Marriage

By Aisha Musa Auyo 

The famous marriage counsellor, Maryam Lemu, advised couples to ask themselves often if they are still the person their spouse fell in love with. The answer would help one reflect and recognise which area to concentrate on in order to improve their marital relationship.

But, how can one achieve this if they are oblivious of the qualities that attracted their partner in the first place? Why did your partner choose to spend an entire lifetime with you despite millions of others worldwide? What are the qualities that attracted them and made them want to be with you for the rest of their lives?

You should, at least, know more than half of those qualities that attracted your person significantly, if not wholly. These qualities may range from your looks to character, smile, skill, gestures, intelligence, or even the way you laugh. I know of a man who married his wife because of her loud laughter. He said the sound of her laughter makes his worries vanish. Unfortunately, and sadly, she stopped laughing after a life-changing event that occurred in their life. They lost their two kids to gunmen, and from that day, she lost herself. (Story for another day).

Men are creatures of few words. Women should pay attention to whatever they say or indicate the slightest interest in. If you are lucky your partner is outspoken, work is easier for you.

 I know life happens, and changes are inevitable, but we should always strive to bounce back or be better versions of ourselves. Laziness destroys marriage, and not improving ourselves and relationships is one of the commonest laziness in our lives. We find silly excuses, blame nature, work, kids, our significant others, and anything we can lay reasons on. But trust me, with willpower and dedication, we can improve our relationship daily with small, consistent steps.

This write-up is a wake-up call for you and myself as I have been slumbering too – I stopped writing almost entirely. I abandoned my PhD thesis completely, my relationship write-ups forgotten. In fact, I neglected even the short motivational and inspiring pieces I used to write.

And one of the qualities that attracted my husband (then boyfriend) to me was writing. He’s amazed by my ideas and intellect, my zeal and inspiration to write. He loves my wordings and spends time reading my childish drafts. So he supported and cheered me.

He even bought me a modem for browsing, research and online publishing… (At that time, when one could only access the internet in the cafe… When we used to pay 50 naira for 30min and 100naira for an hour of internet surfing time, so modem was a big deal). I embraced penning down ideas to the fullest and made sure I published at least one well-researched article daily.

Then life happened, and I changed. I was not too fond of typing anymore. I only want to read and move on. Sometimes my husband would say, “As a matter of fact, you are becoming lazy; you no longer write,” and I’d reply with excuses like school, taking care of the kids, and running a catering business ain’t a joke. They are all fables. I still get free hours to surf the internet.

Whenever I share with him a beautiful write-up by others, he would be like, “Great write-up! I just wish it were your words”. Still, I wasn’t bothered. It didn’t hit me hard till the day he invited me to listen to a radio programme where they invited writers and poets for discussion. He was so attentive and enthusiastic. Of course, the woman in me got pissed off, as the guest was a lady that day. I pretended to share his enthusiasm, but I was boiling inside. That night, I thought about myself and the lazy girl I had become.

The reflection reminded me of the many messages I received asking why I stopped writing. My blog followers become concerned, some disappointed. Finally, I made up my mind to try to be better. I know deep inside me I can do better. I need to rekindle that flame.

Tonight, ask yourself, what qualities attracted my spouse to you? Is that quality still present in you? Have you improved in that area? What should you do to rekindle that attraction?

 Remember, a happy couple produces happy and healthy kids, creating a healthy family, state, nation, and the world. So this single and simple effort can go a long way in improving the world.

Aisha Musa Auyo is a Doctorate researcher in Educational Psychology. A mother of three, a Home Maker, caterer and parenting/relationship coach.

By Aisha Musa Auyo

Allah created marriage for lifelong pleasure and happiness. Therefore, beyond any other human relationship, marriage has the potential to make us happier. But there is a price to this happiness, which is CHARACTER. 

Marriage tests our character in every way. It tests our patience, work ethic, willingness to forgive, sensitivity to others, tolerance for those different from us, cooperation ability, endurance, and humility. Marriage is simply the biggest character test in life.

These tests integrate into our demeanour and give us a certain level of understanding, patience and maturity, and willingness to forgive. Moreover, it opens our eyes to the reality of life that unconditional love is exclusively for parents and children.

One needs to work more on his character, temperament, and personality to be able to live peacefully with others. Emotional intelligence plays a greater role in the relationship than anything else.

For most new couples, marriage was like a trip to the proverbial woodshed for the first several years. They were selfish, insensitive, angry and chauvinistic. After the first few years, many spouses were convinced that they had made a mistake in marrying their mate and that they were the cause of their misery.

But after lots of patience and endurance, when they look back at those times, they will realise that all the negatives that happened are crucial in forming their character. Many couples admit that they almost didn’t make it. They almost give up, but such circumstances forced them to decide to change and become more like Allah wants them to be… (patient, prayerful, selfless, understanding, and forgiving).

As a partner, know that your marriage will take a significant step forward every time you make a positive character change. Your spouse also will make positive character choices that will benefit your relationship, and you will have a great marriage, inshaAllah. It won’t be perfect, but you will be happier, contented, and at peace than ever before and will be glad to be committed to the lifelong journey.

Know that before marriage makes you happy, it will make you grow.

Aisha Musa Auyo is a Doctorate researcher in Educational Psychology. A mother of three, Aisha is a homemaker, caterer and parenting/relationship coach.

By Uzair Adam Imam

Marriage break-up is perceived as one of the major challenges bedevilling relationships in Kano State, a development that leaves a severe psychological impact on the windows. A report by the BBC Network African Programme in collaboration with the Kano State disclosed that there were over one million divorcées in the state.

The research disclosed that 32% of marriages in Kano State survives only a period of three to six months; and that many young people between the age of 20-25 years are said to have gone through three marriages at least.

The Executive Director National Association of Divorcees/Widows and Orphans, Hajiya Altine Abdullahi, decried the rate of divorce in the state. She had once threatened to protest the menace. This menacing issue of marriage break-up has continued to witness a steep increment in Kano State more recently, making it a serious problem needing mitigation.

The Daily Reality had reported materialism as one of the contributing factors militating against marriages these days.

Divorce, how abrupt it occurs

As though a competition, many husbands partake in the race for divorce. The issue has now graduated to a national problem in dire need of mitigation.

A photographer, Aminu A. Gambo, recounted the harrowing tale of how a one-week-old marriage crashed.

He said, “I once covered a wedding. The wedding took us almost a week, as they started the events from Tuesday throughout Thursday the following week and had a break on Friday.

“The events continued on Saturday and Sunday was wedding Fatiha, which concluded with conveyance of bride late evening that day.

“In the subsequent week, on a fateful Wednesday, the groom called me as early as 6 am and told me to calculate my balance and send my account number. As I did, he then transferred the amount to my account and told me that their marriage was no more,” he stated.

Also, Abubakar Umar confided in our reporter that he was rather perplexed on hearing that the marriage he attended just a week ago had broken up.

Umar said the marriage had broken up even before some relatives who attended the wedding from far places returned to their various destinations.

He added, “it came to me as a surprise that a week-old marriage had broken up just abruptly like this despite the bond between the couple.”

Understanding the root cause

Many concerned citizens argued that there are no tangible reasons behind the increased marriage dissolution.

Hashim Ibrahim described the menacing issue as a problematic phenomenon that defies every explanation.

He said, “The problem is that what triggers Mr A to divorce his wife might not be the same reason for Mr B to end his marriage.”

Muhammad Tasi’u stated that: “There are only two things that lead to the marriage breaking up; the exaltation of men and the ignorance of women.”

Aisha Mujitaba looked at the issue from a different angle, saying guys pretend to be rich in order to woo girls.

“Nowadays, both loves and marriages are based on materialism; that is how equivocation and deception have chipped in in the process of getting married.

“Guys pretend to be wealthy in order to win girls’ hearts. Consequently, when they are joined in matrimony, the true nature of what the person is will be revealed. This leads to the breakdown of relationships,” Aisha said.

Fatima Sha’aibu also believed that lying was one of the contributing factors leading to the marriage break up.

She said, “Mostly guys lie to win affections. Then after the marriage, when the truth was revealed, the girl might feel she can’t resist living with a life-faking husband.”

By Uzair Adam Imam 

Materialism is not limited to friendship or brotherhood; marriages and relationships also suffer greatly.

Friendship and brotherhood are gradually losing their true meaning, if not buried at all, because of this sudden shift of behaviour to materialism, The Daily Reality gathered. 

The menace led and is still leading to the breakdown of many relationships, including marriages, thereby manifesting itself into a serious problem in society – such as the increase in the number of widows and heartbreaking individuals.

The Daily Reality speaks with some people on this issue.

People like Aisha Mujitaba believe that guys pretend to be rich in life in order to woo girls.

“Nowadays, both loves and marriages are based on materialism; that is how equivocation and deception have chipped in in the process of getting married.

“Guys pretend to be wealthy in order to win girls’ hearts. Consequently, when they are joined in matrimony, the true nature of what the person is will be revealed. This leads to the breakdown of relationships,” Aisha said.

Parents were also accused of encouraging this lingering issue in society, according to Suwaiba Umar. 

She said, “Today, parents encourage their children to marry rich people. Marriages nowadays are not for the sake of Allah, the almighty. That is why guys make-believe a big life.”

Frowning at this behavioural change, Juwairiyya Aminu compared marriages in the past and marriages today.

She said, “Marriage in those days was entirely different from the marriage in these days, including the process, lefe (trousseau), ceremonies and whatnot.”

Both girls and their parents find it very exciting to have rich as their husbands or sons-in-law, making it difficult for the poor to get married.

“A poor man finds it very difficult to be loved, much less being married. But when a rich person proposes, without hesitation or any proper investigation on his religion, habit or maturity, he will be accepted,” Sa’adatu Shu’aibu.

Buhari Ahmad posited that guys fear being rejected by the girls, let alone the parents. For this, he said, “Guys make a pretence of big life out of fear of being rejected by girls and their parents.

“That is why guys now rent clothes, hats, shoes, bikes or even cars when visiting their suitors.” 

Materialism: What Brings About It?

Dr Muhammad Sulaiman Abdullahi is a lecturer at the Department of Nigerian Languages, Bayero University, Kano. He told this reporter in an interview that many reasons made our society materialistic.

“There are so many reasons which contribute to the moral decadence we are witnessing today in the Hausa society. I can summarily list them as follows:

“1. Deficiency in terms of Islamic education and pursuing more in terms of Western educational life and style.

2. Negative modernity

3. Access to the new media and multi-media stuff which led to increasing in absorbing haram items.

4. Lack of proper orientation, etc.”

The solution to materialistic life

“Having sound Islamic education and fear of Allah, pursuing what is halal in any form of education and social life; and abiding strictly to Islamic teachings are the solution,” Sulaiman added.

By Muhammad Sabiu

Oyenike Oladele, an upset housewife, has accused her husband, Olowolagba, 45, of assault in an Osogbo Magistrate’s Court.

Oyenike is believed to have filed a complaint with the Dugbe Police Station in Osogbo alleging that her husband had beaten her.

The alleged crime was committed on January 7, 2022, around 10:30 a.m. in the Aregbe area of Osogbo.

Inspector Adeoye Kayode, the Police Prosecutor, informed the court that the accused slapped his wife in the face.

According to the prosecutor, the offence was done in violation of Section 351 of the Criminal Code, Cap 34, Volume II, Laws of Osun, 2002, and is punished.

On the other hand, the accused has pleaded not guilty to a single count of assault.

Najite Okobe, the defence attorney, asked the court to grant his client bail in the broadest terms possible, citing the constitution’s presumption of innocence until proven guilty in court.

Magistrate Asimiyu Adebayo gave the accused person bail in the amount of N50,000, with one surety in the same amount, in his ruling.

The magistrate determined that the surety must reside within the court’s jurisdiction and have a verified address, as the matter was rescheduled for mention on March 16.

By Zayd Ibn Isah 

One of the obstacles to recognizing chronic mistreatment in relationships is that most abusive men simply don’t seem like abusers. – Lundy Bancroft.

I have read many books this year, but none proved to be as poignant and challenging as Ukamaka Olisakwe’s Ogadinma. Ogadinma is loosely translated in Igbo as “Everything Will Be Alright.” The novel’s gripping story revolves around sexual molestation, domestic violence, unwanted pregnancy, torture, deprivation and emotional manipulation. It was set in the 80s during the military coups and dictatorial repression era. Against this significant backdrop of national history, Olisakwe deftly explores themes connected to the disintegration of familial bonds.

Ogadinma is a young and impressionable girl whose dream of acquiring a university degree is truncated by one Barrister Chima. Ogadinma’s father sends her to Barrister Chima’s office to help secure her admission into the University of Nigeria, Nsukka. However, the dishonourable lawyer takes advantage of the situation and has forceful sexual intercourse with the girl.

Consequently, Ogadinma gets pregnant. Fearful of her father’s reaction, she decides to terminate the pregnancy with contraceptives. When the father becomes apprehensive after his only daughter falls ill, he takes her to the hospital for treatment. However, he is pretty disappointed after the doctor carries out tests that reveal Ogadinma had done an abortion. The old man proceeds to punish Ogadinma severely before sending her packing from his home to Lagos.

In Lagos, Ogadinma has to live with her aunt and is then pressured into a marriage with Tobe. Tobe is a wealthy contractor, but his fortunes falter following his arrest by the new military government for contract fraud. As a result, Tobe has almost everything taken from him, and even his house has to be sold to facilitate his release from prison.

Out of prison, Tobe becomes a different man, a beastly drunkard. His once-loving wife becomes his favourite punch bag. Fed up with his abusive behaviour, Ogadinma runs away to her father’s place in Kano to take refuge. But the father, who is supposed to be her shield against sexual and domestic violence, sends her back to her husband. And just like that, the circle of abuse continues. Her good friend—Ejiro, warns her of the consequences of staying in an abusive marriage, especially after her sister, who tried to endure it, eventually paid with her life.

Whenever Ogadinma complains to her aunt about her husband’s abusive behaviour, she (the aunt) would always attribute it to the man’s travails and misfortunes. The aunt also advises Ogadinma to endure until the husband regains his fortunes. Ogadinma heeds this advice and takes everything in stride, patiently waiting for better times. But even when she gets pregnant, her husband continues to abuse her.

On the other hand, Tobe ventures into several businesses but fails in each turn without a significant change to his pathetic story. Things become considerably worse after a pastor accuses Ogadinma of orchestrating her husband’s misfortunes. Ogadinma is left at the mercy of this pastor for deliverance, only to still go through another round of sexual abuse.

At this point, Ogadinma musters the courage to run away from her husband’s house. She also leaves her baby in the care of Tobe and the house help. Unable to endure any form of abuse again, Ogadinma seeks solace at the house of a relative, her Aunty Okwy. Ogadinma refuses her aunt’s advice to return to her husband, even when she knows her father will not take her in. Finally, she goes back to her friend Ejiro’s house in Lagos. There, she is warmly welcomed and free to live the life she deserves afterwards.

Nowadays, we live in a society where men increasingly arrogantly take advantage of their status and privileges. Men like Barrister Chima are why young girls have become sexual prey in our tertiary institutions and workplaces. Parents who condone spousal abuse on their children also make the war against domestic violence difficult to win or even sustain. This is particularly prevalent among parents who depend upon their in-laws for sustenance. They allow their daughters to die slowly in abusive marriages because of money. It is hard to bite the hand that feeds you.

There are a plethora of cases where women receive the beating of their lives for even daring to confront their cheating husbands. We have come to lower the moral bar so that adultery is not considered taboo for men as it is for women. There is something fundamentally wrong with this. It is utterly wrong on so many levels, especially when the religiosity of our society should translate to a stronger collective sense of morality. Instead, our society and culture continue to thrive on entrenched abuse: leaders abuse their powers over the masses; men abuse the women they should love; women abuse domestic staff and children. We need to weaken this cycle of abuse. We need to stop it soon! We cannot just wait until things worsen or fall apart beyond redemption.

The first step towards tackling domestic violence is via urging victims to leave abusive marriages and seek redress in court. However, this can only work if there are heavy consequences in the form of legal punishments for the actions of abusive husbands. Parents should also stop forcing their daughters to stay with abusive husbands.

There should also be massive reforms in our criminal justice system to ensure the effectiveness of the law against domestic violence and sexual abuse. And lastly, we should always encourage victims, especially women, to speak up, to be bold enough to tell their stories with truth and without fear, just like Ogadinma.

Zayd Ibn Isah is an Officer, a law graduate and a creative writer. He is also the author of We Are All Guilty, his first fictional work.  Email: lawcadet1@gmail.com.

By Zaynab Abdool

It’s winter morning, a new day, and I’m awake, Alhamdulillah. When my foggy gaze fell upon the aesthetic rays of sunshine that sneaked through the holes in the window, surged past the transparent curtains, and stood grandly on my bedroom’s plain wall, I couldn’t help but admire its gracious beauty while my soul sent praises to the creator of man and nature. 

‘Zainabuwa, what on earth are you still doing in bed? Reincarnating?’         

A lusty yet irritating voice accompanied by a loud knock sailed me back from my small world of imagination. That was Husna, my new friend who just moved next door a month ago. The love we both had for certain things, such as the love for books, poetry, cats, henna and hijab, truly helped blow the flames of our friendship. So, we were on good terms.    

Stepping down from my bed, I yawned lazily, ignoring the annoying voice behind the closed door. After taking off my crystalline PJ’s, I slipped on a black gown and strolled across my room to get to the door. Glowering Husna was all I saw before I was kicked aside, and the next was the elegant Husna clad in a light blue hijab that complemented her black skin, cat-walking towards my bed while reciting a poem with the zestiest voice ever:

‘Habibi, you carried          

The weight of my poem         

Like pen amidst thy fingers,          

You stole my lines, stanzas         

And my entire muse         

With just a blink.’

After listening to those lines, I was shocked out of my wits. 

‘WTF! I’ve always thought you’re only into dark poetry! Don’t tell me you wrote that piece!”

‘Babe, forget about those dark kinds of stuff, I’m a phoenix now, and I’ve finally found him,’ she said happily with stars in her eyes.

‘Him? Who?’ I asked, confused.’ My knight mana,’ she replied with a sly smile plastered on her pretty face.

‘Oh! Do you mean to tell me that you’ve found a handsome male lad in those web novels you downloaded lately?’

‘Damn! I found one last night, and he’s so damn amazing that I felt like dying in his arms…’

I scooped and sat beside her on the bed, rolling my eyes.

‘You’re a fool, you know?’, she reacted to my body language. 

‘Yeah, a pretty fool,’ I chuckled before adding: ‘You need to get back home and return after I had my breakfast. It’s hot milk and chips today.’

‘I hate milk and chips,’ she frowned.’ Oh, wow! Stay and feel at home then,’ I exclaimed gladly.

‘Stingy brat, now let’s discuss some serious kinds of stuff.’ 

‘Oh, okay, let’s discuss fast; I’m hungry,’ I yawned

‘My man’s birthday party is in five days and, of course, I will be there because I’m his queen,’ she stated happily. 

I stared blankly at her flushed face, uttering: ‘What’s she talking about,’ I thought, still finding it hard to believe what I just heard.

‘What man? What birthday party? What queen? Do you want to slay? Or you wanna join the movie industry?’ I asked hectically.

‘Yeah, babe, I wanna slay for my boo. He’s worth it,’ she replied while browsing through her phone’s gallery. ‘Here, meet my prince,’ she flashed me a photo on her screen which got me back from my blackout state. ‘Huh!’ My jaw dropped. All I saw was a bronze skin guy with dreadlocks, dressed in sophisticated cocktail attire. The stiff aura around him emits a strong ‘arrogant playboy’ vibe.

‘How on earth did she even meet him? He’s so disgusting,’ I thought. ‘Erm, hmm Husna yo…you fancy him? Erhm, I, I mean you love him?’ I asked in between stammers.

‘Yeah, I truly love him. He’s charming and amazing… He’s not what you’re thinking, Zainab. He’s an overall different person inside. Don’t judge him by his appearance.”

‘So, to you, he’s worth imitating to your future kids?’ I asked in a low muttering voice. 

‘Yes, at least that’s what I think, and nobody’s perfect anyway. So, what do you suggest I wear to the party? ‘He said I should appear as classy and sexy as possible, even though he claimed to do something about my black skin before the D-day. I still need to give in some effort, right?’

‘What nonsense!’ I thought.

‘Husna, you’ve changed,’ I whispered. She chuckled before saying, ‘love has changed me.’

‘What love? This is pure bullshit. Have your parents even acknowledged him?’ I asked, finally coming back to my senses, knowing quite well that Husna’s parents – being the typical Hausa parents who will strictly push their kids towards the Deen; the type of parents who will teach their kids that Islamic education and good morals are far more important than anything – would never acknowledge her ‘so-called boyfriend’ as their son-in-law.      

‘No! Wallahi, you’re so dumb. Can’t you understand that we are into a secret relationship?’ she almost barked. 

‘Whatever the case, you’ve to break up with that demon you call a prince. You deserve someone far better than him-someone that will accept all your flaws and appreciate everything about you, someone with the ilm to defend his religion, a man of Deen whom your kids will be so proud to call ‘papa.’ You deserve someone whose testimonials are inspiring, someone whose effect on you would extend beyond this Dunya, a man who will walk you to Jannah, a man you can hold on to, a man you can proudly call the source of your true happiness and external strength. Not someone that will encourage you to bleach your skin and change who you are, not someone that will persuade you to flaunt your beauty and mess up your goals.’ I stopped to breathe.

‘You don’t have to impress anybody, my dear, you don’t have to sacrifice your happiness to anyone-the happiness your parents put so much effort to build and protect…’ I paused again and stared blankly at the walk with misty eyes, not sparing Husna a glance.

‘Our parents had gone through a lot to make us who we are today. They have sacrificed their blood and sweat to give us happiness, yet we chose to, to…’ I paused as tears of pity flowed down my cheeks to seek solace on my lips—tears of pain, the pain of betraying their thoughts and trust.

I restricted my gaze from the plain wall and pasted it on Husna’s forlorn face. I was shocked when I saw tears rolling down her flushed cheeks.

‘But it’s a free world, Husna, and as a friend, I’ve played my role here to guide you. So now it’s left for you to decide because hell is free, anyway,’ I said as I stood up lazily, wiped my tears and walked to the door. ‘I need to get my breakfast, Habibty; feel at home,’ I said, holding the doorknob. 

‘Innalillahi, I almost destroyed my life. What was I thinking, Astagfirullah’ I heard Husna mutters to herself from behind. 

I smiled, let out a sigh of relief and closed the door behind me before walking to the kitchen in high spirit.

© Zaynab Abdool (abdullateefzainab96@gmail.com)

By Hussaina Sufyan Ahmed

When the coronavirus, also known as COVID-19, broke out in Nigeria in 2019, things changed, and lifestyles metamorphosed.

The virus moved from an imported case and elitist pattern to community transmission; its fatality rate stood at 2.8%, while the country recorded an upsurge of about 52% of total cases of the transmission of the virus even during the short lockdown.

The preventive measures of the virus popped out, hence the dissemination of awareness through media outlets – radio and television jingles, set up programs, sensitisation workshops, newspaper pages and even films.  

The use of facemasks, hand sanitisers and hand wash basins also became common. In addition, the practice of distance communication strengthened: no handshake, no hugs and no body contacts except with those already tested negative.

The spread of the coronavirus in Nigeria started as a sceptical phenomenon. Some towns and villages found it hard to believe a global plague could affect Africans directly. This notion is a myth that has lived in Africa for donkey years.

Some Africans believe that the Black man can hardly contact the virus because of melanin pigment in their veins, which preserves the dark skin. Therefore, for these Africans, the Black man is super strong and has immunes that fight against global pandemics and illnesses. However, with the strictness in lockdown worldwide for a year, many Nigerians and Africans who never believed Covid-19 existed were left to believe in it, hence the use of nose masks.

The nose masks market became a target for most traders. The high demand it continued to attract made it seem like the coronavirus never subsided, and this example is visible in Kano state. Nose masks became the equilibrium product of that time; demand, supply and price at active points.

The Nigeria Center for Disease Control (NCDC) reported that the total Covid-19 cases in Kano remained at seventy-three from 22nd of April to 24th of April, during the initial stage of the outbreak. These infection statistics remained at seventy-seven from the 25th of April 2020. However, there was no report from the 25th to the 27th of April 2020. This caused a gap in the state’s record of the infected and non-infected.

The reactionary steering that emanates after an opinion article is released might be expected as this introduction is achieved. So, what is next?

The rise in theft and immorality is relative; however, what is not relative is the understanding of societal norms and inscriptions. The use of nose masks has increasingly seen to the less spread of the virus. What is, however, not really questioned is the increase in crime and immorality in Kano state following the adoption of nose masks.

It is uncommonly common to find out that cheating in marriages grows by the day in Nigeria. This is because many marriages lack communication, leading to the partners engaging in extramarital relationships. However, this article is not about the reasons why couples cheat on each other, but about the narrative the nose(face)mask pushes in achieving the aim of stopping the spread of the virus.

The population of men who visit Ado Bayero Mall, Kano, is seven times higher than that of ladies. They go to woo ladies. They begin with the “I am married” and end up with “be my girlfriend” or “be my wife”. However, the girlfriend narrative is not pushed to a lady in need of marriage. It is to a lady who wants to have the fun of the relationship.

These men use nose(face) masks to shield their identity. This is not to say they are not helping reduce the spread of Covid-19, but what happened to the disapproval of vast Nigerians in accepting the coming of this virus? So, the concept of maintaining extramarital affairs with nose(face) masks is relatable and, at the same time, unrelatable. It all depends on the aim, be it to help not spread the virus or spread the virus.

The women population at the Mall is exemplary in front of the exit gate. This is because more stern security personnel man the entrance gate, so as a pedestrian or one who has no business with entering, you can only go about daily transactions in front of the exit gate.

Females who stand in front of the exit gate pass coded messages to ladies who pass through. Research showed that your nose(face) mask indicates that you want your identity shielded, so the prototype is “shielding your face is a sign that you are in for some business transactions”. This caused some people to halt the use of facemasks except during the entrance of the Mall. This is to kill the notion that they want their identities hidden from some actions they might not be proud of to be seen doing.

Since shyness is part of faith, there is a need to be shy in welcoming transactions that people will stigmatise. However, this is done in the Covid-19 era, and it makes it more serious as we need to curb the virus.

“I seek for a lady that I will take home as I am into women only. Are you game?” This was a question from a woman in a car on nose(face) masks to one of the researchers.

Over time, phone snatching and theft have increased in crowded and isolated areas of Kano state. The increase in phone snatching shows the negative side of nose(face) masks. Some of these perpetrators use nose(face) masks to shield their identities. This helps them curb the spread of Covid-19, of course, but also helps put people in despair over the loss of their treasured asset – their smartphones.

The preventive measures of Covid-19 in Kano have grown more serious as the count of infected people has reduced due to the massive increase in the purchase of nose(face) masks. But then, what about hand sanitisers to match up with this patronage? Personal research discovers that hand sanitisers have gained a decrease in demand. This is to say that the hand sanitisers market does not match up in equilibrium with the purchase of nose(face) masks anymore.

It is important to know that this article should help share the “use nose masks” tag, but the writer will not support the use of the masks while the market of hand sanitisers continue to grow low. So, there is a need to encourage hand sanitisers while the increase in the nose(face) masks increases.

Hussaina Sufyan Ahmed wrote from Kano via sufyanhussainaahmed@gmail.com.

By Hussaina Sufyan Ahmed

We can categorically define a divorcee as someone unlucky in a specific marriage. I know that I will be in the minority if I say divorcees are given less chance to develop themselves personally before getting pressured into remarrying in the Northern part of Nigeria.

I understand and appreciate the concern with threading carefully regarding resuscitated emotions and intimate urges. However, a ‘decent’ society like Northern Nigeria expects that you abide by the rules of decency in ensuring that you either preserve yourself for your next spouse or remarry to avoid falling into the traps of indecency.

In this aspect, indecency refers to the lack of adhering to the control of urges for every culturally and religiously conscious person. These traits are seen as the signs of responsibility, including sustaining oneself; ready to take up self-evaluation, focusing on goodness, and maintaining dignity.

The pressure that comes from the family, society and whatnot is justifiable. However, the pressure that comes with engaging these divorcees in personal development is a progressive vacuum seat.

A divorcee can either be a man or a woman. But statistics show that a woman is more affected by divorce financially while a man is affected mentally. But, of course, this assertion is opinionated, as there can exist other varying opinions.

Let’s take Kano State as a case study. In 2020, Dr Sabo Dambazau, in an interview with Kano Focus, said 45% of divorces in Kano are caused by co-wife rivalry. Other causes he highlighted include forced marriage, fake identity by the men before marriage, lack of catering for family financial affairs succinctly, and suspicion from either the man or the woman.

For Dambazau, a lack of trust causes suspicion. And this distrust is seen in wives taking their husbands’ phones. Often, both check each other’s phones.

According to Dambazau, couples need counselling, personality development, and consciousness of Islamic teachings through the actual practice of the teachings to reduce divorce. This can be supported by enrolling in Islamic schools. He ended with advice on staying genuine and honest during the courtship before marriage.

My scope will be Personal Development for the Divorcee. It is essential to know that learning and seeking knowledge are the two fundamental processes that every human should consciously and intentionally be involved in.

As a divorcee, the first focus should be personal development. And this cannot be achieved without being intentional about self-development. So, how do you achieve personal development?

As someone who might have gone through emotional downturns or physical battles in their marriage,  self-development evaluation is a facet to help you check yourself and correct the mistakes you might have made. Every human is fallible. Hence the premise of every divorce is that both parties have a role to play in the faults. However, one side usually weighed in as more wrong than the other. Still, there is never a party devoid of guilt(s). So, you use the experience of a failed marriage to build your knowledge about marriage if you wish to be in it again.

In trying times, maintaining spirituality is crucial. In the North, an epitomic feature is the presence of religious rooms to learn from – while you rule in self-development. You cannot rule out upgrading your belief. For instance, there are many Islamic schools for Muslim divorcees in various Northern states. And seeking the appropriate knowledge through such schools enhance and contribute to the upliftment of morale.

This sums up an inference of a child’s upbringing in a typical Northern Muslim home. Thus, before reaching the age of five, recitation of verses from the Quran begins, opening the ability to read and recite rhymes and books in western schools. So, who says learning has a boundary or specific scope?

Another aspect of personal development is acquiring soft skills. For some female divorcees, one of the reasons their families or society has pressured them is usually due to self-sustenance. A woman in a non-secular community like the North has to either sustain herself financially, be under her parents or a man. You do not have to rush into another marriage to develop yourself personally. Instead, go out and learn soft skills such as MS Office, graphic design, Corel Draw, Digital marketing, social media management, online journalism, etc. You can acquire most of these skills online or offline for free or pay a token, especially if you desire to get the certificate.

Personal development stretches out to unlearning, learning and relearning, and in this, we cannot rule out upgrading education level to the next stage. If you are a primary school certificate holder, secure a secondary admission. If you are a secondary school certificate holder, try and acquire a UTME form, sit for the exams, and pursue admission, even if it’s a polytechnic or college of education. And for a bachelor’s degree holder, it is easier though costlier, which makes it essential to personally develop the self so as far as there is determination and hard work.

In all of these, I suggest that families and society give premium corporations to divorcees to see that they are helped towards self-development and not pressured to remarry. Of course, marriage can come later but having productive and oriented divorcees instead of a new payroll of reproductions will push the nation’s economy forward.

“Read. Read in the name of thy Lord who created; [He] created the human being from a blood clot. Read in the name of thy Lord who taught by the pen: [He] taught the human being what he did not know” (Quran, 96: 1-5).

Hussaina Sufyan Ahmed wrote from Kano. She can be reached via sufyanhussainaahmed@gmail.com.

By Alkasim Harisu Alkasim

The challenges of marriage are common knowledge within and outside Nigeria. To sensible people, marriage is a keystone of luxury life. Yet, although marriage sometimes falls short of happiness and peace, personal uprightness and esteem still accompany and embellish those in the industry.

The marriage industry is chaotic. It is now commonplace to see overaged women competing for the love of a single male person alongside younger ladies. This explains how choked the industry is. Marriage, as an institution, demands a lot from us. To excel in this business, one has to school himself in patience, courage and determination. Otherwise, one will do a lousy job, and things will go south. 

In today’s materialistic world, what we call true love is lacking. Money buys love. A person can date a highborn woman even if he is lowborn. What allows him to do so is bucks. In cultures such as Indian, there is what they call a “caste system” that stratifies the society whereby one marries from within one’s caste. Interclass marriage is an abomination and, thus, a bad omen. Excessive expenses usher marriage.

In northern Nigeria today, to marry means a lot. One has to break the bank to afford marriage and multitask to afford to run a family. The trousseau he will gather robs him of too much money. If not loaded, one will feel like breathing his last while readying himself for this Sisyphean task.

Many a great family pressure prospective male spouses a lot to the extent they feel compelled to compensate their colossal expenditure by undertreating the girls they wed. The sight of the girls bores them; as a result, they start to mistreat them. This also purges them of the hate they hold for these exploitative families.

Poverty is raging, and the employment industry is becoming more competitive. Degree holders swarm places looking for well-paying jobs. As a result, some graduates are now resorting to low jobs that discredit scholarship and the status they are beginning to build. Some, willy nilly, accept works that break the back and pay low, thanks to the devastating nature of Nigeria’s economy.

Telling a greedy girlfriend that your wages or salary is not handsome implies losing her.  It once happened to my friend whose name I won’t mention here, for I feel that should be private. This happened when his family went to the girlfriend’s place. His father honestly told them about the level of income of his son. This bitter truth opened for my friend Pandora’s box. The relationship had since then staggered. In short, the two lovebirds have parted ways.

What hardens the issue of marriage in the North is our belittling the effort of even the hardworking people. We neither accept what our sons-in-law present nor study the situation on the ground. We need to wise up on this. But, unfortunately, some circumstances press people to do only those things that top their priorities.

It is worrisome that many families capitalise on their children’s beauty to milk boys of all their money. Such homes allow their daughters to tryst (zance) with more than a person at a time. In some houses, queues are made every day for a single girl. Boys take turns. Sometimes, some inpatient boyfriends cut in on the conversations of their co-suitors. What a world! The girl is seen as a moneymaking machine. Likely, after cashing in on her suitors, the girl will go out of fashion. Her beauty and charisma will decrease. As she puts on age, her boyfriends vanish, and the likelihood to marry a dream husband reduces. Now it is her younger sisters’ time. When it salaams at their home, the sendee will mention the name of her younger sisters instead. It will take time before she gets dated by somebody. Indeed life is a roller coaster. 

The social commerce between a girl and a boy worsens when the girl’s family pressure the boy for money. As he feels absolutely tired of lifting the girl’s responsibilities, he looks for a way to benefit from the dealing. The social intercourse between a girl and a boy does not stop at the former’s house as the duo rendezvous at their chosen spots. Now, the love glue between them starts to grow stronger. He will undeniably feel the urge to do the unlawful with her to the level he begins bedding her.

The groom has to pay dowry that a time costs him much. There is an amount which, if he pays below, he will have his money returned or hotly debated right at the place where the thing of the knot is occurring. In some instances, such disagreement plants in the groom’s family some disregard for the bride’s home. A bride needs to be lodged and fed. And if the groom doesn’t have his own house, he will have to find a place to sleep with his wife. Today’s brides come with vast furniture; the groom has to look for a house that sleeps like five people to contain his wife’s belongings. 

Believe it or not, the complexion of our societies has changed; we are not aiming at uprightness. We are after money and money-related things. If you are monied, you are everything. You can marry who you want. One can be immoral and still have a choice wife. That is why the deep-pocketed hire people to fake it as their parents/relatives. A bastard, in the world of today, betters a son borne in wedlock. Therefore, to be virtuous is to be well-endowed.

Allah Ka gyara ma na. Amin.

Alkasim Harisu Alkasim wrote from Kano. He can be reached via alkasabba10@gmail.com.