Parenting

By Alkasim Harisu

Thanks to the rapid growth of technology, the world witnesses an absolute change. Technology has afforded the world a one-in-a-million chance to communicate with people all around the globe. Distance, inarguably, can no longer hinder communication. The world, as Marshall McLuhan posits, has been reduced to a global village. Thus, the emergence of cellular phones has, doubtless, permitted people access to all parts of the world. 

Lump it or not, the phone, the above notwithstanding, is a curse in disguise. That is why it is described as a blessworthy and curseworthy thing, occupying the minds of the youth. The sudden spread of the phone has necessitated the proliferation of social media platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat, etc. What a breakthrough!

Those virtual platforms have become a commonplace occurrence. Everyone has their favourite social media handle and may be addicted to it or them. Some people own more than one handle. Honestly, chilling and relaxing constitute one of the biggest whys people can’t be less addicted to SM. This answers the question of the use or purpose of motivating the youth to join SM.

Day in, day out, people feel duty-bound to Facebook one another. On running out of data, many of us feel like nothing on earth. Some look like death warmed over. We toil to buy data to watch trivialities. Still, SM is, undoubtedly, a tool for knowledge. The Internet is today the most significant school, the most extensive library and the most learned and experienced teacher. There is virtual, nothing one can’t access, learn, or do on the Internet.

The SM platforms make athenaeums where everyone sells their ideas to the world. The political moguls, being attention-cravers, exploit the medium to attain a considerable following. The baddies, like the wind, sell and buy sex on the platforms. Evil-minded people, so also all forms of vulgarities, avail themselves of the opportunity to win popularity.  As smartphones overshadow all other forms of phones, phonephilia among the youth rapidly thickens.

The level our youth are addicted to phones defies any stress, no matter how obvious. Many youths can’t help surf the net or go online when ailing. I hope this addiction will not accompany them to old age. Instagramming to see ladies’ pictures is a notable reason some of us buy phones. As a result, when our phones do not tweet, Facebook or WhatsApp well, we, without a second thought, look for money to buy better phones. We can do all sorts of jobs to get enough to buy the phones.

Addiction to phones is continuously gaining momentum. I once got my phone faulty. At the moment, the coronavirus pandemic was hitting India hard. I felt an excruciating pain piercing my heart. I could not sleep the night without a phone. As a result, I borrowed a friend’s laptop to keep me company. It was a great difficulty for one to get out of the four walls of our university following the devastating, quick spread of the virus. Fortunately, there is a bank neighbouring it. Thus I used it to excuse my request to go out. Heading to the gatekeepers, I pretended to be going to the bank to correct a problem troubling my account. Instead, I hasted to a market at a nearby place called Gangrar. Having my phone fixed, I  intended a return to school. My return, unluckily, exposed me. Personnel keeping the gate saw me coming toward the school. My pleading a lot softened his heart. Thus, he forgave me. Had he not pardoned me, I would have received a two-week quarantine. 

It is a prodigious task for us to part ways with phones. It is a great difficulty, if not a sheer impossibility, to afford to remove ourselves from phones for two days, or even one, at the very least. I am at a loss for words to think of how to divorce our lives from these gadgets. Our addiction to phones has significantly deprived us of our immature reading culture. Students, nowadays, prefer watching videos on SM to reading. Our books gather dust because they don’t receive reading or talk of good care. Many of us hate to read even short write-ups on SM.

We, moreover, habitually don’t recite going-to-bed and waking-up prayers. It astounds me to see people, upon completing prayers, bring out their phones. They don’t care to say the rosary, not to talk of praying to Allah for guidance. About this, I have firsthand knowledge. Phones enjoy the youth market. The market, or proportion of the phone-buying youth, is overwhelming. Our societies now swarm with mollycoddles whose parents buy them sophisticated phones—consequently, the number of young people who abuse the phone trebles. 

The setbacks social media bring to us are too many to mention and discuss. We, nevertheless, can monitor it. In this connection, I recommend the following:

1. Parents should exercise their duty more carefully. They should not buy their children phones at tender ages. They should also know that proper parenthood does not mean buying their children their wants. Because coddling children is tantamount to spoiling them rotten.  

2. The government should also exercise all the options at its disposal to rid children of phone addiction. For instance, it can recruit good teachers in schools, legislate the age of phone possession and ban less important and vulgar SM handles.

3. Schools should frequently organise debates and quizzes to allow students to exercise their brains. They should also ban the usage of phones in a class by teachers. 

4. society should go to great lengths to watch how youngsters use phones and combat phone abuse by either seizing or reporting the concerned kids to their parents/guardians. More so, society should preach ethics and patience to the youth.

In conclusion, the youth are the leaders of tomorrow. Hence, we must do our best to police their phone usage. We must be extra vigilant about the friends they make at school and at home. Today, one can almost access all sorts of knowledge on social media. Instead of spending our data and time on trivial things, why shouldn’t we watch educative videos on YouTube or subscribe to other well-meaning pages on SM? Because, as a matter of fact, the Internet, believe it or not, is the largest school this epoch has seen.

Alkasim Hariru wrote from Kano. He can be reached via alkasabba10@gmail.com.

By Hadiza Abdullahi

Many parents do not care to deliver their responsibilities, leading to different social problems in Nigeria and the world. In layman’s terms, parental negligence can be seen as the failure or inability of parents to fulfil their parental responsibilities of providing the proper and adequate care and attention to their children.

The child-parent relationship is supposed to be affectionate, harmonious, supportive, and productive, but this relationship is becoming conflicting, unsupportive, destructive and agonizing due to certain factors. For example, some parents may be emotionally unsupportive to their children yet provide all their basic needs, i.e. food, clothing and shelter, while some are not supportive.

A study conducted on improper parenting and parental negligence by Dr Manzoor Hussain pointed out that good parenting quality depends on several factors. They include; the mature personality of the parents, which is an essential element of good quality parenting, stable and intimate marital relationship, as well as the form of the pregnancy, i.e. planned or not, as planned pregnancy implies better preparation to be a parent.

On the other hand, a broken home is believed to be the primary factor that contributes enormously to the issue of neglectful parenting, as children from such families are usually brought up by either their biological parent or a step-parent. These children often undergo different sorts of challenges, trauma and agonies from the step-parents, particularly stepmothers, who do not like having a stepchild under their custody. 

A typical example is the case of two minor Almajiris, an eight-year-old Habu and his six-year-old younger brother Tanko (not real names), whose parents got separated and had to live with their father and his new wife. Although the father is financially stable and could cater for their basic needs and education, he refused to do so due to the influence of their stepmother, who rejected them. As a result, the innocent boys left the house, roaming the street as Almajiris.

Research has indicated that couples’ desperation toward becoming a parent also promotes this issue. Some couples, especially the rural residents, who consider the number of children as pride, are only interested in giving birth to as many children as possible without having any adequate plan for their wellbeing. Instead, they exploit the children by engaging them in different forms of child labour such as domestic chores, street hawking, street begging or even working as house helps, all in the name of sourcing for income. The World Health Organization (WHO) regards it as child abuse. This exposes children to dangers when they mingle with bad people who may negatively influence and/or harm them.

These children quickly go astray because their parents are not around to watch and caution their wrong behaviours. Hence most of them end up going into drug abuse, prostitution or even being recruited into terrorist groups, among other crimes.

Hajiya Salamatu Yaqub, a housewife and a mother, lamented that the absence of adequate face-to-face interaction (which is an essential principle for a good parent-child relationship, in which both children and their parents understand each other’s needs, views, emotions, and brings about strong and growing intimacy between them) contributes immensely to this problem.

Similarly, Malama Maryam, another mother, expressed her grief over how some so-called civilized and educated Nigerian parents, especially young mothers, adopt an improper way of parenting. They focus more on their jobs, education, and other forms of businesses instead of the primary role of every traditional Nigerian parent, specifically mothers who are supposed to put the welfare of their families ahead of anything else. However, some abandon these responsibilities altogether while some entrust the responsibilities to nannies and other house helps, who may not be morally upright and talk more of instilling moral values in children.

A teenager (who refused to be named) and a victim of neglectful parenting said, “being neglected by your own parent is the worst and most traumatizing experience of every child”. She further disclosed how she and her siblings went through a lot due to this issue. Even though their parents took proper care of all their basic needs, they are always absent to watch over them, support them emotionally and caution them. She added, “we miss our parents badly and do a lot of things we should not do and mingle with people we would not have been mingling with supposing our parents are around”.

Children with intellectual, psychological, emotional and developmental disabilities are especially vulnerable to being forced into child labour and are more likely to face threats of violence and abuse. These children— especially girls—are often victims of trafficking, prostitution, domestic enslavement, forced marriage and other forms of abuse. In addition, some children who have physical and visual disabilities, visible congenital disabilities, or disfigurement are forced by traffickers to beg. In extreme cases, traffickers intentionally disfigure children to exploit them through forced begging. 

Yusuf Muhammad Daura, a student at the Department of Special Education, Bayero University, Kano, described parents who take advantage of their children’s physical disabilities and refuse to work hard, instead using them as a source of income, as irresponsible and self-centred. He added that when interviewed, most of these children seen on the street begging or hawking explained how they were forced into it and if they were to have an opportunity of living a normal life, they would be more than happy to join their mates in going to school.

However, it is understood that some children undergo neglectful parenting not because the parents or guardians are not around to support them emotionally or failed to provide for their basic needs. It’s, instead, due to their inability to home train and discipline the children properly.

The implications of parental negligence are many. They include a lack of mutual understanding and affection between parents and their children; children’s needs also weaken the close bond that is supposed to exist between their parents and their children. In addition, the children may feel the parent are worthless since they cannot cater for them, which might make them disrespect or hate the parents.

Research indicates that children who lack proper parenting behave aggressively and violently and perform poorly in academic activities. When interviewed, Mr Yahuza Abdullahi, a primary school teacher, confirmed that most children going through improper parenting perform poorly in academics and recreational activities as they do not have the extra support they need, such as helping them with their home works and getting the necessary learning materials.

Therefore, it is paramount that couples must be physically, psychologically and financially ready before they venture into the demanding task of parenting. As someone planning to have a child, prepare for your children or unborn children on how you intend to take adequate care of them. Make provisions for their basic needs, i.e. food, clothing, shelter, education and proper medical care. Also, provide a conducive environment to protect and keep them safe while instilling sound morals and values in them and having a plan on how you intend to caution and correct them whenever they are wrong. 

Also, the government has a critical role in tackling this menace because, as citizens of Nigeria, these children have fundamental rights that the government must protect. Thus, the government should have the full authority to punish any parent or guardian caught abusing or neglecting their parental responsibilities. 

Hadiza Abdullahi, Department of Mass Communication, Bayero University, Kano.

By Abdullahi Abubakar Lamido

Introduction

In today’s Nigeria, we experience a rapidly growing population at an average rate of 3% per annum. We currently have about 220 million citizens and still counting. Our population is projected to reach nearly 400 million in the next 28 years. It is factual also that the population growth is much higher in the Muslim communities of Northern Nigeria than in other communities in both the North and the South.

Due to many reasons, foremost among which is the widespread practice of Islamically permissible polygyny, our population grows exponentially. At the same time, little is done to plan the expansion of infrastructure and provide alternative ways of coping with the needs of the expanding population. An average Northern Nigerian man likes and practices polygyny (i.e. marries more than one wife). In addition, family planning and birth control are generally considered taboos. Families are, therefore, mostly large.

While the population is supposed to be a blessing, it can also be a curse if not well managed. It is clear also that most of the Muslim masses and a large chunk of the Muslim leaders, intellectuals and even religious scholars are oblivious of the long term consequences of an ever-growing population that is not matched with a corresponding sharī’ah-compliant solid plan for taking care of the education, health, food and other socioeconomic and religio-spiritual needs of the expanding population.

While few are partly aware of some of the projections related to population growth vis-à-vis the socioeconomic and other realities, we are largely oblivious of the need to develop Islamic oriented ways of building the society and coping with the socioeconomic challenges associated with our growing population and exponentially changing societal dynamics. Therefore, the issue can quickly become controversial during any discussion.

But a society that accepts, based on an interpretation of religious teachings and cultural beliefs, that polygamy – rather polygyny – should be widely practised and even encouraged should also be a society that always goes back to the scripture for proper guidance on how to manage polygamous families. Since, as a religious Ummah, we have accepted what Islam has provided for us of the permissibility of having many children, is it not also Islamically incumbent upon us to go back to the Qur’an and Sunnah to learn how to organise the social, educational, economic and other needs of our families? Within this context, I intend to introduce family waqf, an almost entirely unknown Islamic institution for organising and planning the prosperity of families in Nigeria.  

Unpleasant Consequences of Life without Planning

How often have you heard stories that end with statements like: “Allahu Akbar! Late Alhaji Adamu was a wealthy person, a kind, gentle, and successful businessman. But look at how his children are suffering…”; or “Can you remember Alhaji Mai-Turare: the owner of XYZ Business at Tudun Muntsira quarters? Do you know that this hopeless drug addict is his son! He dropped out of school and joined a team of hooligans…Allah ya sa mu gama da duniya lafiya (May we have a good end in this world)”. And similar stories?!

Those are recurrent stories in Northern Nigeria. You have several successful entrepreneurs or accomplished aristocrats and professionals who reached the zenith of fortune in their chosen businesses and professions and lived lives of accomplishment and contribution. However, shortly after their demise, their estates would be shared among their 30 heirs; four wives, over 20 children, etc. After a few years, those inheritors of enormous wealth would fall from the world of prosperity to that of harsh poverty.

Many people would be rich, with an ever-expanding flow of income in the booming years of their careers. Still, they would never think of making a sustainable investment for the future prosperity of their children, not even for their life after retirement. After the family has grown large, inflation has multiplied manifold, and life has become unbearably expensive against their sources of income which have rather contracted due to age and other factors; they turn from affluence to poverty, battling to settle even the most basic of their bills. They neither invested for their retirement nor made an ever-flowing investment for their second life, the eternal life after death.

They have no passive investments that generate income for them at old age, nor a waqf (endowment) that would continue to fetch them rewards even while in their graves. They have no plan for what would sustainably finance their family’s education, health, and other essential needs. And so the worst happens. And the whistle is blown for their final, inevitable transition to the next world, leaving their family in economic and financial confusion, which often spirals into other messes in the spiritual, social and mental spheres. Soon after dearth, history forgets them as they have left nothing that continues to fetch them rewards and people’s prayers, not even for their immediate family.

The Importance of Making a Financial Plan

But why is it essential to make a financial plan for your children’s and family’s future prosperity? Does that have any place in Islam? Sa’d b. Abu Waqqas was an uncle to the Prophet (peace be upon him). He was among the ten topmost companions that received glad tiding of a direct entry ticket to Paradise in one sitting. He was rich. Actually, very rich.

One day, during the farewell pilgrimage, the Prophet visited Sa’d on his sickbed. After exchanging greetings, Sa’d told the Prophet that I am seriously ill, as you can see. He apparently was doubtful of surviving that illness. He said, “And I am a very rich person, but there is no one to inherit my wealth except a single daughter.” He then asked if he could give two-thirds of his wealth to charity, leaving one-thirds for the daughter. The Prophet instantly replied with a quick “No”. “What of half?” The Prophet again said, “NO”! What of one-thirds?” Now, here is where the Prophet reluctantly approved by saying, “One-third! Even one-third is huge and too much”. Anyway, the Prophet followed this with a statement that deserves the attention of parents at all times; “It is better to die leaving your heirs in affluence than to leave them in poverty, so they continue begging people for alms”. 

Many lessons abound in the above conversation of great personalities. One, piety and affluence are never mutually exclusive; you can be profoundly pious and superlatively prosperous. Two, connected to this, enjoying worldly opulence does not preclude enjoying everlasting other earthly felicity. In fact, worldly riches are effective instruments for attaining success in the next world. This is clear in the stories of great companions like Abubakar Siddiq, Uthman Bin Affan, Abdurrahman and, of course, Sa’ad.

Significantly also, you can plan all of these for your loved ones beginning with your children and wives. Not only you can; you have to! This is Prophetic advice, if not an order. The Prophet (may peace be upon him) made it impermissible for a person, especially while bidding farewell to the world, having no chance on sight to go to the market and earn more resources from gifting out his fortunes lest he throws them into poverty after him.

In simple terms, what the Prophet wanted from us is to plan for making our children self-reliant, self-sufficient and socio-economically empowered. With this, instead of being dependent, they will be independent. We should try making them givers, not receivers, assets rather than liabilities. Ask yourself, if not for empowering the deceased person’s posterity, why would the Sharī’ah even prescribe the inheritance laws in the first place? And in the Hadith of Sa’d above, the Prophet wants us to understand that the philosophy behind inheritance itself is to plan for the sustainable prosperity and economic independence of the deceased’s heirs; leaving them with sufficient inheritable resources to make them rich (agniya’) as against poor (alah).  

Abdullahi Abubakar Lamido, Chairman, Zakah and Waqf Foundation, Gombe . He can be reached via lamidomabudi@gmail.com.

By Abdullahi Yusuf (Abdool)

The viral tape of Chrisland School, Lagos, has become a trending topic lately due to its indecency and the nature of the people involved (i.e. children).

But before we conclude on whether the act involved rape or not, let’s look at the bigger picture, which is questioning the moral upbringing of the kids involved, who are obviously at the initial stage of puberty (below 13 years of age). We can all believe that it is too early for them to have such a bad experience at this young age. But who is to be blamed for this?

The 21st century has come along with many technological advancements. Some of these are of optimal benefit to humanity but detrimental to morality in some aspects. Contemporarily, one can access information and things we merely hear about in the olden days.

Internet is one of the goodies of this century. It enables its users to access what happens around the world quickly. Internet helps one learn a lot of things and get exposed to global opportunities with ease, while on the contrary, it holds a lot of negativities, especially for our younger ones.

We can’t dodge away from the reality of the moment, but we can put a lot of effort into making sure the negativities of the moment do not corrupt our progeny or us.

Parental negligence is the major contributing factor to the immorality we are experiencing. Parents nowadays show an unreasonable love to their children, which haunts them when they can no longer protect themselves or the children. This love gradually exposes the evil in the children due to a lack of due diligence in discharging parental responsibilities by the parent.

In the olden days, a total stranger could discipline a child for misbehaviour, and the child’s parent would appreciate the stranger for helping them do the right thing. But unfortunately, in the present time, a neighbour cannot punish a child for any misdemeanour because doing that could instigate the wrath of the child’s parent, and they would fight back as if punishing their child is a felony.

I could remember a scenario I read about on Twitter not long ago. A lady who visited her aunt narrated the story. She was necessitated to make a call and realised that her phone was out of credit which compelled her to borrow the phone of her aunt’s son, who was about 14 years of age, to make the urgent call. When using the phone, a video suddenly came in through WhatsApp, and she became curious to see what had just come in. She was shocked when she saw a nude sent to the boy by a young lady who happened to be his classmate. So she went through his chat with the same young lady to ascertain the fact. What she saw was devastating. She realised that the boy had been in a sexual relationship with that girl for a very long time.

In the above scenario, the parents are unaware of what’s going on with their child. He has been destroying his life without their knowledge due to their negligence. Their contribution to his misbehaviour is massive as they provided him with a phone and never cared to monitor what he was doing with it.

Typical African parents find it disgusting to give sexual orientation to their children. They think doing it is immoral, while not doing it causes more harm than good to our contemporary society.

Sex education to children is not about telling them about sexual intercourse; it’s about orienting children about their sexuality, sexual abuse, and what they should know about the sensitive parts of their body and acts they should consider as molestation. It is also about gender stereotypes and limitations concerning their morphology and physiology.

In conclusion, being a parent means being a protector, a teacher, a guide and a counsellor to the child. As a parent, don’t ever become reluctant to discharge your sole responsibility. Whenever you fail as a parent means unlocking an element of distress to society, which will strain you before diffusing to the larger community.

Abdullahi Yusuf (Abdool) studies at the Department of Human Kinetics and Health Education, Bayero University, Kano. He wrote from Kaduna State via abdoolphd@gmail.com.

By Aisha Musa Auyo

Parenting is one of the most challenging jobs globally, a job that starts with pregnancy but never ends. It’s a lifetime commitment with many challenges, rewards, and experiences that change us, teach us and humble us. In fact, one doesn’t fully know himself till he starts bearing and raising kids. This commitment tests our patience, compassion, selflessness, strength, weakness, etc.

When I was in my teens, I didn’t have that natural love for kids, as I saw them as nuisance and disturbance, but ironically, kids love me and often extend their hands to pick them up. Usually, I didn’t bother to respond to their advances. I would look at them with a pretentious smile and move on. Later, a friend who loves babies explained that kids are attracted to me due to the constant eyeglasses in my face. That was relieving. My coursemates could not believe their eyes when they saw me on a TV program dishing out tips on parenting, child psychology, and upbringing.

A few years later, I became a mom, a fierce one for that matter, and this new responsibility has changed my entire outlook on life. It made me appreciate Allah more; the fact that a whole human being is produced in a womb from a drop of sperm, and the entire foetus transformation within nine months never cease to amaze me. The fact that milk begins to pop out from the breast after childbirth is still super.

Perhaps the most baffling is how tuwo, shawarma, rice, veggies, and whatever breastfeeding mother eats get transformed into breastmilk within minutes is brain blasting. Sometimes, I wish I could see how my body organs function to deliver this seamless production. Allah is indeed the Greatest. Tabarakallah Ahsanul khaaliqeen!

There’s a popular cliché that says if you want to change the world, change it while you are single, without a spouse, or a kid, as that is when you have freedom and might to do whatever you want because these two groups of people take your freedom and will power away. This is true in some ways. But if we look at it in another way, one can change the world when he becomes a parent by being a better version of oneself and upbringing pious, honest and loving generation.

Please permit me to list a few ways in which motherhood changes me. Perhaps others can learn, relate, realign, and prepare themselves for the unending task:

Motherhood made me more grateful to my Creator, more thankful to my parents, appreciate other parents, and made me understand to some certain extent the pain of not having kids, delayed fertility and parenting kids with special needs.

Motherhood humbled me, as all the things I never imagined myself doing are now my daily routine. From changing diapers to feeding kids, toilet training, wiping phlegm and saliva, and many activities I considered gross. I’m now cool with all of these. There was a day my husband took me to greet his friend’s family, as one of his kids had broken his ankle from the compound. I could hear the mom screaming at the kids. I was like, aww, this woman was loud, ta cika masifa.

At the time, she had five boys, and they were seriously misbehaving. Even the one who broke his ankle tried to touch a moving fan with his other hand. The others were all doing bad stuff, some using chairs as a ladder to touch the ceiling. Even so, I thought she unnecessarily shouted. As God will have it, I have only three boys. Trust me, I find myself shouting all day. It took a lot of practice, willpower and patience to REDUCE the shouting. This experience humbled me a lot. I stop judging.

There are times when you will feel relaxed, thinking that you are doing this parenting right. Then, suddenly, one of the kids will do something unpredictable, unimaginable that you will doubt yourself and all the efforts you’ve put in making and building them. That’s a reset and a humbling one, for that matter.

My selflessness and sacrifices increase: Although I intentionally always put others before me, I put my kids first without thinking, without weighing. It comes so naturally without an effort. As a mother, one finds herself the last option, the last one to be taken care of. At a point, I had to drop some of my dreams and aspirations to take good care of my kids.

Constant worry and wild imagination: I don’t know if it’s just me or all mothers do this. I don’t know if it’s the insecurity situation or the unhealthy vices of our time. I know I’m constantly worried about my kids, how they are faring in my absence, how they’ll turn out, their health, well-being, demeanour, interests, aspirations, etc. I cry a lot when they’re sick and in pain. I don’t even blink when they have a fever. I check them at least three times before daybreak. I’m always overwhelmed and have panic attacks here and there.

I start loving kids altogether, whether mine or not. If they are kids, they become my favourite persons. I love them. Nowadays, I prefer staying with kids than with adults. I enjoy their presence. This may be due to a course I studied (i.e. developmental psychology), which explains the entire human nature from pregnancy to old age. It made me understand a lot about kids and why they exhibit certain behaviours. It makes whatever kids do make sense to me. As a result, I became more empathetic and patient.

Kids make us become better versions of ourselves. Parenthood comes with the challenge that kids always look up to their parents on whatever they do. Kids look at us more than they listen to us. So, we parents know that we have to model the behaviour we want them to have. We have to show more than we tell. We have to always be conscious of our words and actions and be intentional about what we do. For example, there was a time I was reciting the Quran, not my usual tilawa time, as I’ve missed my schedule. Then my first son asked, “Mama, dama kina tilawa?” (Mama, do you recite Qur’an?) I was so baffled by the question. I answered yes, every day. He replied that he had never seen me do that, only me helping and commanding him to do his. In my little mind, I’ve chosen a time when the kids are asleep or at school so that I will not be disturbed. It never occurred to me that the kids thought I don’t do tilawa. So, we need to be intentional and specific on what we want them to see and model.

Steadfastness and patience. These creatures test your energy, patience, commitment and endurance. There’s no room for laziness or minor sickness. Your sleeping hours reduce to the minimum. They must be attended to every second of the day. Even in their absence, preparations are made for things they will need when they return. They consume your budget, plans, relationship with your Creator and creations, health, looks, well-being, and even wardrobe. If care is not taken, one loses himself in this parenting and only notice when it’s almost late. One has to be tough to survive this.

And mind you, this is coming from a mother who does not pay the bills. All expenses are taken care of. This is coming from a mother whose kids are all healthy, and none of them needs special care. The mother’s combining their motherly responsibilities with financial support, special nursing abilities, or both, I doff my hat for you. May Allah reciprocate your efforts in reward and fulfilment.

Finally, this parenting stuff is rewarding, both here and hereafter. If one is blessed with pious kids, there’s no greater joy. Even as babies, their innocent smiles instantly lighten up one’s mood. One often finds himself speaking sweet nonsense, singing non-existence lyrics, to see a baby laugh. Their love is raw, undiluted and genuine.

On a lighter note, I would like to advise myself and other mothers to take it easy; it’s okay to take care of oneself. It’s even highly recommended. Go out and have some adult interactions, discuss with other moms, watch movies, spoil yourself, and rejuvenate your mental health. You need it. Forgive yourself when you are wrong; parenting is learning in the process. You are human. Do your best, pray for God’s guidance and protection, leave the rest to the Almighty.

Aisha Musa Auyo is a doctorate researcher in educational psychology. A mother of three, parenting and relationship coach.

By Musa Yerima Marcha

Dear parents,

If you don’t sit with your children, you will never know who they truly are and what they are capable of doing as they grow up. A caring parent typically raises a reasonable and wonderful ward.

How bad it’s nowadays that most of you don’t have time for your children, listen to them, allow them to confide in them, know exactly how they feel, or most importantly what happens in their inner self help them where necessary.

You should know that your duty is far beyond bringing food to the table and sending children off to school, as we used to see in the Hausa/Fulani culture. So it’s pretty lamentable how raising children is seriously challenging to parents today.

Of course, the brainbox of the house is supposed to be a father, not a mother. Nevertheless, you can count on the mother when the brainbox has objectively projected the way he envisioned his family. Then, the mother should arguably take off the task by adding value and making it a reality.

You can’t just wake up all morning as a father, set up for work to cater to the family, and unfortunately not have any good plan toward building a happy, prosperous, productive, and reliable family. Remember that they say, “When you fail to plan, you plan to fail.”

Many of you ignore bad things committed by your children simply because you don’t know them. When, at some point in life, children are capable of doing the impossible because they grew up being unattended by their parent, and that’s the very reason the influence of peer groups hit them harder.

Try to nurture your children for good. The truth is that; the productive children you see out there were not born out of negligence; their parents stood for them, they mean business at every stage of their lives, and you can so do it if at all you are ready.

If you want your children to be resourceful, you should brace up and never settle for an ordinary child upbringing. Instead, you must go for an extra.

Musa Yerima Marcha sent this article via mmyerimamarcha@gmail.com.

By Mai-Nasara Muawiya Uzairu

It’s crystal clear that everything that exists on the Earth has a reason(s) for its existence. This is the reason behind our being here. We are now in an age where everything is computerised. Without social media, people would have to continue to live like in the Stone Age without knowing how the world rolls and how things change interchangeably. In my opinion, social media has a vast number of both the positive impacts it creates and the negativity it causes. Although it depends on how one holds and utilises it, the choice solely depends on the social media person.

Many people have recorded successes and achieved their dreams via social media, while others’ remain unfulfilled and stagnant. Social media affects and changes people’s minds about destructive behaviours or otherwise. On the other hand, it sends countless lives to their graves unprepared. Congratulations to those folks for whom social media becomes the reason for their smiles and achievements. May they continue to benefit from the dividends of social media. Best wishes in advance to the future ones who may stir social media with goodness. May they, too, achieve more than today’s beneficiaries achieved, amin. Hard luck to those for whom the reverse is the case.

You are not too late to change the dice rolling with solid hope and unflinching determinations. Many people believe in social media and take it as a means of chatting only with family and friends (FAF) and a means of becoming a nuisance to other people. It is fascinating that whichever group one chooses to belong to will definitely meet people of his ilk or even those who are pretty better than them in that regard. It consists of and explores everything depending on which one decides to choose. I advise you not to be among those who take social media for granted.

Learn, relearn from those great minds, and share your knowledge, experience, and skills with your friends. I call your attention not to share fake news on social platforms. It would be best to share only genuine and beneficial info with your friends, as fake news spreads faster than today’s dreaded virus of todayCOVID-19. Ride your tongue with care; it has a potent venom far better than that of a snake. Mind yourself what you write, share, like, react and comment. Steer clear of unnecessary arguments. Above all, never be addicted to social media impulsively. Manage your time judiciously.

Social media plays a significant role in sharing the development and advancement of today’s generation. Through it, many people make investments and become business tycoons and academic experts, particularly smartly witty ones. Moreover, it helps many connect with their customers and clients from far and distant environments. Without social media, many amongst our business tycoons would not have become what they are today, let alone be known around the world. These include Bill Gates, Otedola Warren Buffet, and Aliko Dangote. All and sundry know these great minds in business circles through cyberspace and their products exclusively. In this regard, we can unanimously say that social media plays a vital role in marketing and economic buoyancy for many of our successful business moguls.

Social media eases and simplifies most things that seem complex. Many people from far distant places have become as familiar and intimate as those with blood consanguinities. We, the generation of social media users, need to use it wisely to avoid hatching rotten eggs among the future generation. We need guidance and parameters to set our activities straight by our great minds who scaled through in life. Our manners need to be replicated for better growth and attainment of better opportunities in this twenty-first, digital century loaded with brouhaha and challenges. Had social media been fully sanitised and sensitised, I am sure the future would have been productive. But, alas! All around us, one can see how the havoc wreaked by people is floating and sinking in a massive wave.

To say a naked and plain truth, children who are yet to reach puberty should be banned from using social media. It is usually the causative factor of their rudeness and moral decadence in society. It is better not to have a child at all than to give a community a notorious child that could threaten the good habits observed by people. Many under-aged children learn to watch pornographic pictures and videos via these platforms.

Fornication, homosexuality and lesbianism could only be eradicated or diminished among our youths by enforcing laws and orders on how social media shall be used. Most parents are lackadaisical in peeping the ins and outs of their children on social media; some are only good at giving birth but very poor in giving moral standards to their children. Children’s phones need to be checked up frequently and unceremoniously. Parents should check to know the children’s friends because bad companies produce harmful products. Friends are the central processors in changing the behaviours of today’s generation, particularly females whose lives are at a zenith than that of males. By so doing, most social vices could reduce to the barest minimum or even be completely wiped away. 

Mai-Nasara Muawiya Uzairu wrote via newmainasara016@gmail.com.

By Nasiru Tijjani

Doubtless, stealing is one of the social problems bedevilling the peace and stability of almost all human societies. Therefore, stealing means taking something away from a person, shop/store, etc., without permission and without intending to return or pay for it. The problem, needless to say, is known to every reasonable person who cares to look and discuss their societal issues. Quote me anywhere that no society can fully develop and excel in all spheres of life if its members are thieves, burglars or robbers. For clarity, thieves are persons who steal things, especially secretly and without using violence. Burglars usually get into a house, office, etc., especially by force, to steal stuff, while robbers steal property from a person or public place, especially using violence.

The rampant cases of stealing are gradually becoming a new normal in our society. The culprits are always employing different strategies to safeguard themselves against an unwarranted arrest by the security agencies and other community volunteers. The community members gradually become helpless and equally lose hope about when to live in peace and comfort with their property. I don’t need to justify anything here for you, or your brother might

Since time immemorial, stealing has been discouraged by Islam and Christianity. The duo has strongly warned their followers through a significant portion of scriptures that they should shun the attitude of taking someone’s property without the owner’s consent. Apparently, the act has been classified as taboo and unethical that can only be committed by the mannerless, heartless and idle good-for-nothing person whose faculty of reasoning is abysmal. The effects of their (thieves) actions negatively affect the peaceful co-existence of the entire society either by crippling the welfare of the people or creating an unresolved hatred and enmity.

What comes first on the list has to do with parents. To me, they should not be left blameless, for they have a role to play in the proper upbringing of their children. They have been saddled with the responsibility of meeting the needs of their children, right from appropriate education to marriage. Nowadays, children are left to stand on their own feet in all walks of life. Parents are gradually disowning the mandates of their children as enshrined in the religious and cultural provisions.

Coming next after the first is peer-group influence. Children usually commit crimes under the influence of friends. This is because they typically get to know the attitude of each other better during their friendship. Psychologists have identified imitation as one of the stages of cognitive development. Therefore, children effortlessly emulate the behaviour of their friends. A friendless child is safe for not associating with rotten eggs, for he is less likely to be influenced by peers.

It is a known fact that the care of children is being placed firmly within the domain of their parents. Therefore, they (parents) should ensure that they fulfil all the mandates saddled on them. They must be answerable for their children’s failure, either for poor upbringing or anything for that matter.

The influence of some films that are of no character-building is equally associated with the topic under discussion. For example, with the recent release of Kannywood seasons, youths learn different tactics of stealing and other unwanted behaviours. “A Duniya“, a new Hausa season produced by Tijjani Asase, is a classic example of such a film. Recently, the Kano State Censorship Board has cautioned its makers and asked them to reshape the season’s activities considering the negativity of some scenes.

The human being is a social animal that cannot live in isolation without associates. However, children/ youths should not be left under the control of friends. Instead, they need to be guided/assisted in choosing or deciding on whom to befriend/mingle with.

Besides, people should reduce their quest for materialism. For instance, youths should regulate their strong desire to possess smartphones, among other things. Parents and security personnel may begin to ask the owners to account for the source, originality and anything to do with the suspected phones or any other property.

In conclusion, stealing is a correctable problem like all other social vices. I can attest without any iota of hesitation that the above-stated recommendations will surely bring a lasting solution to the unwanted act if taken into consideration. Meanwhile, I fancy the idea of not forgiving the doers of the action, for they know not the purpose of being human.

Nasiru Tijjani, Gwaram Tsohuwa, Jigawa state. He can be contacted via tijjaninasiru@gmail.com.