Parenting

By Garba Sidi 

It’s truly disheartening how some parents neglect their responsibilities in shaping their children’s behaviour. This lack of care can leave their biological sons and daughters feeling unloved. Love is crucial for a child’s healthy development.

On my way out of the city this morning, I overheard a conversation between two young men, no older than 24, who were smoking cigarettes. One said, ‘We have no value in people’s eyes because we messed up our lives.’ The other responded, ‘I swear, Nasiru, when I look at my friend Aminu, his life seems so good. Everyone likes him; he studied hard, has a good job, and looks at us, sitting in this dirty place. We ruined our lives, and we’re ashamed of ourselves.’

Nasiru’s friend spoke in a low voice, gathering his thoughts before narrating his story. He explained that his father was a car driver and his mother was from Bauchi State. When his father married his mother and brought her to Jigawa, she told him about his father’s recklessness in providing for their needs (his and his younger sister’s). After some years, his father married another woman, and whatever resources he brought came to her, leaving them with nothing but what their neighbours offered.

His mother sadly passed away, plunging him into deep sorrow. From that point on, their life became a struggle. He started going to the fish market to earn money for food and other necessities, as his stepmother used everything his father brought, even food, leaving them barely enough to eat. His stepmother, who didn’t have children herself, would sometimes even tell him his father wasn’t a man because he couldn’t give her a child.

He had friends who smoked cigarettes, and being around them constantly led him to become a drug addict. He blames two things for his current situation: the love he lost from his father and the death of his mother.

His friend, Nazy, then began his story about joining this group of drug addicts. He attributed the core reason for his situation to his mother’s neglect in shaping him in his youth. He explained that his mother sold food at home, and his father was a mechanic engineer. Many people came to their house to eat, and as the only male child, both parents showered him with love and didn’t punish him when he did wrong.

He started working as a shopboy for one of their regular customers. Things went well initially until he met the daughter of a wealthy businessman. They began a relationship, and she introduced him to a world of excessive entertainment, including smoking cigarettes, drinking syrup, injecting drugs, and inappropriate physical contact. Tragically, her father caught them drinking syrup in his apartment and handed Nazy over to the National Drug Law Enforcement Agency (NDLEA) while his daughter continued to enjoy a comfortable life without consequences.

Nazy’s parents tried to get him out of jail but were too late. The wealthy man paid money to have Nazy imprisoned, blaming him for ruining his daughter’s life. Nazy spent five months in prison before being released. He heard the wealthy man’s daughter is now in Uganda. This is how he ended up in this cycle of addiction.

By Amrah Musa Kamaruddeen

In today’s digital era, a new phenomenon known as “sharenting” has emerged, where parents extensively share photos, videos, and updates about their children on social media platforms. This blend of sharing and parenting has sparked a lively debate, raising questions about privacy, consent, and the long-term impact on children.

For many parents, social media offers a convenient platform to document and celebrate their children’s milestones and daily adventures. It provides a way to connect with family and friends, especially those far away. Sharing these moments can foster community and support, allowing parents to exchange advice and experiences.

However, the practice of sharenting has prompted significant privacy concerns. Once images and information are posted online, they can be difficult to control. Photos can be shared, downloaded, and even misused by strangers. 

The permanence of the internet raises questions about how these digital footprints might affect children as they grow older, especially when they begin to establish their online identities.

Another critical issue is consent. Young children cannot give informed consent to having their lives shared online. As they grow, they may feel uncomfortable with the digital trail left behind by their parents’ posts. This raises ethical questions about children’s rights to privacy and autonomy over their personal information.

The psychological effects of sharenting are still being explored. Some experts suggest that children might feel pressure to perform for the camera or struggle with the idea that their lives are being broadcast without input. On the other hand, positive reinforcement from family and friends can boost a child’s self-esteem, suggesting a nuanced impact.

For parents who wish to navigate sharenting responsibly, several guidelines can be considered:

1. Privacy Settings: Use strict privacy settings on social media accounts to limit who can see your posts.

2. Consent: As children grow older, involve them in discussions about what gets shared and respect their wishes if they prefer not to be featured online.

3. Limit Details: Do not share sensitive information such as full names, birth dates, or locations that could compromise your child’s safety.

4. Think Long-Term: Consider the potential long-term effects of each post and whether it might embarrass or harm your child in the future.

5. Digital Literacy: Educate children about the implications of digital sharing and the importance of privacy from an early age.

As technology continues to evolve, so too will the dynamics of parenting in the digital age. Sharenting, while offering opportunities for connection and celebration, demands careful consideration of privacy, consent, and the well-being of children. By adopting mindful practices, parents can safeguard their children’s present and future in the digital realm.

Amrah Musa Kamaruddeen wrote from the Mass Communication Department, Bayero University, Kano.

By Zainab Abubakar Abba

I was only nine years old when my world was shattered into a million pieces. My mom, my guiding light, my haven, left me too soon. The pain was unbearable, the grief overwhelming. I thought I would never survive without her warm embrace and loving smile. Not knowing life had other plans.

Ten years later, fate dealt me another cruel blow. My dad, my rock, my hero, passed away, leaving me alone and adrift in a sea of uncertainty. The loss was like a tsunami, sweeping away everything I thought I knew about love, family, and security. The pain of losing one parent was devastating, but losing both was like being stripped of my very foundation.

Growing up without both parents is a journey of unimaginable pain, struggle, and resilience. I have faced countless challenges, from navigating the complexities of adolescence to finding my place in a world that seemed determined to hold me back. The grief that followed was like a tidal wave, crashing over me with unrelenting force. I felt lost, alone, and scared. Simple tasks became monumental challenges, and everyday moments felt like a survival struggle. 

But as the days turned into weeks and the weeks into months, I slowly began to find my footing. I realised that my parents may have left me physically, but their love, wisdom, and legacy remained. I held onto the memories we shared, the laughter we enjoyed, and the lessons they taught me.

Amidst the darkness, I have discovered a spark that refuses to be extinguished—a spark of hope, determination, and courage. Ihave learned to cherish my parents’ memories and hold onto their love and legacy like a beacon at night. And I haven’t been alone in this journey. 

My siblings have been my lifeline, my support system, and my everything. Having supportive siblings has made all the difference in my journey. They have been my parents in every sense of the word, providing love, care, and encouragement when I needed it most.

Losing both parents at a young age has been the most challenging experience of my life, but it has also been a transformative journey. I have learned to cherish every moment, to never take love or life for granted, and to find strength amid vulnerability.

If you are walking a similar path, know you are not alone. Your pain is valid, your grief is real, and your resilience is remarkable. Hold onto the memories, lean on others, and find ways to honour your loved ones. 

And if you are fortunate enough to have supportive siblings, cherish them, appreciate them, and lean on them when the future seems uncertain. You are stronger than you think and will rise wiser and more compassionate than ever.

Zainab Abubakar Abba wrote from the Department of Mass Communication, Bayero University, Kano.

By Aisha Musa Auyo

I often dismiss the hearsay that everyone must be attacked by this virus once in their lifetime. It’s a superstition, I would reply to them. My sisters were all attacked by the virus, one after the other at a roll, all four of them. I was the one applying calamine lotion on them. We were all waiting for my turn, but I wasn’t infected. Very unusual, even the doctors would say. I must be immune to the chickenpox, I would boast.

After about 15 years, the virus knocked and crushed me to the point of losing hope of living again. From high fever, sore throat, muscle pain, dizziness, and general discomfort. My son was the one who contracted the virus, and obviously, I’ll be the one to take care of him. I did it with full confidence and carelessness that I was immune to the virus. However, I separated him from his siblings and classmates. His illness didn’t last for more than five days, and in a week, he was okay and mixing with everyone.

We travelled for Easter, and I was sick throughout the Easter break. It is Kano weather, I would say. All I do is lie down. Cooking and Tarawih during the last days of Ramadan became impossible for me, yet I didn’t go to the hospital. I deceived myself into thinking I’d get better when my body adjusted to the weather. Until one Tuesday, I felt so sick I couldn’t walk, couldn’t talk, and hated the sound of everything.

Then, one of my kids complained of heat rashes. I undressed him so I could bathe, and viola! Chickenpox rashes all over his body. I checked my other son and found the same issue, then I took a closer look at myself, the rashes were all over my body. I was so sick that I wasn’t paying attention to my skin. It then dawned on me that all three of us were infected by Haidar two weeks after his illness.

I made some calls and was told to stay at home, that we can infect the entire community by going to the hospital. The virus is very contagious. We stayed indoors, and medication was sent to us. We were told not to entertain visitors and not to go out till we were fully recovered and free from the virus.

“Lockdown II,” I thought to myself. We became prisoners in our house, and although the lockdown did give me a chance to rest and bond with the kids, it’s not anything I would hope for anyone.

My fever kept getting high, and I was told the virus punishes adults 50 times the way it treats kids. 

My kids were active and eating after three days, but I wasn’t. The rashes were all over me, including my feet, palms, ears, scalp, lips, throat and tongue. Eating and drinking become difficult. These rashes are not only irritating to the eyes, they hurt like ant bite. I have to be recording my temperature every 3 hours just to see if everything is going well. I finished all the painkillers in the house. Sitting becomes difficult, and leaving my room becomes difficult, too.

I kept thinking something else must definitely be wrong with me; chickenpox could not be this hard. A malaria drug was prescribed for me. Since I wasn’t eating, the ulcer came back in full force. Then I learned that the rashes and scars do not go away. My world was crumbling, and I was crying like a baby. I can’t imagine living with these scars forever.

After nine days, the pain became bearable. I felt better and had the hope of living again. I was told I could still spread the virus even at that time, so I spent my Eid al Fitr at home, browsing and researching chickenpox and how to get rid of the scars.

I learned that the only immunity to the virus is being infected by it. Once you are infected, you will hardly get infected again. It happens once in a lifetime. Although some countries were able to eradicate it, most countries are still battling the virus.

Now and then, especially during the hot season, this virus will spread. It’s there to make sure everyone is immunized, meaning everyone is infected with it once in his lifetime. If it’s a choice, one would prefer to be infected at a younger age, as the virus is merciful to kids and merciless to adults, lol. I’ve come up with a few things to do when the virus strikes.

• As a parent, once you notice that such a contagious virus infects a family member of yours, kindly seclude your ward from the public. It starts with one person, and in less than a week, the whole committee can be infected. Kindly reject visitors by letting them know your condition. Do not travel till you are fully recovered. These teachings from our beloved Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him. He emphasized the importance of quarantine, separating sick individuals from healthy ones, and avoiding contact with contagious diseases to prevent their spread, all of which are integral to Islamic rulings on managing infectious diseases.

• Chickenpox medications are over-the-counter meds. You don’t have to go see a doctor. Once you notice fever, headache, muscle ache, and rashes, know that it’s either chickenpox or measles. They’re contagious. By going to the hospital, one may infect the nurses, receptionist, and even the doctors. Send an immune person to get the drugs for you.

• Drink a lot of water and fluids. Those monster rashes drain one to the point of dehydration.

• You, as a healthy individual, should not feel bad when a person tells you not to visit due to the nature of their illness. Kindly understand that they have your best interest at heart. A colleague of mine is still angry with his Uncle because the uncle told him not to visit them as the whole family is infected with chickenpox.

• Chickenpox doesn’t sit well with heat, so make sure you stay in a well-ventilated space and do not wear clothes since you are indoors.

• Bathe at least thrice a day with room temperature water, and avoid hot or warm water.

• If possible, wash your hands with a hand wash every hour when you are not sleeping.

• Try your best not to forcefully scratch or remove the rashes when they’re drying. Allow your skin to shed them. This is easier said than done. Feeling a blister or bump on your skin and letting go isn’t easy. Let me not deceive you.

• Calamine lotion helps to soothe and dry the rashes.

• If the fever is high, try using a damp cloth over the patient and take painkillers according to the doctor’s instructions.

• After you are healthy and free of infection, sanitize the house and the clothes you use with hot water and disinfectants. This includes towels, bedspread and sofas.

• I was told the rashes and scars never disappear; some said it takes years before they disappear. One of my sisters was born with a fair complexion, but after a chickenpox infection, her complexion darkened. She never recovered her colour. As discouraging and sad as this may sound, one should not relax and allow the virus to ruin one’s looks and confidence. Aloe vera gel does wonders with consistency and patience.

• Honey, neem oil, or water infused with neem leaves also help a lot. Retinol creams are also very effective. But please don’t bleach your skin or use harsh chemicals on your body.

Aisha Musa Auyo is a Doctoral researcher in Educational Psychology, a wife, and a mother of three. She is a homemaker, caterer, and parenting/relationship coach.

By Muhammad Muhammad Khalil

Marriages built on love, affection and mercy are expected to last forever. But, unfortunately, whilst some marriages crash in infancy, others spanning for decades end up in divorce, too. The psychological trauma children of those failed marriages experience due to their parent’s separation is deep and enormous, negatively affecting their physical and mental health.

In most cases, the love lost between ex-couples shifts to their children. Both the mother and father show unconditional love and care for them, for love of one’s progeny is an inborn disposition in humans and animals.

Despite this, there are pockets of male parents in our society who decline to provide sustenance for their children once the split occurs. They, sadly, leave their ex-wives and their families with the burden of fending for their seeds. Instead, the wives’ families, stacked with their backbreaking responsibilities, bid their daughters to take the matter to court.

It is profoundly depressing how our Sharia courts are flooded with such cases (as mentioned above). I have seen multiple men go to jail for failure to comply with court orders, namely, to give their ex-wives the measly amount designated for the sustenance and upkeep of their children.

From what I have learnt thus far, some men defaulted not because they could not afford it but rather due to their fall-out with their ex-wives, the children’s mothers. The innocent kids usually take a back seat thanks to the resentment the father harbours against the mother. To treat their ex-wives harshly, they deprive their children of their necessities. One wonders: what benefit do such men draw from putting their kids’ lives in misery and danger?

The situation of some divorcees is both worrisome and pathetic. Many have become frequent court-goers because their kids’ fathers are reluctant to relieve the burden. Scores of children of failed marriages suffer significantly because the wrangling between their parents barely stops. The kids’ welfare stays truncated as a result.

My plea to such men is to fear Allah (SWT). And remember that the children they’re endowed with are a trust for which they’ll account. Their children have rights and responsibilities upon them.

As the prophetic saying goes: “All of you are guardians and are responsible for your charges; a man is a guardian of his family and is responsible for his charge.”

Muhammad Muhammad Khalil wrote this via muhdmuhdkhalil@gmail.com.

By Tijjani Muhammad Musa

I left the house without taking breakfast or even a bath in order to meet an 8:00 am appointment with the rest of our SWS.Comms production crew. A client has brought in an advert for emergency production and airing on the radio against an event scheduled to take place the next day, Saturday morning, by 10:00 am after the monthly Sanitation exercise.

The heavy traffic of Adaidaita Sahu, private vehicles, motorcycles, and so on State Road was highly discouraging as I turned into it from Maiduguri Road. Quickly calculating my other options, I thought of taking alternative routes to steer me away from the delay most likely to occur if I should get trapped in the traffic mess.

However, thinking positively and hoping for the best, I still drove into the snailing jam of vehicles. Soon, however, I saw an opening on the side of the road accommodating a trickle of cars and the ever-daring tricycle riders. Now being in a bit of a hurry, I instinctively branched into that flow. 

This gave me and many others the opportunity to cut off almost three-quarters of the “go-slow” that was caused due to road repairs, maintenance and renovation work going on on the roads as a result of adverse effects of heavy rainfall witnessed in the city in recent time. 

So many of the roads in the metropolis have turned into shallow graves and potholes, forcing many drivers to demonstrate their driving skills and dexterity, with pedestrians expressing their anger and annoyance once in a while from getting splashed with dirty potholed rainwater.

As I slowly snake through the engaging challenge, turning my head side to side to check the distance between me and the line up of tricycles to my left, I suddenly saw her in one of the Adaidaita and couldn’t help but stare. While briefly looking at it, I at that same time sensed myself being stared at. So I checked to see who was poring his or her eyes over me.

It was a much younger woman sitting next to the person who had caught my rapt attention. Clearly, she was wondering why my face lightened up and suddenly saddened again upon seeing the old woman sitting calmly by her side. 

To douse her fears, I lowered my car window, pointed at the old woman and loudly said, “She reminds me of my mother, who is now late. May her soul be blessed and rest in peace.” I whispered the supplication to my hearing only.

The younger woman, now relaxed and with a slight smile, said, “Allaah Sarki. Allaah Ya jik’anta da rahama” and I said, “Amin thumma amin” as tears wheeled up my eyes. I quickly got hold of myself as I averted the gaze of both the woman as well as the okada rider, whose attention had now turned to me.

I looked at the old woman intently once again and realized that she didn’t actually look like my Hajia in any way except for her height and the frail, wrinkled body characteristic of old women in their octagenarian stage of life. She was looking absent-mindedly into a future that none could tell what it was her mind’s eye was seeing or thinking.

Once again, tears overwhelmed me, for I could remember clearly the same kind of look on the face of my mother. She didn’t want to die due to the uncertainties that lay ahead. But then, none can avert its coming to pass, as it is a promise that must be fulfilled.

This is because Allaah AWJ Says in the Qur’an, “Kullu nafsin za ikatul maut” – Every soul must taste of death (Q3:185). So we all must eventually bow out. When, where, why, by what or how none of us knows. Thus by the 1001 ways and more to die, we all must become deceased.

I felt for her as I did feel for Hajia then whenever I saw that worrisome look registered on her face. I would immediately want to do something to distract her attention so as to change her mood for the lighter from such disturbing thoughts. 

Suddenly without thinking, I reached into the pigeon hole in front of my dashboard and fetched out some money I usually keep there in case of an emergency and asked the Adaidaita rider how much was the cost of the ride. He told me, and I handed much more than the amount to him, telling him to give her the change.

The old woman looked at me and smiled. She was pleased with what I did and waved her two palms at me in thanks, and all of a brief flash, I saw my mother in her. It was a beautiful sight. The younger woman with her was also happy and prayed fervently for me as I drove off.

Then by Allaah SWT, the dam broke, and I started crying, in the wonder of what my mother might be going through, wherever she might be at that moment. There and then, I started praying to Allaah AWJ to please forgive her, whatever wrong she might have done while alive and bail her from anybody’s haqqi if she has done them wrong. 

That my Lord and Maker should please compensate whoever she owes, whatever it might be and set her soul free in Barzakh, pending when she will be admitted into Jannah and His AWJ’s much sought after Grace. Fortunately, I’ve dreamt of her 3 times already. She’s doing alright, bi iznilLaahi.

In one of such dream, we were at an occasion with Prof. Yusuf Adamu, and she came to the place. So I excitedly introduced her to him. As he respectfully greeted her and started thanking her for me, she said to him, smiling, “A’a haba ai mu ne da godiya”. More tears tore into my composure like a small child.

I had to stop myself as passersby were beginning to stare at me, wondering and whispering to each other what they thought was wrong with me. Though I never liked the idea of tinting off my car windows since I have nothing to hide, for a change, I wished I had done so, so I could indulge and enjoy my emotional outburst in full privacy. 

It’s not every day that such grace from Allaah happens to me. Anyway, I pray that all our parents who have died be in better existing conditions, wherever they may be right now than when they were here living on earth. 

May all other mothers and fathers be similarly forgiven for their wrongs, mistakes and shortcomings. Allaahumma amin thumma amin.

By Mallam Musbahu Magayaki

In the past, when a child reached the first stage of school enrolment that was provisionally five to six years old, wrong perceptions were instilled in his mind that he could be a breadwinner for his family when obtaining educational qualifications. Instead of, at the same time, being fully furnished with the positive impact of skill acquisition. So that if he, unfortunately, doesn’t get a white-collar job after graduation from school, he may situationally turn to the other side to become self-reliant and driven by self-buoyancy.

Nowadays, parents’ failure to engage their children in varied forms of skill acquisition training is seemingly revealing and mulling over the alarming rate of crimes being perpetrated in the country, which could be attributed to unemployment as the majority of the countrymen didn’t learn any skills or hold reliable small-scale businesses rather than depending on educational qualifications which do not guarantee one’s life success.

This mistaken belief has to be timely and utterly changed by exposing their children to various productive and creative skills that can help them meet their needs after learning the skills professionally. However, relying heavily on the government, specifically the Nigerian government, jobs as a source of income is a huge mistake that yields nothing but disappointment!

Let us learn from developed countries such as China, South Korea, and Malaysian citizens who have become productive due to engaging their youth in various aspects of skill training schemes with the support of their serious governments. And they successfully channelled them further to where they are now in terms of development.

In a nutshell, I urge Nigerian governments at all levels to replicate China’s Green Business Option (GBO) at both secondary and tertiary levels, which can feasibly pave the way for their products to acquire skills to develop themselves by becoming self-reliant even if they fail to be employed by the government and other related agencies.

Mallam Musbahu Magayaki writes from Sabon Fegi, Azare, via musbahumuhammad258@gmail.com.

By Alkasim Harisu

Thanks to the rapid growth of technology, the world witnesses an absolute change. Technology has afforded the world a one-in-a-million chance to communicate with people all around the globe. Distance, inarguably, can no longer hinder communication. The world, as Marshall McLuhan posits, has been reduced to a global village. Thus, the emergence of cellular phones has, doubtless, permitted people access to all parts of the world. 

Lump it or not, the phone, the above notwithstanding, is a curse in disguise. That is why it is described as a blessworthy and curseworthy thing, occupying the minds of the youth. The sudden spread of the phone has necessitated the proliferation of social media platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat, etc. What a breakthrough!

Those virtual platforms have become a commonplace occurrence. Everyone has their favourite social media handle and may be addicted to it or them. Some people own more than one handle. Honestly, chilling and relaxing constitute one of the biggest whys people can’t be less addicted to SM. This answers the question of the use or purpose of motivating the youth to join SM.

Day in, day out, people feel duty-bound to Facebook one another. On running out of data, many of us feel like nothing on earth. Some look like death warmed over. We toil to buy data to watch trivialities. Still, SM is, undoubtedly, a tool for knowledge. The Internet is today the most significant school, the most extensive library and the most learned and experienced teacher. There is virtual, nothing one can’t access, learn, or do on the Internet.

The SM platforms make athenaeums where everyone sells their ideas to the world. The political moguls, being attention-cravers, exploit the medium to attain a considerable following. The baddies, like the wind, sell and buy sex on the platforms. Evil-minded people, so also all forms of vulgarities, avail themselves of the opportunity to win popularity.  As smartphones overshadow all other forms of phones, phonephilia among the youth rapidly thickens.

The level our youth are addicted to phones defies any stress, no matter how obvious. Many youths can’t help surf the net or go online when ailing. I hope this addiction will not accompany them to old age. Instagramming to see ladies’ pictures is a notable reason some of us buy phones. As a result, when our phones do not tweet, Facebook or WhatsApp well, we, without a second thought, look for money to buy better phones. We can do all sorts of jobs to get enough to buy the phones.

Addiction to phones is continuously gaining momentum. I once got my phone faulty. At the moment, the coronavirus pandemic was hitting India hard. I felt an excruciating pain piercing my heart. I could not sleep the night without a phone. As a result, I borrowed a friend’s laptop to keep me company. It was a great difficulty for one to get out of the four walls of our university following the devastating, quick spread of the virus. Fortunately, there is a bank neighbouring it. Thus I used it to excuse my request to go out. Heading to the gatekeepers, I pretended to be going to the bank to correct a problem troubling my account. Instead, I hasted to a market at a nearby place called Gangrar. Having my phone fixed, I  intended a return to school. My return, unluckily, exposed me. Personnel keeping the gate saw me coming toward the school. My pleading a lot softened his heart. Thus, he forgave me. Had he not pardoned me, I would have received a two-week quarantine. 

It is a prodigious task for us to part ways with phones. It is a great difficulty, if not a sheer impossibility, to afford to remove ourselves from phones for two days, or even one, at the very least. I am at a loss for words to think of how to divorce our lives from these gadgets. Our addiction to phones has significantly deprived us of our immature reading culture. Students, nowadays, prefer watching videos on SM to reading. Our books gather dust because they don’t receive reading or talk of good care. Many of us hate to read even short write-ups on SM.

We, moreover, habitually don’t recite going-to-bed and waking-up prayers. It astounds me to see people, upon completing prayers, bring out their phones. They don’t care to say the rosary, not to talk of praying to Allah for guidance. About this, I have firsthand knowledge. Phones enjoy the youth market. The market, or proportion of the phone-buying youth, is overwhelming. Our societies now swarm with mollycoddles whose parents buy them sophisticated phones—consequently, the number of young people who abuse the phone trebles. 

The setbacks social media bring to us are too many to mention and discuss. We, nevertheless, can monitor it. In this connection, I recommend the following:

1. Parents should exercise their duty more carefully. They should not buy their children phones at tender ages. They should also know that proper parenthood does not mean buying their children their wants. Because coddling children is tantamount to spoiling them rotten.  

2. The government should also exercise all the options at its disposal to rid children of phone addiction. For instance, it can recruit good teachers in schools, legislate the age of phone possession and ban less important and vulgar SM handles.

3. Schools should frequently organise debates and quizzes to allow students to exercise their brains. They should also ban the usage of phones in a class by teachers. 

4. society should go to great lengths to watch how youngsters use phones and combat phone abuse by either seizing or reporting the concerned kids to their parents/guardians. More so, society should preach ethics and patience to the youth.

In conclusion, the youth are the leaders of tomorrow. Hence, we must do our best to police their phone usage. We must be extra vigilant about the friends they make at school and at home. Today, one can almost access all sorts of knowledge on social media. Instead of spending our data and time on trivial things, why shouldn’t we watch educative videos on YouTube or subscribe to other well-meaning pages on SM? Because, as a matter of fact, the Internet, believe it or not, is the largest school this epoch has seen.

Alkasim Hariru wrote from Kano. He can be reached via alkasabba10@gmail.com.

By Hadiza Abdullahi

Many parents do not care to deliver their responsibilities, leading to different social problems in Nigeria and the world. In layman’s terms, parental negligence can be seen as the failure or inability of parents to fulfil their parental responsibilities of providing the proper and adequate care and attention to their children.

The child-parent relationship is supposed to be affectionate, harmonious, supportive, and productive, but this relationship is becoming conflicting, unsupportive, destructive and agonizing due to certain factors. For example, some parents may be emotionally unsupportive to their children yet provide all their basic needs, i.e. food, clothing and shelter, while some are not supportive.

A study conducted on improper parenting and parental negligence by Dr Manzoor Hussain pointed out that good parenting quality depends on several factors. They include; the mature personality of the parents, which is an essential element of good quality parenting, stable and intimate marital relationship, as well as the form of the pregnancy, i.e. planned or not, as planned pregnancy implies better preparation to be a parent.

On the other hand, a broken home is believed to be the primary factor that contributes enormously to the issue of neglectful parenting, as children from such families are usually brought up by either their biological parent or a step-parent. These children often undergo different sorts of challenges, trauma and agonies from the step-parents, particularly stepmothers, who do not like having a stepchild under their custody. 

A typical example is the case of two minor Almajiris, an eight-year-old Habu and his six-year-old younger brother Tanko (not real names), whose parents got separated and had to live with their father and his new wife. Although the father is financially stable and could cater for their basic needs and education, he refused to do so due to the influence of their stepmother, who rejected them. As a result, the innocent boys left the house, roaming the street as Almajiris.

Research has indicated that couples’ desperation toward becoming a parent also promotes this issue. Some couples, especially the rural residents, who consider the number of children as pride, are only interested in giving birth to as many children as possible without having any adequate plan for their wellbeing. Instead, they exploit the children by engaging them in different forms of child labour such as domestic chores, street hawking, street begging or even working as house helps, all in the name of sourcing for income. The World Health Organization (WHO) regards it as child abuse. This exposes children to dangers when they mingle with bad people who may negatively influence and/or harm them.

These children quickly go astray because their parents are not around to watch and caution their wrong behaviours. Hence most of them end up going into drug abuse, prostitution or even being recruited into terrorist groups, among other crimes.

Hajiya Salamatu Yaqub, a housewife and a mother, lamented that the absence of adequate face-to-face interaction (which is an essential principle for a good parent-child relationship, in which both children and their parents understand each other’s needs, views, emotions, and brings about strong and growing intimacy between them) contributes immensely to this problem.

Similarly, Malama Maryam, another mother, expressed her grief over how some so-called civilized and educated Nigerian parents, especially young mothers, adopt an improper way of parenting. They focus more on their jobs, education, and other forms of businesses instead of the primary role of every traditional Nigerian parent, specifically mothers who are supposed to put the welfare of their families ahead of anything else. However, some abandon these responsibilities altogether while some entrust the responsibilities to nannies and other house helps, who may not be morally upright and talk more of instilling moral values in children.

A teenager (who refused to be named) and a victim of neglectful parenting said, “being neglected by your own parent is the worst and most traumatizing experience of every child”. She further disclosed how she and her siblings went through a lot due to this issue. Even though their parents took proper care of all their basic needs, they are always absent to watch over them, support them emotionally and caution them. She added, “we miss our parents badly and do a lot of things we should not do and mingle with people we would not have been mingling with supposing our parents are around”.

Children with intellectual, psychological, emotional and developmental disabilities are especially vulnerable to being forced into child labour and are more likely to face threats of violence and abuse. These children— especially girls—are often victims of trafficking, prostitution, domestic enslavement, forced marriage and other forms of abuse. In addition, some children who have physical and visual disabilities, visible congenital disabilities, or disfigurement are forced by traffickers to beg. In extreme cases, traffickers intentionally disfigure children to exploit them through forced begging. 

Yusuf Muhammad Daura, a student at the Department of Special Education, Bayero University, Kano, described parents who take advantage of their children’s physical disabilities and refuse to work hard, instead using them as a source of income, as irresponsible and self-centred. He added that when interviewed, most of these children seen on the street begging or hawking explained how they were forced into it and if they were to have an opportunity of living a normal life, they would be more than happy to join their mates in going to school.

However, it is understood that some children undergo neglectful parenting not because the parents or guardians are not around to support them emotionally or failed to provide for their basic needs. It’s, instead, due to their inability to home train and discipline the children properly.

The implications of parental negligence are many. They include a lack of mutual understanding and affection between parents and their children; children’s needs also weaken the close bond that is supposed to exist between their parents and their children. In addition, the children may feel the parent are worthless since they cannot cater for them, which might make them disrespect or hate the parents.

Research indicates that children who lack proper parenting behave aggressively and violently and perform poorly in academic activities. When interviewed, Mr Yahuza Abdullahi, a primary school teacher, confirmed that most children going through improper parenting perform poorly in academics and recreational activities as they do not have the extra support they need, such as helping them with their home works and getting the necessary learning materials.

Therefore, it is paramount that couples must be physically, psychologically and financially ready before they venture into the demanding task of parenting. As someone planning to have a child, prepare for your children or unborn children on how you intend to take adequate care of them. Make provisions for their basic needs, i.e. food, clothing, shelter, education and proper medical care. Also, provide a conducive environment to protect and keep them safe while instilling sound morals and values in them and having a plan on how you intend to caution and correct them whenever they are wrong. 

Also, the government has a critical role in tackling this menace because, as citizens of Nigeria, these children have fundamental rights that the government must protect. Thus, the government should have the full authority to punish any parent or guardian caught abusing or neglecting their parental responsibilities. 

Hadiza Abdullahi, Department of Mass Communication, Bayero University, Kano.

By Abdullahi Abubakar Lamido

Introduction

In today’s Nigeria, we experience a rapidly growing population at an average rate of 3% per annum. We currently have about 220 million citizens and still counting. Our population is projected to reach nearly 400 million in the next 28 years. It is factual also that the population growth is much higher in the Muslim communities of Northern Nigeria than in other communities in both the North and the South.

Due to many reasons, foremost among which is the widespread practice of Islamically permissible polygyny, our population grows exponentially. At the same time, little is done to plan the expansion of infrastructure and provide alternative ways of coping with the needs of the expanding population. An average Northern Nigerian man likes and practices polygyny (i.e. marries more than one wife). In addition, family planning and birth control are generally considered taboos. Families are, therefore, mostly large.

While the population is supposed to be a blessing, it can also be a curse if not well managed. It is clear also that most of the Muslim masses and a large chunk of the Muslim leaders, intellectuals and even religious scholars are oblivious of the long term consequences of an ever-growing population that is not matched with a corresponding sharī’ah-compliant solid plan for taking care of the education, health, food and other socioeconomic and religio-spiritual needs of the expanding population.

While few are partly aware of some of the projections related to population growth vis-à-vis the socioeconomic and other realities, we are largely oblivious of the need to develop Islamic oriented ways of building the society and coping with the socioeconomic challenges associated with our growing population and exponentially changing societal dynamics. Therefore, the issue can quickly become controversial during any discussion.

But a society that accepts, based on an interpretation of religious teachings and cultural beliefs, that polygamy – rather polygyny – should be widely practised and even encouraged should also be a society that always goes back to the scripture for proper guidance on how to manage polygamous families. Since, as a religious Ummah, we have accepted what Islam has provided for us of the permissibility of having many children, is it not also Islamically incumbent upon us to go back to the Qur’an and Sunnah to learn how to organise the social, educational, economic and other needs of our families? Within this context, I intend to introduce family waqf, an almost entirely unknown Islamic institution for organising and planning the prosperity of families in Nigeria.  

Unpleasant Consequences of Life without Planning

How often have you heard stories that end with statements like: “Allahu Akbar! Late Alhaji Adamu was a wealthy person, a kind, gentle, and successful businessman. But look at how his children are suffering…”; or “Can you remember Alhaji Mai-Turare: the owner of XYZ Business at Tudun Muntsira quarters? Do you know that this hopeless drug addict is his son! He dropped out of school and joined a team of hooligans…Allah ya sa mu gama da duniya lafiya (May we have a good end in this world)”. And similar stories?!

Those are recurrent stories in Northern Nigeria. You have several successful entrepreneurs or accomplished aristocrats and professionals who reached the zenith of fortune in their chosen businesses and professions and lived lives of accomplishment and contribution. However, shortly after their demise, their estates would be shared among their 30 heirs; four wives, over 20 children, etc. After a few years, those inheritors of enormous wealth would fall from the world of prosperity to that of harsh poverty.

Many people would be rich, with an ever-expanding flow of income in the booming years of their careers. Still, they would never think of making a sustainable investment for the future prosperity of their children, not even for their life after retirement. After the family has grown large, inflation has multiplied manifold, and life has become unbearably expensive against their sources of income which have rather contracted due to age and other factors; they turn from affluence to poverty, battling to settle even the most basic of their bills. They neither invested for their retirement nor made an ever-flowing investment for their second life, the eternal life after death.

They have no passive investments that generate income for them at old age, nor a waqf (endowment) that would continue to fetch them rewards even while in their graves. They have no plan for what would sustainably finance their family’s education, health, and other essential needs. And so the worst happens. And the whistle is blown for their final, inevitable transition to the next world, leaving their family in economic and financial confusion, which often spirals into other messes in the spiritual, social and mental spheres. Soon after dearth, history forgets them as they have left nothing that continues to fetch them rewards and people’s prayers, not even for their immediate family.

The Importance of Making a Financial Plan

But why is it essential to make a financial plan for your children’s and family’s future prosperity? Does that have any place in Islam? Sa’d b. Abu Waqqas was an uncle to the Prophet (peace be upon him). He was among the ten topmost companions that received glad tiding of a direct entry ticket to Paradise in one sitting. He was rich. Actually, very rich.

One day, during the farewell pilgrimage, the Prophet visited Sa’d on his sickbed. After exchanging greetings, Sa’d told the Prophet that I am seriously ill, as you can see. He apparently was doubtful of surviving that illness. He said, “And I am a very rich person, but there is no one to inherit my wealth except a single daughter.” He then asked if he could give two-thirds of his wealth to charity, leaving one-thirds for the daughter. The Prophet instantly replied with a quick “No”. “What of half?” The Prophet again said, “NO”! What of one-thirds?” Now, here is where the Prophet reluctantly approved by saying, “One-third! Even one-third is huge and too much”. Anyway, the Prophet followed this with a statement that deserves the attention of parents at all times; “It is better to die leaving your heirs in affluence than to leave them in poverty, so they continue begging people for alms”. 

Many lessons abound in the above conversation of great personalities. One, piety and affluence are never mutually exclusive; you can be profoundly pious and superlatively prosperous. Two, connected to this, enjoying worldly opulence does not preclude enjoying everlasting other earthly felicity. In fact, worldly riches are effective instruments for attaining success in the next world. This is clear in the stories of great companions like Abubakar Siddiq, Uthman Bin Affan, Abdurrahman and, of course, Sa’ad.

Significantly also, you can plan all of these for your loved ones beginning with your children and wives. Not only you can; you have to! This is Prophetic advice, if not an order. The Prophet (may peace be upon him) made it impermissible for a person, especially while bidding farewell to the world, having no chance on sight to go to the market and earn more resources from gifting out his fortunes lest he throws them into poverty after him.

In simple terms, what the Prophet wanted from us is to plan for making our children self-reliant, self-sufficient and socio-economically empowered. With this, instead of being dependent, they will be independent. We should try making them givers, not receivers, assets rather than liabilities. Ask yourself, if not for empowering the deceased person’s posterity, why would the Sharī’ah even prescribe the inheritance laws in the first place? And in the Hadith of Sa’d above, the Prophet wants us to understand that the philosophy behind inheritance itself is to plan for the sustainable prosperity and economic independence of the deceased’s heirs; leaving them with sufficient inheritable resources to make them rich (agniya’) as against poor (alah).  

Abdullahi Abubakar Lamido, Chairman, Zakah and Waqf Foundation, Gombe . He can be reached via lamidomabudi@gmail.com.