in our day-to-day activities. 

Experts advise making as few decisions as feasible on a daily basis and developing more effective mental energy management techniques to fight decision fatigue. However, I’ve outlined a few things that will support us in our daily tasks. 

1. Take the option out of certain aspects of your life. Prominent decision-makers such as Steve Jobs and Barack Obama have openly discussed how they wear nearly identical outfits every day. Their justification is that there is one less decision to make when it comes to attire. Certain things can be automated, such as your wardrobe choices, the podcast you listen to while commuting, or the type of bread you purchase from the shop. Allow yourself to not be the one who demands perfection.

2. Assign (if you can). You will always have to make some selections. But occasionally, it’s acceptable to delegate tasks to others. They might make a mistake, but so will you! Try to delegate some of the decision-making to your spouse, siblings, or subordinates. They’ll learn how to meet your expectations with time.

3. Make time for self-care. Caring about your own mental health and well-being isn’t selfish. You can’t do what it takes to help others if you aren’t caring for yourself. Having a self-care routine in place can prevent decision fatigue — and make handling it easier if it does happen.

4. Prioritise your sleep. What do people say when presented with difficult decisions? “I’ll sleep on it.” There is a reason for that. Research suggests that humans spend more time deliberating – and making better decisions — early in the day. It also demonstrates that sleep deprivation impairs not just impulse control and emotional management skills but also morality. If you’re going through a particularly decision-heavy period in your life, making an additional effort to get a decent night’s sleep may help you avoid decision fatigue.

5. Schedule downtime into your day. Life can get so hectic that we forget to give our brains a chance to disconnect for a bit. Scheduling downtime, whether it’s watching a series on your phone during your lunch break, listening to Quranic recitation, perusing social media clips, or phoning a buddy who makes you laugh, can help keep your mind charged and ready to make difficult decisions.

6. Exercise. You’ve probably heard that exercise is good for your brain, especially as you get older. But did you know that it can also help you make better decisions? A study published in the British Journal of Sports Medicine found that 30 minutes of moderate-intensity exercise followed by a 3-minute walking break every 30 minutes When combined, they were found to improve executive function.

 If that sounds like a lot, don’t worry: Any exercise is better than no exercise, and long walks can do wonders for your overall mental health.

In sum, decision fatigue is a common issue that affects our decision-making abilities. To manage it, we can simplify routines, delegate tasks, prioritize self-care, schedule downtime, and incorporate exercise. These strategies preserve cognitive resources, enhance well-being, and enable more thoughtful decisions.

Aisha Musa Auyo is a Doctorate researcher in Educational Psychology, a wife, a mother of three, a homemaker, a chef, and a parenting/ relationship coach. She can be reached via aishamuauyo@live.co.uk.

By Aisha Musa Auyo

Do you know about dental floss? Please do not tell me that you don’t. I was shocked when I conducted an oral poll about dental floss and found out that only about 10 percent of people know about it, and only about 4 percent practice it. This could be part of the reason why dentists are making outrageous money. This could be part of the reason why people get irritated while listening to you. This could be part of the reason why your spouse doesn’t like kissing you.

According to the Cambridge Dictionary, flossing is the practice of cleaning between your teeth using dental floss. It also states that regular flossing is essential for healthy gums.

Flossing is an important oral hygiene habit. It is a habit that helps clean and dislodge food stuck between your teeth, which reduces the amount of bacteria and plaque in your mouth. Plaque is a sticky film (that looks like cream) that builds up on the teeth and causes gum disease, bad breath, and tooth decay if not managed properly.

Even though many people brush their teeth daily, some even do it twice daily, not everyone flosses their teeth. Flossing should be as regular as brushing. Brushing can never fulfill the function of flossing. Regardless of how expensive your toothpaste and toothbrush are, flossing is vital.

So now that you know, I need to tell you that it’s not about simply flossing. It is important to do it correctly, or else you will damage your teeth and gums. Brushing twice daily for at least two minutes each time is the first step in keeping your teeth and gums healthy. But even the best toothbrush can’t thoroughly cleanse the spaces between your teeth. That’s why the American Dental Association recommends that you floss once a day to remove food particles and plaque—the sticky film on your teeth that can lead to cavities and gum disease.

Plaque contains cavity-causing bacteria that feed on leftover food in your mouth. These bacteria thrive on sugary substances—and as they feast on them, they produce acids that can damage the shiny, protective surface of your teeth, setting the stage for tooth decay.

Plaque that isn’t removed by brushing or flossing can harden into a rough substance called tartar or calculus. Tartar builds up along the gum line, which can lead to gum disease.

Once tartar forms, only your dentist can remove it. However, flossing every day can help prevent plaque buildup. Some mouthwash can perform the function of flossing when gargled for over two minutes. However, excessive use of commercial mouthwash is not healthy or environmentally friendly.

Cloves soaked in water can also do it, but that should not stop you from mechanically flossing your teeth one by one.

How often should you floss?

The ADA recommends brushing your teeth for 2 minutes twice a day and flossing at least once a day. I floss after every meal or snack. I’m obsessed with it. I always carry my floss around with me, just like I do my phone.😀

I feel cleaner and more confident in my breath and teeth. I would advise you to do what works for you. It’s up to you whether you floss before brushing or afterward. It depends on your comfort and timing.

In conclusion, dental floss is readily available and affordable. It saves you the expense of visiting a dentist, spares you the embarrassment of bad breath and plaque-stained teeth, and improves both your confidence and oral health.

Let us take our oral hygiene very seriously. It reveals a great deal about our overall hygiene and self-care practices and strengthens our relationships with our spouses and others in general.

By Aisha Musa Auyo

International Women’s Day holds immense significance as a global observance dedicated to celebrating women’s achievements, promoting gender equality, and raising awareness about the challenges women face. It serves as a reminder to acknowledge and appreciate women’s contributions in various fields, while also highlighting ongoing efforts to address gender disparities. The day fosters a sense of solidarity among women worldwide, encouraging discussions and actions to advance women’s rights and opportunities.

The theme for IWD 2024 is “Invest in Women: Accelerate Progress”. It highlights the importance of women’s and girls’ empowerment and their rights to healthier lives.

I plan to write this article from a religious and social perspective because many have hidden behind the veil of religion to deny women their basic right to education and empowerment.

Without question, education for women and girls is an integral part of Islam.

In the Holy Quran, Allah orders both men and women to increase their knowledge and condemns those who are not learned. The very first revelation to Prophet Mohammed (ﷺ) starts with the word “read” and says:

“Read. Read in the name of thy Lord who created; [He] created the human being from a blood clot.

Read in the name of thy Lord who taught by the pen: [He] taught the human being what he did not know.” (Q96: 1-5)

In addition to the clear stance of the Qur’an on knowledge acquisition by every Muslim woman and man, the Prophet is also reported to have said (hadith):

“The acquisition of knowledge is the duty of every Muslim man and Muslim woman” (Rahman 1980, 397).

From the above verse and hadith, we can conclude that

1. Girls’ Education Is a Divine Command

The obligation for women and men to study is also confirmed by the hadith and the sunnah. Preventing women and girls from receiving an education is preventing them from fulfilling the divine obligation commanded by Allah and intervening with their akhirah, or afterlife.

2. Girl’s Education is a Divine Right

Education of girls is central to their faith because it increases their knowledge, teaches them how to use their intellect, furnishes them with critical reflection skills, and makes them better Muslims and better members of their communities. It allows girls and women to make use of the gifts Allah has given them.

Preventing women and girls from receiving an education is preventing them from fulfilling the divine obligation commanded by Allah and intervening with their akhirah, or afterlife.

Prophet (PBUH) Invested in the Education of Girls

Since the early years of Islam, learned women enjoyed high public standing and authority. The Prophet (ﷺ) made an effort to educate women and girls and encouraged his wives and daughters to learn and be educated. He held classes for women, and women were often present in the public assemblies that came to learn from the Prophet (ﷺ). Women in his household received education not only in Islamic sciences but in other fields such as medicine, poetry and mathematics, among others. He made arrangements for training women in the commandments, fixing one day a week to meet with them.

Aishah and Umm Salamah (ra) are among the greatest narrators of hadith. Much of what Muslims practice today in terms of their religion is transmitted via the education of these two great women. The world’s first institution of higher education, the University of Qarawiyyin in Morocco, was established by a Muslim woman, Fatima al-Fihriyya.

How the society benefits from educating women

“Education is the only way to empower them [girls], improve their status, ensure their participation in the development of their respective societies, and activate their role to be able to take responsibility for future generations.” – Dr. Yousef bin Ahmed Al-Othaimeen, secretary-general of the Organisation of Islamic Cooperation

Education is more than just the ability to read and write. It is the process of acquiring knowledge, skills, and values in various fields that enable individuals to contribute meaningfully to the social, economic, and political well-being of their families and communities. Without educating its citizens, no society can develop and prosper.

The concept of knowledge in Islam covers a broad spectrum of subjects. The Quran describes the breadth of knowledge as vast and states that learning encompasses both religious and secular subjects. Many verses of the Holy Quran invite the reader to reflect and contemplate the creation of the universe. Therefore, it is incorrect to restrict women to the study of only religious sciences and prohibit them from a broader scope of education.

Some of the benefits of educating women include the following:

Educating girls contributes to stronger economies and alleviates poverty. Economic development and poverty reduction require countries to benefit from the talents, skills, and productivity of all their citizens, both men and women. Reducing the gender gap and educating girls in science, technology, engineering, and mathematics (STEM) will help reduce the skills gap, increase the employment and productivity of women, and reduce occupational segregation.

Educating girls leads to healthier and happier families because, as mothers, educated women make better and more informed decisions for their children’s well-being, including protecting them from disease.

When women are educated, violence is reduced, and children have better psychological well-being and are happier.

Ways to invest and accelerate women progress

Investing in women for societal progress involves addressing various aspects to empower them holistically. Here are key areas for investment:

Education: Ensure access to quality education for girls and women. Support scholarship programs, mentorship initiatives, and STEM education to bridge gender gaps.

Healthcare: Invest in women’s health services, including reproductive health, maternal care, and mental health support. This contributes to healthier communities and improves overall well-being.

Economic Opportunities: Promote equal economic opportunities by supporting women entrepreneurs, providing training, and encouraging workplace diversity. This enhances financial independence and contributes to economic growth.

Legal Rights: Advocate for and invest in legal frameworks that protect women’s rights. This includes combating gender-based violence, ensuring equal pay, and promoting workplace policies that support work-life balance.

Technology and Innovation: Encourage women’s participation in technology and innovation sectors. Investing in programs that provide skills training and mentorship can bridge the gender gap in these rapidly evolving fields.

Community Engagement: Invest in community-based programs that empower women, addressing social and cultural barriers. This can involve awareness campaigns, support groups, and grassroots initiatives.

Media Representation: Support initiatives promoting positive and diverse portrayals of women in media. This contributes to changing societal perceptions and breaking stereotypes.

By investing comprehensively in these areas, societies can foster an environment where women have equal opportunities, contribute significantly to various sectors, and play vital roles in societal progress.

Let us unite in a collective call to action for the continued support of women’s empowerment. Support, sponsor, and encourage the women and girls around you. By standing together, we can accelerate progress toward a future where women’s rights are not only acknowledged but celebrated, ensuring a more equitable and prosperous world for all. The journey toward women’s education and empowerment requires each of us to play a role—let’s commit to this shared mission and create lasting change.

Happy International Women’s Day to all women and the men who have allowed, supported, sponsored, and encouraged women’s education and empowerment.