Psychology

 By Amrah Musa Kamaruddeen

In today’s hyper-connected world, our smartphones have become more than just communication devices; they are lifelines that connect us to information, social networks, and essential services. However, this dependence has given rise to a modern psychological phenomenon known as nomophobia—the fear of losing mobile connectivity. This article explores the definition, symptoms, causes, and potential solutions to this increasingly common issue.

Nomophobia, a term derived from “no mobile phone phobia,” was coined in a 2010 study by the UK-based Post Office. It describes the anxiety and fear experienced when an individual is unable to access their mobile phone or is disconnected from the internet. The condition can manifest in various forms, including feelings of panic, anxiety, and distress when separated from one’s phone, whether due to battery failure, loss, or lack of signal.

Nomophobia can manifest through several symptoms, which may vary from person to person. Common indicators include panic, physical distress, compulsive checking of devices, irritability, and social withdrawal.

 Several factors contribute to the development of nomophobia, including social connectivity pressures, work expectations, psychological tendencies, and cultural norms that emphasise constant connectivity. The condition can adversely impact personal relationships, professional performance, and well-being.

The impact of nomophobia extends beyond personal anxiety; it can affect professional performance, relationships, and overall well-being. Studies have shown that individuals with nomophobia may experience decreased productivity, difficulty concentrating, and strained relationships due to constant device distraction.

Furthermore, the omnipresence of mobile devices can lead to “phubbing,” a term for ignoring someone in favour of a mobile device. This behaviour can damage personal relationships and reduce the quality of face-to-face interactions.

Addressing nomophobia requires self-awareness, behavioural changes, and, in some cases, professional intervention. Individuals can implement strategies to manage nomophobia, such as setting device boundaries, practising mindfulness, engaging in digital detoxes, and seeking professional help if necessary. Understanding and addressing nomophobia is essential for fostering a healthier relationship with technology and enhancing mental well-being.

Nomophobia is a growing concern in our increasingly connected world, affecting individuals’ mental health and well-being. Understanding its symptoms, causes, and potential solutions is crucial for fostering a balanced relationship with technology. 

By acknowledging our dependency on mobile devices and taking proactive steps to manage our usage, we can mitigate the negative impacts of nomophobia and cultivate a healthier, more mindful approach to connectivity. 

Amrah Musa Kamaruddeen wrote from the Mass Communication Department, Bayero University, Kano.

By Sa’adatu Aliyu

After many years, I’m regaining confidence and enthusiasm for writing. I’m rediscovering my passion for writing about international politics and exploring social issues. I’m also relearning to recognise the value of my voice, which was silenced by a relationship that eroded my self-esteem and stole my confidence.

During this time, I developed a crippling writing paralysis. I stopped writing four years ago due to the negative feedback from people I respected, who made me feel small and unworthy for holding unconventional views.

Among other things, I questioned the prevalent notion that Self-love/Self-care is a wholesome psychological practice essential for a progressive society. I’ve been sceptical, as this idea profoundly focuses on the self, and I refused to be swayed by ostracism or criticism for holding this view. Instead, I dug deeper, unwilling to be uprooted from my stance, not because it was comfortable, but because I believed, to a large extent, that the concept of self-love/self-care, or whatever name it’s given, is fundamentally flawed.

Over the past six years or so, it’s become common to scroll through social media and come across numerous ads, write-ups in the form of poetry, self-help books, blog posts and tweets promoting the idea that people should prioritise their own needs above others, essentially encouraging selfishness. While this concept isn’t harmful when practised in moderation, the self-love movement is being exploited by many today.

Originally intended to bring balance to our fast-paced world, particularly for individuals who find joy in the act of servitude or serving others and often go the extra mile in caring for them (who, in my opinion, should be the primary target of this concept if at all it must be used), self-love has been hijacked by some individuals who use it as an excuse for their irresponsibility, lack of basic manners, and refusal to take responsibility for their egregious behaviour, all under the guise of ‘protecting their mental health’.

This trend has become so pervasive that it’s flooding every media feed and being injected into our books and movies. The idea that we should prioritise our desires above others is promoted as a societal necessity for progress and individual self-satisfaction. However, I strongly disagree. I believe our existence is inherently linked to others—there is no ‘us’ without ‘them’ and no ‘me’ without ‘you’. 

There’s a saying that goes:

“Nothing in nature exists solely for itself. Rivers don’t drink their own water, trees don’t eat their own fruits, and the sun doesn’t shine just for itself. A flower’s fragrance isn’t just for itself. Living for each other is the rule of nature. And to this, I firmly subscribe. 

When I first encountered this campaign to normalise selfishness to achieve happiness and fulfilment, I found it strange, as it contradicted my values. Initially, I didn’t think much of it, but later, I realised the severity of its implications. While many agree that self-love is the key to growth and a happy, fulfilling life, I believe this idea is not only counterproductive but also leads us down a destructive path. And I’d like to explain why.

Allah says, ‘Nothing satisfies the son of Adam except dust.’ This verse highlights humans’ inherently selfish and sometimes greedy nature, suggesting that without the compulsion of religious commands to care for one another through charitable obligations—which can include both monetary and non-monetary assistance—humans would hoard everything for themselves.

Prophet Muhammed  (SAW) also said: feel the pain of the Ummah. The parable of a believer in their love, compassion, and mercy for one another is like a body – when one limb aches, the whole body reacts with sleeplessness. Whoever wants to be in Allah’s shade should help their brother in difficulty or waive a loan. (Sunan Ibn Majah 2414, Sahih Hadith according to Albani)

Similarly, Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) said, “Allah says the people most beloved to Allah are those beneficial to people. And the most beloved deed to Allah is to make a Muslim happy, remove one of his troubles, forgive his debt, or feed his hunger.”

I know it’s easy to get caught up in the trend and challenging to stand alone in a room where everyone shares the same opinion, especially when I hold a vastly different view. However, after facing social anxiety and fear of being the sole dissenting voice, I’m proud to say that I was brave enough to resist the pressure to conform.

From the outset, I recognised capitalism, even when disguised in a radiant and well-packaged costume, as the destructive force it is to our society. Moreover, I believe that the global campaign for Self-love/ self-care has become a conduit for capitalism to spread its influence into our lives, eroding the foundation of the family unit and community. In a recent post by Joan Westernberg, writer of the article, When Does Self-care Become Narcissism? Says: 

“You can’t pour from an empty cup.”

“Put your own oxygen mask on first.”

“Self-care isn’t selfish.”

These platitudes have become the mantras of our age, repeated ad nauseam in Instagram posts, motivational posters, and countless self-help books. They sound wise, compassionate, even revolutionary. After all, who could argue against taking care of yourself?

What started as a well-intentioned movement to promote mental health and work-life balance has morphed into something far more insidious — the narcissistic pursuit of the self, a socially acceptable excuse for selfishness, wrapped in the guise of wellness.”

We’ve become so self-absorbed that rendering help to others is seen as too costly to our mental health, even when it won’t harm us. We’re extremely calculative about who we give our time and energy to an unreasonable extent. Recently, someone tweeted, “I can’t be friends with a sickle cell individual because being with them is so draining.” This is what capitalism entails – monetising everything, making us prioritise only what fetches us money in the short or long run while abandoning opportunities to be human.

Capitalism, masked as self-love/self-care, teaches us that caring for others is okay only if it comes with a paycheck. But when we render the same service for free, it’s seen as draining, misplacing our energy, and dishonest. How can one possibly care for others for free?! There must be a hidden motive. Capitalism has reduced us to mere machines, making us robots and labelling any display of humanness as fake just because it doesn’t come with a price tag:

If we must spend time with a friend, the first question is not whether they’re a good person, wise, or make us happy but what monetary value they add to our lives. If none, the relationship isn’t worth having. Capitalism is making us less compassionate under the guise of stoicism and “self-care/self-love.” We’re told we don’t need people; if people need us, they’re weak or too emotional.

Mark you, I’m not condemning psychology as entirely flawed, but I contest the aspect of modern psychology that promotes selfishness as the solution to saving the world. How can increasing selfishness create a better world? Despite my differing beliefs leading to isolation by friends who easily embraced this concept, I’ve always asked for a convincing answer. If I received one, I’d be willing to conform, but I’m reluctant because this idea contradicts my values and the fundamental principle of human creation – sacrifice, not selfishness.

I’ve struggled to reconcile this concept of selfishness with my religion, Islam. Consider the sacrifice of Prophet Jesus (AS), who faced persecution while trying to spread God’s word. Similarly, Prophet Muhammad (SAW) was insulted, spat at, and stoned for spreading Islam worldwide.

A notable account is that of Caliph Ali and his wife Fatima, who had only a date to break their fast after enduring long hours of fasting. However, when a beggar cried outside their gate, they gave up their last piece of date fruit despite their hunger. As a result, they received praise and honour from God Almighty. If this isn’t selflessness, I don’t know what is.

Dr A’id al-Qarni’s book You Can Be the Happiest Woman in the World tells the story of a woman who searched for her lost son for years. While waiting for his return, she prayed constantly. However, years passed, and her son never came back.

But one fateful day, the woman had just cut a piece of bread from a loaf when a beggar cried out. Disturbed, she quickly removed the piece from her mouth, reattached it to the loaf, and then handed it over to the beggar. Consequently, God returned her son home to her.

Another account tells of a man travelling to visit his Muslim brother in another city. Along the way, he met an angel who asked about his quest. The man explained that he was visiting his brother, and the angel asked if he owed his brother money or if his brother needed help. The man replied that he was simply visiting his brother out of love. The angel was amazed and told the man that he would be granted heaven for his selfless act.

These anecdotes illustrate selflessness. In contrast, I’ve never heard of anyone in history being praised or immortalised for being selfish, prioritising themselves at the expense of others. Selfishness has been labelled a bad trait in both my religion and historical records of human achievements. 

So, just because selfishness is part of modern psychological teachings doesn’t make it entirely wholesome. Consider how often scientific discoveries, initially hailed as breakthroughs, are later withdrawn from the market due to unforeseen risks to human life. This highlights the importance of reevaluating our values and questioning the promotion of selfishness as a virtue.

As previously stated, this is not to condemn psychology as a whole but rather to encourage self-reflection on the ideas presented to us. We should conclude instead of unquestioningly accepting everything we’re told simply because it’s labelled as “wholesome” or endorsed by a group of people or high-profile individuals like celebrities we admire.

The concept of self-love being marketed to us like Santa Claus may not be what it seems. Perhaps it’s an agenda driven by a group of people seeking to gain trillions of dollars by promoting this ideology, which aims to create a world of divided, isolated individuals on a quest for ultimate happiness. Once they’ve succeeded in cutting people off from non-monetary or transactional relationships with family and friends, they can easily sell their products to those who have bought into this ideology.

In conclusion, let’s note that the idea of Self-love, however glamorous, revolutionary, or empowering it may seem, is like Santa Claus on Christmas night – a tempting treat that can ultimately harm us. Just as too much sugar can harm our bodies, excessive Self-love can damage our relationships and society. Capitalism may appear glossy, offering wealth and material possessions.

Still, it comes at the cost of meaningful relationships, leading to severe loneliness in our societies, as seen in the West and South Korea. As author Leila Aboulela aptly says, “Loneliness is Europe’s malaria.” Thus, individualism has never brought genuine progress to society, only hurt, mass psychosis, and depression. We need a balanced approach that prioritises self-love/self-care and caring for others rather than neglecting others to satisfy our desires, which can lead to greed and narcissism.

So, as an African who rejects the alien idea of Western capitalism and favours communal living, I’ll leave you with this wisdom from Mandela: Ubuntu means that one caters to one’s own needs while striving to meet the needs of others. It’s about balance, not neglect or excess. And I hope that before we wake up to capitalism’s impact, it has not already done irreparable damage to our world.

Sa’adatu Aliyu is a writer from Zaria. She is pursuing an M.A. in Literature at Ahmadu Bello University, where she also works as a lecturer at the Distance Learning Centre. Her writing interests include prose fiction and international politics. She can be reached at Saadatualiyu36@gmail.com.

By Aisha Musa Auyo

Oxford Dictionary defines decision fatigue as a difficulty in making a good decision experienced due to the number of decisions one needs to make. In psychology, decision fatigue is defined as mental and emotional exhaustion due to excessive or relentless decision-making.

According to Bob Pozen, a professor at MIT and author of Extreme Productivity, we make between 10,000 and 40,000 decisions per day, ranging from insignificant to critical.

The figure looks exaggerated, right? I didn’t believe him at first until I started to count the decisions I had made from the moment I woke up, from what to make for breakfast, to which kid to bath first, to which clothes to wear, which shoe or bag, what time to go out, what article to write, to eat before leaving or not, what type of tea to make? To call my siblings after work or before work, to read either a book or a journal, to address a junior colleague or to let it pass, to watch a movie or sleep. If I chose to watch a movie, then which one? The decisions are endless. 

The more energy we spend on mundane tasks, the less we have for the important ones.

Roy F. Baumeister, a social psychologist, developed this theory, arguing that our mental energy diminishes as we make more decisions. The brain’s ability to make decisions wears out over time like a muscle that is used too much.

According to a 2016 study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, people find it difficult to make intelligent decisions even after spending hours deliberating. Brain scans revealed a decline in mental energy in the lateral prefrontal cortex, an area crucial for decision-making.

Everyone experiences decision fatigue from time to time. And that’s OK. While we can’t always control the situations that cause our decision fatigue, we can build protective measures into our daily lives to make that fatigue less likely and more manageable

To combat decision fatigue, experts suggest simplifying daily choices as much as possible and learning to manage our mental energy more efficiently. But I’ve summarized a few points that will help us in our day-to-day activities. 

Experts advise making as few decisions as feasible on a daily basis and developing more effective mental energy management techniques to fight decision fatigue. However, I’ve outlined a few things that will support us in our daily tasks. 

1. Take the option out of certain aspects of your life. Prominent decision-makers such as Steve Jobs and Barack Obama have openly discussed how they wear nearly identical outfits every day. Their justification is that there is one less decision to make when it comes to attire. Certain things can be automated, such as your wardrobe choices, the podcast you listen to while commuting, or the type of bread you purchase from the shop. Allow yourself to not be the one who demands perfection.

2. Assign (if you can). You will always have to make some selections. But occasionally, it’s acceptable to delegate tasks to others. They might make a mistake, but so will you! Try to delegate some of the decision-making to your spouse, siblings, or subordinates. They’ll learn how to meet your expectations with time.

3. Make time for self-care. Caring about your own mental health and well-being isn’t selfish. You can’t do what it takes to help others if you aren’t caring for yourself. Having a self-care routine in place can prevent decision fatigue — and make handling it easier if it does happen.

4. Prioritise your sleep. What do people say when presented with difficult decisions? “I’ll sleep on it.” There is a reason for that. Research suggests that humans spend more time deliberating – and making better decisions — early in the day. It also demonstrates that sleep deprivation impairs not just impulse control and emotional management skills but also morality. If you’re going through a particularly decision-heavy period in your life, making an additional effort to get a decent night’s sleep may help you avoid decision fatigue.

5. Schedule downtime into your day. Life can get so hectic that we forget to give our brains a chance to disconnect for a bit. Scheduling downtime, whether it’s watching a series on your phone during your lunch break, listening to Quranic recitation, perusing social media clips, or phoning a buddy who makes you laugh, can help keep your mind charged and ready to make difficult decisions.

6. Exercise. You’ve probably heard that exercise is good for your brain, especially as you get older. But did you know that it can also help you make better decisions? A study published in the British Journal of Sports Medicine found that 30 minutes of moderate-intensity exercise followed by a 3-minute walking break every 30 minutes When combined, they were found to improve executive function.

 If that sounds like a lot, don’t worry: Any exercise is better than no exercise, and long walks can do wonders for your overall mental health.

In sum, decision fatigue is a common issue that affects our decision-making abilities. To manage it, we can simplify routines, delegate tasks, prioritize self-care, schedule downtime, and incorporate exercise. These strategies preserve cognitive resources, enhance well-being, and enable more thoughtful decisions.

Aisha Musa Auyo is a Doctorate researcher in Educational Psychology, a wife, a mother of three, a homemaker, a chef, and a parenting/ relationship coach. She can be reached via aishamuauyo@live.co.uk.

By Aisha Musa Auyo

One thing everyone wishes for and works towards is to succeed in life. From infancy to adulthood, up to old age, we aim to succeed in every part of our lives. But what we fail to do is also to prepare ourselves for failure. Yes, because it’s inevitable. 

One of the pillars of the Islamic faith is the belief in qadr (divine will and decree), good or bad. This means that good and bad will surely ensue in life, success and otherwise. It’s how life is designed. But why do we do nothing or very little in preparing ourselves and our wards for failure? Why are we shielding ourselves and wards from the reality of life? 

This may be why people cheat, as they cannot afford to fail. They just have to win at all costs. Others commit suicide. Some go on drugs because they have been unable in certain expectations or tasks.

So as parents and teachers or elders, we need to let ourselves and our wards know that failure, not consistently winning, or not being at the top is okay. It is acceptable, and life does not end there. We can always try later and do better. 

Let’s show our wards and significant others they can trust us to be there for them whenever they fail. Just as they will want to come to us with success stories, they should be free to do that with failure stories. This is what unconditional support is all about. We should be a shoulder to cry on. 

We should also, as parents, accept that we sometimes fail and let our kids see how we feel and how we are going about it. The norm is to show the kids that we are always succeeding and doing great, just so they can be inspired, but we are not helping them by doing so. 

In summary, these are the points I want us to reflect on and ponder. 

1. Prepare your child for failure. We will always have good and bad days. Let them know they cannot always win, and it’s okay.

2. Let us always put in the back of our minds and theirs that “Over every possessor of knowledge is one [more] knowing”. Qur’an 12:76 

Regardless of one’s intelligence, hard work, and luck, we will surely meet others who are better than us. Let us know that we are better than others too.

3. Failure is a learning process to know what to do and what to avoid in the future. If one fails in a certain task, one may succeed in another task.

4. We should learn to compete with ourselves, not others. Set a target for yourself, and work towards achieving it.

5. Life doesn’t end or begin with school grades, work promotions, or huge profits. There’s more to life than these.

6. Good relationships, emotional intelligence, compassion, contentment, and adaptability guarantee success in every life situation.

8. It’s lonely up there: If you cheat your way up or compete to be better than everyone else, people will leave you with your success. No one wants to be with someone who always wants to be on the top by hook or crook. Cheating often backfires. And if it doesn’t, the people who made it to the top by defrauding others end up very lonely and have no genuine person to share the success with. 

9. Healthy competition is okay. Being motivated by other people’s success stories is okay, but we should not cheat or compete. We are made differently.

10. Avoid social media attention or fame: The pursuit of likes, followers, and validation has led to detrimental effects on mental health, values, and overall well-being. The obsession with social media fame has resulted in a culture of superficiality, narcissism, and moral erosion, hindering the progress and development of society as a whole.

Parents and teachers must take responsibility and invest in youth development, focusing on their holistic growth, character development, and real-world contributions. By doing so, we can create a future where youth can realise their full potential and social media platforms can be used for positive change rather than as a means of self-promotion and validation.

11. School, parental, and peer pressure

School positions are not necessary; Those numbers instil unhealthy competition among students. Instead of children competing against themselves, they are pushed to compete with each other. 

A student should be encouraged to push himself harder to get better grades, not in comparison with another student. Teachers should do as much as possible to adopt learner-centred teaching so that each student receives the attention they crave.

Parents should learn to accept their children when they fail. We should know our capabilities and not push ourselves and our wards to be what we can’t be. I know it’s hard to accept defeat or reward failure, but that is the moment when self-love and support are needed most. If we know we did our best, we should not be disappointed. 

Parents should stop comparing siblings. Each child has his/her unique quality. A child lacking intellectual intelligence may score higher in emotional or social intelligence. Let’s focus on our highs instead of our lows.

When the storm is over, parents or guardians can discuss with the kids how to do better, with a reward or promise that will make the kid want to do better. We elders must learn to discourage cheating and encourage integrity and self-acceptance.

Aisha Musa Auyo is a Doctorate researcher in Educational Psychology, a wife, a mother of three, a Home Maker, a caterer and a parenting/ relationship coach.

By Lawi Auwal Yusuf

The nexus between our social environment and human behaviour is relevant in explaining Nigeria’s formidable crime rates. First, it is essential to understand the significance of socialisation in behaviour development.

Human interactions on both micro and macro levels provide a flawless context for learning behaviour from others. This learning occurs through these interactions that directly shape the socialisation process through observation of one’s environment, imitation, role modelling and expectation development.

So, human behaviour reflects what is learned in daily interactions with others. This socialisation process is influenced by individuals’ intimate groups and role models who similarly clout those close to them and serve as others’ source of learning.

Thus, deviation from society’s consensual values is not considered an innate human character predetermined by biological, psychological and or other natural factors, as argued by most social learning theories. Instead, it is a product of socialisation that determines the development of human behaviour through our perpetual interactions.

Given the foregoing, criminousness is like all other human behaviour spawned by social interaction. To wit, criminalness isn’t spontaneous. Untainted persons acquire their “knowledge” from external sources as they observe the tainted ones carrying out criminal behaviours. They learn and, subsequently, effectuate them.

Parents keep an eye on those your wards reach out to and teach them to avoid the toxic ones. Perhaps more importantly, don’t let those you are cynical of be their buddies. Be their pal yourself.

Lawi Auwal Yusuf wrote from Kano and is contactable via laymaikanawa@gmail.com.

By Aisha Musa Auyo

Perhaps the only group of people that see women beyond their looks are the blind. They judge us based on our character and attitude and, with time, our intellect and intelligence.

I often get judged based on my looks, which pisses me off. It took time, patience, and convincing to come to terms with the reality that people will always judge one by his looks. I want us to ponder that our looks have nothing to do with our intelligence and demeanour.

Personality psychologists have argued that physical appearance is a significant factor in personality development because people form opinions by what they see in a person physically and respond to that person accordingly. In turn, people tend to fulfil the expectations they believe others have for them. 

For example, short people are said to be too aggressive or demand too much respect, or tall people are foolish. And in our society, it’s believed that rich people are evil and will go to hell, while poor people are good people. So they say, “Ku ci a nan, ma ci a can”, meaning “You enjoy this life, and we – the poor – will enjoy in the hereafter”. 

Other common myths that align personality with looks are: slim girls tend to be arrogant and lack patience, while chubby girls are easygoing and humble. Looking good and dressing well makes you arrogant automatically, or driving an expensive car is a showoff. 

Please, let’s study people before we pass judgement, as people’s behaviour evolves with time, education and experiences (these are what make and shape us) regardless of their physical traits. Let’s not allow people’s expectations or comments to shape our thinking. I know it’s easier said than done, but can we try?

I can remember some years back when I went to write a Senior Secondary School entrance aptitude test for my cousin. After greeting the panels, one of them said, “Miss, I hope you have something to bring to the table beside your good looks. I was 13 years then, and his rhetorical question sent a doubt in my mind that I may not pass the exams. It took convincing myself that if I couldn’t do it, I wouldn’t be illegally adopted as a mercenary for someone else, implying that if I had allowed his comment get me, I might probably fail the exams. This is an example of how people’s expectations shape our thinking.

After the general exams, we were to go for another test, this time one by one with the examiners. I was given a mathematics exercise to solve fractions and square roots. God helped me solve that equation in less than a minute, and the judges were awed. It happened that I was the first one to solve that particular question since they started the test that very day. That man asked me again, which school are you attending? To him, it must be the school that is good, not me. 

A similar incident happened recently during my PhD coursework. I was doing statistics tutorials for my cluster, and the news spread that a tutorial was going on. Some groups of women decided to join. As they entered the class and saw me at the board with a marker, one of the women said, “so there’s a brain inside that fine face”. 

I retorted. My brain is finer than my face, in my mind, of course, as this woman is old enough to be my mom. But this time around, I didn’t let her statement intimidate me. All thanks to age and experience. I just pretended not to hear and continued with the class: If I’d allowed that to get through me and said what came to my mind aloud, it would prove that slim ladies are arrogant.

These cases should sound like compliments, but they’re an insult. Why do people believe that beauty and brains are mutually exclusive? What does our look have to do with our brain? My best friend, the best in mathematics in our class, is one of the most beautiful people I’ve met. She’s a civil engineer now.

My other best friend, a tall, fair, beautiful Fulani lady, is now a medical doctor. I have also met short people who are soft-hearted and humble. I’ve met wealthy people who are down-to-earth, simple and have a kind heart. I’ve met not so good looking people who are also not so brilliant but have strength in kindness, empathy, and excellent marketing skills. 

Each person has strengths, so also weaknesses. For example, a blind person may have superpowers that someone with eyes may not. I’ve seen disabled people do things with their only leg or hand that are humanly impossible. 

This debate of physical traits and how they manifest in our personality is beyond human comprehension, for it involves genetics, life experiences, grit, tenacity, and willpower. This unending nature-nurture debate could only be laid to rest if we agree that these matters are beyond us.

By Mai-Nasara Muawiya Uzairu

An unnecessarily and voluntarily delaying, or postponing of action despite knowing there might be an avalanche of negative consequences at the end of the tunnel, is referred to as procrastination. It has been a stumbling block for us all; it’s unto us. We live in it. It can only be reduced, not discarded in toto.

From cultural and social perspectives, people of both western and non-western extractions exhibit procrastination. Still, for different reasons, Westerners procrastinate mostly to avoid repeating the mundane activities they already performed and to avoid falling prey for the second time. And, the non-Westerners often procrastinate for fear of scarifying us with incompetency and demonstrating an inability to our peers.

It’s found everywhere, in all facets of life, not only in the academic milieu. Sex, age and background usually don’t matter—we all procrastinate; it only depends on what one does. However, the emergence of social media platforms contributes a lot to multiplying the problem.

Often, people say, ‘I want to do this and that, but seriously, there is no time’. ‘Or things like ‘I have an idea about this and that stuff, but I still don’t have time to own it up’. Well, part of this is called procrastination, while the huge part is called lack of time management. However, one cannot have good time management without having Self Discipline, which means the ability to do what is right at the right time without allowing anything to take away your mind from it.

The absence of self-disciple leads to nothing. Provided it’s null and void to be found, there will be no means to manage time. Naturally, some people force themselves to engage in trivialities, but they can’t force themselves to do the work that will benefit them now or in future. This is repulsively sickening and killing oneself against building a better tomorrow.

We are humans, and our body system is designed in a way that it always wants pleasure. It never wants to stand up and work. We all want to relax and enjoy, right? It’s not bad, but you that want to do something for yourself must be pretty different. Lack of self-discipline is not just dangerous but also a threat to attaining one’s goals. It makes us hold our phones and chat for 4 hours when we need just 10 minutes to work on fruitful ventures.

The reason behind the invention of smartphones is to get smarter—look at your circle. Do you get smartness in your smartphone? If yes, be consistent; otherwise, I challenge you to make adjustments. It makes one draw a blanket and sleep when one should give 10 minutes to something meaningful. Basically, it is the enemy of progress which makes it an enemy to time management.

Guess what? Let’s stop deceiving ourselves. There will never be free time for one to do what s/he wants to do. There will never be free time for us to read, work and think. All these are life aspirations that we must do while doing other things and continue running; otherwise, one will continue to live stagnantly and end desperately. A million people out there do what you are doing every day, or even better than you do; thus, one doesn’t have the luxury to wait for something called ‘TIME.’

Create Time

That is the shortest definition of time management. But if you don’t create time, nobody will be irked with you, and nobody will mock nor allege you but be rest assured, you are just likely to see some certain amazing things like:

1. Watching your mates achieve what they want to achieve alternately in a very short period. Hence, you will learn that the miniature period you didn’t do anything to show has been spoilt. That is when you hear people saying, ‘So you are done! So soon? And they start to wow you.

2. The regret comes when the little thing(s) taking your attention disappears.

3. It’s an injury that no one will heal for you. So you waste your time; it concerns no one.

4. You delay your journey. There is no shortcut in life; you either do it or stay in the queue.

By creating time for everything you want, preferably on a scale of preference, one gets rid of procrastination and poor time management.

Mai-Nasara Muawiya Uzairu can be reached via newmainasara016@gmail.com.

By Aisha Musa Auyo

Parenting is one of the most challenging jobs globally, a job that starts with pregnancy but never ends. It’s a lifetime commitment with many challenges, rewards, and experiences that change us, teach us and humble us. In fact, one doesn’t fully know himself till he starts bearing and raising kids. This commitment tests our patience, compassion, selflessness, strength, weakness, etc.

When I was in my teens, I didn’t have that natural love for kids, as I saw them as nuisance and disturbance, but ironically, kids love me and often extend their hands to pick them up. Usually, I didn’t bother to respond to their advances. I would look at them with a pretentious smile and move on. Later, a friend who loves babies explained that kids are attracted to me due to the constant eyeglasses in my face. That was relieving. My coursemates could not believe their eyes when they saw me on a TV program dishing out tips on parenting, child psychology, and upbringing.

A few years later, I became a mom, a fierce one for that matter, and this new responsibility has changed my entire outlook on life. It made me appreciate Allah more; the fact that a whole human being is produced in a womb from a drop of sperm, and the entire foetus transformation within nine months never cease to amaze me. The fact that milk begins to pop out from the breast after childbirth is still super.

Perhaps the most baffling is how tuwo, shawarma, rice, veggies, and whatever breastfeeding mother eats get transformed into breastmilk within minutes is brain blasting. Sometimes, I wish I could see how my body organs function to deliver this seamless production. Allah is indeed the Greatest. Tabarakallah Ahsanul khaaliqeen!

There’s a popular cliché that says if you want to change the world, change it while you are single, without a spouse, or a kid, as that is when you have freedom and might to do whatever you want because these two groups of people take your freedom and will power away. This is true in some ways. But if we look at it in another way, one can change the world when he becomes a parent by being a better version of oneself and upbringing pious, honest and loving generation.

Please permit me to list a few ways in which motherhood changes me. Perhaps others can learn, relate, realign, and prepare themselves for the unending task:

Motherhood made me more grateful to my Creator, more thankful to my parents, appreciate other parents, and made me understand to some certain extent the pain of not having kids, delayed fertility and parenting kids with special needs.

Motherhood humbled me, as all the things I never imagined myself doing are now my daily routine. From changing diapers to feeding kids, toilet training, wiping phlegm and saliva, and many activities I considered gross. I’m now cool with all of these. There was a day my husband took me to greet his friend’s family, as one of his kids had broken his ankle from the compound. I could hear the mom screaming at the kids. I was like, aww, this woman was loud, ta cika masifa.

At the time, she had five boys, and they were seriously misbehaving. Even the one who broke his ankle tried to touch a moving fan with his other hand. The others were all doing bad stuff, some using chairs as a ladder to touch the ceiling. Even so, I thought she unnecessarily shouted. As God will have it, I have only three boys. Trust me, I find myself shouting all day. It took a lot of practice, willpower and patience to REDUCE the shouting. This experience humbled me a lot. I stop judging.

There are times when you will feel relaxed, thinking that you are doing this parenting right. Then, suddenly, one of the kids will do something unpredictable, unimaginable that you will doubt yourself and all the efforts you’ve put in making and building them. That’s a reset and a humbling one, for that matter.

My selflessness and sacrifices increase: Although I intentionally always put others before me, I put my kids first without thinking, without weighing. It comes so naturally without an effort. As a mother, one finds herself the last option, the last one to be taken care of. At a point, I had to drop some of my dreams and aspirations to take good care of my kids.

Constant worry and wild imagination: I don’t know if it’s just me or all mothers do this. I don’t know if it’s the insecurity situation or the unhealthy vices of our time. I know I’m constantly worried about my kids, how they are faring in my absence, how they’ll turn out, their health, well-being, demeanour, interests, aspirations, etc. I cry a lot when they’re sick and in pain. I don’t even blink when they have a fever. I check them at least three times before daybreak. I’m always overwhelmed and have panic attacks here and there.

I start loving kids altogether, whether mine or not. If they are kids, they become my favourite persons. I love them. Nowadays, I prefer staying with kids than with adults. I enjoy their presence. This may be due to a course I studied (i.e. developmental psychology), which explains the entire human nature from pregnancy to old age. It made me understand a lot about kids and why they exhibit certain behaviours. It makes whatever kids do make sense to me. As a result, I became more empathetic and patient.

Kids make us become better versions of ourselves. Parenthood comes with the challenge that kids always look up to their parents on whatever they do. Kids look at us more than they listen to us. So, we parents know that we have to model the behaviour we want them to have. We have to show more than we tell. We have to always be conscious of our words and actions and be intentional about what we do. For example, there was a time I was reciting the Quran, not my usual tilawa time, as I’ve missed my schedule. Then my first son asked, “Mama, dama kina tilawa?” (Mama, do you recite Qur’an?) I was so baffled by the question. I answered yes, every day. He replied that he had never seen me do that, only me helping and commanding him to do his. In my little mind, I’ve chosen a time when the kids are asleep or at school so that I will not be disturbed. It never occurred to me that the kids thought I don’t do tilawa. So, we need to be intentional and specific on what we want them to see and model.

Steadfastness and patience. These creatures test your energy, patience, commitment and endurance. There’s no room for laziness or minor sickness. Your sleeping hours reduce to the minimum. They must be attended to every second of the day. Even in their absence, preparations are made for things they will need when they return. They consume your budget, plans, relationship with your Creator and creations, health, looks, well-being, and even wardrobe. If care is not taken, one loses himself in this parenting and only notice when it’s almost late. One has to be tough to survive this.

And mind you, this is coming from a mother who does not pay the bills. All expenses are taken care of. This is coming from a mother whose kids are all healthy, and none of them needs special care. The mother’s combining their motherly responsibilities with financial support, special nursing abilities, or both, I doff my hat for you. May Allah reciprocate your efforts in reward and fulfilment.

Finally, this parenting stuff is rewarding, both here and hereafter. If one is blessed with pious kids, there’s no greater joy. Even as babies, their innocent smiles instantly lighten up one’s mood. One often finds himself speaking sweet nonsense, singing non-existence lyrics, to see a baby laugh. Their love is raw, undiluted and genuine.

On a lighter note, I would like to advise myself and other mothers to take it easy; it’s okay to take care of oneself. It’s even highly recommended. Go out and have some adult interactions, discuss with other moms, watch movies, spoil yourself, and rejuvenate your mental health. You need it. Forgive yourself when you are wrong; parenting is learning in the process. You are human. Do your best, pray for God’s guidance and protection, leave the rest to the Almighty.

Aisha Musa Auyo is a doctorate researcher in educational psychology. A mother of three, parenting and relationship coach.

By Nasiru Tijjani

Doubtless, stealing is one of the social problems bedevilling the peace and stability of almost all human societies. Therefore, stealing means taking something away from a person, shop/store, etc., without permission and without intending to return or pay for it. The problem, needless to say, is known to every reasonable person who cares to look and discuss their societal issues. Quote me anywhere that no society can fully develop and excel in all spheres of life if its members are thieves, burglars or robbers. For clarity, thieves are persons who steal things, especially secretly and without using violence. Burglars usually get into a house, office, etc., especially by force, to steal stuff, while robbers steal property from a person or public place, especially using violence.

The rampant cases of stealing are gradually becoming a new normal in our society. The culprits are always employing different strategies to safeguard themselves against an unwarranted arrest by the security agencies and other community volunteers. The community members gradually become helpless and equally lose hope about when to live in peace and comfort with their property. I don’t need to justify anything here for you, or your brother might

Since time immemorial, stealing has been discouraged by Islam and Christianity. The duo has strongly warned their followers through a significant portion of scriptures that they should shun the attitude of taking someone’s property without the owner’s consent. Apparently, the act has been classified as taboo and unethical that can only be committed by the mannerless, heartless and idle good-for-nothing person whose faculty of reasoning is abysmal. The effects of their (thieves) actions negatively affect the peaceful co-existence of the entire society either by crippling the welfare of the people or creating an unresolved hatred and enmity.

What comes first on the list has to do with parents. To me, they should not be left blameless, for they have a role to play in the proper upbringing of their children. They have been saddled with the responsibility of meeting the needs of their children, right from appropriate education to marriage. Nowadays, children are left to stand on their own feet in all walks of life. Parents are gradually disowning the mandates of their children as enshrined in the religious and cultural provisions.

Coming next after the first is peer-group influence. Children usually commit crimes under the influence of friends. This is because they typically get to know the attitude of each other better during their friendship. Psychologists have identified imitation as one of the stages of cognitive development. Therefore, children effortlessly emulate the behaviour of their friends. A friendless child is safe for not associating with rotten eggs, for he is less likely to be influenced by peers.

It is a known fact that the care of children is being placed firmly within the domain of their parents. Therefore, they (parents) should ensure that they fulfil all the mandates saddled on them. They must be answerable for their children’s failure, either for poor upbringing or anything for that matter.

The influence of some films that are of no character-building is equally associated with the topic under discussion. For example, with the recent release of Kannywood seasons, youths learn different tactics of stealing and other unwanted behaviours. “A Duniya“, a new Hausa season produced by Tijjani Asase, is a classic example of such a film. Recently, the Kano State Censorship Board has cautioned its makers and asked them to reshape the season’s activities considering the negativity of some scenes.

The human being is a social animal that cannot live in isolation without associates. However, children/ youths should not be left under the control of friends. Instead, they need to be guided/assisted in choosing or deciding on whom to befriend/mingle with.

Besides, people should reduce their quest for materialism. For instance, youths should regulate their strong desire to possess smartphones, among other things. Parents and security personnel may begin to ask the owners to account for the source, originality and anything to do with the suspected phones or any other property.

In conclusion, stealing is a correctable problem like all other social vices. I can attest without any iota of hesitation that the above-stated recommendations will surely bring a lasting solution to the unwanted act if taken into consideration. Meanwhile, I fancy the idea of not forgiving the doers of the action, for they know not the purpose of being human.

Nasiru Tijjani, Gwaram Tsohuwa, Jigawa state. He can be contacted via tijjaninasiru@gmail.com.

By Garba Sidi

Attitudes are fundamental to understanding social perceptions because they strongly influence our perception of people we meet, the people we live with, the groups we join or avoid, and colleagues in our various communities. In addition, attitudes are essential in organising information about other people. Thus, as we interact with different individuals, objects or situations from time to time and in different environments, we tend to form specific attitudes just as others form attitudes about us.

As psychologists said, our attitudes are formed firstly from family, society and schools. These three places are where children shape their attitudes, either negative or positive. Children will not pass without family, so that means the family is the first chain for shaping a child’s attitude. Whatever role the family play is how their children will grow and develop cognitively.

Family combine parents, sisters and brothers in nuclear family and grandfather, grandmother and uncles are included in the extended family. Each one of those members has a role to play in shaping a child attitude positively and negatively. Family is like a tree; any branch and leaf have a role in contributing to the survival of that tree. Failure of one branch or leaf will cause damage to the entire tree. That’s how the wrong role of one member will cause an unwanted attitude to the children of that family.

Sadly, nowadays family ignore their responsibility and substitute it with hatred, showing concerns to only biological sons and daughters. Even some parents leave their sons and daughters to live like sheep without shepherds. This careless behaviour that emerges today is hazardous, and it’s the central foundation of the problems we indulged in today.

Unfortunately, frustration is what leads the majority of children to form all these kinds of undesirable attitudes. Some children find themselves in a family full of challenges like hatred toward the mother by one’s stepmother, father not taking responsibility for his children, etc.

All these will lead a child to form unwanted behaviour after indulged in frustration. No doubt, our society is ravaged by kidnappers, sexual immorality, drunkenness and armed robbery. Children lack a sense of duty with lofty aspirations of becoming rich overnight to fulfil their needs. They engage in cultism and occultism, a fastest ritual way of getting rich and are subjected to unbearable pains and suffering.

May Allah save us, amin.

Garba Sidi can be reached at sidihadejia@yahoo.com.