Social Media

By Usman Abdullahi Koli, ANIPR 

In recent days, a deeply troubling trend has emerged across Northern Nigeria, posing significant threats to the region’s cultural and religious values. The widespread sharing of explicit videos on social media, particularly involving young women and even some public figures, has become a glaring concern. 

Platforms like TikTok and others, once heralded for fostering connection and creativity, have instead become vehicles for spreading inappropriate content, undermining our society’s foundation of moral values. This surge in immoral behaviour, coupled with the increasing acceptance of homosexuality, has shaken the Hausa community and the wider Northern Nigerian populace, challenging the region’s long-held traditions and values.

The cultural landscape of Northern Nigeria, built upon the principles of modesty, family honour, and religious piety, is now facing an unprecedented moral challenge. The platforms meant to uplift and connect opened doors for behaviours that deeply conflict with societal norms. The impact is felt by the individuals whose private lives are exposed, and their families suffer great shame, dishonour, and social rejection. In our conservative culture, where family honour holds immense weight, such incidents leave scars that can last generations.

The trauma experienced by the victims of these scandals is profound. These young individuals—many of whom are our sisters, nieces, and neighbours—face a harrowing journey of social alienation, emotional distress, and, at times, extreme psychological harm. Many become pariahs in their communities, carrying the burden of shame for something often beyond their control. The emotional fallout extends far beyond the individual, reaching into the lives of their families, who must endure the humiliation and stigma of public disgrace. In many cases, these families are ostracised, their reputations tarnished, and the emotional pain magnified by societal rejection.

Celebrities, who once stood as role models in the region, are now increasingly caught in public scandals. Pursuing fame and social media attention has driven many into compromising situations where private missteps become public spectacles. However, this issue is not limited to public figures. Individuals, particularly the youth, fall victim to the same trend every day. With explicit content becoming a misguided path to popularity, the consequences for these young men and women are devastating. They are lured by social media’s fleeting attention and false validation, only to face lifelong consequences.

This cultural shift highlights the urgent need for action. The Northern region has always prided itself on its deep-rooted values, with religious and community leaders playing a pivotal role in upholding societal norms. It is now more crucial than ever for these leaders to address the current moral decay head-on. Sermons in mosques, community dialogues, and family interventions must be leveraged to instil the principles of modesty, self-discipline, and respect for personal and communal dignity. Our traditional and religious leaders must take charge of restoring our moral compass.

In addition, government action is essential. The laws concerning cybercrimes must be revisited and strengthened to address this modern menace. In collaboration with cybersecurity experts, law enforcement must actively track down perpetrators and hold them accountable for their actions.

The North has a rich history of valuing human dignity, and it cannot afford to watch idly as the viral spread of immoral content erodes this dignity. Efforts should be made to regulate social media platforms with stricter controls to prevent the proliferation of explicit content. The government must work alongside tech experts and media platforms to introduce more stringent oversight mechanisms.

Furthermore, education is key in combating this growing trend. Our youth, the future of Northern Nigeria, must be educated about the consequences of their online actions. Digital literacy programs, responsible internet use workshops and safety awareness campaigns must be rolled out to ensure that young people understand the permanence of their actions in the digital world. They must be taught to value their privacy, dignity, and the cultural norms passed down through generations.

At the heart of this crisis is a deeper cultural challenge. As we embrace modernity and technology, we must not lose sight of the cultural and religious values that define us. The youth must be reminded of their responsibilities to themselves, their families, their communities, and their faith. The glorification of immoral behaviour on social media, driven by the pursuit of viral fame, is a dangerous trend that must be reversed.

The current situation is a collective societal issue that requires a united front. Everyone, from religious leaders to parents and government officials to the tech community, has a role to play in addressing this growing menace. Preserving our moral and cultural fabric depends on our ability to act swiftly and decisively. We must safeguard our values and protect our youth from the dangers of a world that increasingly disregards modesty, respect, and human dignity.

The Northern Nigerian community cannot afford to sit idly by as its values are eroded. The trauma inflicted on the victims of these scandals is real, but with decisive action, future incidents can be prevented. It is up to all of us to reclaim our moral values, protect our cultural heritage, and ensure that the youth are guided toward a future grounded in respect, honour, and integrity.

Usman Abdullahi Koli wrote via mernoukoli@gmail.com.

By Uzair Adam 

The global internet user base has grown consistently in recent years, with countries with larger populations leading the charge. 

However, some smaller nations also boast impressive online activity.

According to Exploding Topics, here are the ten countries with the largest number of internet users:

1. China – 1.05 billion: With its massive population, China tops the list with an estimated 1.05 billion internet users, accounting for 74.36% of its population.

2. India – 692 million: India ranks second, with 692 million people online, representing 49.15% of its population.

3. United States—311.3 million: The U.S. has 311.3 million internet users, which translates to a high penetration rate of 93.79%.

4. Indonesia – 212.9 million: Indonesia has 212.9 million people online, with a penetration rate of 77.76%.

5. Brazil – 181.8 million: Brazil has 181.8 million internet users, covering nearly 85% of its population.

6. Russia – 127.6 million: Russia follows with 127.6 million users, almost 90% of its population.

7. Nigeria – 122.5 million: Nigeria ranks seventh globally, with over 122.5 million internet users, more than half of its population.

8. Japan—102.5 million: Japan has 102.5 million internet users, which is more than 80% of its population.

9. Mexico – 100.6 million: Mexico has 100.6 million people online, with nearly 80% penetration.

10. Pakistan – 87.35 million: Pakistan rounds out the top 10 with 87.35 million internet users, despite only 40% of its population being connected.

By Abdurrazak Muktar

Grades play a crucial role in determining academic and professional opportunities, particularly in Nigeria. The importance of graduating with high grades, such as a 2:1 or a First Class, cannot be overstated. These distinctions not only reflect a high level of academic achievement but also significantly influence career prospects and societal perceptions.

In Nigeria, a First Class degree is often seen as a mark of exceptional capability and dedication. Graduates with such distinctions frequently find themselves in advantageous positions, receiving more attention from employers and academic institutions. This respect is not merely symbolic; it often translates into tangible benefits, such as better job opportunities and career advancement.

The significance of high academic grades is underscored by how people’s attitudes shift upon learning of one’s academic achievements. A First Class graduate, for example, can command immediate respect and open doors that might otherwise remain closed. This is not just about the prestige associated with such grades but also about the perceived reliability and potential of the individual.

The connection between academic success and professional opportunities is evident in real-world scenarios. For instance, prominent individuals in various fields often inquire about a candidate’s degree classification during recruitment or networking conversations. This highlights the weight that academic performance carries in shaping career trajectories.

Moreover, discussing school grades has become a notable topic in the Arewa media space. This debate is one of the region’s most engaging and influential trends, reflecting how deeply academic success is intertwined with personal and professional development. 

The discussion around grades not only fosters a competitive academic environment but also serves as a catalyst for broader conversations about educational standards and career prospects.

In conclusion, while opportunities exist for all graduates, those with higher academic achievements often have enhanced prospects. The debate around school grades, especially within the Arewa media, underscores the critical role that academic performance plays in shaping futures. Thus, striving for excellence in one’s academic pursuits is a matter of personal pride and a strategic advantage in the competitive landscape of career opportunities.

Abdurrazak Muktar (Makarfi) wrote via prof4true1@gmail.com.

By Uzair Adam Imam

A US teenager died of cardiac arrest after participating in a social media challenge daring people to eat a single extremely hot tortilla chip, an autopsy revealed Thursday.

Harris Wolobah, a 14-year-old from Massachusetts, died in September after participating in the so-called “One Chip Challenge.” The challenge involved a single chip produced by Paqui dusted with Carolina Reaper and Naga Viper peppers.

The dare has evolved over the years, with different peppers used each time.

The local chief medical examiner determined that Harris died of cardiac arrest after ingesting food with a large amount of a chilli pepper extract called capsaicin, according to the autopsy report seen by AFP. 

The autopsy also concluded that the teen had an enlarged heart, which could have contributed to his death.

Days after his death, Paqui removed the product—packaged in a coffin-shaped box with a red skull and marked ‘extreme heat’—from store shelves.

In California, three youths were hospitalized after taking part in the dare, and seven got sick in Minnesota for the same reason, according to media reports.

By Ahmed Abdulƙadir

Recently, I came across an announcement by Deutsche Welle (DW) Hausa Radio that it will cease transmitting its Hausa Programs on the Shortwave (SW) frequency channel. Instead, it will continue broadcasting through its partners on FM Radio throughout West Africa and through its various platforms on social media.

This decision brought to mind the gradual but noticeable paradigm shift by traditional media toward the use of social media in its operations.

Social media has significantly impacted the practice of traditional media in several ways. One major change is the shift in content distribution. Traditional media outlets, such as DW, are adapting to this shift by utilizing social media platforms to reach a broader audience. For instance, DW’s decision demonstrates the recognition of the growing influence of social media in reaching its target audience.

Social media also allows for more interactive and immediate engagement with the audience. Traditional media used to have limited interaction with its audience, with communication limited to letters or phone calls. However, social media platforms provide a platform for direct engagement, enabling real-time feedback, comments, and discussions. This creates a more dynamic and engaging relationship between media outlets and their audience.

Additionally, social media has given rise to citizen journalism, in which individuals can share news and information in real time. This has challenged the monopoly of traditional media in reporting news events. With the widespread use of smartphones and social media platforms, anyone can become a content creator and share their perspectives, breaking news, and images. This has forced traditional media outlets to compete with citizen journalists and adapt their reporting practices.

Furthermore, social media has transformed the way news is consumed. With the rise of social media algorithms, individuals have more control over the content they consume. They can choose to follow specific news sources, topics, or individuals, creating personalized newsfeeds. This has led to a fragmentation of news consumption, where individuals are exposed to diverse perspectives and sources of information, rather than relying solely on traditional media outlets.

Aside from DW, there are several examples of traditional media outlets that have made similar shifts toward utilizing social media platforms. One prominent example is the British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC). The BBC has recognized the importance of social media in reaching and engaging with its audience. It has established a strong presence on platforms like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube, where it shares news updates, videos, and engages with its viewers through comments and discussions. The BBC has also developed specific social media strategies to cater to different demographics and regions, ensuring a wider reach and engagement.

Another example is The New York Times (NYT), one of the leading newspapers in the United States. The NYT has embraced social media as a key component of its digital strategy. It actively shares its news articles, videos, and multimedia content on platforms like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn. The NYT has also invested in creating engaging content specifically for social media, such as short videos, infographics, and interactive stories, to cater to the preferences of its social media audience.

Furthermore, Al Jazeera, a global news network based in Qatar, has also recognized the impact of social media on journalism. It has established a strong presence on social media platforms and actively engages with its audience through live streams, interactive discussions, and user-generated content. Al Jazeera also utilizes social media platforms for real-time reporting, breaking news updates, and citizen journalism contributions.

These examples highlight how traditional media outlets such as the BBC, The New York Times, and Al Jazeera have embraced social media as an integral component of their media strategies. They have adapted their content distribution, engagement, and reporting practices to harness the power of social media and reach a broader audience.

But not only is the traditional media making a paradigm shift and embracing the social media in its modus operandi but the profound change is gradually catching up at the individual and personal levels. Starting with my self observation, I’ve come to realize that I’m more inclined towards getting my news content through the social media rather than the usual traditional media.

A further observation reveals that even media owners, especially heads of government in Nigeria, are rapidly losing interest in the coverage of their activities from traditional media in favor of social media. This has resulted in the neglect of their traditional media organizations in favor of a more robust interest in social media.

In summary, social media has changed the practice of traditional media by altering content distribution, enabling direct audience engagement, empowering citizen journalism, and transforming news consumption patterns. Traditional media outlets like DW are adapting to these changes by utilizing social media platforms to reach a wider audience and engage with their viewers and listeners in a more interactive manner.

The rise of social media and its impact on traditional media cannot be denied. It has brought about significant changes in content distribution, audience engagement, and news consumption patterns. Traditional media outlets like DW, BBC, The New York Times, and Al Jazeera have recognized the importance of social media and have adapted their strategies to include these platforms.

However, it is important to note that social media is not completely replacing traditional media. Instead, it is transforming the landscape and forcing traditional media to evolve and adopt new methods of reaching and engaging with their audience. Traditional media still holds a certain level of credibility and trustworthiness that social media platforms may lack. It continues to play a vital role in providing in-depth analysis, investigative journalism, and reliable news sources.

Moreover, while social media allows for immediate and interactive engagement, it also comes with challenges such as the spread of misinformation and the lack of editorial oversight. Traditional media outlets have the responsibility of fact-checking and providing accurate information to counteract these challenges.

In conclusion, social media is undoubtedly reshaping the practice of traditional media, but it is not replacing it entirely. The two can coexist and complement each other in providing diverse perspectives, real-time updates, and engaging content to the audience. It is up to traditional media outlets to adapt and leverage the power of social media to stay relevant in the ever-changing media landscape.

Ahmed Abdulkadir wrote from Katsina via ahmadakadir@yahoo.com.

By Bello Hussein Adoto

When COVID-19 came, we switched from receiving exegeses of the Qur’an and Hadith from masājid and physical gatherings of knowledge to virtual ones. We attended Facebook Live and Zoom sessions to listen to our favourite scholars. We followed their tafsirs on Mixlr, Google Meet, and Telegram.

These were supposed to be temporary solutions to the social-distancing mandates that COVID-19 imposed, but they have become the norm. It is about time we returned to the masājid to restore their beauty and secure the blessings of learning physically from scholars.

This Ramadan is a great time to start.

Allāh says in the glorious Qur’an, “I did not create mankind and the jinn except to worship Me.” The masjid is central to this worship. We observe the congregational ṣalāt at the masjid, perform iʿtikāf there, distribute the zakāh, and listen to explanations from our scholars.

Beyond worship, the masjid unites us as a community by bringing us together with our Muslim brothers and sisters as members of a shared community, united by faith. In preserving this faith and community, we must find a way to restore the essence of our masajid, even in the age of online communities.

Why should we return to the masjid?

Islam is not against technological innovations that would benefit Muslims. Indeed, we use microphones to project the adhan, telescopes to observe the moon, and smartphones and other devices to spread the message of Islam beyond the masajid. Therefore, we are free to seek and adopt goodness from any source.

However, attending virtual lectures or learning at online madrasahs or Islamic institutes should complement, not substitute, listening to lectures in the masjid or learning physically at the feet of scholars.

The masjid creates a veritable platform for teachers, scholars, and students to connect physically and leverage the elements of the surroundings—the sound, the sights, the mannerisms, and the divine blessings—to achieve maximum benefit from the engagement. Besides, it is the most common place to connect as brothers and sisters and focus solely on learning and worship without distractions.

So, how can we return to the masjid?

Start small

Returning to lectures at the mosque or taking in-person classes would be challenging in the first few days. You are changing a routine and need time to adjust.

So, start small. Instead of joining Twitter Spaces for morning reminders, stay back for three to five minutes to listen to short tafsirs of the Quran and Hadith. If that is unavailable at your masjid, introduce the idea to the masjid committee. Then, you can listen to your virtual sessions on your way home.

Commit to optimizing Jum’ah sessions

The Jum’ah prayer is our weekly chance to gather in our numbers to worship Allah. Thankfully, Imams deliver khutbahs on salient issues that can provide us with much to ponder for the week. We can optimize our schedules to prioritize the Jum’ah sessions.

Set out early to secure convenient spots. Those of us who sleep through the khutbah can nap before going for Jum’ah. That way, we are more likely to stay sharp until the end of the service and earn the full reward.

Leverage your local masjid

The scholars at the mosque you pray at may not compare with the exotic collection of scholars you can listen to online, but they offer a great platform to keep you grounded in your community’s realities.

They speak your language, use local examples to explain Islamic concepts, and are easier to reach than those you listen to online. Physical sessions with these scholars and teachers also provide a social presence unmatched by virtual ones.

The mere fact that they are live before you strengthens your connection and primes you to appreciate better the content and context of the lecture or discussion. So, start with your local masjid and see how a virtual platform can help you improve.

Remember, the masjid offers more than learning

Think back to the last time you were at the masjid. Perhaps you met a brother you hadn’t seen in a while or made a new acquaintance. Whatever the case, you must have said tasleem, shaken a hand or two, or even felt the warm embrace of your brother in the Deen. Such is the richness that comes with the masjid, the one that strengthens our brotherliness and fetches Allah’s mercies.

We can listen to podcasts for hours and join Mixlr, Zoom, Google Meet, Facebook, or YouTube live sessions to follow our favourite scholars. Still, they cannot and should not replace our intimate experience of physical sessions.

If anything, their many limitations—the distractions, the weaker connection between scholars and students, speakers and listeners, the transient sense of community that virtual platforms foster, and even the difficulties that come with setting up virtual sessions and following them—show that we need our masājid and our ḥalaqah now more than ever.

Ramadan is here. It’s time to return to the masjid.

By Abbas Datti

Both Islamic and Hausa traditions instruct women to cover up their bodies and guard against indecency when it comes to dressing. But sadly, in the modern age of social media, the issue of indecent exposure of bodies by women on TikTok, Instagram, Facebook and other social media platforms has become a problematic issue.

It is sad to note that the ease with which social media allows people to post whatever content they wish to share has created and exposed potential Nicki Minajs and Rahama Sadaus living in the comfort zones of our different homes.

While many women use social media platforms to express themselves and market their commodities for trade, some choose to show their bodies for public viewing. One wonders how this Indecent exposure emerged, raising questions about the potential consequences and societal well-being

We must blame Hausa Kannywood actresses and Nollywood celebrities for promoting this indecency to boost their social media handles and gather many more followers. It has now become a usual trend, particularly on TikTok, to see girls of different age brackets dancing and shaking their asse, exposing their naked cleavages, thereby promoting provocative sexual desires in our youths. 

The portrayal of the woman’s body has recently found its way into public spaces through various social media platforms, prompting discussions on one’s reputation and its impacts on younger audiences.

This phenomenon has also sparked discussions on the responsibility of social media platforms to regulate content, with calls for stricter guidelines to maintain a balance between freedom of expression and preventing the normalisation of explicit content.

As conversations evolve, finding common ground that respects individual expression while considering the broader societal impact remains challenging. The digital age demands ongoing regulations about the changing norms and ethics of online behaviour, urging individuals, influencers, and platforms to reflect on their roles in shaping the online landscape.

Abbas Datti writes from Kano via abbasdatti448@gmail.com.

By Al-Jannat Mohammed

The distinction between one’s private and public life is becoming more and more hazy in a time when social media dominates. Celebrities, who were formerly admired for their abilities and accomplishments, now have to navigate a world in which the public is interested in every aspect of their lives.

The younger generation has been influenced by this culture of perpetual exposure, as they readily divulge personal information online, undermining the idea of privacy. The story of Nigerian actor, Yul Edochi, and his second wife is a compelling illustration of this phenomena, and offers a prism through which to consider the effects of this invasion of privacy.

Without a doubt, the emergence of social media has completely changed how people communicate, making it possible to share information instantly with anyone on the planet. The loss of personal boundaries that results from people voluntarily disclosing their private lives to the world is the drawback, though.

Because they are in the public glare, celebrities have been hardest hit by this cultural change. For example, Yul Edochi’s second marriage turned into a social media show, with every detail of their union, family dynamics, and personal hardships visible to everybody with an internet connection.

Beyond just celebrities, this tendency affects the younger generation as well, who have grown up in a time of continual communication. Many people reveal personal information about themselves online because they want to be validated and accepted by others.

The younger generation frequently compromises privacy in the chase of likes, comments and virtual acceptance, whether it be for relationship milestones or personal struggles. This raises questions about how such behaviour may affect people’s general well-being, self-esteem and mental health in the long run.

Although the loss of privacy is a complicated problem with wide-ranging effects on the society, there may be ways to lessen its effects. Above all, it is critical to teach the next generation the value of establishing and upholding limits. Giving people the skills to decide what parts of their lives are best kept private helps them feel more in charge of their own story.

Prioritising digital literacy education is important, with a focus on the lasting nature of online content and the possible repercussions of excessive sharing.

Social media sites can also be extremely important in encouraging responsible sharing. Pop-up reminders and privacy checklists are two examples of features that can be implemented to encourage users to reconsider sharing sensitive information and prevent impulsive sharing.

Platforms should also make investments in strong privacy settings so that users may decide who can see their content. Encouraging social media usage in a way that is balanced and respects one’s personal limits sends a strong message about how important privacy protection is.

In the end, the degradation of privacy in the era of celebrity culture is a complex problem that calls for cooperation from people, organisations, and digital platforms. Fostering a healthier connection with the digital world requires finding a balance between the advantages of connectedness and the maintenance of personal boundaries.

We may endeavour to create a culture that values and respects privacy in an increasingly connected world by embracing responsible sharing behaviours, encouraging digital literacy, and setting positive examples.

Al-Janat Mohammed is an NYSC corps member with PRNigeria in Abuja

By Aminu Mohammed

This article was inspired by a recent post by Dr Muhsin Ibrahim on Facebook regarding money belonging to someone named “Hassan Idris” sent through his PayPal account. Muhsin made the post asking the person to identify himself by sending him a message. However, soon after, he was inundated with messages from people seeking help in various forms. Some even asked him for money, assuming he had won a lottery or had ample cash stocked somewhere.

This issue not only worried me but also made me sad about the attitude of our youths. So that you know, I also live in Germany. I am yet to fathom the reason for the sudden influx of requests based on a Facebook post. Is it desperation, greed, ignorance, or the belief that money grows on trees in Europe?

I have thought about this issue and wondered why this behaviour occurred. Is it that the economic situation in the country has impoverished a large segment of society, making people desperate and in dire need of free money? What could be the reason behind this attitude?

I want to make it clear that I am aware of the difficult economic situation in Nigeria due to inflation and other factors. I also understand that there are genuine people who are in dire need of help and who reach out to Muhsin for support. However, I want people to know that just because Muhsin lives and works in Germany, it does not mean he is rich.

The Untold Story About Europe

Europe is often seen as a paradise with streets paved with gold and abundant wealth. However, the reality is different. Life in Europe is not as easy as it seems. Homelessness and begging are common in countries such as France, Italy, the Netherlands and the United Kingdom. In London alone, at least 167,000 people are homeless due to the high cost of living. Comparably, a great number of immigrants, among them Africans, are stuck in Europe and unable to return home because they are afraid of what is ahead.

 Although the standard of living is high in Germany and the government provides stipends for jobless citizens, there are still poor people, beggars and homeless people in the country. In my former city, Kiel, I have seen people sleeping in public buildings and bank corridors, even during the harsh winter months. I recently saw a naked woman amongst the homeless folks at the Hamburg Central Station, probably suffering from mental illness. It was heartbreaking.

Despite these challenges, there are still opportunities for people with relevant skills to excel and succeed in Europe. Even without a university education, one can live a good life in Germany by being disciplined and hardworking.

Rising Living Expenses

The ongoing war between Russia and Ukraine has brought about significant economic changes in Europe, particularly in Germany. As a result of Germany’s reliance on Russia for affordable energy, particularly gas, to power its numerous industries, the country has been severely impacted. Germany had to look for alternative gas sources, mainly from Norway and the Middle East. This has led to an increment in energy costs and subsequently affected the cost of living and production.

The high cost of living has affected many families, with numerous individuals struggling to pay their bills monthly. The rat race has worsened, and many people live paycheck to paycheck. Groceries and the prices of other goods have doubled or, in some cases, even more. This is in addition to an increase in rent, energy, water bills, etc.

2024 Goals

It is an incredible experience to step out of your comfort zone and explore new places in life. However, before travelling to any country, please conduct thorough research and set reasonable expectations. Life is not always easy, but you can succeed with diligence, perseverance, and hard work.

Set your goals for this year, and take concrete steps to achieve them. Additionally, aim to acquire new digital skills to increase your earning potential. I wish you the best as you enter the New Year with renewed energy and determination.

Aminu Mohammed wrote this article from Ingolstadt, Germany. He can be reached at gravity23n@gmail.com.

By Abdelghaffar Amoka

I have read comments from some ladies on social media that they can’t marry a man who earns less than a certain value, for example, N300k. I have no issue with setting such a minimum. I am of the school of thought that a man should be able and ready to take care of a woman before making that marriage decision. It is okay to set a minimum amount that the man must bring to the table. But that means you must have also set a minimum you are bringing to the table. So, what are you bringing to the table?

Don’t tell me about your body because we all have a body we are bringing to the table. Of course, your fine face and body shape may be the first point of attraction to a man. He will be wow! See beautiful face! See fine shape! Lower your gaze, bro. But that is just a motivation. A man needs more than a pleasing face in a woman/wife to keep him going. In the words of Jim Ryun, “Motivation gets you started, but habit keeps you going”. There must be something to keep you going, or else it crashes. 

In 2012, shortly after returning from the UK, I got into a talk with a lady I really liked. She told me she, too,really liked me, but her feelings for me were not enough to survive a lifetime relationship. I was happy with her honest submission. That was the most honest response I have got from a lady. So, both parties must bring something that will keep a lifetime relationship. That thing is most likely beyond your pretty face and his 300k. 

There are different kinds of wives. The normal wife and the Trophy wife. Do you want to be a Trophy wife? Your body is all that is needed to be. You can be brainless; it doesn’t matter; your value is in your physical appearance. You are just a status symbol who has to ensure a flawless look to enhance the social status of your husband. He sure knows you need that money to spend on your looks to stay attractive to him and the clients you are to impress. He will make provision for that. They (Trophy wives) seem to serve the same purpose as models. 

For the normal wife, your value is not your physical appearance but your personality. The same personality that made you feel he would be a great husband and father to your kids. Husband and wife are full-fledged partners in making their home happy and prosperous. They are supposed to be loyal and faithful to one another and genuinely interested in each other’s welfare and the welfare of their children. A woman is expected to exercise a humanising influence over her husband and to soften the sternness inherent in his nature.

While a fine face could be the motivation for a lifetime relationship, we are expected to bring our heads to the table. We should be able to share ideas. He should be somebody to look up to and be able to be your guide. He should also be able to tell you the ideas in his head for your input and criticism. You should be his second opinion. You should be able to help him grow his ideas.

A man is enjoined to also educate and develop the women in his care so that they cultivate the qualities in which they, by their very nature, excel. You should be willing for that development. You should be able to transform your ideas into a product, even from your kitchen, to support yourself. He will want to come home and be told: “Sweetheart, I have done so and so to transform the 100k you gave me the other time to 120k and have got so, and so plans to re-invest it for more gain”. He will be like, Yeah! That is my wife.

He may not need the money as he is responsible for taking care of you. But you should be able to support yourself in some things. You can also voluntarily support him without asking. Marriage is about growing a family. It’s not just about bringing a minimum of N300k to the table. The N300k may still not be enough if she doesn’t have what it takes to manage it. It is having what it takes to help him manage and maximise his resources for the family. 

You are not a commodity. You are priceless. Stop objectifying yourself. Your worth and potential are in your head. It does not lie on that flaunted sexualised fatty part of the body. Your value is unquantifiable. Stop putting a price tag on yourself. Not even the pleasure derived from talking with each other can be priced. No amount of money can buy that. Take a lesson from those humble, beautiful women and wives who are professionals and entrepreneurs. There are a number of them that I admire every day.

To brothers, if you are looking for a Trophy wife, ensure you have the cash to maintain the trophy. Her flawless look must be kept intact against all odds. 

Dear friends, be yourself and listen to yourself. Relationships are not destined to be or not to be. They work because the people involved find something interesting about themselves and are willing to make sacrifices to make it work. I hope to write about my mother someday. Don’t live by social media. Don’t get carried away by social media euphoria. Don’t let some frustrated individuals on the net confuse you. The value of family is priceless. Let’s bring our heads to the table to build that small empire for a beautiful family. 

Abdelghaffar Amoka Abdelmalik, PhD, wrote from Ahmadu Bello University, Zaria. He can be reached via aaabdelmalik@gmail.com.