Lifestyle

By Abubakar Suleiman

If you are conversant with the Arewa cyberspace, it will be surprising if you are unaware of the cliché, “Please, hide my identity.” It has gained so much currency (or notoriety) on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. And it is mainly followed up with bad news, especially related to relationships and marriages – cases of incest, infidelity, marriage battery, heartbreaks and others.

People usually send their relationship or marital problems to popular social media pages or handles managed by self-styled marriage counsellors. These counsellors or opinion shapers then subject the problems to the public for solutions while hiding the identity of the sender of these problems.

Surprisingly, these people who found themselves in a toxic relationship or abusive marriage have parents or guardians who married them off to their spouses. Still, they many times seem to bypass them for advice or counselling.

They also rarely approach certified marriage counsellors or therapists for solutions. Therefore, the problem is thrown to the public, and with too many disjointed ideas or solutions, sieving the best solution to the peculiar problem becomes complicated.

Not so fast; how are we even sure these stories or problems are true? What if someone sits in the comfort of their room or basement and concocts these unfounded narratives to make the stories trend? Many people don’t check the logical validity or fallacy of these stories.

Social media gave everyone a platform to air or voice out their views. The problem with the advent of these platforms is not the access to information but rather the processing of information. Many people find it uneasy to check the authenticity of stories or the validity of statistics.

The blowback or unintended consequence of this ‘hide my identity’ trend is that it has made many young people consume many negative stories, thereby fuelling suspicion between both genders. Moreover, stories of successful and happy marriages have been in short supply. Therefore, some young people no longer see marriage as a worthwhile endeavour wherein you invest your patience, energy and prayers.

On the one hand, love movies from Nollywood, Bollywood or Kannywood made young people see marriage or relationship as a perfect bed of roses or land of Eldorado instead of the cocktail of happiness, sadness, compromises and sacrifices that it is.

On the other hand, ‘hide my identity’ stories have increasingly made partners or lovers dine with each other with a very long spoon. Each sees the other as a veiled threat or a potentially dangerous person. These trends have created overnight feminists and misogynists.

The above backdrop does not downplay the effects of abusive or toxic marriages or relationships that appropriate authorities could reasonably address – parents, guardians, certified counsellors or the court. However, young people must be guided on what marriage entails, its prospects and its challenges. They need a direction or triangulation amidst a plethora of negative information and scary marital or relationship stories.

They should also be fed with successful marital examples or stories and the possibility of a happy marriage. And this makes parenting a more difficult task in our contemporary world.

The last time I checked around, we still had more good homes than broken ones. But, unfortunately, the familiar stories of abusive marriages or relationships are just the case of bad news flying more than the good ones.

Check out families around you, your pairs, neighbours, colleagues at the workplace or married classmates. You’ll understand that except for the usual day-to-day challenges in marriage, they are relatively not bad as it is being portrayed. However, we can canvass for improvements, coping mechanisms or detailed exit plans for worst scenarios. Therefore, ‘hide my identity’ stories are many times fabricated stories or isolated cases than the whole.

Abubakar Suleiman wrote from Kaduna and can be contacted via abusuleiman06@gmail.com.

By Ahmad Deedat Zakari

Ahmadu Bello University Teaching Hospital, Zaria has recorded an unprecedented milestone in the North-Western region of Nigeria as the university hospital successfully delivered its first invitro fertilization (IVF) baby.

Professor Adebeyi Adesuyun of the Department of Reproductive Medicine, disclosed this to newsmen on Friday. He said, “A male baby was delivered at 10:53am on May 16 with weight of 3kg.”

The Professor noted the cost implication of the milestone and further disclosed that it was a journey began by ABUTH about twelve years ago.”

Such delivery is costly and not available in the whole of the northwest region. ABUTH is the only public health facility that offers IVF. The journey did not start today; we have been on it for more than 12 years, but paucity of funds in getting the right equipment was our major hindrance,” he said.”

He also disclosed that the hospital has patients on their waiting list to receive the treatment.

By Uzair Adam Imam

A psychiatrist, Dr. Adeoyo Oyewole, said the physical and mental stress journalists are exposed to daily has psychological effect on them that could lead to mental shutdown.

The doctor said the pressure used to create a mental disequilibrium which manifests psychologically and phphysically.

Dr. Oyewole, who is a consultant at the Ladoke Akintola University Teaching Hospital, also added that lack of proper stress management killed journalists discreetly.

He made this shocking revelation on Monday at a seminar organised by Fountain University for practising journalists and final year Mass Communication students of the institution.

The seminar was themed: Effect of Poor Stress Management among Nigerian Journalists on Mental Health Productivity, at its campus, Osogbo.

The doctor further stated that Nigerian journalists carry Nigeria on their shoulders at a mental cost, and struggle daily to gather information in spite of humiliating cultural and bureaucratic bottlenecks.

He added, “There is a need for journalists to be proactive in managing time, value relationships and posses the will to break through barriers to achieve daily goals.

“Financial freedom is also essential. No journalists should be underpaid in discharging their responsibility as a professional in order to meet their daily demands both personally and as a family.

“A journalist must be able to meet his daily diet and supplement demand to be physically and mentally ready for the rigours of the job”, he said.

By Hafsat Ja’afar

When are you getting hitched? Are you still single? When are we meeting our in-law or the Mr Right? You’re just choosy, aren’t you? So hurry up and get married! All these questions are uncalled for. Seriously people!

Do you need to go that extreme in asking people unanswerable questions who do not know the unseen?  It’s driven people nuts, and it needs to stop. Believe it or not, delayed marriage is a trendy issue not only within our society but also a universal issue due to the changes in our modern times.

Marriage delays in Northern Nigeria may result from the following;

Nature: Some are destined to stay single up to old age, while some are afflicted with natural diseases, which, no matter how much they want or try to get married, they cannot.

Tradition: Every family has its norms, values,  and principles. Some think their children must reach a certain age or level of education before marrying them off.  The issue of trousseau is a major setback too. These principles sometimes hurt the life of the people involved.

Illiteracy: This is another side of the coin, as some of the established youths consider marriage a burden, so they prefer private/commercial affairs. To them, getting married is like inviting old age while the “I’m Still Young” slogan still rings in their heads.

Expectation: This plays a significant role as the backbone of the marriage delay, as both parties expect luxury and goodies before marriage. The gents are looking for capacitated in-laws, and the ladies are waiting to marry into an influential family. However, this might take years for some to achieve.

Financial Instability: Due to unemployment, underemployment, inflation, cashless policy and other financial crises we all know about, some people run away from marriage.

Societal pressure on why and when you’re getting married has led many into failed and toxic marriages, which they later regret. Due to such pressure, someone I know married a man who gave his terms and conditions on splitting the bills 50-50.

As a classroom teacher, she was to handle school fees, medication, and other things. In the end, the marriage broke down because, according to the husband, she’s not complying and not making ends meet. She’s now a divorcee with two kids.

A friend-turned-sister married a man she doesn’t love, but he loves her dearly. For years their matrimony was nothing to write home about with four kids. She made his life and family a living hell to escape the marriage. She finally succeeded, taking her kids along with her and denying him custody of them.

Someone also told me it’s better to bear the title of Mrs in an abusive marriage than to stay single while time is against us. I was shocked beyond words for her to say this. She desperately needs a husband, someone to call her own.

Another one got married to a tricycle driver out of desperation, though he’s an NCE holder with no job, and she’s a graduate with a job. The interference of friends and relatives in their marital life led to serious malice between the two families. The couple used to spend weeks on no-speaking terms. All the love and sacrifices made for each other vanished, and the blame game became the order of the day. Sessions of reconciliation took place with no positive results. Finally, they went their separate ways and found peace and tranquillity, as they say.

The hustle and bustle of life is an essential element that paves the way for critical and creative thinking, mainly if a person engages him /herself in business, studying, working, and what have you. No matter how small it is, it fades away. Whatever is bothering an individual gives room for greater achievements in life.

As the saying goes, ‘it’s better to wait long than to marry wrong’. To avoid jumping into an erroneous affair, you must pray and choose wisely to avoid unforeseen circumstances.

Hafsat Ja’afar read BA (Ed) English at Bayero University, Kano. She wrote from Kano via jaafarhafsat@gmail.com.

By Uzair Adam Imam

A patient in Ilorin has met with a sad fate when one Ayodele Joseph, the Chief Medical Director of Ayodele Hospital, sedated and raped her iside the hopital.

A police report revealed that Dr. Ayodele sedated the patient and eventually raped her without her consent.

It added that the doctor sedated the patient and raped her when she went to the hospital for medical treatment.

Ayodele was arraigned on a two-count charge of act of gross indecency and rape, contrary to sections 285 and 283 of the penal code.

The Daily Reality, through the police report, learned that the victim, who fell under the doctor’s trap, is also a professional nurse.

“Investigation into the matter however led to the recovery of the video recording containing sexual action of the defendant on the victim while medical text also confirmed that the said nurse was assaulted and raped”, the charge sheet disclosed.

Gbenga Ayeni, the prosecutor, informed the court of the gravity of the offence and the motion attached to the police report, which sought to remand the suspect.

The court granted Ayeni’s prayer for remand while the matter was adjourned to May 18th, 2023.

By Sadam Abubakar

We all know and believe that marriages are associated with numerous cultures. These cultures come together to add flavour to the unforgettable memories that would be created in the minds of the brides and grooms during so many events of marriage celebrations.

The indelible joys and memories of marriage ceremonies usually transcend to even the minds of parents, friends, and relatives of both the brides and grooms. So, the importance of all the events associated with marriage ceremonies cannot be overemphasised in many cultures.

However, adopting the so-called Western civilisation has marred many events associated with marriage ceremonies, especially in the Northern-Muslim societies of Nigeria. 

For instance, not more than a decade ago, the bride’s popular “Kamu” or “Sa lalle” usually took place in a sister’s house to the bride’s mother. And the people that would be in attendance at this event will comprise only the closest friends of the bride and some of her few female acquaintances.

Unfortunately, today, such events usually take place in outside rented event centres where the groom and his friends could be in attendance too. Not only that, it’s possible for a dance competition between the groom and bride, or between the groom’s friends and the bride’s friends during this historically decent event.

The most moving part is that it’s now a normal and unpreventable trend in so many events associated with marriage ceremonies that the brides must appear almost half-naked. So instead of the decent “riga da zani of Atamfa“, the bride will wear a Western wedding gown. 

Even if the dresses are tailored locally, they will not only be diaphanous that one can see through, they are ensured to be tight enough to reveal all the contours and bumps in the bride’s body. And it’s in this kind of dress that the dancing will take place. So common. Are we really in our senses?

Remember, I insinuated earlier that parents usually attend these kinds of events. Can’t they stop it? Is it now normal for them too? I am sure our forefathers are not like this. And they didn’t train their children to be like this. Why only us? 

May ALLAH guide us right, amin.

Sadam Abubakar can be contacted via sadamabubakarsoba@gmail.com.

By Mujahid Ibrahim

As I sat in the conference hall at the Kano Social Influencer’s Summit (KANSIS) of 2021 and 2022, organised by the Centre of Information Technology and Development (CITAD), I couldn’t help but wonder about the immense power of social media. The conference brought together a diverse group of social media influencers, entrepreneurs, and enthusiasts who shared their experiences and perspectives on how social media can be leveraged to drive social and economic growth.

However, amidst all the exciting stories and success tales shared at the conference, one thing was clear: the effects of mismanaging social media can be disastrous. From cyberbullying to misinformation and hate speech, social media has the potential to be a double-edged sword. While it can be used to amplify positive messages and drive change, it can also be a breeding ground for negative and destructive forces.

One instance of the adverse effects of social media mismanagement is the infamous #EndSARS protest in Nigeria, which was initially launched on social media platforms. The protest started as a peaceful campaign to end police brutality but eventually turned violent due to the spread of fake news and misinformation on social media. The consequences were dire, with many lives lost and properties destroyed.

However, it’s not all doom and gloom. Social media platforms provide endless opportunities for individuals and businesses to connect, engage, and grow their brands. From advertising to influencer marketing, social media has become indispensable for businesses looking to reach new audiences and drive revenue.

Numerous success stories exist of individuals and businesses leveraging social media to achieve their goals. For instance, the fashion brand Fashion Nova has grown from a small online store to a multi-million-dollar brand by utilising social media platforms to drive brand awareness and engagement. Similarly, entrepreneurs like Jeffree Star and Kylie Jenner have built successful cosmetic brands by leveraging their massive social media followings.

Other examples of social media success stories include:

Salt Bae: The Turkish chef Nusret Gökçe went viral on social media after a video of him sprinkling salt on a steak went viral. Since then, he has built a global empire of restaurants and has over 20 million followers on Instagram.

Wendy’s, the fast-food chain, has become famous on social media for its witty and engaging responses to customers. Wendy’s Twitter account has amassed over 3 million followers and has been hailed as a masterclass in social media marketing.

Glossier, the skincare and beauty brand, has built a cult following on Instagram, with over 2 million followers. Glossier has used social media to build a strong community of loyal customers who engage with the brand and share their experiences online.

GoPro, the action camera company, has used social media to create a platform for user-generated content. By encouraging users to share their GoPro footage on social media, the company has created a vast library of high-quality content that promotes the brand and inspires others to purchase their products.

Old Spice, the men’s grooming brand, revitalised its image through viral videos that parodied traditional male grooming advertisements. The videos were hugely popular on social media and helped to reposition the brand as edgy and irreverent.

These success stories, however, demonstrate the power of social media in building brand awareness, engaging customers, and driving revenue. By leveraging the unique features of each social media platform, businesses can create targeted and effective marketing campaigns that resonate with their target audience. Social media also provides opportunities for individuals to build personal brands, connect with like-minded people, and share their passions with the world.

To sum it up, social media has the potential to be a powerful force for good or bad, depending on how it’s managed. By understanding the power of social media and leveraging its unique features, individuals and businesses can drive social and economic growth. However, it’s important to use social media responsibly and to be mindful of the potential adverse effects of mismanaging it.

As social media continues to evolve and shape our world, we must use it to build a better, more connected, and more inclusive society. So, whether you’re an entrepreneur, an influencer, or just a casual user, remember to use social media to spread positive messages, connect with others, and make a meaningful impact.

Mujahid Ibrahim, Program Officer, Centre for Information Technology and Development (CITAD), can be contacted via littlemujahid4@gmail.com.

By Kamal Buba Danladi

According to the Oxford Dictionary, Urology, also known as genitourinary surgery, is the branch of medicine that focuses on surgical and medical diseases of the urinary tract and the male reproductive organs. Organs under the domain of urology include the kidneys, ureters, adrenal glands, urinary bladder, urethra and the male reproductive system.

On the 19th of April 2023, Dr Amina Buba became the youngest urologic surgeon in Nigeria, the 7th female urologist in our country and the first Muslim woman in Nigeria to bear that title. Amina truly has shattered the glass ceiling! She is an inspiration to young women all around the world that anything is possible.

Amina was born in Lagos and attended St. Jude’s private School in Festac Town, Lagos. Then she started her secondary school at Federal Government College, Kwali, Abuja, before she transferred to Federal Government Girls College, Bwari, Abuja. After completing her junior secondary school there, she moved to El-Amin International School, Minna, where she completed her senior secondary school and then proceeded to her A-levels at Irwin College Leicester, England.

Amina also studied medicine at Brighton & Sussex Medical School, Brighton, England and then did her Master’s in Tropical Medicine & International Health at the Prestigious London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, where she gained an MSc. as well as a diploma in Tropical Medicine and Hygiene. Shen then did her surgical residency in Abuja, Nigeria, which she recently completed.

When asked about why she chose this particular field, Amina says that she has always wanted to be a doctor, and when she qualified as a doctor, she knew that she wanted to be a surgeon but wasn’t sure of the surgical speciality. She began her residency programme with a posting in urology, and she fell in love with urology instantly because it is such a diverse surgical speciality, and you get to operate on the entire urinary tract as well as the male genital tract. There are also so many facets to it; there are paediatric urology, reconstructive urology, and upper and lower tract surgeries.

She further says that there are also plenty of opportunities to engage in both open and minimally invasive surgery, that is, laparoscopic, robotic and endoscopic surgeries. She was also drawn to it because, as a junior resident, she had 5 amazing consultants who, despite the strains of an under-resourced working environment, ensured that their patients got the absolute best.

Another interesting thing about the field, according to her, is that most urology patients have fixable problems and so it is really satisfying to identify a pathology in a patient, operate on it and discharge a happy, healed patient. She also added that urology is a fantastic speciality with so much room for growth.

She gave thanks to her mentors because they have been encouraging, and says she has had excellent teachers. Speaking about some of the challenges she faced, she says that they were there but were minimal and mainly from her peers questioning her decision to specialize in urology. This also prompted her to carry out a questionnaire-based survey on patients’ perceptions of having a female urologist. And interestingly, the majority of patients have absolutely no qualms at all.

In her practice, she has seen that even the few patients who seem sceptical tend to relax once she starts talking to them and establishes a rapport. She also says that she has had patients who specifically only want to see her, and she also added that when people are sick, they just want a good doctor and don’t care about their gender. She jokingly often asks people who question a decision to specialize in a primarily male-dominated area; “what of the men in gynaecology”. They only see women, but at least as a urologic surgeon, she sees both male and female patients. Another challenge she faced in training which she says is not peculiar to her, is the lack of facilities in Nigerian Teaching Hospitals. Our government really ought to do better.

And when asked about her family’s view on it she says that they were extremely supportive, and she really would not have been here if she didn’t have such supportive parents. Amina also says that her two elder sisters have been supportive, and they cheer her on in the process because the training is strenuous, emotionally and physically demanding and without her family’s support, it would have been impossible.

She also states that they have gone through the entire journey with her, and she appreciates them tremendously. She adds that she had some really supportive friends and bosses who have always cheered her on, and finally, her advice to young girls, especially in Northern Nigeria, is they should believe in themselves and strive for excellence, don’t settle for mediocrity. Pray hard, establish a good relationship with God and work hard.

Amina also has this to say “Pray like you are not working and work like you are not praying”. The world is our oyster, and there are so many glass ceilings waiting to be shattered! She concludes by thanking Allah for the mercies he has shown to her and by saying if she can do it, then anybody can. She hopes that her achievement will inspire young ladies to realize that there is so much that needs to be done.

Kamal is a student of Mass Communication from Skyline University Nigeria. He writes from Kano, Nigeria.

By Usama Abdullahi 

Our car got stuck in poky traffic when I was heading home after visiting our ailing mother at the National Hospital Abuja last night. The motion was really slow, and that instantly made me feel bored. Also, a young lady was sitting close to me, making annoying phone calls and eating popcorn. I looked at everybody in the car, and they were all engrossed in their smartphones except the driver, who remained focused while driving. So I brought out my phone, rushed to my gallery and played a Hollywood clip. That’s how I decided to kill my boredom.

While watching the clip on my phone, the young lady sitting next to me tapped me on the shoulder – indicating that she needed to talk to me. I felt her tapping but hesitated to turn until she tapped me again. 

This time I turned and stared at her curiously. She then asked if what I was watching was interesting. “Oh, yeah. It’s an interesting clip. Would you love to see it?” I asked. “Ah, no. I thought it was a movie”, she responded. After learning that what I was watching was just a clip and not a movie, she continued to make her phone calls. She’s holding an iPhone. Even though I didn’t see her face clearly, I could attest to her gorgeousness through the softness of her voice.

She was happily on the phone with her boyfriend when one of her broke guys called. Unluckily for him, she didn’t hang the call to attend to his call until she was done talking to the rich boyfriend. She didn’t even greet him when she finally picked up the broke guy’s call. Instead, she began to yell at him for not sending the money he had promised her the other day. I keenly listened to them till the very end. Mind you; I wasn’t eavesdropping because she put the phone on speaker. So, I did hear every single bit of their heated phone conversations.

I was disgusted by what she said to the broke guy. I pitifully imagined myself in his shoes. Although I’m hopeful that I will never be entangled in such a type of unavailing relationship, I felt and still feel for the poor guy.

This encounter has taught me a bitter lesson: how transactional relationships have become these days. Today, only a handful of women love their men unconditionally. Instead, most of them love their men because of their monetary status. I’m not saying that money doesn’t play a significant role in relationships. Of course, it does, but it’s saddening how some women have reduced relationships to lucrative businesses where they earn big money without even investing a dime.

And it’s equally saddening that some men, too, only entertain sexual relationships. This is why we are fast losing our modesty as a society. Any relationship sorely built on material gain is doomed to fail. Loyalty and patience are the most important things that usually keep a relationship going. Money cannot possibly keep your relationship afloat, but loyalty and patience can.

Usama Abdullahi writes from Abuja and can be reached via usamagayyi@gmail.com.

By Hajara Shehu Esq.

A broken marriage can have adverse effects on the custody of children. In many cases, when a marriage ends, the focus of each partner is solely on how to hurt the other, regardless of the impact on their innocent children.

Nowadays, custody of children has become a weapon of choice in this scenario. As a result, the battling parties are often blinded by fury and anger, sacrificing their children’s well-being in the process.

Unfortunately, the person fighting for custody may not have a conducive environment to raise the child/children. The primary objective is simply to separate the child/children from the other parent as a token of hatred. The main problem is that whoever wins the custody case often destroys the child/children’s lives. In most cases, the child loses the love, care, and affection of the parent who lost the case due to anger, and the parent who wins may not offer the best life for the child.

For instance, if the father wins custody, he may not be married and may live with an elderly mother. In this situation, the child/children often wander around without proper and adequate care. In another scenario, the father may be married and take the child/children to a stepmother. However, this can lead to complete abandonment from the stepmother due to the father’s attitude and behaviour, overprotectiveness, and unending interference.

Similarly, if the mother wins custody, the father may neglect the child/children and completely surrender them to the mother. Unfortunately, most mothers from less privileged families or orphans may find it difficult to meet all the financial needs of the child/children.

While credit is given where it is due, a mother always tries her best until she remarries and has other children. Then, the children will automatically suffer the same fate as above, except in favourable situations where the mother is privileged.

Leaving a child/children to their maternal/paternal grandmother is not a bad thing. However, it is not the best option considering the grandmother’s age and the need for a child to have love, closeness, and affection to be a good individual. The most disturbing circumstance is when both parents are married and have other children, and the child/children are left alone under the care of their dearest grandmother. In such cases, the child/children become hardened by circumstances and are forced to grow faster than their age.

Every child needs to be allowed to grow according to their age in love, care, and affection. Every child deserves the love, respect, and affection of both parents. It is not a privilege but a huge responsibility placed on them by Allah, the Most High, which they shall account for. The Prophet (PBUH) said we are all shepherds and shall account for it on the last day.

Many victims of broken marriages have grown up to become drug addicts, thugs, armed robbers, thieves, and engaged in many other crimes. Love, care, and affection are the foundation of a good individual. Where these are lost, most children go astray except those that Allah guides.

It is disheartening to witness parents cursing, abusing, and calling each other names while holding each other responsible. However, the truth is that these kinds of parents are equally and jointly responsible.

In conclusion, no matter how a marriage ends, Allah’s precious gifts (children) are not the reason and should be kept away from battles. Instead, parents should allow each other to play various roles in the child/children’s life. Relationships might end, but the child/children’s relationship with the ex-partner will forever remain. Children deserve a good life filled with love, care, and affection; parents should ensure they have it!

Hajara can be reached via Hbshehu301@gmail.com.