Social Media

To wash, or not to wash: that is the question

‘Whether it is nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous’ servitude,

or to take a stand against a sea of troubles, mediocrity and ‘by opposing, end them?’

Since washing the husband’s clothes has found its way to the topmost topic worthy of discussion amidst many other issues ravaging our dear region, let’s talk about it then. We are unserious, first of all, I must admit. After wasting time and energy on such trivial topics, I wonder how we still expect an actual transformation to occur. How is that possible?

By the way, washing the husband’s clothes is not a crime; it fetches rewards from Allah and love from (some) husbands. If you want to be a diligent wife and conquer his heart by washing his clothes, please do, as there’s no user guide to a successful marriage. Just do what works for you. But remember, no good husband will wish slavery and suffering upon his wife. If he/she has the means to make life easier for you and they are not doing that, then dear, you are probably with the wrong partner.

Who are you married to? A lover or a husband?

Yes, because it’s about time we differentiate between the two. But I was married to both in one person, so to say that I washed his clothes out of love shouldn’t be surprising. We were newly married then. I was young (and not naive, thanks), energetic, and most of all, wanted to prove the ‘I am a good wife’ point. We both were pursuing our masters in India, so whenever he had classes and I didn’t, I would wash and iron his clothes before he returned. I love to see him appreciate me. That ‘Allah ya yi miki albarka‘ meant a lot to me, and I would do anything to get those blessings.

So while I was washing, he would try to dissuade me. Other times he would join when he was around, and because I wouldn’t stop, he searched, found and patronised dry cleaners in the neighbourhood until we got our washing machine. So, whether or not to do these little things is absolutely perspectival. I washed not just his clothes but those soiled with poop and vomit (when he was sick). It doesn’t make me feel lesser, and I would do that again if necessary because if I don’t, who will? I did it diligently, with enthusiasm and so much pride.

Moreover, that made us happier; it fetched me lots of love and admiration and earned me a good repute. As such, he washed mine and the kids’ too. We were abroad without any other relative, so whenever I put to bed, he’d be fully in charge of the laundry – and other domestic chores. What is love and compassion in marriage for?

I have seen similar arguments about cooking as well. So if you say women shouldn’t care for or serve their husbands in these little ways, how else should they do it if he is not rich enough to afford such services? Just how?

I am not saying being a slave is the only way to a man’s heart; instead, I want to rebuke the adamant claims that rule out the possibility of making these little gestures. If care is not taken, someday, women will argue about whether to have intercourse with their husbands. Hello!

It saddens me every time I see women following a so-called ideology trashing the institution of marriage – in the guise of ‘woke-ness’, for we may escape the traps of their unwavering criticisms, but what about our kids? The louder their voices, the more sceptical the next generation would be about marriage. Many youths are now feeling pessimistic about the whole idea of marriage – thanks to influencers and bloggers. Remember, if we continue to applaud life without marriage, we will watch our societies relapse into lethargic savagery.

I am not saying being a slave is the only thing about marriage; no, there’s a lot more. But please, let’s engage in marital discourses more positively and always keep in mind that the younger generation is watching. Marry, wash or cook if you want to, and if you don’t want to, just shut up! We shouldn’t be accomplices to the tacit agenda infesting our region.

Please do not misconstrue my opinion. Being servitude isn’t the key to every man’s heart. It depends on the man and the circumstances. Also, washing his clothes (among other courtesies) wouldn’t keep him, if you like wash his clothes and all of his village people’s, he will replace you in a snap if he wants to. No amount of endurance, sacrifice, compassion and diligence would guarantee that you have won him, my dear; only a man that wants to be kept can be kept.

So, as you put all your efforts into building your home, do everything for Allah’s sake to earn His pleasure only because man is naturally dynamic. Wash if you want to, I reiterate, but remember, it’s not your religious duty as a wife. However, you may do it for the fun of it. Be a bloody Samaritan. It’s fun! What is love without compassion and foolishness? Although my ‘breakfast’ was just recently served, I choose to say objectively: Marriage is sacred and an achievement, take it or leave it!

Yours humbly,

Dr Sadiya Abubakar

By Lawan Bukar Maigana 

Maimunatu Suleiman, 21, stabbed her husband, Aliyu Mohammed Gidado, to death on July 5th, 2023, in their residence at Kofar Dumi in Bauchi State, Nigeria. 

Since then, I have read different narratives about the tragic incident. Some said she killed him because it was a forced marriage, while others said she murdered him because of his willingness to remarry. 

As a trained journalist and fact-checker, I needed to investigate the narratives’ source, save the public from being misled by merchants of misinformation and fake news, and feed the crowd with authentic information.  

Using Facebook, I identified his neighbour and demanded that he send me his phone number so we could talk about the incident, and he did. He told me that Aliyu and his wife married in January 2020 and have one child—a boy. 

“Their marriage was out of love. Everybody knows them, and most people in their area have admired them because of their love for each other which culminated in their marriage. 

“And they never had any serious issues until recently when Aliyu realised that Maimuna had been going out without his permission as her husband.

“Aliyu returned home three days ago and expressed sadness about her deviant conduct, which later resulted in a serious misunderstanding between them that nearly broke their marriage, but his father and older brother intervened”, the neighbour explained.

On the day the incident happened, Gidado’s father saw Maimunatu’s friend coming out of their house after they spent hours in her room holding her plasma TV, but he didn’t talk to them. 

It is a tradition in their house that the last person who comes in after 10:00 pm ensures everyone is around before closing the gate. 

Wednesday night after 10 pm, his older brother called his name and asked if he was around so he would lock the gate, but Aliyu didn’t answer. His brother asked thrice but to no avail. 

Worriedly, his brother approached his room and observed that he was gasping for breath. He quickly got back to his room and took a touch and entered the room and saw his brother soaked in blood while his wife, the prime suspect, was facing him. 

That was when he quickly called their father to see what happened and subsequently sought help from their neighbours to rush their brother to the hospital. Unluckily, Gidado died before they got to the hospital. 

Out of patience, concern, and resilience, they rushed his wife to the hospital, thinking she was stabbed. The doctors informed them that she was safe and had only sustained bruises on her stomach. 

After she regained consciousness, Gidado’s father asked what had happened, and she told them that thieves had jumped over the fence and killed her husband when she went to the toilet to pour her child’s urine. 

She even told them that the thieves ran with her plasma TV, unknown to her that the bereaved old man saw her friends going with her plasma TV hours before the unfortunate incident but didn’t argue with her. 

Curiously, the victim’s father told her that there was no way thieves would jump over the fence without being seen by a tea seller beside their gate, whose place is always busy with people. 

After discovering that she was suspicious, they called police on her. 

The cops took her to the station, where she confessed that she stabbed him twice in his chest because of a misunderstanding in the evening. 

It was also reliably confirmed that she has a three-month pregnancy for Gidado. 

Therefore, those who said the murderer was forcefully married to him are just lying to the public. Their marriage was out of enormous love. 

Similarly, an Abuja-based lady Maryam Sanda mercilessly stabbed her husband to death on November 2017. 

Many media outlets, largely online alongside social media influencers, had disseminated unverified chronicle stories about the tragic incident without confirmation from the parties involved. 

Sharing unfiltered and fabricated information is seemingly becoming a norm in Nigeria among media outlets and internet users to manipulate people’s perceptions of facts. 

It is necessary to call on spreaders of information and netizens to please desist from sharing unverified information and cultivate the habit of digging into stories before publishing them. 

Please pray for the repose of Gidado and his mother. She died in early January 2023. 

Lawan Bukar Maigana writes from Borno and can be reached via email:lawanbukarmaigana@gmail.com.

By Uzair Adam Imam

The news making the round about the increment in school fees by the management of Bayero University, Kano (BUK), has dragged many students into a sheer panic while others fear the increment would be the end of their academic journey.

However, the school management debunked the circulated news on Wednesday and described it as fake news meant to startle students.

Malam Lamara Garba, the school Deputy Registrar, Public Affairs, told The Daily Reality that the story was baseless, urging the general public to reject it as “there is no official disclosure on that effect”.

The Daily Reality recalled that the news about the increment in the school fees to N170,000, initially said to be leaked information, has gone viral since the beginning of the last week.

The Students Union Government (SUG) claimed to have made several attempts to highlight the negative consequences the increment would have on students and subsequently held two meetings on the process with the school management.

Auwal Lawal Nadabo, the school acting SUG President, stated that all their efforts were in vain as the school management remained firmly on its stands after all the meetings.

Nadabo, who relayed this on a Facebook post, said, “The school management, after all consultations and finalizing the proposed fees, called for a second meeting where it was confirmed to the student leaders that the new range of school fees would be N97,000 to N170,000, as the case may be.

However, asked whether what the SUG President said was true, Garba denied knowledge of the meetings, saying, “I don’t even know when they had the said meeting with the management.”

By Abubakar Suleiman

If you are conversant with the Arewa cyberspace, it will be surprising if you are unaware of the cliché, “Please, hide my identity.” It has gained so much currency (or notoriety) on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. And it is mainly followed up with bad news, especially related to relationships and marriages – cases of incest, infidelity, marriage battery, heartbreaks and others.

People usually send their relationship or marital problems to popular social media pages or handles managed by self-styled marriage counsellors. These counsellors or opinion shapers then subject the problems to the public for solutions while hiding the identity of the sender of these problems.

Surprisingly, these people who found themselves in a toxic relationship or abusive marriage have parents or guardians who married them off to their spouses. Still, they many times seem to bypass them for advice or counselling.

They also rarely approach certified marriage counsellors or therapists for solutions. Therefore, the problem is thrown to the public, and with too many disjointed ideas or solutions, sieving the best solution to the peculiar problem becomes complicated.

Not so fast; how are we even sure these stories or problems are true? What if someone sits in the comfort of their room or basement and concocts these unfounded narratives to make the stories trend? Many people don’t check the logical validity or fallacy of these stories.

Social media gave everyone a platform to air or voice out their views. The problem with the advent of these platforms is not the access to information but rather the processing of information. Many people find it uneasy to check the authenticity of stories or the validity of statistics.

The blowback or unintended consequence of this ‘hide my identity’ trend is that it has made many young people consume many negative stories, thereby fuelling suspicion between both genders. Moreover, stories of successful and happy marriages have been in short supply. Therefore, some young people no longer see marriage as a worthwhile endeavour wherein you invest your patience, energy and prayers.

On the one hand, love movies from Nollywood, Bollywood or Kannywood made young people see marriage or relationship as a perfect bed of roses or land of Eldorado instead of the cocktail of happiness, sadness, compromises and sacrifices that it is.

On the other hand, ‘hide my identity’ stories have increasingly made partners or lovers dine with each other with a very long spoon. Each sees the other as a veiled threat or a potentially dangerous person. These trends have created overnight feminists and misogynists.

The above backdrop does not downplay the effects of abusive or toxic marriages or relationships that appropriate authorities could reasonably address – parents, guardians, certified counsellors or the court. However, young people must be guided on what marriage entails, its prospects and its challenges. They need a direction or triangulation amidst a plethora of negative information and scary marital or relationship stories.

They should also be fed with successful marital examples or stories and the possibility of a happy marriage. And this makes parenting a more difficult task in our contemporary world.

The last time I checked around, we still had more good homes than broken ones. But, unfortunately, the familiar stories of abusive marriages or relationships are just the case of bad news flying more than the good ones.

Check out families around you, your pairs, neighbours, colleagues at the workplace or married classmates. You’ll understand that except for the usual day-to-day challenges in marriage, they are relatively not bad as it is being portrayed. However, we can canvass for improvements, coping mechanisms or detailed exit plans for worst scenarios. Therefore, ‘hide my identity’ stories are many times fabricated stories or isolated cases than the whole.

Abubakar Suleiman wrote from Kaduna and can be contacted via abusuleiman06@gmail.com.

By Mujahid Ibrahim

As I sat in the conference hall at the Kano Social Influencer’s Summit (KANSIS) of 2021 and 2022, organised by the Centre of Information Technology and Development (CITAD), I couldn’t help but wonder about the immense power of social media. The conference brought together a diverse group of social media influencers, entrepreneurs, and enthusiasts who shared their experiences and perspectives on how social media can be leveraged to drive social and economic growth.

However, amidst all the exciting stories and success tales shared at the conference, one thing was clear: the effects of mismanaging social media can be disastrous. From cyberbullying to misinformation and hate speech, social media has the potential to be a double-edged sword. While it can be used to amplify positive messages and drive change, it can also be a breeding ground for negative and destructive forces.

One instance of the adverse effects of social media mismanagement is the infamous #EndSARS protest in Nigeria, which was initially launched on social media platforms. The protest started as a peaceful campaign to end police brutality but eventually turned violent due to the spread of fake news and misinformation on social media. The consequences were dire, with many lives lost and properties destroyed.

However, it’s not all doom and gloom. Social media platforms provide endless opportunities for individuals and businesses to connect, engage, and grow their brands. From advertising to influencer marketing, social media has become indispensable for businesses looking to reach new audiences and drive revenue.

Numerous success stories exist of individuals and businesses leveraging social media to achieve their goals. For instance, the fashion brand Fashion Nova has grown from a small online store to a multi-million-dollar brand by utilising social media platforms to drive brand awareness and engagement. Similarly, entrepreneurs like Jeffree Star and Kylie Jenner have built successful cosmetic brands by leveraging their massive social media followings.

Other examples of social media success stories include:

Salt Bae: The Turkish chef Nusret Gökçe went viral on social media after a video of him sprinkling salt on a steak went viral. Since then, he has built a global empire of restaurants and has over 20 million followers on Instagram.

Wendy’s, the fast-food chain, has become famous on social media for its witty and engaging responses to customers. Wendy’s Twitter account has amassed over 3 million followers and has been hailed as a masterclass in social media marketing.

Glossier, the skincare and beauty brand, has built a cult following on Instagram, with over 2 million followers. Glossier has used social media to build a strong community of loyal customers who engage with the brand and share their experiences online.

GoPro, the action camera company, has used social media to create a platform for user-generated content. By encouraging users to share their GoPro footage on social media, the company has created a vast library of high-quality content that promotes the brand and inspires others to purchase their products.

Old Spice, the men’s grooming brand, revitalised its image through viral videos that parodied traditional male grooming advertisements. The videos were hugely popular on social media and helped to reposition the brand as edgy and irreverent.

These success stories, however, demonstrate the power of social media in building brand awareness, engaging customers, and driving revenue. By leveraging the unique features of each social media platform, businesses can create targeted and effective marketing campaigns that resonate with their target audience. Social media also provides opportunities for individuals to build personal brands, connect with like-minded people, and share their passions with the world.

To sum it up, social media has the potential to be a powerful force for good or bad, depending on how it’s managed. By understanding the power of social media and leveraging its unique features, individuals and businesses can drive social and economic growth. However, it’s important to use social media responsibly and to be mindful of the potential adverse effects of mismanaging it.

As social media continues to evolve and shape our world, we must use it to build a better, more connected, and more inclusive society. So, whether you’re an entrepreneur, an influencer, or just a casual user, remember to use social media to spread positive messages, connect with others, and make a meaningful impact.

Mujahid Ibrahim, Program Officer, Centre for Information Technology and Development (CITAD), can be contacted via littlemujahid4@gmail.com.

By Iranloye Sofiu Taiye

One of the essential elements that strengthen the unity of countries with numerous ethnicities is the mutually esteemed mode of communication, respect for their diversities, and by extension, mutual political relationship. But presently, the Nigeria social media fora are nothing but a channel for perpetrating, promoting, and sowing seeds of national discord, anchored on the uncivilised conduct of the politician and the supporters of political parties. It’s now conspicuous, apparent, and plausible that the spurious actions of the users of the social media platforms encompassing Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and WhatsApp groups have nourished the already perturbed and suffocating political terrain. 

Glaringly, this is an indication that we have a long battle to wrestle with, considering the pandemonium that ravaged the online space aftermath of this year’s general election. It’s very disheartening and daunting that we now freely strike and attack each other on the online space devoid of decorum and let alone having regard for divergent political opinions, which ought to be the beauty of democracy. The uncultured and vulgar attitude of the Baptists, Obidient,s, and Articulators was very appalling, which invariably made users of social media jettison the esteemed hitherto cultural mode of interpersonal communication, alas! we’ve now regrettably substituted it with barbarous, sadistic, and wanton mannerisms. 

The magnificent of social media platforms being a free platform where people exchange ideas, audio-visual content, and debate political perspectives with the use of internet connection had forthwith metamorphosed into caliginous and obscurity due to the pretentious salvage rhetorically disseminated by politicians to their naive and gullible followers who have been brainwashed with the grandiloquence of their preferred candidate. Hence, mutual content-sharing and collaboration have become hallucinations in the social media space.

It’s a known fact that all the political parties now budget a humongous and whopping sum of money on social media purposely to manipulate the thinking of the people to kowtow to their interests. These are cliques and gangs the political parties recruited as an online army of soldiers to perform several tasks, including the following: cyberbullying, paddling false information, using hate hashtags, threatening and intimidating their opponents with their unguarded utterances and abusive statements, spreading derogatory anonymous articles and engaging in an illogical debate just to mislead the public. 

This is quite terrible, horrendous, and awkward. Many youths have been cajoled and fed with negative thoughts and hatred about the country. After all, youths are the major users of social media, and this uncivil engagement is a stigma on the image of our nation State. The hate speech and this needless confrontation, brawl, and hullabaloo have set the citizens against each other, which is a setback to our nascent democracy and a violation of the expression of freedom, respect for the dignity of man and freedom of association as entailed in our national constitution. 

However, Since the ill-ambitioned politicians and the hatred-fed supporters of the political parties have no monopoly on expression and the online space is free for all citizens to utilise, then the intellectuals, scholars, and objective writers should brace up their pen to engage in thoughtful and analytical political discussions, and logical debates on the Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and other online space, to stem this delinquency before it wakes up the sleeping dogs. Let’s remember that the pen is mightier than the gun.

Note a Yoruba maxim said, “When elders are in the market square, the head of a new baby cannot be laid upside down”

Iranloye Sofiu Taiye (Optimism Mirror) is a public affairs analyst, public speaker, writer, and youth advocate. He can be reached via iranloye100@gmail.com. 

By Muhsin Ibrahim

Social media has a double-edged function. It can uplift you or do the exact opposite. It largely depends on the people and pages you interact with. Worried about their teens’ mental health, Utah became the first US state to regulate teen social media access this week.

According to a BBC report, “under the measures enacted on Thursday, a parent or guardian’s explicit consent will be needed before children can create accounts on apps such [as] Instagram, Facebook and TikTok.”

People of all ages can have their mental health wrecked on social media if they aren’t cautious. Some of us crave attention or other’s validation. Thus, people do crazy things to get more “likes” or ensure what they do gets their friends’ applause. That is one thing some of your social media ‘friends’ will never grant you because they are not your friends in the true sense of the word. So, the earlier you understand this, the better.

Of course, you should not be carefree. Each culture has its codes, and so on. So, consider these etiquettes but worry not about people’s attention or endorsement. Social media friendship is primarily fake. Folks, especially teens, can’t understand this. Thus, trolling push them to lose self-esteem, hate themselves, and some take their lives!

I salute the government of Utah. I am sure more states in the US and elsewhere will do the same. However, as ours (in Nigeria) will likely not do the same anytime soon, parents and guardians should do more. As it’s very challenging to deny your kids access to social media, monitor whom they interact with and the pages they visit.

Muhsin Ibrahim lives and works in Cologne, Germany. He can be contacted via muhsin2008@gmail.com.

By Muhammad Abdurrahman

A photo and video clip of a man and his wife went viral in the past days on Nigerian social media. Several users, especially on Twitter, alleged that the wife was 11 years old while the man looked much older.

Others condemned the marriage, calling the man a paedophile and other unprintable words.

The man, identified as Aminu Danmaliki, debunked all these rumours. He those sharing them “blackmailers and doubting Thomas”.

Danmaliki, in a Facebook post, says:

“My recent marriage with Sakina has generated a lot of tension and unfounded allegations that I married an underage girl, some suggesting she is 11 years old and that she was forced to marry me. That is untrue.

“The wedding video went viral. We decided to keep mute, but [I] was advised to state the true facts. Here it is: My beloved wife is 21 years old. She made her own choice of me as her husband, and I loved her too.

“I hope the blackmailers and doubting Thomas will see the reality in this picture and leave us alone to enjoy our honeymoon.”

Danmaliki, per his social media profile, hails from Bauchi. However, he now lives in Abuja. The Daily Reality has not been able to contact him for further information.

By Ishaka Mohammed

The Department of State Services (DSS) has launched its official social media accounts to enhance public and stakeholder engagements.

In a statement released on Monday, March 6, 2023, the Service publicised its presence on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram and dissociated itself from any handles other than the ones listed therein.

At the time of filing this report, the Twitter handle, @OfficialDSSNG, has over 44,000 followers, notable of whom are the Minister for Communications and Digital Economy, Prof. Isa Ali Pantami; the International Centre for Investigative Reporting (ICIR), Human Angle Media, and APC Nigeria.

The statement also revealed the Twitter handle of the spokesperson for the Service, Dr Peter Afunanya. “Similarly, the PRO’s Twitter handle is @DrAfunanya_PNA. Hitherto, the Service did not own or operate these handles. Its decision to operate them with effect from 6th March, 2023 is to enhance public and stakeholder engagements,” part of the statement reads.

Below are the social media handles.

Twitter: @OfficialDSSNG

Facebook: OfficialDSSNG

Instagram: @OfficialDSSNG

By Muhsin Ibrahim

I am in my late 30s. However, I sometimes struggle to minimise my presence online. That is even though being online is part of my main job (thanks to digital ethnography) and my ‘side hustle’. Often, one or another thing on the internet will take your focus away, and before you know it, you waste quality time doing nothing important.

According to reports, TikTok rolled out new screen-time limits for teens yesterday to help them reduce their addiction to the video-sharing platform. Under-18 users will get an alert when “they hit an hour of daily scrolling. To dismiss it, they’ll have to enter a passcode.” Unfortunately, this may not help much because kids know how to navigate these restrictions. For instance, they can fake their ages.

Folks, select whom you interact with on and off social media carefully. Avoid toxic people even if they are ‘influencers’. If their content continually disturbs you, unfollow, unfriend, or even block them. Don’t seek people’s validation; learn to ignore and tolerate trolling.

Perhaps more importantly, remember that there is a life beyond social media and outside the internet in its entirety. Live it very well. It’s, in fact, the real deal.

Muhsin Ibrahim lives and works in Cologne, Germany. You can contact him via muhsin2008@gmail.com.