Marriage

By Usman Usman Garba

Incidents of women killing their husbands in Northern Nigeria have become a disturbing phenomenon which puts some kind of anxiety in the hearts of youth and unmarried men. What was once rare is now appearing more frequently in headlines, police reports and public conversations. 

Everyone knows that Northern Nigeria is a region known for strong family values, deep respect for marriage, and a social structure built on religious and cultural norms. Yet, the recent rise in cases where wives take the lives of their husbands has forced many to question what is happening behind the façade of stability.

There are a lot of views and perceptions concerning why women kill their husbands in Northern Nigeria. Many are of the belief that forced marriage is one of the reasons such an inhumane act happens. Thus, others are married willingly without the intervention of anyone in a forced marriage, but still kill their spouses.

In my opinion, other factors should be taken into consideration, contrary to what many regard as the main cause of this dastardly act.

Mental health remains one of the least understood issues in Northern Nigeria. Depression, trauma from abusive relationships, postpartum challenges, and emotional exhaustion can push individuals to extremes. Unfortunately, many women have no access to counselling, families discourage speaking out; society expects women to “endure”; emotional crises are dismissed as weakness or spiritual problems, and this lack of support creates dangerous psychological pressure.

Similarly, domestic violence is one of the dangerous circles that causes women to kill their husbands. Many of the reported cases involve homes where domestic violence had been ongoing. Women in such situations sometimes endure physical and emotional abuse for years. With limited support systems, some feel trapped with no escape route.

This does not justify murder, but it highlights the reality. For instance, some wives act out of fear; some out of desperation; some out of retaliation; while others act because they believe no one will protect them.

Hence, the role of social media and exposure to new narratives has also contributed immensely to this inhumane act in Northern Nigeria.

Cases of women killing their husbands, though still few, spread quickly on social media, and sometimes, this creates copycat behaviour, unrealistic ideas about marriage, normalisation of revenge narratives and fake empowerment messages telling women to “fight back” violently.

Social media has become an amplifier, sometimes distorting reality and increasing tension in fragile homes

Nonetheless, a justice system that often fails women worsens the system. Many women who are abused find no one to intervene. At the station, police dismiss domestic complaints; families send them back home; religious or traditional leaders advise “patience”, and society blames women for failed marriages. Thus, when conflict turns deadly, the same system responds swiftly, after lives have already been destroyed. This is why prevention, not punishment, should be our priority.

The rising cases of wives killing their husbands are not simply crime stories; they are warning signs of deeper fractures inside marriages, families and social systems.

Northern Nigeria must confront these issues honestly and urgently. The goal is not to assign blame but to prevent homes from becoming battlegrounds. When families break down, society breaks down: when violence enters the home, it enters the community; and when silence becomes the norm, tragedy becomes inevitable.

The solution lies in awareness, support, justice and compassion, before the next headline appears. To stop this dangerous pattern in our communities, we must confront the root causes. The society must strengthen domestic violence reporting channels, improve community mediation and counselling structures, promote healthy marital communication, address economic pressures, educate people on mental health and teach conflict management to young couples.

Usman Garba writes from Kano via usmangarba100@gmail.com

By Muhammad Isah Zng

Marriage in Islam is not just to bind together; it is an institution that preserves faith, protects men and women from immoralities, and creates harmony between men and women. It’s also a way of raising and nurturing children on the right path.  

Allah (S.W.T) describes marriage as one of His most significant signs, saying: “And among His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves, so that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Surely in that are signs for a people who reflect.”
(Qur’an 30:21)

In the above verse, Allah (S.W.T.) highlights the true purpose of marriage, emphasises peace, love, and mercy between husband and wife. 

Similarly, Imam Al-Ghazali, a prominent Islamic scholar, said: “Marriage is companionship, not domination. It is a place of comfort, where both husband and wife share love, trust, and cooperation.”

We can also notice that marriage is also built on trust from both husband and wife, because trust brings comfort and increases love between the spouses. Without it, marriage won’t be last in any relationship. 

Therefore, apart from being a way of sharing love, peace, and trust between husband and wife, it is also a means of having children who would be beneficial to society.

That’s why Allah called the attention of both husband and wife in this verse: “O you who believe, protect yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is people and stones…”
(Qur’an 66:6)

This verse emphasises the responsibility of couples towards the good upbringing of their children by ensuring that they provide them with proper guidance and support throughout their lives. 

Marriage in Islam is an avenue where both husband and wife share love, mercy, peace, and trust; it’s also a way of raising children that benefits themselves and their society. 

Muhammad Isah Zng is a student of Mass Communication, Bayero University, Kano (BUK). 

By Muhammad Abubakar

Former Nigerian Vice President and presidential candidate of the People’s Democratic Party (PDP), Atiku Abubakar, has penned a heartfelt tribute to his wife, Titi Abubakar, on the occasion of her 75th birthday.

In a message shared on his social media platform, Atiku reflected on their unconventional journey to marriage. He revealed that the couple tied the knot without their families’ consent, witnessed only by two friends. Despite the odds, their union has endured for over five decades.

“Titi has been a blessing beyond measure to me and our family,” Atiku wrote. “I thank her for being patient with my shortcomings. Patience is a virtue you can never regret.”

He also encouraged couples to embrace patience in their relationships and wished his wife many more years of “bliss and blessings.”

It was a joyous occasion attended by family and friends, including the wife of the former military president, General Sani Abacha, Maryam Abacha.

By Aisha Musa Auyo

Let me start with this adage: being predictable is boring. The only way to keep attracting your man is by constantly exciting him.

A woman’s unpredictability and mystery can add excitement and intrigue to a relationship, keeping things fresh and engaging. This sense of mystery fosters curiosity and a desire to continually learn more about her, which can help prevent complacency. By maintaining an air of unpredictability, a woman can inspire her partner to stay attentive and actively invested, enhancing emotional and romantic connections.

A classy woman in a relationship exudes respect, grace, and self-confidence. She values herself and her partner, communicates maturely, and maintains her dignity even in challenging situations. Her elegance comes through her kindness, understanding, and ability to express love while setting healthy boundaries. This balance makes her an inspiring and cherished partner.

There are many ways to display charm and sophistication in everyday life.

When it comes to names, choosing affectionate ones for your spouse can depend on the mood, occasion, and shared history. Some days, you can be casual and warm, like “My love,” “Sweetheart,” or “Habibi.” At other times, use respectful titles like “Sir,” “Ranka ya dade,” “Alangubro,” or “Yallabai.”

Use playful nicknames on fun and flirty days (I won’t drop examples here, yauwa). During special moments, use affirming and supportive names like “My Hero” or “My Rock.”

In terms of dressing, if you’re always wearing native wear, surprise him with bum shorts and a spaghetti top. Or try a clingy evening gown or a see-through nightie. Let him know you possess what those Ashawos flaunt, except yours is reserved for his eyes alone.

When styling clothes, try different outfits that give you a new look and poise. We love comfort, but we can still make comfort look sexy and appealing.

Before experimenting with style, know your body type. Know what flatters your figure and what doesn’t. You can’t wear a fitted gown with a big tummy or bum shorts with bow legs. If you’re Qashi da Rai, avoid bubu—it may make you look like Muciya da Zani at home. Yauwa! This isn’t body shaming—it’s being real.

On perfume: know that perfume is the silent language of emotions. A single scent can lift a mood, stir memories, and instantly transform feelings. Use perfume to your advantage at home. It’s a soft weapon of attraction.

Learn to use scents to evoke peace, desire, and comfort. Use different perfumes for the day, night, special occasions, or even just to create a relaxing atmosphere. If you stick to one scent, he might get used to it, and it may lose its effect. Find out which scents he likes and rotate them. Explore English and Arab perfumes, humra, oils, kulaccam, incense, body mist, body milk, body sprays, bath mists—you name it. And remember: your house should smell pleasant too. Don’t smell like a flower while the house smells like Daddawa! Set the tone with your space, then yourself.

Nana Aisha (RA) said:

“I used to perfume the Prophet (peace be upon him) with the best perfume I could find until I saw the shine of the perfume on his head and beard.” (Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 5923)

When it comes to homemaking, we must constantly evolve. If you can’t change furniture often, update your space with small touches: new decor, decluttering, rearranging, or freshening up your environment. Minimal furnishing in small spaces often gives the cleanest look. Keep the house neat and germ-free. Fumigate regularly, burn incense, and use home mists, fresheners, and mopping sprays.

On behaviour—this is tricky, because we can’t be who we are not, but we can improve. If you’re naturally moody, try being more cheerful around your man. A cheerful wife is a huge turn-on. Be the woman he rushes home to. This way, he’ll notice quickly when something is off.

Avoid nagging. Often, a gentle reminder or silence works better than complaints. Be calm when he expects arguments, and then ‘show him shege’ when he least expects it—that’s the art of being unpredictable with a touch of sophistication. But this only works if your man is mature and understanding.

If you have the freedom and mutual understanding in your relationship, playfully surprise him by pretending to be away—perhaps plan a two-day trip, but return after just one. Welcome him with a good meal, a new nightie, and a memorable evening. Or, if he’s open to it, surprise him at work or send a special lunch to brighten his day.

If you always cook continental dishes, try traditional meals sometimes. If you usually serve food plainly, try plating and garnishing. Serve kunun tsamiya instead of a smoothie, or fresh juice instead of fruit salad. Don’t be the woman who only cooks shinkafa da miya and tuwo. Learn, upgrade, and initiate.

For hairstyles, try different braids or updos—ponytails, doughnuts, Kitson GABA, all-back, Calabar styles, etc.- but choose based on your hair type. Don’t insist on a style that doesn’t suit your hair. Most importantly, keep your hair clean and fragrant.

In Oza’s other room, learn to initiate intimacy. Don’t be the boring wife who waits for her husband to make the first move. A wife initiating intimacy strengthens emotional and physical bonds, makes her husband feel desired and valued, and breaks the assumption that one partner must always lead intimacy. It deepens connection, enhances communication, and fosters a more fulfilling relationship.

Also, explore different styles to keep things exciting and mutually satisfying.

If you’re used to black henna, try red or maroon. If you always wear ‘daurin ture ka ga tsiya, switch to turbans or different gele styles.

Sometimes, soften your voice—lower your tone and speak gently when needed. I heard there’s a tone called bedroom voice, right?

If you’re usually strong and independent, try being soft and playful sometimes.

If you’re always asking for money, ease up on small requests, especially when he’s managing big expenses. Surprise him instead with a perfume, shoes, a book, attire, pyjamas, a watch, or a ring. You shouldn’t always be the one expecting gifts. That’s why we say ‘ki nemi kudi, Lantana’.

And to you, Dan Lami or Man Sagir, know that all this charm, sophistication, versatility, and surprise can’t happen if you are too strict, stingy, or overbearing. You must be friendly and generous with your words, smiles, time, emotions, and yes, your wallet. Yauwa.

Lemme stop here….

Aisha Musa Auyo is a doctoral researcher in Educational Psychology. A wife, a mother, a homemaker, a caterer, a parenting, and relationship coach. She can be reached via aishamuauyo@live.co.uk.

By Aisha M Auyo

Marriage is a huge opportunity to earn good deeds. By adjusting your intention, everything you do for your spouse can be an act of worship. It is that simple.

Seek to please Allah and be intentional. Every single thing you do with and for your spouse can be a form of worship when Ihsan is your motivation, and your heart is engaged in the remembrance of Allah in some way.

And by default, when good things become a habit, your good deeds are habitually earned too, insha’Allah.

From time to time, make a specific intention and say, “Oh Allah, I am doing this for my spouse only for Your sake and to earn Your pleasure.” You’ll feel the difference. A mundane task gets supercharged!

Umar ibn Al-Khattab reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

“Verily, deeds are only with intentions. Verily, every person will have only what they intended. Whoever emigrated to Allah and His Messenger, then his emigration is for Allah and His Messenger. Whoever emigrated to get something in the world or to marry a woman, then his emigration is for whatever he emigrated for.” (Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 54, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1907).

This hadith and post are especially important for my fellow women… wives… If all the good and extra things you do for your man are just so he wouldn’t marry another woman, know that your reward stops there. And he may marry other wives if that’s in his Qadr.

It might work if you’re being obedient, respectful, kind, and many other good things, just so you’d be his favourite among his wives, but know that the reward may stop there.

Let’s always remember that this world is only temporary… Our permanent abode is the aakhira. I am not in any way saying you should stop whatever you’re doing. In fact, I suggest we always try to improve, increase, and upgrade… 

Just be conscious of your intentions and be deliberate in whatever you do. Doing so, we will have double reward… here and in the hereafter, in sha Allah.

Aisha Musa Auyo is a doctoral researcher in Educational Psychology. A wife, a mother, a homemaker, a caterer, a parenting, and relationship coach. She can be reached via aishamuauyo@live.co.uk.

By Aisha Musa Auyo

I will begin my write-up with this Hadith: Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, “Nothing is heavier on the believer’s scale on the Day of Judgment than good character.” (Sunan al-Tirmidh).

If we pay attention and are fair to ourselves, I bet you will realise that none of us is perfect. We all have areas in our lives where we excel, and we all have areas where we do not excel – or even fail. This will be true in your marital life as well. So, let us try to upgrade our character based on this fact.

Marriages collapse for many reasons. Some marriages and relationships go wrong because people fail to praise each other’s strengths and tend to criticise each other’s weaknesses. 

Let me tell you from experience. I love getting praise when I do something good, but if I totally blow something, I am already critical and upset enough with myself that I do not need my mate coming in and twisting the knife, so to speak. I am pretty sure everyone out there would agree with me on this. 

If you want to approach marriage the right way, you must generously praise each other, particularly when one excels at something, and use criticism sparingly when one flounders. Pray about the challenges and allow Allah, the Most High, to handle the work. 

Crushing your spouse’s soul will only push them away and never pull them toward you. When you see your spouse has messed something up, this is a time to draw them into your arms, hug them tight, and assure them everything will be okay. 

Marriage is teamwork, not competition, so learn to support and encourage each other. If you discover that you have strengths in areas where your spouse is weaker, take the lead in those aspects of the relationship and allow your partner to excel in what they do best. This synergy is achievable only in a healthy, selfless, progressive marriage.

If you both struggle in an area, agree to collaborate to address it. Learning to use this key effectively will create tremendous harmony in your relationship.

This formula can be applied beyond marital relationships. Any type of relationship can benefit from it, including those between parents and children, teachers and students, siblings, coworkers, or employers.

In a world where you can be anything…. choose positivity, compassion, empathy, and kindness. Remember, people may forget how you look, but they may never forget how you made them feel.

One more reason to be kind, encouraging, and compassionate is the hadith that the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “The best among you are those who have the best manners and character” (Sahih al-Bukhari).

Aisha Musa Auyo is a Doctorate researcher in Educational Psychology. A wife, a mother, a homemaker, caterer, parenting, and relationship coach. She can be reached via aishamuauyo@live.co.uk.

By Ibrahyim A. El-Caleel

Muslim men who have an interest in interfaith marriages (marriage to non-Muslim wives) seem to be looking at the matter only at the surface. They do not look deeply into the injunctions around the whole marriage. 

Yes, Islam permits a Muslim man to marry a non-Muslim wife, but the reverse case is prohibited. Some of the few things you must think deeply about and seek explanations from scholars over are:

1.It is not permissible for the Muslim husband to force his non-Muslim wife to accept Islam. This is not permissible in Islam. 

2. To what degree can you ensure that your children from the wife remain upon the fitrah – remain as Muslims? A large number of children from this form of marriage end up as non-Muslims. Some of them leave the fold of Islam after their Muslim fathers die. Some of the fathers don’t even care. They actually make it a “democracy” sort of thing. “You boys and girls can just choose what you think you are okay with- my religion or your mother’s”. 

3. How do you reconcile specific differences between the injunctions in your religion and hers? An example here is that a Muslim wife must take her janabah bath after menstruating. Equally, there is no intercourse during that period. Are you aware of what is the provision for a non-Muslim wife? From where do you start, especially since there is even a niyyah (intention) component in the janabah bath? Have you thought about this before?

4. You must allow her to practice her religion if she is genuinely committed to it. If, for example, she must hang a symbol of her religion, let’s say , in her living room, would you be okay with it? Okay, let’s assume you have no problem with that. Have you asked what the Islamic injunction on praying is for any of your five compulsory prayers in a room with such a symbol inside it? 

Both Muslim men and non-Muslim women must seek clarification on some of these things before getting married. They should not just look at the permissibility at the surface. What are the other injunctions within such a marriage? Islam is full of injunctions as a religion based on knowledge of the Qur’an and Hadith. 

There are many injunctions even in a marriage between a Muslim man and a Muslim woman. Therefore, intending couples in interfaith marriages must better know what they are getting into. It is not always about getting a flight ticket and a visa to Rome. You must think ahead—what happens after you land in Rome?

By Maimunna Katuka Aliyu

Understanding blood types and genotypes is crucial for emergencies, such as blood transfusions during accidents. However, knowing one’s genotype, particularly before marriage, is equally important to avoid having children with Sickle Cell Disease (SCD).

Blood genotypes determine an individual’s blood type, inherited from our parents and remain constant throughout our lives. The four main blood types are A, B, AB, and O, classified based on the presence of antigens in red blood cells. The Rh factor can also be present (Rh-positive) or absent (Rh-negative), further defining blood types.

Blood genotypes play significant roles in the following:
– Blood Transfusions: Ensuring compatibility between donor and recipient blood.
– Pregnancy: Preventing complications like haemolytic disease of the newborn.
– Organ Transplants: Matching donor and recipient blood types for successful transplants.
– Disease Susceptibility: Influencing susceptibility to diseases like sickle cell anaemia.

Sickle cell disease is a genetic disorder affecting haemoglobin production, leading to abnormal red blood cells. These cells become crescent-shaped and rigid, causing a range of health problems. The genotype responsible for SCD is known as HbSS or HbSβthal, resulting from a mutation in the HBB gene.

Individuals with sickle cell disease have two copies of the mutated gene (HbSS), while those with one normal gene and one mutated gene (HbAS) have the sickle cell trait but generally remain healthy. Understanding an individual’s genotype is crucial in determining their risk of developing SCD or passing it to their offspring.

The symptoms of sickle cell disease can vary in severity and include:
– Anemia
– Fatigue
– Shortness of breath
– Pale skin
– Yellowing of the skin and eyes (jaundice)
– Painful episodes (crises)
– Swelling of hands and feet
– Increased risk of infections

While there is no cure for sickle cell disease, several management options help alleviate symptoms and prevent complications:
– Pain Management: Medications like acetaminophen and ibuprofen.
– Blood Transfusions: Increasing healthy red blood cell levels.
– Hydroxyurea: Reducing the frequency of painful episodes and improving anaemia.

Aisha Mahmud, a sickle cell patient diagnosed at age three, shared her experiences. As she grew older, the frequency of her crises reduced, occurring only once every three months. She regularly visits Primus Hospital in Karu, Abuja, and FMC Azare for checkups. Aisha emphasises that emotional stress often triggers crises, highlighting the importance of therapy over medication. Remarkably, her genotype changed from SS to AC, bringing immense joy to her family.

The challenges faced by sickle cell patients are immense, impacting them physically, psychologically, emotionally, and financially. Crises can occur unpredictably, causing significant distress to patients and their families.

Researchers are continuously exploring new treatment options for sickle cell disease. Some of the latest developments include:

– Hydroxyurea: Reduces pain crises and acute chest syndrome, decreasing the need for blood transfusions.

– Voxelotor: Approved for people age four and older to reduce pain crises and improve anaemia.

– Crizanlizumab: Approved for people age 16 and older to reduce pain crises.

– L-glutamine: Approved for people age five and older to reduce pain crises.

– Bone Marrow Transplant: Can cure some individuals with SCD but requires careful consideration and a suitable donor.

– Gene Therapy: Genes are used to correct the mutations that cause sickle cell disease.

– CRISPR Technology: A gene-editing tool that corrects the mutation causing SCD.

In conclusion, sickle cell disease is a complex and debilitating genetic disorder affecting millions worldwide. While there is no cure, management options help alleviate symptoms and prevent complications. Ongoing research and new treatment options offer hope for improved treatment and potentially a cure in the future.

Maimunna Katuka Aliyu wrote via munat815@gmail.com.

By Aisha Musa Auyo 

September is globally declared Sickle Cell Awareness Month.  The month is dedicated to raising awareness about sickle cell disease (SCD) and the challenges faced by those living with this inherited blood disorder. It serves as an opportunity to educate the public, promote early diagnosis, and advocate for better treatment options and research. 

The month also highlights the importance of genetic screening, support for patients and families, and increased funding to improve the quality of life for individuals affected by SCD. Through community events, health campaigns, and social media, advocates aim to bring attention to the urgent need for action and support for those impacted by sickle cell disease.

Today, I want to discuss sickle cell disease from a social and psychological perspective rather than a medical one. While I’m not a medical doctor, I’ll focus on the impact this condition has on families and individuals beyond the clinical aspects.

Anyone who knows me as a relationship coach knows that I deeply love and believe in love. I advocate for it passionately. However, when it comes to marriage, love is just one of many essential foundations. I’ll be very realistic here—there’s much more needed to make a marriage thrive. We’re all witnesses to the struggles and the painful moments of crisis of sickle cell sufferers. We know how their parents strain to cope with the financial demands at times of crisis.

For AS-AS couples who choose to look beyond their genotype and marry for love, the romantic vision they once had is often overshadowed by constant worry, fear, and apprehension. The looming possibility of having a child with sickle cell disease adds significant stress. After having children, the anxiety only deepens, with parents constantly fearing an impending crisis or managing one. This often results in the other children not receiving the care and attention they need, as the focus shifts primarily to the sick child.

Sometimes, the mother has to forfeit most of her dreams and aspirations because she’s always in and out of the hospital. I don’t want to mention the fear, horror, and pain they endure whenever their kids are in the hospital. The hospital becomes the second home of sickle cell kids with their parents. 

These parents hardly have any social life outside their homes and hospitals. The mothers, who are naturally more emotional, tend to be most affected by this.

Now, let’s discuss the pain and agony of sickle cell children. As much as I hate to write about it, we have to do it.  The pain experienced by a sickle cell patient is not only severe but often unpredictable. It can occur when least expected. 

The crisis stems from the sickle-shaped red blood cells that block blood flow, reducing oxygen delivery to tissues and causing intense pain. The pain can affect various parts of the body, particularly the bones, joints, chest, and abdomen. It can be acute (lasting hours to days) or chronic (persistent over time). The episodes are triggered by stress, dehydration, cold, or infections. The ensuing pain can be debilitating, leading to hospitalisations and significantly affecting the patient’s quality of life.

As these children grow older, many develop feelings of resentment toward their parents. They feel that their parents prioritised their desires over the potential suffering of their children. Every painful episode and crisis can remind you of choices made without fully considering the long-term consequences. This resentment stems from a sense of betrayal as they bear the physical and emotional toll of a decision that was not theirs. Parents often face this blame, which adds another layer of pain to an already difficult journey.

Parents in this situation are bound to carry the heavy burden of guilt and regret. Some marriages don’t survive the strain, leading to divorce, while others remain intact but with the painful decision to stop having children. 

I’ve seen firsthand the difficult choices couples make, including terminating multiple pregnancies because the babies were predicted to have sickle cell disease. It begs the question—why start down this path in the first place, knowing the potential heartache? No one should have to make these choices, and it’s a reminder of the importance of understanding genetic risks before taking that step.

Dear aspiring couples, Love, while beautiful, is not enough to withstand the many challenges that marriage brings. If both of you carry the AS genotype, I urge you to reconsider your relationship. There are many potential partners out there, and though it may be difficult, stepping away now could save you unimaginable heartache later. Trust me, it’s not worth the pain.

To couples already married with the AS genotype, please think carefully before bringing more children into the world. Consider the immense suffering that comes with sickle cell disease—for both you and your child. Spare them the pain and constant crises. Your love can be expressed in ways that protect their future.

Dear parents of children with sickle cell, my heart goes out to you. As a fellow parent, I can only imagine the trauma, pain, regrets, and difficult choices you face. The physical, financial, and emotional toll can feel overwhelming at times. 

Please remember that this is beyond your control, and you are doing your best for your child. Stay strong and lean on each other for support. Don’t hesitate to seek help from family, and make time for yourselves to recharge. Remember, there’s a life outside the hospital and home—try to socialise and find moments of joy. 

Connect with other parents who understand your journey, learn the best ways to care for your child, and never stop seeking knowledge. Above all, pray for Allah’s guidance and strength. You are not alone, and you will get through this.

Dear sickle cell warrior, please know your parents are deeply feeling your pain. They live with a mix of empathy and guilt, wishing they could take away your suffering. While they can’t change the course of destiny, they are sacrificing so much to ensure you have the care and support you need. Their love for you runs incredibly deep, often even more so because of the battles you face. If they could go back and change things, they would do so in a heartbeat. Always remember that your health and happiness mean the world to them.

The spread of the sickle cell genotype can end in a few generations when we intentionally avoid reproducing that genotype. It is a must for all of us to know our genotype before engaging in any serious relationship with the opposite gender. A stitch in time saves nine.

In my next post on this topic, I will discuss prevailing medical solutions in the management and treatment of sickle celldisease.

Aisha Musa Auyo is a Doctorate researcher in Educational Psychology. A wife, a mother, a homemaker, caterer, parenting, and relationship coach. She can be reached via aishamuauyo@live.co.uk.

By Aisha Musa Auyo

Hormones influence or determine a considerable percentage of our behaviours and physical appearance. If we say our hormones are what makes us, we won’t be exaggerating. Yet, we hardly discuss it. Yet very few know about it; very few believe in its impact. From genetics to behavioural scientists to physiologists and psychologists, these specialists believe in the power of hormones, especially in women. I will try my best to write in the simplest language possible so that I will not suffocate you with medical jargon.

Hormones are chemicals that coordinate different bodily functions by carrying messages through the blood to the various organs, the skin, muscles, and other tissues. Hormones are the signals that tell your body what to do and when to do it. There is no gainsaying, therefore, that hormones are essential for life and health. So far, scientists have identified over 50 hormones in the human body.

 Hormones control many bodily processes, including metabolism, homeostasis (constant internal balance), such as blood pressure and blood sugar regulation, fluid (water) and electrolyte balance, body temperature, growth and development. Hormones also affect sexual function, reproduction, sleep-wake cycle, and mood.

With hormones, a little bit goes a long way. Because of this, minor changes in levels can cause significant changes to your body and lead to certain conditions that require medical attention. The levels and nature of hormones in the body correlate with our moods, sense of smell, body odour, taste buds, thinking faculty, energy, and looks. 

In this week’s outing, I will start with women, as they are the gender whose hormones have a greater influence and impact on their lives. If you have a woman in your life, regardless of your relationship with her, know that hormones are constantly influencing her. 

Growing up and transitioning into a woman is a roller-coaster of emotional and physical changes. There will be noticeable differences in her attitude, looks, behaviour, and even how she smells. There will be irritability, sadness, and heightened or lowered confidence.

Women have heightened hormonal influence during certain periods. When she grows from a girl to an adult, when she’s ovulating, and at different times when she is on her monthly period. There is a hormonal influence in pregnancy when she is breastfeeding and when she is using hormonal contraceptives. There is yet another hormonal issue at menopause, just as it is at adolescence. 

A few days to menstrual onset (ovulation periods), a woman experiences a libido boost, appetite changes, heightened sense of smell and mood changes…usually in a good mood. But, during the onset of their period, a woman will experience cramps, dizziness, bloating, acne breakout, feeling tired, and mood swings…sadness, anger and anxiety. It isjust a roller-coaster of feelings and emotions. 

When pregnant (this should be a topic of its own), a woman is most likely to experience, among other things, morning sickness, dizziness, nausea, and vomiting; strange food cravings; fatigue; heightened sense of smell; forgetfulness; lack of patience; and crying for no explicit reasons. Bro, be patient and empathic; it’s beyond her. 

Then there comes the postpartum and breastfeeding period, which is associated with crying, difficulty in making decisions, lack of sleep or oversleeping, tiredness, mood swings, etc. Not infrequently, a woman may fall into depression at this phase. 

Then, there are issues relating to the use of contraceptives. These range from headache, migraine, acne, weight loss or gain, hair loss, smooth skin, dryness, and mood swings. The signs are numerous, depending on the woman and the type of contraceptives used.

Then, there is the advent of menopause, which comes with palpitations, hot or cold flashes, difficulty sleeping, tiredness and irritability, dryness and a whole lot of other changes.

Have you ever noticed how a woman can be so lovely today and nasty the next day for no reason? Have you ever seen a woman cry just like that? Have you ever seen a woman with clear skin today and skin full of rashes or acne tomorrow? Have you ever noticed that a woman can be thin today and bloated the day after? Know that these amazing, dramatic transformations result from the interplay of hormones. You have to be tolerant, understanding, and kind.

As a husband, father, son, brother, or friend, you need to understand the complexities of hormones in women to a certain level. This will help you make informed decisions about certain behaviours. This might help explain some oddities in women’s behaviour you experience or notice. The knowledge will help you and be the person she needs during those trying periods.

Sometimes, all a woman needs is space, silence, patience, kind words, empathy, massages, or a shoulder to cry on (that is, if she’s your wife, yauwa!). Chocolates, a listening ear, a credit alert (LOL!), hot tea, a pain killer, or taking her on a walk may be the healing or soothing balm.

The above is just a summary of what women go through. I will expound on each stage in subsequent editions, each stage as a topic of itself, and see how we can navigate through each milestone of hormonal symphony and the complexities of women’s health and emotions. Insha Allah.

Dear reader, but do you know that men, too, have hormones and emotional issues which we overlook? From childhood to adolescence and adulthood, men also come under certain societal expectations and pressure to suppress their feelings. I will try to summarise that in my next article.

Aisha Musa Auyo is a Doctorate researcher in Educational Psychology, a wife, a mother of three, a homemaker, a chef, and a parenting/ relationship coach. She can be reached via aishamuauyo@live.co.uk.