Lifestyle

By Aisha Musa Auyo 

Sequel to the recent loss of lives during the heated match between Nigeria and South Africa in the recently concluded 2023 AFCON, it is pertinent to begin sensitizing the public on the effects of anxiety, cardiac, and related attacks.

To avoid anxiety or a heart attack during sports or anything that excites you, try this visualization a few hours before the game or event.

…Expect the worst in this case, even if you don’t want to. Imagine the worst-case scenario a few times in your mind, and no matter how anxious your body becomes, let it be. Don’t resist it, and it will go away…

Anxiety is nothing but the manifestation of your deepest fears, and since you keep avoiding the worst-case scenarios, anxiety keeps building up. But if you have imagined and experienced it, the reality will not come as a shock. It will be something you have already envisioned. Whether the game ends in your favor or not, you will have control over how your body reacts to the outcome.

This is the explanation behind the fight-or-flight response, which is an automatic physiological reaction to an event that is perceived as stressful or frightening. The perception of a threat activates the sympathetic nervous system and triggers an acute stress response that prepares the body to fight or flee.

Sports-related anxiety and heart attacks can be influenced by various factors, and addressing them requires a multifaceted approach. Since this issue will continue to arise even after the AFCON, it would be beneficial to highlight the long-term approaches.

1. Regular Exercise: Engaging in regular physical activity not only improves cardiovascular health but also aids in stress management. Incorporating both aerobic and strength training exercises can contribute to overall well-being.

2. Healthy Lifestyle: Adopting a balanced and nutritious diet, maintaining a healthy weight, and avoiding excessive alcohol and tobacco use are crucial components of preventing heart-related problems.

3. Stress Management: Practice stress-reduction techniques, such as mindfulness, deep breathing exercises, or meditation. Managing stress levels is vital for overall mental and physical health.

Regular Health Checkups: Periodic health checkups help monitor blood pressure, cholesterol levels, and overall heart health. Early detection of potential issues allows for timely intervention.

5. Know Your Limits: Recognize your personal physical limitations and avoid pushing yourself too hard during sports activities. Gradual progression in intensity is essential to prevent sudden stress on the cardiovascular system.

6. Medical Consultation: If individuals have preexisting health conditions or concerns, it’s crucial to consult a healthcare professional before engaging in strenuous physical activities, including sports events.

7. Fan Engagement Awareness: For spectators, emotional involvement during sports events can lead to heightened stress levels. Being aware of one’s emotional reactions and finding healthy ways to manage them are essential.

8. Emergency Preparedness: Knowledge of basic first aid and access to medical facilities during sports events are critical in case of emergencies.

9. Community Awareness: Raising awareness within communities about the risks associated with sports-related stress and the importance of preventive measures can contribute to a healthier sports culture.

10. Education: Providing education on the signs of heart attacks and the importance of seeking immediate medical attention can empower individuals to respond effectively in emergencies.

By addressing these aspects, individuals can reduce the risk of sports-related anxiety and heart attacks, thus promoting a safer and more enjoyable sports experience.

To reduce sports-related anxiety and potential health risks, individuals should prioritize regular exercise, maintain a healthy lifestyle, and be aware of their physical limitations. Seeking medical advice and monitoring stress levels can also contribute to overall well-being.

Aisha Musa Auyo is a Doctoral researcher in Educational Psychology, a mother of three, a homemaker, caterer, and parenting/relationship coach. She can be contacted via aishamuauyo@gmail.com.

By Aisha Musa Auyo

I have been writing about how women should be patient, understanding, tolerant, verbally appreciative of their men, admire them, massage their egos, and constantly upgrade themselves to please their men, etc. The men are loving it. It’s about time women get their concerns heard.

We all love good things. And I know it’s a man’s nature not to care what his woman thinks about his looks after he marries her. The truth is, smart men know that appeasing their women pleases themselves. Most of the time, women reciprocate what they feel. If they’re happy, they radiate that energy to the people around them, and trust me, a positive vibe is contagious.

You’ve seen her, and you wanted nothing but to marry her at that moment. You will do anything to please, impress, convince, attract, and marry her. That’s not the end, though. You need to work on staying happily married to her. You need to stay attractive to her. Women are strange beings—simple yet complicated. Basic things like hygiene (oral, toilet, clothes, head, nails, and general body cleanliness), choice of perfume, or outfits can make her love or hate you. Yes, we don’t dislike—we hate. Lol.

Frankly, I don’t want to write about this. I don’t want to start telling adult males how to groom themselves, but the direct messages and tags I receive are too numerous to ignore. So, let’s do this!

It was reported to me that most men don’t flush after peeing. Yes, you read that correctly. I feel compelled to bring this out for the sake of my girls. Furthermore, when they flush after a number two, they don’t bother to wait and see if everything is cleared, let alone use the toilet brush or air freshener.

The ideal way to clean up after using the toilet is to wash yourself with soap and water. Water alone will suffice for purification, but soap is necessary for hygiene and a pleasant smell.

When it comes to underwear, kindly change them daily. Buy as many as you can afford. There are affordable ones for everyone’s pocket. Nigerian weather is not very friendly. Those sweatpants and tight trousers are bad for hygiene. Please let your body breathe!

Mouthwash, clove, and chewing gum are not for women alone. They’re oral hygiene products for both genders. Teeth scaling, polishing, and dental check-ups are not just for celebrities. They’re for everyone. Manicures, pedicures, and shaving (for men) every Friday are sunnah. Shampoo, conditioner, and anti-dandruff products are for both genders, especially men who want to grow their hair. However, they should be aware that this decision comes with financial responsibility.

Wash or sanitize your hands immediately when you get home. Bathe and brush your teeth after work, and use deodorant, body spray, antiperspirants, and perfumes (I know most of you do these things before going out). The problem is when you are home. Your wife deserves the best version of you. Please ask her what she thinks of your perfume. If her choice is different from yours, use your own choice when you are going out and her choice when you are home.

When your wife nonchalantly suggests that you freshen up, get the clue, dude… she may not spell out that you stink. And if anyone you trust offers you a clove, chewing gum, or minted sweets, gladly accept it; chances are, you need to freshen your breath. Accept corrections and observations about your hygiene with an open mind.

If you notice that your wife is avoiding physical contact or conversations with you, check your hygiene. A wife prepares herself and waits the whole day just to be with her husband. So if she’s keeping her distance, something must be amiss. Freshen up and both of you will be fine.

Women love money, they say, but decent women love hygienic and good-smelling men more. If you have money, use it to look and smell good. If you don’t, make sure you are not dirty. There are cheaper options for looking and smelling good. A woman can never hate a neat and good-smelling guy. Women pay more attention to how you smell than how you look.

And that annoying jallabiyya you men wear from Friday evening until Monday morning, please try to change the habit. It really annoys us. If we ladies can change at least two outfits a day just to please you, you may as well reciprocate the gesture. There are comfortable casual clothes that are very available and affordable.

The dreaded morning breath… we know it’s unavoidable, but hey, brush your teeth before sleeping, use mouthwash, chew mint leaves or cloves before bed. That morning intimacy couples rave about isn’t so great with morning breath. Please brush before going to Subhi prayer (that one is a complaint from your fellow men). Just brush before talking to anyone. Drink water and eat a date or apple to neutralize the acidity in your empty stomach.

In general, a pleasant smell has a calming effect on the person who wears it and the person who breathes it in. A bad smell is not only offensive to the nose but also damages the recipient’s mood, angering them instantly. The unfortunate thing is that most people who exude a bad smell are unaware of it. Therefore, as an individual, do everything humanly possible to avoid having an unpleasant odor. Never be too busy or in a hurry to the detriment of your personal hygiene and grooming.

Aisha Musa Auyo is a Doctoral researcher in Educational Psychology, a mother of three, a homemaker, caterer, and parenting/relationship coach. She can be contacted via aishamuauyo@gmail.com.

By Abdullahi Yusuf

The phrase “Ni Dan Rigasa ne” (which means “I am an inhabitant of Rigasa”) was once notorious within the Kaduna metropolis, evoking a troubled history. Rigasa, a well-known community under the authority of Igabi Local Government Area of Kaduna State, boasts a dense population of over 3 million inhabitants, primarily from the Hausa tribe, making Hausa the predominant language of communication in the community.

In the past, the phrase “Ni Dan Rigasa ne” was akin to saying “I’m from O’block” in Chicago, United States. It connoted hailing from a place where violence was rampant, almost warning others to steer clear due to assumed tendencies for aggression. While certain notions about the community were stereotyped, these stereotypes held some semblance of truth, however generalised.

Due to Rigasa’s population density, a large number of out-of-school children roamed the streets. Some scavenged within different marketplaces, while a fortunate few were sent to learn skills. Many adolescents and young people in the community had been immersed in illicit activities, often engaging in violent altercations, causing harm to themselves and others while also perpetuating property destruction.

During this period, the term “Yan shara” was commonly used, referring to gangs of thugs armed with weapons, causing mayhem and inflicting injuries and damages. This unrest often served as an opportunity for robbery, leading to the theft of belongings from innocent passers-by.

Phone snatching was prevalent, and individuals lived in fear of being victimised in broad daylight. Such incidents resulted in injuries, disabilities, and even fatalities.

As a result, the community became daunting to outsiders, dissuading visits from people from other parts of the state due to the fear of potential unrest or falling victim to robbery.

“Yan hayi” was another term those living outside Rigasa used to describe the residents, signifying people residing in Hayin Rigasa. The word “Hayi” conveys “crossing,” and was derived from the fact that a river at the entrance of Rigasa had to be traversed before entering the community. During that era, being called “Dan Hayi” implied that one was unwise or unsophisticated.

These stereotypes gradually dissipated over time as Rigasa transformed into a burgeoning community with abundant, relatively affordable land. People from other parts of the state began to immigrate to Rigasa and construct houses. Consequently, Rigasa has become one of the most rapidly developed communities over the past two decades, a testament to its positive transformation.

Despite the aforementioned tumultuous events, the residents of the Rigasa community are among the most selfless individuals one could encounter. Their spirit of altruism and patriotism is unparalleled, and they channelled their unity towards overcoming adversities and shaping a brighter future for their community. Education served as the fulcrum for this positive transformation, marking the inception of their development journey. 

Over two decades ago, a group of forward-thinking individuals came together to establish a forum to foster education and community development to promote success. The Rigasa Students Forum (S-Foris) was formed to orient, educate, and mentor the people within the community, including the younger generation and the elder populace. 

S-Foris was instrumental in providing extramural lessons to students and introducing adult education to elderly individuals, particularly women who did not have the opportunity to acquire education earlier in their lives. The forum made significant strides in transforming the mindset of numerous youths in the community, achieving notable success.

Subsequently, other student bodies, such as the Rigasa Students Association (RSA) and Rigasa Old Student Association (ROSA), emerged with similar aspirations, continuing the trajectory of success.

Building on these achievements, the same group of individuals sought to elevate their advocacy efforts by expanding the scope of development-related initiatives. This led to the formation of the Rigasa Action and Awareness Forum (RAAF). RAAF operates as a pressure group, enlightening the community about various aspects of development and advocating for adherence to the rule of law. Moreover, the forum takes proactive measures to ensure that the government addresses the needs and concerns of the Rigasa community.

Due to the tireless efforts of a dedicated group, Rigasa can be considered a benchmark for positive change. The community boasts numerous talented individuals who excel across various domains of development. Academically, Government Secondary School Rigasa has produced a multitude of intellectuals who have excelled in academia. Moreover, developmentally, Rigasa is home to the leading youth civil society organisation in Kaduna, the Enhancing Community Action for Peace and Better Health Initiative (e-CAPH), headed by the vibrant young leader and prominent human rights advocate, Yusha’u M Abubakar. Additionally, the Village Debbo Care Initiative (VD Care), led by Samira Isah Modibbo, serves as another influential platform for women’s rights, among other organisations contributing to the community’s progress.

Before the 2023 election, during the voter registration exercise, RAAF played a pivotal role in mobilising citizens for registration and transfer, as Rigasa welcomed the addition of over 80 polling units. This effort led to mobilising over 10,000 additional votes within the community, presenting a significant political advantage considering the maxim “politics is a game of numbers.”

“Dan Rigasa” or “Dan Hayi” is no longer derogatory but a source of pride. Rigasa is now widely represented in learning institutions and governmental agencies across northern Nigeria. Rigasa youth have obtained prominent positions in government, excelled in business endeavours, and showcased their skills across various industries. The community has notably enhanced its security, becoming one of the safest locales in Kaduna State, fostering an environment where individuals can navigate without fear of robbery or threat to personal safety.

Amid these accomplishments, humanitarian services have also flourished. Zauren Al’umma, led by Idris Tumba, has emerged as a notable humanitarian organisation providing crucial aid to vulnerable individuals in diverse capacities, further accentuating the community’s spirit of benevolence.

Rigasa’s journey reflects a remarkable transformation, underscored by a commitment to education, civic engagement, and holistic community development. Rigasa people are fond of helping each other in an individual capacity and as an organisation.

I can confidently beat my chest wherever I find myself and proudly exclaim, “Ni Dan Rigasa Ne,” without fearing any stereotype or judgment. I am confident that Rigasa is now well-represented widely.

Abdullahi Yusuf is a graduate of Health Education, Bayero University Kano. He wrote from Rigasa, Kaduna, via abdoolphd@gmail.com.

By Jamila Yunusa Sulieman

They say ignorance is bliss, but only to the ignorant. Over the years, I have read articles on Sickle Cell Disease and witnessed some close associates deal with the unending crisis. Little did I know it would be a first-hand experience for me.

I got married without a genotype investigation, though my spouse was very sincere with his as I carelessly assumed I was of the AA genotype because my siblings all had the AA genotype except for my immediate elder brother. Careless, right? My genotype Status dawned on me during the routine medical test for antenatal. Naturally, I broke down, and full of disappointment, I prayed and cried. I had my first child and two more, which were all declared healthy and free of Sickle Cell Disease. 

It was bliss; family members would congratulate me and help me praise Allah; the feeling was more like hitting the jackpot. Four years passed by after the birth of my third child, and just then, pain and fear decided to take a seat in the kingdom of bliss. I had taken myself for an ultrasound in one of the prestigious Ultrasound service providers, where I was declared eight weeks gone. I took one of the fastest routes to my place. I walked slowly but could feel my heart beating faster; I didn’t have the excitement of pregnancy because all I felt were premonitions.

I would cry myself to sleep, and some nights, I would think deep into the night. I sparked out of melancholy. I started my antenatal clinics at 12 weeks of gestation. I became even more prayerful even though I knew I had very slim chances of having a child who wouldn’t have the SS genotype as scientifically proven. Time passed so fast, and it was 40 weeks already. I welcomed my bundle of joy with much happiness and prayers but with so much fear and guilt. 

The tension in me grew as the days passed by. He was one sickly child with a huge appetite. It was about six months when I finally summoned the courage to take him for genotype testing; after samples had been taken, I waited patiently for the test results; the wait seemed like forever. After waiting three hours, I had to enter the lab and demand the results. The microbiologist would give excuses, and so I knew something was up. 

A few minutes later, the most senior microbiologist in the lab walked up to me. Before he could complete what he was saying, I asked, “It’s SS, right?”. The affirmation on his face broke me. I walked home crying with my baby strapped to my back, and I kept repeating to myself, “I am a bad mother. I have failed my child. What have I done? How can I subject my own child to this?” I wept, I became sobber, I didn’t feel happiness or joy around me. It affected my work, my family life and my social life. 

Although I was down, I immediately registered him for the SCD clinics, I took precautions, I improved his diet, I began researching Sickle Cell Disease, I connected with mothers with Sickle Cell Disease, and we shared observations and suggestions. The nurses and doctors were always welcoming and readily available. Unfortunately, we come across people who do not understand our situation and make us feel we are just blowing things out of proportion. If only they knew the weight we carry in our hearts and the hopelessness we sometimes feel.

Sometimes, I forget his medical condition, but whenever he breaks down, it feels like the end of happiness; the whole feeling of guilt and carelessness becomes a rebirth in my life. Those days and nights of sleeplessness, the pain of watching him go through the pain and all I can do is pray and give him the best care I can. My heart gets shattered into bits and pieces. This I have brought upon my child. 

I question myself whether he would grow up to have a normal childhood like every child. What will be my answer when he begins to question his medical state in future? Would he forgive me? Would he see me as a good mother? Will there come a time when I will stop biting myself so hard?

Indeed, ignorance is not bliss but a silent time bomb waiting to explode. Love and attraction should not be the only basis for marriage; genotype plays a key role. It is time we stopped only reading about Sickle Cell Disease and began to give genotype investigation its due.

Jamila Yunusa Sulieman is an Abuja-based mother of 4 and a graduate of Ahmadu Bello University. She has a passion for enlightening others and imparting knowledge. She can be reached via suleimanjamila21@gmail.com.

By Munirah Ibrahim Yusuf

Growing up as a teenager, one of the most challenging questions you could ask me was the almighty… “What do you want to be in the future”? I dabbled from one self-proclaimed pretty “Science course” to another for years…

All I knew was that it had to be a course in the Science field. First, it was ophthalmology, then pharmacy, and even estate management. Who am I kidding? It was a crisis.

It felt worse when I got to SS1 and saw the other options I could have had in different fields, like art and commercials. I was good in their subjects too.

I couldn’t quite understand why I chose to go to the Science Field. I couldn’t find why I decided to go there, so I held on to the fact that Allah was in control and had led me to pick it with good faith.

Years later, one morning….it hit me like a revelation. I suddenly knew why I never went to art or commercial class. It was because “THEY WERE NEVER AN OPTION”.

A certain teacher we looked up to had categorically told us things that created the impression. For example, whoever was blessed with anything close to an IQ had nothing to do with anything other than in the science field. And, like, that’s where the money is….And, like, that’s where great people and great professions belong….blah blah blah. 

Who wouldn’t want to be Great, tho? I subconsciously ruled out other fields. I still remember when we were asked to pick classes after JSS3. I knew I wanted to choose “Science” but didn’t want anything too deep in science (medical science) because of all the blood and flesh business. 

I had settled to write down courses I thought wouldn’t have too much messy work (blood, wounds), and Opthalmology was what I went with (LOL again, who am I kidding?)

Secretly, many people still regret the paths they chose in their education. Family, friends or society influenced some of us,and now we have discovered what we want for ourselves.

Let’s think about it; I don’t know about you, but in my area, kids around ages 12-14 are already in JSS 3, where they get to choose fields. Is a child that young capable of knowing what’s best for them? It’s screaming NO. The schools differ, ranging from private or government-owned, but most I’ve seen make them choose a field after JSS3.

I heard about a principal who would make the JSS3 finalists come to school during the long break after their Junior NECO exams. He would then teach them art, sciences, technical and commercial subjects and finish with some exams.

This system gave the students a little insight into what they would be dealing with when they got to Senior class and helped them make better choices regarding the subjects they found more intriguing and good Counselling. Great, don’t you think? May Allah bless his soul. Either way, no one seems to do that anymore, and we have to move on.

As a teacher or an educator whom kids look up to and adhere to with all beliefs, you should be careful with the kind of information you give kids.

Courses might be ranked, but the individual is responsible for how much utility they can produce using it. Every course is important. If not, it would not be a cause to study. (P.S.: We will talk about the effect of our country on education some other day).

As a parent or caregiver, it is important to practice mindful parenting and carry out routine checks with your kids to understand their choices and lifestyle and make sure they choose the best for themselves.

Many of us had that ‘follow follow’ stage that comes with growing up. And then you snap! And you reach the point where you have to take a step back, assess the situation and realise that this is not who you want to be.

Then, we live our lives trying to find ourselves with ever-changing wants and needs. Many of us are past that now, but you might know a kid or two going through these struggles. It is easy to recognise these stages when they talk and be on the lookout for help.

Let us give them better than we had.

Munirah Ibrahim Yusuf can be reached via ibrahimnurah99@gmail.com. 

By Mohammed Usman

Every society comprises class and caste, dividing its members into the same or similar status, profession, occupation, etc. This division makes the society function and able to move forward. It is the factor that enables each member to, directly and indirectly, benefit from another to sustain a living. 

We can say that these societal classes and castes are God Made since they have existed since time immemorial. More so, they exist even in the heavenly kingdom of God, the Almighty, for not all the angels of God are of the same status andrank. But each one of them remains an Angel of God, anyway! And being one angel of a status lower than the other doesn’t make him less than an angel. The difference in status resulted from the different purposes for which each one was created to serve. 

Similarly, mankind is made into different statuses, occupations and professions. We are all cut out for various reasons, so we can never be the same or go the same path in life’s journey. We are being driven, all of us, by the force of destiny that is beyond our control. It is in the hand of God, our dear creator. He is the one who penned down what and who each of us will be after being born and given a lease of life.

This, therefore, is worthwhile for us to fathom the metaphysical differences we have in perception of life phenomenon, passions, and craves_which are the fundamentals of our existence and our purpose for living, or one of the essential purposes for which we are created, and of course, the reason why we belong to a different caste. 

Having this at the back of our minds and having understood it fully, we shall never assume that belonging to an assumably superior societal class or caste makes us superior to another in entirety. It is foolish to think this way. As I said above, we all need each other. And we benefit from each other to sustain living. That makes us less than superior than we think we are! 

For more emphasis, belonging to that societal class or caste is, or the other, not a consequence of our own doings or mental engineering. It is something within the orbit of our destiny made and controlled by God, the owner of insurmountable power. 

So the earlier we come to this wisdom, the better and more balanced society we shall make for ourselves, and as a result, we make the world a better place for mankind to live to the fullest. 

May Allah grant us understanding. Aameaan! 

Mohammed Usman (Noble-pen) wrote via mohammedusman5706@gmail.com.

By Bello Hussein Adoto 

Have you ever heard: “No one remembers who came in second”? The quote is often credited to the legendary golfer Walter Hagen; others credit it to Enzo Ferrari. Whatever the source, the quote is popular. I have read it in more places than I can remember. Self-help gurus make it a part of their gung-ho anthems to nudge you into giving your best shot, doing better than average, and becoming great, not just good. 

You have to be the first person in your class. The best player in your team. The gold medallist in your sport. The brightest star on the planet. This is not minding the fact that Walter Hagen himself is third, not first or even second, in the list of golfers with the highest professional majors. 

The problem with “no one remembers who came in second” is that it feeds a utopic mindset in people who see things in binaries. To these people, you either win or you lose. There’s no halfway or middle ground. There’s nothing like you tried. There’s nothing you can do better. Your efforts are nought if you come second. No one will remember you. You go just dey explain, explain; no evidence.

So, what do we do? Some of us try to clinch the first place at all costs. We put in the work, burn the night candles, and sacrifice sleep and transient comfort for the great good.  Others lie, cheat, and scheme their way to the top. They don’t mind breaking the rules, engaging in unethical behaviour, or even hurting others to win. The goal is to win first; the how can come later, if it comes at all. 

Then, the rest of us aren’t so sure of our capacities to win, so we don’t compete. Or we compete only when we have higher chances of winning than losing. According to Carol Dweck, this category is for those who have a “fixed mindset”, the view that if you don’t already have the capacity to do something, you can’t do it at all.

Mindset aside, we are not the only ones who want to be remembered for coming first. Other people are trying to win, too—tens, hundreds, and thousands of others burning the night candle, scheming their ways, or hurting others, looking to win. We may win, and we may not.

I am not trying to romanticise mediocrity. There should be good, better, best to set the standards for excellence. There should be standards to measure and reward performance. We need the binaries of success and failure to draw the lines between the champ and the trash.

Nevertheless, that line should be thick and wide enough to accommodate the spectrum of outcomes between incompetence and excellence. Anyone who puts their hats into the ring and achieves the thresholds of excellence should be celebrated if not remembered for their efforts. Efforts should not only matter when they produce a first. 

However, in a world of “no one remembers who came in second” cheerleaders, effort is not enough. Stepping up to represent your school or class in a quiz or debate is not enough if you don’t win. Surviving medical school feels less of a win if you are not the Best Graduating Student in something. It goes on and on.

Then, you look at the lives of those keeping the scores of winners and losers, the ones who remember those who came first but don’t remember those who came in second, and wonder what their places in history are.

Who remembers these people? Who remembers the commentators at the 1996 Olympics? Who remembers the journalists who celebrated Nigeria and Africa? Who remembers the fans and snobs that choose who deserves the cheers or the jeers? Do you? I suppose some do, but they are a minority. 

If we all don’t remember the commentators, the fans, and the snobs, at least some will remember the players. At least, we remember Brazil. At least, we remember Holland at the 2010 World Cup, Argentina in 2014, Croatia in 2018, and France in 2022. We remember Sneijder. We remember Messi, Modric, and Mbappe. We remember those who strode into the pitch to gun for the gold, even if they didn’t get it. 

If we don’t remember them, at least these people remember themselves. Some self-help gurus would say, “The only person who remembers who comes in second is the person who came in second.” And I agree. How you see yourself is what matters more. Your win is yours as much as your losses. You’re your greatest fan and snob, not those watching the scoreboard.

At its core, the competition is not out there where there is gold, silver, or bronze. There’s no first prize or second place. There’s you, you, you. You—the one in this wild and endless competition—are to decide what to compete for, whether to put your best foot forward, be sure you’ve done your best, and hope the best comes out of it. The validation is yours to give first before the world resonates it. Whatever you get or don’t get from that will be on you, not the fans or snobs.

The greater competition is in beating your good self to become better, polishing your metal, and turning it into gold. That competition is within, and that’s where the win or loss should start from.

Don’t delude yourself into thinking it doesn’t matter if you are remembered. It does. Recognition matters. Excellence matters. You can’t afford to be complacent or mediocre. So, start polishing. Build diligently. Show up good, prepared. Pursue excellence. When the chips are down and “no one remembers who came in second,” you will remember yourself. What would you want to remember yourself for?

By Abdelghaffar Amoka

I have read comments from some ladies on social media that they can’t marry a man who earns less than a certain value, for example, N300k. I have no issue with setting such a minimum. I am of the school of thought that a man should be able and ready to take care of a woman before making that marriage decision. It is okay to set a minimum amount that the man must bring to the table. But that means you must have also set a minimum you are bringing to the table. So, what are you bringing to the table?

Don’t tell me about your body because we all have a body we are bringing to the table. Of course, your fine face and body shape may be the first point of attraction to a man. He will be wow! See beautiful face! See fine shape! Lower your gaze, bro. But that is just a motivation. A man needs more than a pleasing face in a woman/wife to keep him going. In the words of Jim Ryun, “Motivation gets you started, but habit keeps you going”. There must be something to keep you going, or else it crashes. 

In 2012, shortly after returning from the UK, I got into a talk with a lady I really liked. She told me she, too,really liked me, but her feelings for me were not enough to survive a lifetime relationship. I was happy with her honest submission. That was the most honest response I have got from a lady. So, both parties must bring something that will keep a lifetime relationship. That thing is most likely beyond your pretty face and his 300k. 

There are different kinds of wives. The normal wife and the Trophy wife. Do you want to be a Trophy wife? Your body is all that is needed to be. You can be brainless; it doesn’t matter; your value is in your physical appearance. You are just a status symbol who has to ensure a flawless look to enhance the social status of your husband. He sure knows you need that money to spend on your looks to stay attractive to him and the clients you are to impress. He will make provision for that. They (Trophy wives) seem to serve the same purpose as models. 

For the normal wife, your value is not your physical appearance but your personality. The same personality that made you feel he would be a great husband and father to your kids. Husband and wife are full-fledged partners in making their home happy and prosperous. They are supposed to be loyal and faithful to one another and genuinely interested in each other’s welfare and the welfare of their children. A woman is expected to exercise a humanising influence over her husband and to soften the sternness inherent in his nature.

While a fine face could be the motivation for a lifetime relationship, we are expected to bring our heads to the table. We should be able to share ideas. He should be somebody to look up to and be able to be your guide. He should also be able to tell you the ideas in his head for your input and criticism. You should be his second opinion. You should be able to help him grow his ideas.

A man is enjoined to also educate and develop the women in his care so that they cultivate the qualities in which they, by their very nature, excel. You should be willing for that development. You should be able to transform your ideas into a product, even from your kitchen, to support yourself. He will want to come home and be told: “Sweetheart, I have done so and so to transform the 100k you gave me the other time to 120k and have got so, and so plans to re-invest it for more gain”. He will be like, Yeah! That is my wife.

He may not need the money as he is responsible for taking care of you. But you should be able to support yourself in some things. You can also voluntarily support him without asking. Marriage is about growing a family. It’s not just about bringing a minimum of N300k to the table. The N300k may still not be enough if she doesn’t have what it takes to manage it. It is having what it takes to help him manage and maximise his resources for the family. 

You are not a commodity. You are priceless. Stop objectifying yourself. Your worth and potential are in your head. It does not lie on that flaunted sexualised fatty part of the body. Your value is unquantifiable. Stop putting a price tag on yourself. Not even the pleasure derived from talking with each other can be priced. No amount of money can buy that. Take a lesson from those humble, beautiful women and wives who are professionals and entrepreneurs. There are a number of them that I admire every day.

To brothers, if you are looking for a Trophy wife, ensure you have the cash to maintain the trophy. Her flawless look must be kept intact against all odds. 

Dear friends, be yourself and listen to yourself. Relationships are not destined to be or not to be. They work because the people involved find something interesting about themselves and are willing to make sacrifices to make it work. I hope to write about my mother someday. Don’t live by social media. Don’t get carried away by social media euphoria. Don’t let some frustrated individuals on the net confuse you. The value of family is priceless. Let’s bring our heads to the table to build that small empire for a beautiful family. 

Abdelghaffar Amoka Abdelmalik, PhD, wrote from Ahmadu Bello University, Zaria. He can be reached via aaabdelmalik@gmail.com.

By Suleiman Ahmed

1. When things are going well for you, remain humble. It’s not just about your hard work, intelligence, skills, or talents; factors like luck, good timing, opportunities, and privileges also play a role.

2. Conversely, when things are going bad for you, forgive yourself and avoid falling into despair. Some aspects are beyond your control. As long as you did what you had to, forgive yourself, learn from the outcome, correct your mistakes, and keep moving forward. 

3. You’re not as good as you think you are when you’re winning, and you’re not as bad as you think you are when things are going poorly. Take it easy.

4. Bad things will happen. It doesn’t matter if you’re a good person or not; bad things can happen to anyone. There are too many variables beyond your control. This is why it’s crucial to prepare for challenging days when things are going well. 

The Igala people have a wise saying: “In times of abundance, prepare for hardship.” Life isn’t all about feasting; there will be moments of famine. What you do during times of plenty determines how you cope during times of scarcity. A great year doesn’t guarantee the next one will be the same. Life is unpredictable. Another crisis might happen, or unexpected challenges may arise. 

Many things are beyond your control, so staying prepared is the best way to handle surprises. In essence, the Igala wisdom encourages prudence during prosperous times. It teaches us to resist the temptation to indulge in extravagant spending during good times and, finally, to adopt a sustainable life, diligently saving for unforeseen emergencies. 

A lack of preparation for the bad times exposes one to relying on charity from others for financial assistance when hard times eventually arrive. While this may not be wrong in and of itself, relying on people’s benevolence during emergencies is not only risky but also unfair to both yourself and the people you seek help from, especially if feelings of betrayal arise when they can’t rescue you. Numerous relationships have been strained due to one party’s inability to offer financial support during times of distress. It’s crucial to recognise that we don’t always know the challenges others are silently facing. Therefore, feeling offended or betrayed when they are unable to help is rather unkind. 

In summary, stay humble and frugal during good times, forgive yourself and remain patient during bad times, and stay prepared for the unexpected. While the future is unpredictable, being prepared helps you handle surprises better.

The path is long. 

The burden is heavy. 

May your arm be strong. 

May your sword be sharp.

Suleiman Ahmed is the author of TROUBLE IN VALHALLA. He is also a software engineer. He is available on X/Twitter via @sule365.

By Ladi Ibrahim

Early marriage, also known as child marriage, remains a persistent issue in Nigeria, where cultural traditions, poverty, and limited access to education contribute to this harmful practice. Despite significant progress made in addressing child marriage globally, Nigeria still grapples with high rates of early marriage, adversely affecting the lives of countless young girls. This article aims to illuminate the causes, consequences, and potential solutions to this deeply rooted societal problem.

Several factors contribute to the prevalence of early marriage in Nigeria. Cultural norms and traditions play a pivotal role, with many communities believing that marrying off their daughters at a young age protects their honour and ensures their future safety. Poverty is another critical factor, as families with limited resources may see marrying their daughters off early as an economic relief or an attempt to secure a better life for them.

Furthermore, lack of access to quality education, especially for girls, perpetuates the cycle of early marriage. Limited educational opportunities deprive young girls of the chance to develop essential skills, pursue independent livelihoods, and gain awareness about their rights. Additionally, prevailing gender inequalities and discrimination further exacerbate the problem, limiting gender equality and social progress.

Early marriage has detrimental effects on the physical, mental, and emotional well-being of young girls. Firstly, it exposes them to serious health risks, as their bodies are often not fully developed to bear children, resulting in complications during pregnancy and childbirth. Early marriage also robs girls of their right to education, denying them the chance to reach their full potential and contribute meaningfully to society.

Moreover, young brides often face economic hardships, lacking the necessary skills or education to secure stable employment. This perpetuates the cycle of poverty, subsequently affecting future generations. Early marriage is also linked to a higher incidence of domestic violence, mental health issues, and limited decision-making power for girls and women within their households.

Addressing the issue of early marriage in Nigeria requires a holistic approach that involves multiple stakeholders, including the government, civil society organisations, religious leaders, and communities. 

 Enhancing access to quality education, particularly for girls, is pivotal to breaking the cycle of early marriage. This can be achieved by providing scholarships, building schools closer to rural communities, and promoting educational campaigns focused on child rights and gender equality.

Strengthening existing laws that criminalise child marriage is essential, accompanied by strict enforcement mechanisms to hold perpetrators accountable. Providing young girls with vocational training and economic opportunities can dismantle the economic rationale behind early marriage. Such initiatives can help them gain financial independence and empower them to make informed choices.

 Collaborating with religious and community leaders to change social norms and customs that perpetuate early marriage is crucial. Obtaining their support and involvement is vital for building awareness and changing mindsets.

Expanding healthcare facilities and services in rural areas, specifically aimed at addressing the unique needs of young brides, can contribute to reducing the health risks associated with early pregnancy and childbirth.

Early marriage continues to be a significant challenge in Nigeria, depriving countless young girls of their rights and potential. By addressing the root causes of this practice through education, legal reforms, economic empowerment, community engagement, and access to healthcare, Nigeria can pave the way for a brighter future for its girls. Efforts to end early marriage require synergy, collaboration, and a relentless commitment to ensuring that every child in Nigeria has the opportunity to grow, thrive, and determine their destiny.

Ladi Ibrahim wrote from the Department of Mass Communication, University of Maiduguri.