Men

By Abdullahi Mukhtar Algasgaini

Stubborn women fail in their marriages, and even in their relationships with relatives. Women who lack emotional intelligence and flexibility in dealing with people around them, are the biggest failures in their marriages and their lives.

Why? She enters into an egoistic tug of war with her husband, and prefers the voice of her ego to try to overcome him, and in fact she fails before the ego of her husband and the ego of those who are around her, because men become more stubborn in front of a stubborn wife and stubborn sister, and they become more gentle in front of a submissive woman.

A headstrong woman thinks that she can win while insisting on her opinion, and she can stand in front of any opposition. She forgets that even if she wins by her obstinacy in her opinion and stand, she loses the heart that was loving her and caring for her.

Many narrations and wise proverbs in all the cultures have praised an easy-going, soft, friendly, patient and enduring woman.

Even the Messenger (peace and blessings be on him) and the Companions after him, recommended and praised a woman who respects her husband and speaks with softness and wisdom, and in turn he will love her and never leave her.

The woman who will obey her husband and stoop to let the storm pass; she is the wise, rational woman who thrives, and holds the family together.

The woman who stands like an unyielding dry stick is the one who breaks, suffering irreparable damage.The uncompromising woman clings to her opinion. She tries to constantly perpetuate the illusion of her victory: I win and you lose, I am right and you are wrong. Such a woman destroys herself before destroying others. And she lives a life of sorrowful despondency in this world and the hereafter.

By Lawal Dahiru Mamman,

On November 6, 2024, the World Health Organisation (WHO) used its public WhatsApp channel to broadcast an important message: “November, or Movember, is Men’s Health Month.”

This month and in the future, men are invited to grow moustaches to promote awareness and initiate discussions about health topics such as prostate cancer, testicular cancer, and mental health. Let’s move from discussion to action!

The message continued, “Women have a role to play, too! Encourage and support the men in your life to take the steps needed to improve their health.” It then provided a web link for more details.

Inspired by this call to action, there was a strong urge to investigate and bring to light diseases peculiar to men. However, a quieter voice suggested pausing to observe the media landscape and assess the awareness campaigns and engagement level.

As November progressed, it became apparent that despite the importance of men’s health, the subject was overshadowed by other significant events, such as World Diabetes Day (November 14), Cervical Cancer Elimination Day (November 17), World Toilet Day (November 19), and Anti-Microbial Resistance Awareness Week (November 18–24).

Men’s Health Awareness Month aims to encourage men to talk about their health and seek support when needed. It focuses on issues like prostate cancer, testicular cancer, mental health challenges, and suicide prevention.

Bringing the conversation closer to home, men are disproportionately affected by heart disease, cancer, and mental health issues, yet many adopt a “stiff upper lip” mentality, often choosing to endure symptoms rather than seek help. 

This reluctance is alarming. Globally, men die an average of 4.5 years earlier than women, with 86% of these deaths attributed to non-communicable diseases and injuries, according to a 2019 WHO study.

Prostate cancer remains a significant health concern worldwide, with over 1.4 million cases diagnosed in 2020 and an age-standardized incidence rate (ASIR) of 30.7 per 100,000 males. In Nigeria, it is the most common cancer among men, accounting for 11–15.1% of all male cancers. 

Between 2009 and 2016, data from 15 cancer registries in Nigeria recorded 4,091 cases, with 80% deemed incurable at diagnosis. This underscores the lack of investment in men’s healthcare.

Mental health is another area plagued by harmful stereotypes and societal expectations. An estimated 40 to 60 million Nigerians suffer from various mental health disorders. The country ranks fifth globally in suicide rates, with about 15,000 cases per 100,000 people. 

For men, societal pressures to fulfil financial and family responsibilities exacerbate their mental health struggles. Failure to meet these expectations often earns them harsh labels like “irresponsible,” further driving depression.

On the cardiovascular front, heart diseases, high blood pressure, and strokes remain the leading causes of death among men. Occupational hazards also contribute significantly to premature deaths, while lifestyle choices such as smoking, poor diets, alcohol consumption, and exposure to interpersonal violence increase health risks.

Risk-taking behaviours and the underutilisation of healthcare services compound men’s health issues, which are consistent across many countries. These trends highlight the importance of leveraging platforms like Men’s Health Month to challenge societal norms and encourage proactive health management.

David Samadi, a world-renowned urologist and prostate cancer expert, aptly observed that “Men’s health is not just about physical health, but also about mental and emotional wellbeing.” His words emphasise that men’s health has far-reaching consequences, affecting individuals, their families, and communities.

Although this year’s Men’s Health Awareness Month has ended, the mission does not stop here. Instead, it should mark the beginning of sustained efforts to keep the conversation alive, promote healthy living, and drive awareness year-round.

This is an urgent appeal to individuals, organisations, and policymakers to prioritise men’s health issues and foster environments that encourage men to seek help without fear of stigma or judgment. Together, we can ensure that men’s health receives the attention it deserves.

Lawal Dahiru Mamman writes from Abuja and can be reached at dahirulawal90@gmail.com.

By Aisha Musa Auyo

Men’s preferences for women change with age, exposure, and income. What a man wants in his 20s will differ from what he wants in his forties. The woman he can afford at his first marriage will be different from the woman he would love to have in his midlife, especially in abubuwa na shigo masa. This is why we advise our fellow women to evolve with their men. 

This post is about men. I’ve written a lot for women and about women. It’s your turn now, especially since no one takes time to tell men what is required of them to keep their marriage going. The expectation is that a woman should keep her marriage. The reality is that it takes a husband and wife’s combined efforts to keep the marriage going.

My brother, know your woman can not be what you want without your support. Here, support means emotional, financial, and social support. If you marry a woman with minimal educational qualifications and you go ahead and add degrees without carrying her along, you are naturally creating a gap in your relationship. 

If you are always travelling within and outside your country, without her, she will be left behind in experience and exposure. 

If you are getting a lot of money, changing your wardrobe and perfume collections, and not doing so for her, she will soon be too local for you.

Know that the fine, educated, and brilliant lady you are eyeing and admiring is like that because someone invested in her. Someone allowed her to grow. Someone trusted, invested, and supported her. Good soup, they say, ‘na money me kam.’

Building meaningful connections with women, akin to nurturing a plant, involves investing time, energy, and resources. Just as they blossom with care, women flourish when given attention and support. It’s important to recognize the value of financial care, pampering, and spoiling in fostering a strong and vibrant relationship.

Let me start with these two hadiths.

Our Prophet, Muhammad, peace be upon him, said, “When a Muslim spends something on his family intending to receive Allah’s reward, it is regarded as Sadaqa for him.”

Allah’s Apostle said, “Allah said, ‘O son of Adam! Spend, and I shall spend on you.”

I don’t want to start listing the basic things a woman needs from her man because not all fingers are equal, and what is basic to one family may be a luxury to another. 

But a lady generally needs peace and care to look good and be happy. Everyone can afford that, huh? 

To chat, tease, and play with her is hard for some men. To acknowledge her efforts, praise her, pray for her, and engage in a meaningful, deep conversation with a wife is a big deal to some men. Watching movies with one’s wife, taking her out, travelling with her, or spending quality time with her is impossible for some men.

On nutrition, a good and balanced diet is the number one responsibility of a husband. A husband should spend on his family depending on his pocket. Don’t give her garri and Garau-Garau, then order shawarma, basmati, and tiger nut drink for yourself from Auyo’s Cuisines. Buying grains only and leaving her to cater to the remaining ingredients is wrong. Sometimes, the ingredients for food preparation cost more than the grains. 

Body care essentials like soap, pads, deodorants, perfumes, hair products, and clothing are non-negotiable. If you have the resources, give her money for a good skincare routine, spa treatment, gyaran jiki, salon, manicure, pedicure, etc. 

Normalize buying clothes more than two times a year. Give her money for nighties, underwear, comfy wear, and pyjamas. A woman also needs hijabs, veils, laffayas, and abayas. Everything I listed here has prices that vary with one’s income, dan Allah a kamanta.

In education, a woman needs to update and upgrade her Islamic knowledge, Western education, and socialization. The world is changing and evolving in the blink of an eye. If she’s stagnant in these areas, she might not be well-equipped to raise your kids and be the wife that you need.

Aisha Musa Auyo is a doctoral researcher in educational psychology, a wife, a mother of three, a homemaker, a chef, and a parenting/relationship coach. She can be reached via aishamuauyo@live.co.uk.

By Aisha Musa Auyo

I have been writing about how women should be patient, understanding, tolerant, verbally appreciative of their men, admire them, massage their egos, and constantly upgrade themselves to please their men, etc. The men are loving it. It’s about time women get their concerns heard.

We all love good things. And I know it’s a man’s nature not to care what his woman thinks about his looks after he marries her. The truth is, smart men know that appeasing their women pleases themselves. Most of the time, women reciprocate what they feel. If they’re happy, they radiate that energy to the people around them, and trust me, a positive vibe is contagious.

You’ve seen her, and you wanted nothing but to marry her at that moment. You will do anything to please, impress, convince, attract, and marry her. That’s not the end, though. You need to work on staying happily married to her. You need to stay attractive to her. Women are strange beings—simple yet complicated. Basic things like hygiene (oral, toilet, clothes, head, nails, and general body cleanliness), choice of perfume, or outfits can make her love or hate you. Yes, we don’t dislike—we hate. Lol.

Frankly, I don’t want to write about this. I don’t want to start telling adult males how to groom themselves, but the direct messages and tags I receive are too numerous to ignore. So, let’s do this!

It was reported to me that most men don’t flush after peeing. Yes, you read that correctly. I feel compelled to bring this out for the sake of my girls. Furthermore, when they flush after a number two, they don’t bother to wait and see if everything is cleared, let alone use the toilet brush or air freshener.

The ideal way to clean up after using the toilet is to wash yourself with soap and water. Water alone will suffice for purification, but soap is necessary for hygiene and a pleasant smell.

When it comes to underwear, kindly change them daily. Buy as many as you can afford. There are affordable ones for everyone’s pocket. Nigerian weather is not very friendly. Those sweatpants and tight trousers are bad for hygiene. Please let your body breathe!

Mouthwash, clove, and chewing gum are not for women alone. They’re oral hygiene products for both genders. Teeth scaling, polishing, and dental check-ups are not just for celebrities. They’re for everyone. Manicures, pedicures, and shaving (for men) every Friday are sunnah. Shampoo, conditioner, and anti-dandruff products are for both genders, especially men who want to grow their hair. However, they should be aware that this decision comes with financial responsibility.

Wash or sanitize your hands immediately when you get home. Bathe and brush your teeth after work, and use deodorant, body spray, antiperspirants, and perfumes (I know most of you do these things before going out). The problem is when you are home. Your wife deserves the best version of you. Please ask her what she thinks of your perfume. If her choice is different from yours, use your own choice when you are going out and her choice when you are home.

When your wife nonchalantly suggests that you freshen up, get the clue, dude… she may not spell out that you stink. And if anyone you trust offers you a clove, chewing gum, or minted sweets, gladly accept it; chances are, you need to freshen your breath. Accept corrections and observations about your hygiene with an open mind.

If you notice that your wife is avoiding physical contact or conversations with you, check your hygiene. A wife prepares herself and waits the whole day just to be with her husband. So if she’s keeping her distance, something must be amiss. Freshen up and both of you will be fine.

Women love money, they say, but decent women love hygienic and good-smelling men more. If you have money, use it to look and smell good. If you don’t, make sure you are not dirty. There are cheaper options for looking and smelling good. A woman can never hate a neat and good-smelling guy. Women pay more attention to how you smell than how you look.

And that annoying jallabiyya you men wear from Friday evening until Monday morning, please try to change the habit. It really annoys us. If we ladies can change at least two outfits a day just to please you, you may as well reciprocate the gesture. There are comfortable casual clothes that are very available and affordable.

The dreaded morning breath… we know it’s unavoidable, but hey, brush your teeth before sleeping, use mouthwash, chew mint leaves or cloves before bed. That morning intimacy couples rave about isn’t so great with morning breath. Please brush before going to Subhi prayer (that one is a complaint from your fellow men). Just brush before talking to anyone. Drink water and eat a date or apple to neutralize the acidity in your empty stomach.

In general, a pleasant smell has a calming effect on the person who wears it and the person who breathes it in. A bad smell is not only offensive to the nose but also damages the recipient’s mood, angering them instantly. The unfortunate thing is that most people who exude a bad smell are unaware of it. Therefore, as an individual, do everything humanly possible to avoid having an unpleasant odor. Never be too busy or in a hurry to the detriment of your personal hygiene and grooming.

Aisha Musa Auyo is a Doctoral researcher in Educational Psychology, a mother of three, a homemaker, caterer, and parenting/relationship coach. She can be contacted via aishamuauyo@gmail.com.

By Ummusalma Farouq Sambo

Hormonal imbalance is a nightmare for many women. Being unspoken by society and an enigma to most women is why I am writing this piece.

Many marriages/relationships are affected by the concurrent hormonal imbalance in women. The lack of knowledge from men on the topic leads to lots of misunderstanding about us women. I believe we can solve this problem by teaching women what is wrong with their bodies and enlightening men about how some women are created.

Let’s start by knowing what hormones are in a simple human context.

Hormones are chemical messengers produced by various glands in the body. They are released into the bloodstream and travel to different body parts to regulate and control multiple functions. They are crucial in coordinating processes like growth, metabolism, reproduction, and mood. They act as signals, transmitting information between different organs and tissues to help maintain balance and harmony within the body.

However, maintaining hormonal balance is no easy feat. Our bodies are like a complex ecosystem, and even the slightest disruption can throw these delicate hormones into disarray. Stress, poor lifestyle choices, and certain medical conditions can all wreak havoc on this delicate equilibrium, leading to hormonal imbalances and a host of unwelcome symptoms.

Symptoms Of Hormonal Imbalance

Living with hormonal imbalance is like navigating a maze of unexpected twists and turns. As a woman, I know firsthand the impact it can have on our lives. Let’s look at the signs that can help us unravel the mystery of hormonal imbalance.

1. Rollercoaster of Emotions: Imagine waking up overwhelmed by sadness, only to burst into tears moments later. Hormonal imbalance can unleash a rollercoaster of emotions, leaving you feeling irritable, anxious, or inexplicably down. These emotional ups and downs can disrupt your relationships, work, and well-being.
2. Mysterious Weight Fluctuations: Have you ever diligently followed a healthy diet yet struggled to lose weight? Hormonal imbalance may be at play. It can wreak havoc on our metabolism, leading to unexplained weight gain or difficulty losing weight, no matter how hard we try.
3. Battle of the Breakouts: Acne isn’t just a teenage problem. Hormonal imbalances can trigger frustrating breakouts, even in our adult years. Those pesky pimples that seem to appear out of nowhere? They could be a red flag indicating that our hormones are out of whack.
4. Energy Dips and Fatigue: Feeling like you’re constantly running on empty? Hormonal imbalance can drain your energy levels, leaving you feeling fatigued and exhausted. Staying focused and productive becomes a daily struggle; even the simplest tasks can feel like climbing Mount Everest.
5. Menstrual Mayhem: Our monthly cycle can offer valuable insights into our hormonal health. Irregular periods missed periods, frequent periods, stopped periods, heavy flows, or excruciating cramps might indicate that our hormones are imbalanced. These disruptions bring physical discomfort and disrupt our plans and routines.
6. Sleepless Nights: Tossing and turning, unable to find that elusive state of blissful slumber? Hormonal imbalance can wreak havoc on our sleep patterns, leaving us staring at the ceiling in frustration. It becomes a vicious cycle where lack of sleep further exacerbates hormonal imbalances.
7. Vaginal dryness and itching
8. Hyperpigmentation of the skin
9. Puffy face
10. Decreased or increased heart rate
11. Weakened muscles
12. Pain in the muscles, tenderness, and stiffness
13. Pain and swelling in the joints
14. Depression
15. Infertility
16. Anxiety or irritability
17. Purple stretch marks

Causes and Contributing Factors of hormonal imbalance

Throughout different stages of life, hormonal changes play a significant role in our bodies. Puberty, pregnancy, perimenopause, and menopause are all periods when our hormones fluctuate, potentially leading to imbalances. These natural transitions can sometimes throw our delicate hormonal equilibrium off track, causing different symptoms.

But it’s not just natural life events that affect our hormones. Our environment and lifestyle choices also play a vital role. The relentless stress of modern life, poor diet, and lack of exercise can all contribute to hormonal imbalances. Stress, in particular, can disrupt the delicate dance of hormones in our bodies, throwing them out of whack and causing confusion on our physical and emotional well-being.

In addition to external factors, underlying medical conditions can disrupt hormonal balance. Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), thyroid disorders, and insulin resistance can all contribute to imbalances. These conditions require careful attention and management to restore hormonal harmony.

Other factors that can cause hormonal imbalances are

• Pregnancy
• Breastfeeding
• Primary ovarian insufficiency
• Hypogonadism
• Cushing syndrome
• Benign or cancerous tumours
• Eating disorders
• Stress
• Hormone therapy
• Thyroiditis
• Congenital adrenal hyperplasia
• Medications
• Cancer treatments 

Seeking Balance and Restoration

I’ve discovered that a holistic approach is vital when restoring hormonal balance. It’s not just about popping a pill or relying solely on medical interventions; it’s about embracing a lifestyle that supports my overall well-being. Let me share with you some strategies I’ve found helpful on my journey:

1. Nourishing my body with a balanced diet: I’ve come to appreciate the power of food in nurturing my hormones. Incorporating whole foods, like colourful fruits and vegetables, lean proteins, and healthy fats, has made a remarkable difference. I’ve also minimised processed foods and refined sugars, which can disrupt hormonal harmony.
2. Moving my body regularly: Exercise has become my secret weapon in regulating hormones and reducing stress. Whether it’s a walk, a yoga session, or a gym, finding activities I enjoy has made incorporating movement into my daily routine easier.
3. Prioritizing quality sleep: I used to underestimate the importance of sleep, but now I recognise its profound impact on my hormonal health. Creating a calming bedtime routine, minimising exposure to screens before bed and ensuring a comfortable sleep environment help me achieve more restful nights and wake up refreshed.
4. Managing stress effectively: Stress can cause unwanted problems with our hormones, so finding healthy coping mechanisms has been crucial. I’ve explored various stress management techniques, such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, writing, and spending time in nature. These practices have helped me find balance and reduce the adverse effects of stress on my hormonal well-being.
5. Embracing self-care rituals: Taking time for myself has become a non-negotiable part of my routine. Whether indulging in a relaxing bath, enjoying a good book, practising mindfulness, or engaging in creative hobbies, these self-care routines have provided a much-needed sanctuary in my busy life and supported my hormonal balance.

While lifestyle changes have been impactful, it’s essential to acknowledge that sometimes medical interventions are necessary. Consultation with healthcare professionals, such as doctors or endocrinologists, can provide further guidance and options tailored to your specific hormonal needs.

Remember, seeking balance and restoration is a personal journey, and what works for me may be different for you. The key is to listen to your body, be patient with yourself, and make gradual changes that align with your goals and values. Embrace your power in taking control of your hormonal health and nurturing your overall well-being.

Empowering Women and Promoting Awareness

We have to prioritise our health as women. We must prioritise our health and well-being, including taking care of our hormonal health. I can’t stress enough how important it is to listen to our bodies and pay attention to any changes or symptoms we may be experiencing. Whether it’s irregular periods, mood swings, or unexplained weight gain, these signs could be indicators of hormonal imbalance. By proactively seeking help when needed, we empower ourselves to regain control over our bodies and overall health.

Knowledge is power when it comes to hormonal imbalance. Knowledge truly is power. Educating ourselves about the intricacies of our hormones, the factors that can disrupt their balance, and the potential impact on our well-being allows us to make informed decisions. We can debunk myths, challenge misconceptions, and advocate for our health by staying informed. Let’s empower ourselves with knowledge and spread awareness among our friends, family, and communities so that no woman feels alone in her journey to understand and manage hormonal imbalance.

You are not alone. Dealing with hormonal imbalance can sometimes feel overwhelming, but remember. You are not alone. Building a support network can be incredibly empowering. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or even online communities where you can connect with other women going through similar experiences. Sharing your challenges, seeking advice, and supporting others can create a strong sense of solidarity and help you navigate this journey confidently. Together, we can uplift and inspire one another to embrace self-care and take control of our hormonal health.

For our men, patience and understanding of how a woman’s body is created will help you to understand us much better. On days that we don’t feel like talking or laughing, we understand we are fighting an unknown battle and that only your love will help suppress our pains.

Ummusalma Farouq Sambo wrote from Kano. She can be contacted via salmerhsambo@gmail.com.

By Usama Abdullahi 

Our car got stuck in poky traffic when I was heading home after visiting our ailing mother at the National Hospital Abuja last night. The motion was really slow, and that instantly made me feel bored. Also, a young lady was sitting close to me, making annoying phone calls and eating popcorn. I looked at everybody in the car, and they were all engrossed in their smartphones except the driver, who remained focused while driving. So I brought out my phone, rushed to my gallery and played a Hollywood clip. That’s how I decided to kill my boredom.

While watching the clip on my phone, the young lady sitting next to me tapped me on the shoulder – indicating that she needed to talk to me. I felt her tapping but hesitated to turn until she tapped me again. 

This time I turned and stared at her curiously. She then asked if what I was watching was interesting. “Oh, yeah. It’s an interesting clip. Would you love to see it?” I asked. “Ah, no. I thought it was a movie”, she responded. After learning that what I was watching was just a clip and not a movie, she continued to make her phone calls. She’s holding an iPhone. Even though I didn’t see her face clearly, I could attest to her gorgeousness through the softness of her voice.

She was happily on the phone with her boyfriend when one of her broke guys called. Unluckily for him, she didn’t hang the call to attend to his call until she was done talking to the rich boyfriend. She didn’t even greet him when she finally picked up the broke guy’s call. Instead, she began to yell at him for not sending the money he had promised her the other day. I keenly listened to them till the very end. Mind you; I wasn’t eavesdropping because she put the phone on speaker. So, I did hear every single bit of their heated phone conversations.

I was disgusted by what she said to the broke guy. I pitifully imagined myself in his shoes. Although I’m hopeful that I will never be entangled in such a type of unavailing relationship, I felt and still feel for the poor guy.

This encounter has taught me a bitter lesson: how transactional relationships have become these days. Today, only a handful of women love their men unconditionally. Instead, most of them love their men because of their monetary status. I’m not saying that money doesn’t play a significant role in relationships. Of course, it does, but it’s saddening how some women have reduced relationships to lucrative businesses where they earn big money without even investing a dime.

And it’s equally saddening that some men, too, only entertain sexual relationships. This is why we are fast losing our modesty as a society. Any relationship sorely built on material gain is doomed to fail. Loyalty and patience are the most important things that usually keep a relationship going. Money cannot possibly keep your relationship afloat, but loyalty and patience can.

Usama Abdullahi writes from Abuja and can be reached via usamagayyi@gmail.com.

By Abdullahi Yusuf

The agitation for gender equality could be dated back to the beginning of the 18^th century when Mary Wollstonecraft wrote her book titled A vindication of the right of woman, in which she argues for women’s right to education. The issue rose to cosmopolitan through the 18^th and 19^th centuries when women from different parts of the world began to advocate for gender equality and fight against any act they considered as oppression against women by their opposite gender. They aggressively campaign against patriarchy – admonish it and call for its total abolition.

The central themes of most of their campaigns, as they usually proclaim, are centred around fighting against gender stereotypes and gender-based violence. And also seek equal opportunities as men, and women’s education, among others. They perceived women as being oppressed since the inception of humanity.

But unfortunately, the moral justification of this ideology puts men at a disadvantage. They consistently receive backlash as a predicament of these struggles. Those ardent advocates always consider men as oppressors, narcissists, egoists and self-centred, which causes all the misfortunes in women’s lives. This makes women that are adamant about this ideology highly androgynous.

Androphobia has become part of the ideology per se because most of those promoting it display one aspect of man-hating or the other. The radical ones among them tend to even distance themselves from any intersexual relationship due to their adamant stand on ideology. Do women who do not believe in this ideology have anything to lose? Why are many women against this ideology, and some even consider it evil?

According to major religious beliefs and scientific views about creation, almost all living things are created in pairs (i.e. male and female). The disparity is primarily because of reproduction. Therefore, females alone cannot reproduce without their male counterparts. Contemporarily, in this technologically advanced world, there are certain procedures that some women adopt to conceive without the physical involvement of men in the process. Still, regardless, man has to contribute in one way or the other along the way. That’s in the case of reproduction alone.

Human beings are created with inadequacies. Men tend to be physically stronger than women and can cope with the stressors of life more than women. Women, on the other hand, are meant to be more compassionate than men. They can better take care of the responsibilities of others without being stressed. That is why they tend to play a more significant role in the upbringing of children. Coming together of man and woman to form a family has never been a mistake, but rather to fill up the inadequacies of one another and form a society where morality is respected.

Unfortunately, marriage is the first institution destroyed by those promoting gynocentrism. That is why there is a high increase in the rate of single mothers in the developed world, negatively affecting the upbringing of children and victimising women by increasing the level of their responsibility to the children. Broken homes are mostly a predicament because of this ideology that usually renders many men homeless and distances them from their children.

Suicide among men has been on the rise, caused mainly by judgement issues by family courts in developed countries. The legal system has been tempered to favour women in matrimonial cases, which promotes gynocentrism. Men are being oppressed and victimised worldwide, but sadly, nobody talks about it.

Many rape cases where men were held responsible are just false accusations from women to get revenge for what might have occurred between them. Severally, men have been traumatised mentally over allegations of rape cases against them that have not happened. Men face a series of domestic violence. Many men were sexually molested during their childhood by elderly women, which perverted them in their old age. Men are being oppressed on several occasions by women, but nobody is standing for men, and nobody is advocating for men’s rights.

The equality that promotes gynocentrism advocate is subject to women’s superiority. You’ll be tagged as a misogynist when you talk to them about equality that will strike a balance between men and women.

Injustice can be found everywhere, across gender, race, tribe, etc. There’s no monopoly when it comes to justice or injustice. Anybody can oppress and can be oppressed. Therefore, try to be objective in your approach when calling for equality or justice. Nobody will deny you the right to advocate for your rights, but don’t be unjust in trying to find justice. Know your position in society and respect your social obligations and that of others.

Abdullahi Yusuf is a 400-level student of Health Education at Bayero University Kano. He can be reached via abdoolphd@gmail.com.

By Hassan Idris

In discussing sexual and gender-based violence, it is of utmost importance to distinguish between sex and gender. Sex is the biological predisposition of being a male or female, while gender refers to a social construction which is socially created. It’s sexual and gender-based violence because it’s violence against the sexual predisposition of somebody, accompanied by social and cultural norms against one’s gender. Sexual and gender-based violence can be violence against men by men, men by women, women by men or women by women. But I’ll be more concerned with violence against women by men. 

Culture and Gender-Based Violence

The role culture plays in sexual and gender-based violence is perilous because most sexual and gender-based violence cases revolve around social and cultural norms that are culturally made by society. Social norms are contextually and socially derived uncontested intentions of ethical behaviours. Sexual and gender-based violence persists as one of the extensively prevalent and ongoing issues confronting women and girls globally.

Disputes and other humanitarian emergencies spot women and girls at heightened risk of numerous forms of sexual and gender-based violence. The Inter-Agency Standing Committee (IASC) 2015 Guidelines for Integrating Sexual and Gender-based Violence Interventions in Humanitarian Action defines sexual and gender-based violence as “any fatal act that is perpetrated against a person’s will, and that is based on socially ascribed (i.e., gender) differences between females and males. 

What Makes up Gender-Based Violence?

Gender-based violence comprises conduct that imposes physical, sexual or mental harm or hardship, perils of such acts, intimidation and other deprivations of freedom. These destructive acts can transpire in public and in private. Toxic social norms that strengthen sexual and gender-based violence include women’s sexual virtue, conserving family respect over women’s safety, and men’s sovereignty to discipline women and children.

It’s paramount for us to know that women are at enormous risk of sexual and gender-based violence. We have seen circumstances where women are endangered by parental violence and violence during adolescence, and survivors always report adverse effects on physical, mental and reproductive health. Yet, often time hostile health and social effects imposed on women are never dealt with because often women do not divulge sexual and gender-based violence to providers or key health care or other services (e.g., safety, legal, traditional authorities) because of social norms that accuse the woman for the onslaught. 

Personal Experience with Gender-Based Violence

I can recall a friend’s elder brother who molested and beat his wife mercilessly because she served his mother food with her left hand. To him, it’s against his culture, and he had to beat his wife till she was hospitalised. Another man beat his wife because she cooked food for him while she was on her menstrual period, which he claimed went against his culture and traditional norms. There are many cases where women are badly hit because of their biological predispositions and cultural norms that give men more power.

Social and Psychological Impacts of Gender-Based Violence.

Sexual and gender-based violence have caused a lot of physiological, psychological and sociological injuries to numerous women. All indicate and enhance inequities between men and women and jeopardise victims’ health, self-respect, protection and freedom. Moreover, it incorporates various human rights infringements, including sexual exploitation of teenagers, rape, home cruelty, sexual battering and harassment, trafficking of women and girls and multiple other dangerous traditional practices.

Any one of these abuses can leave deep mental wounds; ravage the well-being of women and girls in a widespread manner, encompassing their reproductive and sexual health, and in some specimens, results in death. 

It is a Human Rights Violation

Violence against women is the most vastly yet subtlest renowned human rights intimidation in the world. It is an exhibition of historically unequal hegemony approaches between men and women, which have directed to dominance over and unfairness against women by men and to the impediment of the comprehensive advancement of women. Brutality against women is one of the crucial social tools by which women are impelled into a subordinate roles compared with men.

This violence may have contemplative effects, both direct and indirect, on a woman’s reproductive health, including undue pregnancies and insufficient acceptance of family planning information and contraceptives, unsafe abortion or damages unremitting throughout a legitimate abortion after an undesirable pregnancy, drawbacks from recurring rent, high-risk pregnancies and deficiency of follow-up care, sexually transmitted infections, including HIV, continual gynaecological problems as well as mental hardships.

Conclusion

In conclusion, to curtail and reduce sexual and gender-based violence, fundamental deterrence programs that promote change by dealing with the elementary causes and drivers of sexual and gender-based violence at a population level should be enacted. Such programs traditionally included endeavours to economically empower girls and women, enhanced legal penalties, enshrining women’s rights and gender equivalence within national legislation and policy, and other measures to promote gender equality and reduce sexual and gender-based violence.

Hassan Idris wrote from Kogi State, Nigeria, via drishassan035@gmail.com.

By Audu Haruna J.

There are so many simple ways through which each and every individual can take very good care of himself. In fact, there is no one to take good care of you, more than you. These easy procedures can vary, to some extent, between ladies and gentlemen, this is probably due to their biological and physical composition. Therefore, let us see these tactics for men, and for women.

● Care of the Genitals – For Men
Change your boxers frequently. Instead of sniffing it to know if it is still suitable for reuse simply have a ‘1 boxer a day’ policy. Let me further explain why you shouldn’t reuse boxers. You will recall the previous write up I did on understanding body odours. The pubic area has an abundance of apocrine glands that produce sweat rich in substances suitable for use by microorganisms. There is therefore more microorganism-sweat interaction in the pubic area (and armpits) than any other part of the body making them the most prone to bad smell. These microorganisms are also collected by your boxers. When you have your bath, you wash them off your genital area. But when you reuse the boxers of yesterday, rather than start afresh, you simply reintroduce those populations stuck on the boxers back into the genital area. Thus people who reuse boxers are more likely to have a smelly pubic area.

●Shave your pubic areas when due.
You would wonder why anyone will neglect his most prized organ to be overgrown by ‘bushes’. Not only will you sweat more, you simply create a good environment for microbial ‘wildlife’ to thrive (pardon my sarcasm). Shave the pubic hairs when they are dyed and do it properly. Some men don’t know how to shave down there. They only shave off the visible/frontal part alone. You should include the hairs on the scrotal sack, that hidden crevice where the scrotum meets your thigh, and the stretch all the way to the anus. These hidden places are even the reservoirs of genital smells. A person may shave regularly but these parts he hasn’t touched in nearly a year. Please be thorough. This may not be related, but your pregnant wife in the last trimester may need your help with shaving because the bulging stomach may make it difficult for her to do it herself unless you don’t mind someone else doing it for her in the labour ward.

●Try to keep the genital area dry, don’t leave it damp. Dry yourself properly after having your bath before wearing your boxers (men know how impatient they can be about this especially when late for work). Due to the impact of water activity on microbial growth, a moist genital area makes life conducive for bacteria and fungi to thrive. The most common infection that results from a damp genital area is Tinea cruris (Jock itch) which causes an itchy, smelly and sometimes reddish ring-shaped rash on the genitals. If you notice this increases your hygiene in the genital area, avoid undies unless it becomes necessary (for instance go boxer less while at home) and seek medical assistance for an antifungal prescription.

So, if you don’t shave regularly and properly, don’t change your boxers frequently, and still keep a damp genital area, I can not begin to imagine how you smell down there. You can do better! May I add that it will be cruel for someone like you to demand oral sex from your wife!

●Avoid Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) as much as you can. Abstain from random sexcapades and stick to your wife. Use condoms if you insist (at least to protect your innocent wife at home). However, know that condoms do not protect you from all STIs.

For Women

It is important that as a woman you have a female who is a health professional with whom you can easily discuss changes in your body and get the right advice. This could be a friend, relative, acquaintance or even a social media personality you follow. You need the right information as there is a lot of misinformation out there.

● You need twice as much, all that has been said above about men. Biologically you are more ‘delicate’ and need more ‘maintenance’ than men. If men are Nokia -cheap and rugged, women are like Samsung – expensive and fragile, to be handled with care.

●The vagina is self-cleansing. You don’t need yoni pearls and those other ‘vagina cleansers’ out there whatever the claim of miracles. If you notice ‘abnormal’ changes in the smell and discharge from your genitals consult your Doctor.

●White and 100% cotton underwear is what is recommended, for proper aeration of the genitals and to reduce the chance of trapping microbes. Nylon, acetate and other kinds of underwear made from synthetic (man-made) materials make you prone to irritation. They may be sexier but not necessarily ideal.

●Insertions, especially when done for masturbation (making it frequent) makes you prone to infection.

●Use mild soaps only to wash the (outer) genital area to avoid irritation.

●Do not abuse antibiotics as this may upset the balance of beneficial bacteria (LAB) in your vagina allowing for pathogens to colonise the area.

●Follow female health professionals on social media for more health tips (you may tag and appreciate some you know doing a wonderful job).

‘Dirty’ and ‘woman’ are two words that should never go together for it will be a sight for sore eyes.

Audu Haruna J. is a lecturer from the Faculty of Pharmacy, Kaduna State University, Nigeria. He can be reached via:
harun1789@yahoo.com

By Sabo Ibrahim Hassan

Did I just say Religious Domestic Violence? Of course, you heard me very right. It may though initially sound quite odd and obfuscated, but when you allow it to sink and give the brain some time to analyze the phrase critically, it will indeed become your today’s take-home. While countless homes unknowingly suffer from this type of domestic abuse, notably in religious geographies, the need to unveil and tackle this type of intimate partner violence becomes an inevitable obligation.

According to the United Nations (UN), Domestic Violence, also called “domestic abuse” or “intimate partner violence”, can be defined as a pattern of behaviour in any relationship used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats that influence another person. This includes behaviour that frightens, intimidates, terrorizes, manipulates, hurts, humiliates, blames, injures, or wounds someone. 

In line with the definition above, we can say that religious-domestic violence refers to the use of half-baked understanding or rather misconception of religious command, painted with sentiment, to inflict a sense of insecurity, and manipulate or frighten the psychology of partner, to ultimately have their total control.

The ill-conceived interpretation and manipulation of some scriptural verses is the primary cause of this religious-domestic violence. However, the issue remains controversial because many deem it the only way to sustain their power and maltreatment against their intimate partners. Besides, our inability to question any irrational interpretation of any scripture, simply because the compass of our thought has been disoriented, hence forced to think in lower rather than higher resolution, has chiefly contributed to the escalation of this menace. Meanwhile, we are not challenging the scripture rather the unfair interpretation of it. Additionally, the fear that you can be easily given your certificate to hell by some so-called custodians of religion has made this type of domestic violence seemingly undefeatable.

The effect of this pseudo-domestic violence is such apparent that it has stolen the joy and peace of many homes, leaving most women helpless with severe psychological trauma. Moreover, the effect is not restricted to the primary victim. It also affects the closest people to the victim, like children, affecting their psychology and perspective. Hence, the fear, insecurity, and misconception of the sacred meaning are passed through different generations, leaving potential victims banged up in fright and uncertainty.

Religious domestic violence often cuts across mental, economic, and psychological boundaries. For example, in a situation where one, due to his badly thought-out interpretation, renders one’s wife inferior, with no regard in decision making, it becomes psychological. Similarly, when one marries or bears children more than one’s capability, that certainly involves both the mental and economic nature of domestic violence. The superiority of men over women lies in their ability to protect them with all their might, provide for them, support them with all they have, and be a shoulder for them to lean on, anywhere, any time.

Rational and fair explanations of some sacred commands, notably those related to marriage, should be the priority of any society that wants to see the end of this menace. That reminds me of a viral video of a woman perceived to be a scholar, preaching to some Muslim women that, should their husbands slap them, they should be patient and respectful enough to, perhaps, kneel and ask for forgiveness while pretending like nothing though happened. I still can’t see any rationale behind her counsel, let alone relevance. Authorities should inexcusably halt such fake scholars. Fair counter-explanation and how to morally react under situations of such nature should be explicitly taught and encouraged.

Until a reasonable explanation of the scripture becomes paramount, and an irrational interpretation painted with sentiment is scrapped, many homes will continue to live in agony. Many men will continue to hide under the masquerade of religious interpretation to maltreat their partners. Therefore, creating a paradigm shift in geographies affected by this unfair perspective becomes necessary. Sensitization is vital, and the responsibility to do that is collective.

Know your religion and what it says, seek rational interpretation of the scriptures, and do not hesitate to question anything irrational.

Sabo Ibrahim Hassan sent this article via ibrahimsabohassan60@gmail.com.