Month: September 2022

By Khadijah Tijani

There are many untold stories of Muslim women who are dissatisfied in their marriages due to sexual starvation. But unfortunately, people are not ready for the conversation. Many reasons are responsible for the apathy towards this problem.

Here are some of my thoughts:

Most women are “expected” to have a lower libido than men. However, experience has shown that many women have a high libido but often find ways to actively suppress their unattended desires. People think it’s a rare thing, but really, it’s more common than you think.

They are “expected” to accept whatever their husbands throw at them without complaining. But, since polygamy is not for women and divorce is not easy to get, they endure the sexual incongruity and bottle in the heightened emotions.

They are “expected” to focus on their children and care less about their sexual urges. However, in reality, some women begin to understand their sexuality only after reaching full maturity (age 35 and above). For some, this may happen after birthing all their children! They become more self-aware and assertive enough to demand sex. In fact, some women don’t stop wanting sex even after menopause! Conversely, men tend to become less sexually active in their late 30s and 40s. They’re more likely to be physically and emotionally absent from home due to work, business or further studies. For some men, even if they’re present, chronic medical conditions may have set in, putting them at risk of erectile dysfunction and lower sex drive.

They decide not to complain because no one will listen anyway. 8 out of 10 women would rather not speak against sexual dissatisfaction because of these high expectations. If they ever summon the courage to speak, they are often shushed by families, friends and religious clerics. Many don’t have access to professional help or the money to pay for such services.

In a survey I conducted among a small group of married Muslim women last year, I found out that 40% of them have difficulty achieving sexual satisfaction. This could be due to an inability to reach orgasm (a real psychosexual disorder) or enjoy regular, satisfying intimacy with their husbands. A larger percentage of these women cannot express their dissatisfaction for the reasons I have mentioned above.

The first solution to this problem is for men to normalize taking feedback from their wives. Don’t assume that you’re done because YOU are done. You don’t even need to ask if she’s satisfied; you only need to look at her face and feel her body language. A well-bedded woman will keep smiling at you for the rest of that day, if not longer. She will show other verbal and nonverbal cues to endorse that you have done a good job.

You need to acknowledge and validate her feedback to show that you care.

“I can see that you are smiling all the way. So that’s a good sign, right?”

Or,

“You’re not smiling. What’s wrong?”

“You know I’ve been under too much stress lately. Please give me some time to rest. I’ll make it up with you very soon.”

These validations will reassure her of your interest in satisfying her and encourage her to open up and communicate her needs.

If there’s an unsettled problem, feel free to talk about it. Avoid sweeping issues under the carpet and using sexual starvation to punish your wife. It works sometimes, but it can also be counterproductive at other times. She may begin to doubt herself and second-guess her choice of marrying you. This may negatively impact her mood and self-esteem.

And if you’re one of those who joke about the importance of sex and intimacy in marriage (“is sex a food?” Really?!), remember that the lady can get everything she needs without marrying you; let’s face it. She left her father’s house just for sex and procreation!

Also, remember that shaitan is always lurking around to identify loopholes to invade your marriage. A dissatisfied wife is one of such loopholes. She might begin to hear whisperings on how to satisfy her needs through haram ways. She may start cheating subtly, looking for means to unleash the pressure and engaging in unwholesome activities to douse the tension. We seek Allāh’s refuge against such.

In conclusion, I implore men to study their wife’s sexual needs and try to satisfy them as much as possible. Communicate freely and assist each other to achieve happiness through halal intimacy. Seek professional advice and therapy if possible. Do not shame your spouse for wanting a little bit more than usual. What makes your marriage what it is, if not the permission for intimacy?

Khadijah Tijani is a medical doctor. She writes from London, Ontario and can be reached through askodoctorkt@gmail.com or @AskDoctorKT.

By Muhammad Sabiu

A lady who looked to be in her early 20s was found stoned to death at the famous Eleven-Eleven junction in Calabar.

The incident is believed to have occurred early on Friday. A few stones were found next to her at the roundabout, and there were some visible wounds all over her remains.

Despite sympathizers having gathered around her motionless body in an attempt to identify her, the identity could still not be established.

At around 8 a.m., a pickup vehicle with some police officers arrived on the scene, preparing to evacuate the body.

As of the time of filing this report, The Daily Reality source has not been able to get information indicating that the police in Cross River State have reacted to the incident.

Eleven-eleven roundabout is next to The Millennium Park, where the military and the State government stage significant parades and celebrations.

By Aisha Musa Auyo

Perhaps the only group of people that see women beyond their looks are the blind. They judge us based on our character and attitude and, with time, our intellect and intelligence.

I often get judged based on my looks, which pisses me off. It took time, patience, and convincing to come to terms with the reality that people will always judge one by his looks. I want us to ponder that our looks have nothing to do with our intelligence and demeanour.

Personality psychologists have argued that physical appearance is a significant factor in personality development because people form opinions by what they see in a person physically and respond to that person accordingly. In turn, people tend to fulfil the expectations they believe others have for them. 

For example, short people are said to be too aggressive or demand too much respect, or tall people are foolish. And in our society, it’s believed that rich people are evil and will go to hell, while poor people are good people. So they say, “Ku ci a nan, ma ci a can”, meaning “You enjoy this life, and we – the poor – will enjoy in the hereafter”. 

Other common myths that align personality with looks are: slim girls tend to be arrogant and lack patience, while chubby girls are easygoing and humble. Looking good and dressing well makes you arrogant automatically, or driving an expensive car is a showoff. 

Please, let’s study people before we pass judgement, as people’s behaviour evolves with time, education and experiences (these are what make and shape us) regardless of their physical traits. Let’s not allow people’s expectations or comments to shape our thinking. I know it’s easier said than done, but can we try?

I can remember some years back when I went to write a Senior Secondary School entrance aptitude test for my cousin. After greeting the panels, one of them said, “Miss, I hope you have something to bring to the table beside your good looks. I was 13 years then, and his rhetorical question sent a doubt in my mind that I may not pass the exams. It took convincing myself that if I couldn’t do it, I wouldn’t be illegally adopted as a mercenary for someone else, implying that if I had allowed his comment get me, I might probably fail the exams. This is an example of how people’s expectations shape our thinking.

After the general exams, we were to go for another test, this time one by one with the examiners. I was given a mathematics exercise to solve fractions and square roots. God helped me solve that equation in less than a minute, and the judges were awed. It happened that I was the first one to solve that particular question since they started the test that very day. That man asked me again, which school are you attending? To him, it must be the school that is good, not me. 

A similar incident happened recently during my PhD coursework. I was doing statistics tutorials for my cluster, and the news spread that a tutorial was going on. Some groups of women decided to join. As they entered the class and saw me at the board with a marker, one of the women said, “so there’s a brain inside that fine face”. 

I retorted. My brain is finer than my face, in my mind, of course, as this woman is old enough to be my mom. But this time around, I didn’t let her statement intimidate me. All thanks to age and experience. I just pretended not to hear and continued with the class: If I’d allowed that to get through me and said what came to my mind aloud, it would prove that slim ladies are arrogant.

These cases should sound like compliments, but they’re an insult. Why do people believe that beauty and brains are mutually exclusive? What does our look have to do with our brain? My best friend, the best in mathematics in our class, is one of the most beautiful people I’ve met. She’s a civil engineer now.

My other best friend, a tall, fair, beautiful Fulani lady, is now a medical doctor. I have also met short people who are soft-hearted and humble. I’ve met wealthy people who are down-to-earth, simple and have a kind heart. I’ve met not so good looking people who are also not so brilliant but have strength in kindness, empathy, and excellent marketing skills. 

Each person has strengths, so also weaknesses. For example, a blind person may have superpowers that someone with eyes may not. I’ve seen disabled people do things with their only leg or hand that are humanly impossible. 

This debate of physical traits and how they manifest in our personality is beyond human comprehension, for it involves genetics, life experiences, grit, tenacity, and willpower. This unending nature-nurture debate could only be laid to rest if we agree that these matters are beyond us.

By Uzair Adam Imam

The Emir of Kano, His Royal Highness Alhaji Aminu Ado Bayero has called on women to follow in the footsteps of Prof. Umma Ahmad Jalingo, the president of the Nigerian Economic Society (NES).

He made the call Thursday at the closing ceremony of a 3-day conference on Fiscal Sustainability and Policy Response for Economic Recovery in Nigeria held in Maryam Abacha American University of Nigeria (MAAUN), Kano.

The Emir commended her efforts and tasked her to work to the best of her ability to ensure success and to also be the subject of example in the history of NES and Nigeria as a whole.

He added that the conference and the papers presented were very relevant to current Nigeria’s economic situation.

By Ahmad Deedat Zakari

A renowned Kano lawyer, activist, commentator and philanthropist, Barrister Sunusi Musa was among the 62 lawyers elevated to the rank of Senior Advocate of Nigeria (SAN) by the Legal Practitioners’ Privileges Committee (LPPC) chaired by the Chief Justice of Nigeria, Honourable Justice Olukayode Ariwoola.

The LPPC, in a statement signed by its secretary and the Chief Registrar of the Supreme Court of Nigeria, Hajo Bello, disclosed this on Thursday, September 29 2022. Hajo also disclosed that the new SANs would be officially conferred with the rank on November 21, 2022.

The title of SAN is the equivalent of the Queen’s Counsel in the United Kingdom. It is conferred on persons qualified to practice as barristers and solicitors of the Supreme Court of Nigeria and who have distinguished themselves in the practice of law.

Over the years, the rules governing the conferment have been amended to accommodate law teachers and scholars who have contributed immensely to the teaching and learning of the law. Federal and state prosecutors who have excelled in the practice of law within the dictates of their engagement are also now considered for the SAN title.

The LPPC, which is chaired by the Chief Justice of Nigeria, also have members like the Attorney General of the Federation and distinguished heads of courts and reputable senior advocates as its members.

The basic requirements for a lawyer to be elevated to the inner bar include:

1: Good Character and calm temperament;

2: Must be qualified to practice as a legal practitioner in Nigeria for not less than ten years;

3: Must have appearances at the Supreme Court, the Court of Appeal and other courts of record;

4: A good law office and law library are considered in the case of lawyers in private practice, amongst other things.

Few privileges are also enjoyed by SANs to the exclusion of other lawyers. These include:

1: Sitting at the inner bar or front roll and being given the opportunity of mentioning their cases before junior counsel;

2: Must appear with a junior counsel in a civil case;

3: Appear in a distinct robe on certain legal occasions;

4: The title also attracts more legal fees and professional patronage from clients and members of the public.

By Isa Muhammad Inuwa

Thousands of Muslims in Kano, Nigeria, had Thursday converged at the Umar Bin Al-Khattab mosque, where they offered funeral prayer in absentia for the repose of the soul of the deceased Sheikh Youssef Al-Qardawi, who passed on in Doha, Qatar, recently.

Leading the congregation, Imam Sheikh Yahaya Tanko delivered the prayer interluded with four Takbirs (Allahu Akbar! chants) and supplications.

Addressing the crowd shortly after, Sheikh Tanko recalled that the distant funeral prayer was first conducted by the Prophet Muhammad (SAW), in Medina, for the soul of Al-Najjashi, the then late Emperor of Abyssinia (present Ethiopia). Al-Najjashi was deemed to have converted from Christianity to Islam before his death.

Also speaking to the gathering, Professor Muhammad Babangida of Bayero University, Kano, announced that the late Sheikh Al-Qardawi was “a famous Islamic scholar of international standing, who spent the largest part of his life contributing to Islamic knowledge, through his teachings, writings and extracting solutions to religious matters (Fatwa)”.

He added that the late Al-Qardawi authored no less than 170 books, some of which consisted of several volumes. He said he was head of numerous Islamic bodies and that he migrated from his home country Egypt to Qatar because of threats to his life by anti-Islamic forces.

He described the deceased as a moderate jurist who maintained a middle course in proposing solutions on matters of Islamic jurisprudence. “He neither swerved to the extreme nor tilted to the most lenient side”, adding that he was very apt in addressing current issues arising in modern life in his publications and jurisdictions.

The scholar also described Al-Qardawi’s death as a significant loss to the entire Muslim World, whose replacement is difficult to find. He then asked God to forgive the deceased and rest his soul in the highest abode of Paradise. 

By Uzair Adam Imam

A 2022 and the 63rd annual national conference of the Nigerian Economic Society (NES) ended successfully Thursday, September 29, 2022.

The conference, which started Tuesday, was aimed at providing possible ways to enhance fiscal sustainability in Nigeria as the country ranks fifth on the list of ten countries with the highest debt exposure.

The event hosted academics, politicians and traditional rulers from all parts of the country to grace the event held in Maryam Abacha American University of Nigeria, Kano.

Speaking at the closing ceremony, Prof. Umma Ahmad Jalingo, the second woman president of NES and the first one from the north in 63 years, commended the successful completion of the event.

She said the past three days had been very impactful, adding, “Today, September 29, has marked the culmination of this program with yet an important component.”

His royal highness, the Emir of Kano, Alhaji Aminu Ado Bayero, commended the organisers for holding the conference in Kano.

The emir said the conference was relevant, looking at Nigeria’s current economic situation. He also commended all the papers presented.

Some of the papers presented included “Impact of Fiscal Policy on Financial Inclusion and Development in Nigeria” by Taiwo A. Segun, “Fiscal Policy Options and Poverty Reduction in Nigeria” by Muhammad B. Ado and “Public Debt and Poverty in Nigeria: The Role of Governance Quality” by Omowuwi O. Idowu, among others.

NES was founded in 1957, three years before Nigeria’s independence, and aims to provide intellectual leadership in understanding and to manage economic, social and political changes in Nigeria.

By Muhammad Sabiu

Sheikh Abduljabbar Nasiru Kabara, who is on trial for alleged blasphemy against the Prophet Muhammad (SAW), claims that his attorney, Dalhatu Shehu Usman, received N2 million as bribe to influence the Upper Shari’a court judge presiding over the case.

During the resumption of the meeting, the defense counsel, Dalhatu Shehu Usman, who was represented by Mr. Muhammad Lawan, pleaded with the court to permit the defendant to adopt his final written remarks on his own behalf.

In adopting his last written arguments, dated and submitted on September 20, the defendant asked the court to dismiss the lawsuit brought by the Kano State Government against him and direct the state to issue an apology to him.

“I urge the court to adopt the written addresses as my argument in this case and evidence, my audio preachings.”

Kabara continued to claim that the attorney chosen by the court to represent him had amassed N2 million to bribe the judge, stating the attorney had come to the prison and informed him that the judge had instructed him to do so in order to release and exonerate the defendant.

“My lawyer told me he gave the judge N1.3 million, another person N200,000 and he himself took N500,000.”

In his final written arguments, Mamman Lawan-Yusufari SAN, the prosecution’s attorney, pleaded with the court to find the defendant guilty in accordance with the law and accept their arguments as evidence against him in a document dated and filed on September 22.

The defense presented one witness and offered 24 books and a memory card as proof, while the prosecution rested its case on the testimony of four witnesses.

Malam Ibrahim Sarki-Yola, the preeminent judge, refuted the claim that he accepted a bribe.

He stated that both parties would later be informed of the judgment date.

After the court session, Shehu Usman spoke to reporters and refuted the claim that he had accepted the sum of N2 million as a bribe.

Shehu added, “I am not surprised, my client had also made some allegations against his other three sets of lawyers before.”

By Uzair Adam Imam

The Director, Monetary Policy Development, Central Bank of Nigeria, Dr Hassan Mahmud, said the high debt would be a burden on future generations in the country.

Dr Hassan Mahmud disclosed this on Wednesday at the 63rd National Conference of the Nigerian Economic Society (NES). 

The 3-day conference, which started on Tuesday at the Maryam Abacha American University of Nigeria, Kano, was themed “Fiscal Sustainability and Policy Response for Economic Recovery in Nigeria”.

It was gathered that the country’s public debt in the first quarter of 2022 had risen to N41.6 trillion from N39.56 trillion recorded in December 2021.

However, the debt by the Federal Government has continued to throw a big threat to future generations as it may impinge on the country’s economic growth.

He said, “When debt is high, it becomes a burden on future generations as it leaves no room for borrowing when there is a shock.

“High debt can increase the cost of private sector borrowing, crowding out viable private sector investment and high servicing requirements.” 

Mahmud said despite the challenges, the public debt is an important instrument for the economy, adding that the country’s borrowing plan is guided by debt sustainability.

He added, “Nigerian borrowing plan is guided by the debt sustainability threshold to ensure debt carrying capacity does not impinge on growth.”

The event hosted many academicians and politicians from all over the country, many of whom also commended the conference and its organisers.

By Ahmad Deedat Zakari

The Maigari of Lokoja, His Royal Highness, Alhaji Muhammed Kabiru Maikarfi, has passed away at the age of 80.

The news of the monarch’s demise was announced by the Secretary of Lokoja Traditional Council, Muhammed Nadalo on Wednesday. 

According to Nadalo, the monarch died in a private hospital in Abuja after a brief illness. The statement also disclosed that the late royal father would be buried on Thursday in Lokoja at 4 pm. 

The monarch was crowned in 1992 and celebrated his 30 years on the Lokoja traditional stool a few months ago.