Lifestyle

By Aisha Musa Auyo 

Hormones influence a considerable percentage of our behaviours and physical appearance. If we say our hormones are what make us, we won’t be exaggerating. Yet we hardly discuss it; thus, only a few know about it or believe in it.

Hormones regulate critical bodily functions such as metabolism, blood pressure, growth, reproduction, and mood. Even small changes in hormone levels can significantly impact our health, affecting everything from sleep and energy to appearance and cognitive function.

I’ve summarised the explanation in the most straightforward language possible so that I wouldn’t suffocate you with medical jargon. As promised, this outing is about male hormones…Finally.

Puberty in boys, typically starting between ages 9 and 14, is driven by hormonal changes, mainly testosterone. This triggers physical changes like increased sweating, acne, voice deepening, growth spurts, and the onset of sexual attraction. Emotionally, boys may experience mood swings, irritability, and seek independence.

Because they sweat a lot due to changes in their hormones and physical activities, they are bound to smell. This is one of the best times to ensure that they master personal hygiene, as they’re too old to be bathed by their mothers. Do this, and his wife will thank you later.

Teenage boys should learn about Islamic teachings on wet dreams and ritual baths. They should also learn about weekly shaving, the use of deodorants and perfumes, proper bathing, and washing underwear and sportswear as regularly as possible. 

At this crucial stage, parental support is vital. Don’t ignore and assume that boys don’t need attention and sympathy. They need it as much as their female counterparts. Parents should be patient, encourage open communication, set healthy boundaries, and model empathy. Ensure a healthy lifestyle with proper nutrition, regular exercise, and adequate sleep (at least 8 hours).

This is the phase when boys are likely to succumb to peer pressure and are likely to experiment on good, bad, and ugly, as they are fearless and careless. Parents should pay attention and make efforts to curb the impact of peer pressure, sexual attraction, and risky behaviours by monitoring their (a) friends, (b) how they use social media, (c) discussing the consequences of actions and inactions, and, (d) most importantly, prayers and setting a positive example. 

Parents should also promote emotional intelligence by having heart-to-heart talks with their male children, validating their feelings, and encouraging open expression. This gesture will go a long way in teaching them about expressing their feelings, listening to others, and communication in general.

Puberty is a crucial stage in a boy’s life, shaping both his body and mind. With patience, understanding, and the proper guidance, parents can help their sons navigate this period confidently, setting the foundation for healthy adulthood.

Men’s hormone levels stabilise in early adulthood, peaking in testosterone around age 20 and growth hormone around 25. After age 30, testosterone decreases by 1% annually, and growth hormone declines by 2-5% every five years. Cortisol, the “stress hormone,” and melatonin, which regulates sleep, become important for well-being.

During fatherhood, testosterone may drop, potentially reducing aggression and libido. In midlife, decreases in aldosterone and growth hormones can affect blood pressure and muscle mass. In late life, low testosterone impacts sperm quality and fertility. Ageing men should also monitor glucocorticoid and insulin levels, as imbalances can affect metabolism, memory, and diabetes risk.

Let me share some fundamental secrets with you. While women’s hormonal rollercoasters are quite pronounced, men’s hormone levels are mostly stable. However, the productivity, compassion, and cooperation of a boy-cum-man are boosted when they feel accepted, respected, appreciated, admired, and validated. 

Lack or shortage of the abovementioned elements will make a man’s emotions unpredictable. It will trigger reactions similar to women experiencing hormonal changes and mood swings.

We need to know how to treat the male gender with these measures from childhood. It’s the only way to get them to do what is desired of them. Naturally, that’s how our Creator made them. 

Being treated with respect and admiration will make a man (and a boy) drop his ego and defences without even knowing it. (Just like how love and caring open a woman’s heart and make her drop defences). Au, na tuna, this outing is for za other gender ko? LOL!

Anyway, as wives and mothers, knowing this will go a long way in helping us in our relationships with husbands, male children, and the other gender in general.

Aisha Musa Auyo is a Doctorate researcher in Educational Psychology. A wife, a mother, a homemaker, caterer, parenting, and relationship coach. She can be reached via aishamuauyo@live.co.uk.

By Abdurrazak Muktar Makarfi

In every society, old age is a phase of life that carries a certain gravity, a reminder of the inevitable passage of time that each of us must face. Seeing an elderly person struggling with tasks that once came easily to them can evoke a deep sense of empathy and respect. 

It is a poignant reminder that no matter how strong or capable we may be today, the years will eventually catch up with us all. This awareness has shaped my interactions with the elderly, fostering a profound respect for them, regardless of their status or achievements. 

When I see an elderly man striving to complete a task that his body can no longer manage, it fills me with quiet sorrow, not because of his struggle alone, but because I recognise that one day, I, too, will face similar limitations. It is this awareness that guides my actions. If an elderly person asks me to stop doing something, no matter how important it may seem, I will stop. Not out of fear but out of respect for the years they have lived and the wisdom they have gained.

This respect for the elderly is not just about acknowledging their age but understanding the value of their experience. They have seen more of life than we have, and their words often carry the weight of that experience. Disregarding their counsel or disrespecting them is not only unkind but short-sighted. It ignores the fact that one day, we, too, will seek the respect and kindness of those younger than us.

Recently, I came across a disturbing video of Sarkin Gobir, a respected elder, who had been subjected to unimaginable cruelty by bandits. The sight of this old man, who had lived through so much, being treated with such brutality shook me to my core. It wasn’t just his status as a leader that made the situation so tragic, but his age. The mere fact that he was an elderly man should have been enough to shield him from such violence. Yet, these bandits failed to see the old age in him, or perhaps they saw it and chose to ignore it, driven by their evil.

When I later heard that Sarkin Gobir had passed away, my heart was heavy with sorrow, not only for his death but for the fate of those who wronged him. They had deprived an old man of his dignity in his final days, and in doing so, they had invited darkness upon their souls. Without Sarkin Gobir’s forgiveness, they are condemned to live with the weight of their actions. And indeed, peace will elude them for the rest of their lives, for they have committed an unforgivable sin against a man who should have been revered, not harmed.

This tragic event serves as a stark reminder of the importance of treating the elderly with the respect they deserve. We are all moving towards that stage in life; how we treat those already there will reflect on us when our time comes. If we are harsh and unkind, we cannot expect to be treated differently when we reach old age. But if we show respect, kindness, and understanding to the elderly, we pave the way for our future, ensuring that we will be treated with the same reverence when our hair turns grey and our steps grow slow.

In conclusion, the reverence of old age is not just a societal expectation but a moral imperative. The elderly have earned our respect through their years of life, and we must honour them for who they were and who they are now. We must remember that we are all on the same path, and one day, we will be the ones relying on the kindness and respect of others. Let us hope that by respecting the elderly today, we will secure the same respect for ourselves in the future.

Abdurrazak Muktar Makarfi wrote via prof4true@gmail.com.

By Muntari Umar

The word personal describes someone’s own possession alone—something that belongs to someone and has power over it. Development refers to sequential and evolving changes over some time. It is a gradual and eventual transformation in the state of a particular thing.

Personal development is a series of positive changes ascribed to an individual over time. It is an accomplishment that someone gets over some time due to discipline, patience, dedication, and training. Personal development is beneficial to its owner, including sometimes to the people living around him.It causes happiness and satisfaction.

Therefore, personal development is very important. Every sensible individual should have a target personal development that he will focus on realising. Becoming busy on various aspects of the topic will make one serious and bring public respect, awe, support from the likes, comfort, and other good feelings.

Personal development is a must for people, particularly youths in their twenties and thirties.

Some of its examples include both soft and hard skills. Soft skills such as the ability to communicate very well verbally and in writing, the ability to solve complex problems resulting in wonderful outcomes (creative and proactive), the ability to control one’s emotions, the ability to learn new things quickly (smartness), ability to detect changes around one’s environment and respond accordingly, and ability to operate computers. All these are things that are learned over a while.

Hard skills include carpentry, tailoring, phone and computer repair, fridge fixing, shoe making, welding, painting and wiring houses, building, and vehicle repair, among others. These, too, are learned with time. The two classes of skills generate money for their respective experts.

The paragraphs above show the extreme importance of the day’s business because they are sources of income. Every individual needs money to survive. We all need food, shelter, clothes, medication during sickness, and education from qualitative sources.

Fortunately, money is required to possess all these things, and wonderfully, money comes from a particular ability developed over time. Because as long as you are good at something when the issue of that thing arises, you must be needed and finally be paid.

Money will also boost your immune system and give you much freedom of speech, power, and influence.

These opportunities are almost everywhere. They are easily identified. You need to feed yourself with the passion of your interesting personal development. Befriend its experts. Show them your interest. Respect and be obedient to them.You will gradually, but with patience, dedication, resilience, discipline, and practice, learn and start making money, thereby transforming your life.

Failure to have any personal ability will cause people to look down on an individual, disrespect him, and consider himlazy and useless to his life and his society. People will withdraw from a person who lacks any ability and shows no interest in any matter of development.

With this, I call on all of my fellow youths who lack any skills to embrace learning any available skill they can access. I urge you to become alert and sensitive to the chances of transforming lives. Remember, seeing is with the eyes, while vision is with the mind. Good things will locate you if you think positively.

“Whoever fails to learn learns to fail.” — Anonymous.

Muntari Umar wrote via muntariu94@gmail.com.

By Garba Sidi

Various research studies have confirmed that there are 10,721 bird species in the world (Wikipedia, 2022; IUCN Red List of Threatened Species, 2022; IOC World Bird List, 2022). Although some species have become extinct due to various factors, new species continue to emerge.

As an avid reader, bird enthusiast, and forest lover, I am amazed by the beautiful colours of different bird species as they fly around their territory and eat nectar, insects, and small mammals in the forest. Observing them in their habitats allows us to appreciate the beauty of nature.

Among the 10,721 bird species, the Cuckoo comprises 140 species, all living in different habitats in various regions. The fascinating behaviour of Cuckoos, which captures the attention of bird enthusiasts and researchers, is their unique reproductive process. 

Unlike other birds, which lay and hatch their eggs in their nests, Cuckoos lay their eggs in other birds’ nests after careful observation and selection. They sometimes remove other birds’ eggs from the nest and replace them with their own. The host bird will then hatch the egg and feed the chick until it grows.

This remarkable strategy teaches us about the importance of community members. If not for other birds, the Cuckoo species would not survive. This highlights that people in our society have advantages we may not know will help us someday. For instance, just as Cuckoos rely on host birds for survival, we may find unexpected support from others in our community during challenging times.

Secondly, Cuckoos use the break time of other birds during hatching as an opportunity to exchange their eggs. They watch and observe bird movement, nest structure, and surroundings for many hours. Although their efforts may sometimes go in vain when host birds recognise and remove their eggs, Cuckoos continue their strategic process due to their belief in opportunism. This teaches us to seize opportunities and persevere, just like Cuckoos continue to evolve their species.

Furthermore, Cuckoos’ adaptability is remarkable. They have been observed laying eggs in the nests of over 100 different host species, from tiny warblers to large gulls. This adaptability is crucial to their survival, enabling them to thrive in diverse environments.

Thirdly, Cuckoos have adapted to various environments, from extreme heat to cold, by forcing themselves to adjust. Their ability to live in diverse habitats, such as grasslands, wetlands, forests, and urban areas, teaches us to cope with different situations through patience. For example, just as Cuckoos can thrive in scorching deserts and freezing tundras, we can learn to overcome challenges through resilience and determination.

Moreover, the Cuckoo’s unique reproductive strategy highlights the importance of cooperation and mutualism in nature. Different species can thrive and survive in a challenging world by working together and relying on each other. This is evident in how Cuckoos rely on host birds for survival and how they have developed unique strategies to ensure the survival of their species.

The Cuckoo’s adaptability and resilience offer valuable lessons for our own lives. As we face the challenges of climate change, economic uncertainty, and social upheaval, we can learn from the Cuckoo’s ability to adapt and thrive in diverse environments.

Furthermore, Cuckoo’s unique behaviour and strategies offer insights into the importance of creativity and innovation. We can overcome obstacles and achieve our goals by thinking outside the box and developing new solutions to challenges.

The Cuckoo’s remarkable ability to adapt to different environments and hosts is a testament to their resilience and ability to evolve. This ability to grow is crucial in today’s fast-changing world, where adaptability is critical to survival.

We can also learn valuable lessons about cooperation, mutualism, creativity, and innovation. By embracing the spirit of collaboration and mutualism, we can build more resilient and supportive communities.

As we face the challenges of our lives and our world, we can draw inspiration from the remarkable lives of Cuckoos. By embracing their spirit of adaptability, resilience, and creativity, we can build a more sustainable, compassionate, and vibrant world.

In conclusion, the life of Cuckoo offers valuable lessons about the importance of community, adaptability, and opportunism. Their unique reproductive strategies, adaptability to diverse environments, and persistence in the face of challenges provide insights we can apply to our lives.

By studying the behaviour of Cuckoos, we can gain a deeper appreciation for the natural world and our place within it. Their unique characteristics and behaviours inspire us to be more adaptable, resourceful, and compassionate.

The lessons from Cuckoos’ lives become even more relevant as we face the challenges of climate change, habitat destruction, and species extinction. By embracing their spirit of adaptability and resilience, we can work towards a more sustainable future for all.

In the end, the life of Cuckoo teaches us valuable lessons about the importance of community, adaptability, and opportunism. Their unique behaviour and strategies offer insights we can apply to our lives, from the importance of creativity and innovation to the value of resilience and determination.

Garba Sidi wrote via sidihadejia@gmail.com.

By Mukhtar Jarmajo

Indeed, when people begin to do things in such a way as to defy their rules or behaviours, it is only proper for scientific research to be conducted to discover the reason(s) behind such behavioural change. In fact, for leaders, it is essential to continuously study the people’s behaviour to decode their actions and inactions in response to government decisions for the sake of the government’s sustainability and continued law and order in the polity. If, however, this is not done accordingly, there is every tendency that, in time, a government may not know it has lost the people’s confidence.

An example of such a situation is that of the present Nigeria, where its people, who in their usual antecedents are most unlikely to protest against hardship and pain, went to the streets to express dissatisfaction with how things are happening in the country. 

Just as the haranguing of the taciturn is altogether a surprise and definitely attention seeking, Nigerians, in unison, going out to the streets to express anger is astonishing and thus a clear message to the government that all is not well in the country. And true to it, most Nigerians are in untold hardship, increasingly perceiving the miasma of hopelessness with each passing day.

The people cannot be well and happy in an economy, with its currency becoming valueless at the end of every business day. This implies that at every sunrise, the Naira in the hands of Nigerians can buy less than what it could have on the previous day. And with the government’s refusal to subsidise fuel and electricity, the economy, which is already unproductive, has nosedived the more, leaving entrepreneurs at the receiving end. The nation’s economy now has no middle class. Poverty is in every corner of Nigeria, with illiteracy buttressing it.

This economic downturn has had a ripple effect on the social fabric of the nation. Crime rates have skyrocketed as young people, desperate for survival, resort to illegal activities. The once vibrant and bustling cities are now ghost towns as businesses close down and unemployment soars. The health sector is already deplorable and is now on the brink of collapse. Hospitals lack basic amenities, forcing patients to purchase essential drugs and supplies. The educational sector is not spared either. Public schools are dilapidated, and teachers are poorly remunerated, leading to a decline in the quality of education.

The political landscape is equally fraught with challenges. The ruling class is more concerned with self-enrichment than the welfare of the people. Corruption is endemic, and public funds are siphoned into private pockets. Irregularities mar the electoral process, and the voices of the people are often ignored. The lack of accountability and transparency has eroded the trust between the government and the governed.

The security situation in the country is also a major concern. Banditry and kidnapping have become commonplace in most parts of the country. The people live in fear and uncertainty, as their lives and property are not safe.

It is evident that Nigeria is at a crossroads. The government must take urgent steps to address the myriad problems facing the nation. This includes revamping the economy, improving the standard of living, providing adequate security, and promoting good governance. The government must also listen to the people and implement policies that are in their best interest.

The time for empty promises and rhetoric is over. The people are demanding action. The government must deliver on its promises or risk losing the trust and confidence of the people. The future of Nigeria depends on the choices made today.

Jarmajo can be reached via dattuwamanga@gmail.com.

By Aisha Musa Auyo 

September is globally declared Sickle Cell Awareness Month.  The month is dedicated to raising awareness about sickle cell disease (SCD) and the challenges faced by those living with this inherited blood disorder. It serves as an opportunity to educate the public, promote early diagnosis, and advocate for better treatment options and research. 

The month also highlights the importance of genetic screening, support for patients and families, and increased funding to improve the quality of life for individuals affected by SCD. Through community events, health campaigns, and social media, advocates aim to bring attention to the urgent need for action and support for those impacted by sickle cell disease.

Today, I want to discuss sickle cell disease from a social and psychological perspective rather than a medical one. While I’m not a medical doctor, I’ll focus on the impact this condition has on families and individuals beyond the clinical aspects.

Anyone who knows me as a relationship coach knows that I deeply love and believe in love. I advocate for it passionately. However, when it comes to marriage, love is just one of many essential foundations. I’ll be very realistic here—there’s much more needed to make a marriage thrive. We’re all witnesses to the struggles and the painful moments of crisis of sickle cell sufferers. We know how their parents strain to cope with the financial demands at times of crisis.

For AS-AS couples who choose to look beyond their genotype and marry for love, the romantic vision they once had is often overshadowed by constant worry, fear, and apprehension. The looming possibility of having a child with sickle cell disease adds significant stress. After having children, the anxiety only deepens, with parents constantly fearing an impending crisis or managing one. This often results in the other children not receiving the care and attention they need, as the focus shifts primarily to the sick child.

Sometimes, the mother has to forfeit most of her dreams and aspirations because she’s always in and out of the hospital. I don’t want to mention the fear, horror, and pain they endure whenever their kids are in the hospital. The hospital becomes the second home of sickle cell kids with their parents. 

These parents hardly have any social life outside their homes and hospitals. The mothers, who are naturally more emotional, tend to be most affected by this.

Now, let’s discuss the pain and agony of sickle cell children. As much as I hate to write about it, we have to do it.  The pain experienced by a sickle cell patient is not only severe but often unpredictable. It can occur when least expected. 

The crisis stems from the sickle-shaped red blood cells that block blood flow, reducing oxygen delivery to tissues and causing intense pain. The pain can affect various parts of the body, particularly the bones, joints, chest, and abdomen. It can be acute (lasting hours to days) or chronic (persistent over time). The episodes are triggered by stress, dehydration, cold, or infections. The ensuing pain can be debilitating, leading to hospitalisations and significantly affecting the patient’s quality of life.

As these children grow older, many develop feelings of resentment toward their parents. They feel that their parents prioritised their desires over the potential suffering of their children. Every painful episode and crisis can remind you of choices made without fully considering the long-term consequences. This resentment stems from a sense of betrayal as they bear the physical and emotional toll of a decision that was not theirs. Parents often face this blame, which adds another layer of pain to an already difficult journey.

Parents in this situation are bound to carry the heavy burden of guilt and regret. Some marriages don’t survive the strain, leading to divorce, while others remain intact but with the painful decision to stop having children. 

I’ve seen firsthand the difficult choices couples make, including terminating multiple pregnancies because the babies were predicted to have sickle cell disease. It begs the question—why start down this path in the first place, knowing the potential heartache? No one should have to make these choices, and it’s a reminder of the importance of understanding genetic risks before taking that step.

Dear aspiring couples, Love, while beautiful, is not enough to withstand the many challenges that marriage brings. If both of you carry the AS genotype, I urge you to reconsider your relationship. There are many potential partners out there, and though it may be difficult, stepping away now could save you unimaginable heartache later. Trust me, it’s not worth the pain.

To couples already married with the AS genotype, please think carefully before bringing more children into the world. Consider the immense suffering that comes with sickle cell disease—for both you and your child. Spare them the pain and constant crises. Your love can be expressed in ways that protect their future.

Dear parents of children with sickle cell, my heart goes out to you. As a fellow parent, I can only imagine the trauma, pain, regrets, and difficult choices you face. The physical, financial, and emotional toll can feel overwhelming at times. 

Please remember that this is beyond your control, and you are doing your best for your child. Stay strong and lean on each other for support. Don’t hesitate to seek help from family, and make time for yourselves to recharge. Remember, there’s a life outside the hospital and home—try to socialise and find moments of joy. 

Connect with other parents who understand your journey, learn the best ways to care for your child, and never stop seeking knowledge. Above all, pray for Allah’s guidance and strength. You are not alone, and you will get through this.

Dear sickle cell warrior, please know your parents are deeply feeling your pain. They live with a mix of empathy and guilt, wishing they could take away your suffering. While they can’t change the course of destiny, they are sacrificing so much to ensure you have the care and support you need. Their love for you runs incredibly deep, often even more so because of the battles you face. If they could go back and change things, they would do so in a heartbeat. Always remember that your health and happiness mean the world to them.

The spread of the sickle cell genotype can end in a few generations when we intentionally avoid reproducing that genotype. It is a must for all of us to know our genotype before engaging in any serious relationship with the opposite gender. A stitch in time saves nine.

In my next post on this topic, I will discuss prevailing medical solutions in the management and treatment of sickle celldisease.

Aisha Musa Auyo is a Doctorate researcher in Educational Psychology. A wife, a mother, a homemaker, caterer, parenting, and relationship coach. She can be reached via aishamuauyo@live.co.uk.

By Sa’adatu Aliyu 

As the US election approaches and President Joe Biden steps aside for Vice-President Kamala Harris to run as president in 2024, questions swirl within both White and Black communities about Harris’s recent declaration as a Black woman. Despite her long-standing identification as a woman of Indian and Jamaican descent, Harris has only recently begun associating herself with the Black community. However, this sudden shift doesn’t surprise me, as politicians often use false identities to win popular support.

Can one simply claim a new identity without shared experiences and cultural heritage? Well, in the woke 21st century, perhaps. Is Harris’s declaration a genuine attempt to connect with the Black community or a calculated move to garner support? The timing of her proclamation, coinciding with her presidential bid, only fuels doubts about her authenticity.

But honestly, I am not in the least surprised by this sudden cross-dressing because it’s not uncommon to see politicians taking on false identities and doing strange things just to win popular support among the people, which will serve them during elections. I mean, among many others, I recall Joe Biden reciting a prophetic Hadith during the 2020 elections, attempting to prove his commitment to Muslim interests. This tactic is a familiar ploy to rally specific communities and secure votes. 

However, he was only using the strategy that every politician employs to rally Muslim communities to vote for him, and some bought it. Gullible and naive as they were, they had thought he was the man who wouldn’t see colour, let alone religion. However, Biden’s term turned out to be one of the regimes in which Palestinians suffered heavy persecution at the hands of his Israeli allies.

Now, I fail to understand the reason behind former President Donald Trump and the Republican Presidential candidate’s surprise that a dogged opponent is simply employing a political strategy to win the sympathy of the Black community, who, to a large extent, may determine the outcome of the US election. This is similar to how Trump capitalises on white supremacy and “America First” idiosyncrasies. Thus, it’s surprising that anyone is shocked when someone magically signs up to be a Black woman overnight as if we do not live in a world where our mere utterance and public declaration of being something automatically makes us that thing. I mean, take gender, for example.

I was born a boy, but I felt and wanted to be a girl, so I showed up and simply made a formal declaration. Isn’t gender, after all, a social construct? Perhaps Vice President Harris thought it was enough to be Black by merely making an official declaration of being Black, even though she’d always flaunted her Indian and Jamaican heritage with pride. And I don’t blame her. If Kamala Harris one day wakes up and says, “I am a Black woman and belong in the Black community,” so be it. She could just as easily choose to argue that she’s a white woman by simply being married to a white man or by saying she’s white. It’s easy to be a chameleon these days, changing into the colour that best fits our situation to achieve our desires.

With reference to Mrs Harris, who suddenly feels and declares herself a Black woman, and in relation to Simone de Beauvoir’s notion in her famous feminist book The Second Sex that “One is not born but becomes a woman,” perhaps it’s time to put the issue of race behind us. Let’s consider race, like gender, a social construct and integrate everyone irrespective of colour, as long as they feel and make the formal proclamation: “Although I was born Black, I feel I am white, and therefore, I am what I think I am.” Just like transgender people, who are increasingly being accepted into their desired gender community, we should similarly accept individuals who self-identify with a particular race. After all, we’re all one.

To that effect, if race is perceived as a social construct, then one is not born black but becomes black, and one is not born white but becomes white.

 Let us remember that for several decades, Black people have struggled for full acceptance into the world of white people. Some have straightened their hair with hot irons and a range of relaxers, worn contact lenses to have the “bluest eyes” to be accepted “under Western eyes”, and gone as far as bleaching their skin. However, this has not made them white nor granted them full acceptance into the white community because, despite all these efforts to change into somebody else, they are simply not that person.

Just because I say I am a doctor and put on a doctor’s uniform, parading myself as one, does not make me a doctor when I am a writer. The pen and scalpel are not interchangeable just because I say they are. And if, as a writer, I insist on performing the duties of a doctor, we’ll sure be heading for disaster. 

Therefore, if one is not born but becomes a woman, how about we stop seeing colour? How about we think of race as a social construct, too, and integrate everyone into one big, happy, peaceful family? Why is race still an issue? If some people recognise gender as a social construct, why haven’t the same group of people wholly recognised race as a social construct?

Perhaps it’s because cross-dressing doesn’t change certain realities. 

Sa’adatu Aliyu is a writer from Zaria. She is pursuing an M.A. in Literature at Ahmadu Bello University and lecturing at the university’s Distance Learning Centre. Her writing interests include prose fiction and international politics.

By Aisha Musa Auyo

Come, let me share some secrets with you, my sis. Sure, many will not accept it as a fact that most men dislike heavy makeup and artificial stuff. Of course, like in every rule, there are exceptions. So, know your man. 

My opinion is based on the fact that you can look very classy, elegant, and feminine without using hard makeup or loud stuff. Yes, in most cases, decent men prefer the natural looks of the opposite gender.

Gurl (this also applies to you, bro.!), neatness is paramount in all cases. Bathe at least twice a day. Take time to wash your underarms, under and between busts, thighs, and navel. Pay attention to your feet, areas around your ears, and between your face and neck, and wash down with warm, clean water.

Brush your teeth at least twice daily, and floss at least once daily. Shave at least once a week. Use deodorant at least once a day. Use alum or lemon on your armpit if deodorant is expensive for you. Once in a week, try to exfoliate your lips. Dry, cracked lips are a turnoff. Mix sugar and olive oil to form a scrub, then rub on your lips for a few minutes. Clean with a wipe. Repeat the process more than once a week if you have dry skin. The result is something I consider a subject for another day. But know for now that moisturized and soft lips are more alluring than lipstick-painted lips.

You see, exfoliation or scrubbing is very essential. Our body releases new cells daily, and the old cells die. Ordinary soaps do not exfoliate. This is where bath salts, bath sugars, scrubs, and exfoliating body washes come in. These products ensure the dead cells leave your skin and let the new cells breathe. This will make your skin look fresher, softer and younger. This will make you neat and glow. Just as it will help eradicate bad smells from your body.

If money is a problem, there are cheaper options. Lemon. Squeeze lemon in your bathing water. It helps to remove dirt and impurities from your skin. It also removes all bad smells and won’t let your sweat smell during the day. It also lightens your complexion and leaves your bathroom smelling fresh. Scrubbing your body with salt once in a while similarly does the trick. Henna (lalle) also helps exfoliate, soften, and remove bad smells from the skin.

On perfume, this is tricky, especially for us Muslims, because our religion frowns at women using it. So, deodorant, cool body spray, and a kullaccam will work when you go out. When you’re home, if you like, bath with perfume. If you’re married, check with your husband what kind of perfume he prefers on you. 

Another very important self-care is manicures and pedicures. You see, the first thing people, both men and women, subconsciously observe in your body is your feet. It’s crucial, therefore, to work on your toes and fingers. Make sure your nails are trimmed. Learn how to cut cuticles and shape your nails. If you can afford it, go to the salon for expert service.

Long nails are a turnoff, please! As a Muslim, please use natural henna—black, red, or maroon- if you must colour your nails. If you’re married, check if your husband likes it before you do. “Kada garin neman gira a rasa ido.’

Let’s talk about the feet. Our feet must be clean, regardless of the weather or your skin type. If you have dry skin and cracked feet, make time every day to exfoliate the dead cells, and apply shear butter after every ablution and bath. That will soften the feet and make it look neat. Also, use socks regularly. If you’re lucky your feet don’t crack, make sure they’re always dirt-free and moisturized. Cracked, dirty, and dry feet are a turnoff. Soft, moisturized, neat feet are a turn-on.

For your palms, always use moisturizers after washing or using water. Because we ladies touch water often, this results in dryer, harder palms. Coconut oil, olive oil, and shea butter help with moisture and softness, but they darken the skin. Let’s look for hand creams made specifically for hands to overcome this. If you can’t afford one, vaseline also works wonderfully well.

Dear lady, the choice of body cream or moisturizer you use significantly affects your life. I’m not exaggerating. Girls who are comfortable with their skin colour, in other words, who do not bleach their skin, clearly exhibit contentment in how our Lord created them. They exude confidence, and they don’t smell like rotten fish when they’re under the sun. These ladies have almost the same skin colour throughout their bodies and do not have to hide their palms and toes. 

Don’t disobey your Lord and harm your body to attract men. Decent men prefer women in their natural colours. Moreover, while your skin colour or body may attract a man, it’s your character that will keep him.

Universally, that’s in time and space. Women have always known that our hair and how we take care of it play a huge role in our looks and attractiveness. 

Wash your hair regularly. Plait your hair, or style it in ways that accentuate your beauty. (Some ladies look better with braids, while others look better without them.) Or, in ways your husband prefers… if you’re married.

Wash your hair with shampoo and conditioner regularly, steam it monthly, and dry it after washing. Find a good-smelling hair moisturizer, or use natural oils that smell nice. You can add a drop of oil perfume to your hair creams or oils. When you’re home, please allow your hair to breathe. 

Earrings are the basic jewellery. If you can, necklaces and waist beads are perfect additions. Some people like anklets, nose piercings, bracelets, wristwatches, rings, etc. Please don’t overdo it—it’s classless! Keep it simple and modest.

When it comes to clothes, decency should never be compromised. But please don’t look like a granny when you’re a teen or even anything less than 60 years old. Even the grannies are now slaying—they don’t care for anybody! 

Tight clothes are bad for you religiously and health-wise. They make you look cheap and classless. Even hygiene-wise, tight clothes are bad. People who wear tight clothes smell! Yes, because the human body needs to breathe, and tight clothes hinder that process. 

Avoid shouty colours or mismatched colours when dressing. Don’t interchange corporate dressing with wedding attire. Dress nicely and appropriately for each occasion, and don’t take any outing for granted. You don’t know who you’ll see or meet. The phrase ‘Dress the way you want to be addressed’ is something you should always hold on to. 

Accessories like shoes and bags are available at different prices. You know better than me what you can afford, but they’re a must-have for ladies. Wear shoes that will not embarrass you, that are comfy, and that will not splash sand on your feet. We are in Nigeria. When they say there are shoes for car owners and trekkers, understand that it’s nothing but the truth. Shoe shining and polishing are not only for men. Please keep your shoes and bags neat.

Let me stop here… I’m tired… I’ll conclude with this statement. “No matter how neat and beautiful you are, you sink if your character stinks. In other words, there ain’t no need telling it: with a character that stinks, you’re finished, girl. So work on your personality more than your physicality”.

You are welcome.

Aisha Musa Auyo is a Doctorate researcher in Educational Psychology. A wife, a mother, a homemaker, caterer, parenting, and relationship coach. She can be reached via aishamuauyo@live.co.uk.

By Aisha M. Auyo

I asked a medical doctor a weird question. It went like this: “Dr, you have been seeing all sorts of women daily—beautiful, voluptuous, and many more. How do you know which one to love or choose as a spouse?”

His reply is the most sensible thing I read today, he said:

“Because we have been seeing a lot of them, we have seen all sorts of them, we have realised that it is not the body or the face that matters… besides, everything is almost the same… It is the brain and the heart that varies. That’s what matters most for decent guys, anyway. ” 

The same applies to university lecturers. They have seen them all, fresh students every year. My Dad once told me that of all the thousand female students he taught at that time, my Mom caught his attention because of her intelligence, manners, and decency. 

So my sisters…..  

Work on your personality more than your physicality. 

Work on your manners. 

Work on your attitude. 

Work on your social skills. 

Work on your emotional intelligence. 

Work on your neatness. 

A great body can be bought; Liposuction is everywhere. 

‘Kayan ciko’ are everywhere. 

Fair skin can be bought, and bleaching and skin lightening are everywhere. 

Fine faces can be bought; plastic surgery is everywhere. 

But good manners, patience, humility, intelligence, empathy, a clean heart, etc., can never be bought. They’re priceless. 

That’s what will distinguish you from the others. That is what will keep a man glued to you. That’s what will help you stay married.

By Aisha Musa Auyo

Hormones influence or determine a considerable percentage of our behaviours and physical appearance. If we say our hormones are what makes us, we won’t be exaggerating. Yet, we hardly discuss it. Yet very few know about it; very few believe in its impact. From genetics to behavioural scientists to physiologists and psychologists, these specialists believe in the power of hormones, especially in women. I will try my best to write in the simplest language possible so that I will not suffocate you with medical jargon.

Hormones are chemicals that coordinate different bodily functions by carrying messages through the blood to the various organs, the skin, muscles, and other tissues. Hormones are the signals that tell your body what to do and when to do it. There is no gainsaying, therefore, that hormones are essential for life and health. So far, scientists have identified over 50 hormones in the human body.

 Hormones control many bodily processes, including metabolism, homeostasis (constant internal balance), such as blood pressure and blood sugar regulation, fluid (water) and electrolyte balance, body temperature, growth and development. Hormones also affect sexual function, reproduction, sleep-wake cycle, and mood.

With hormones, a little bit goes a long way. Because of this, minor changes in levels can cause significant changes to your body and lead to certain conditions that require medical attention. The levels and nature of hormones in the body correlate with our moods, sense of smell, body odour, taste buds, thinking faculty, energy, and looks. 

In this week’s outing, I will start with women, as they are the gender whose hormones have a greater influence and impact on their lives. If you have a woman in your life, regardless of your relationship with her, know that hormones are constantly influencing her. 

Growing up and transitioning into a woman is a roller-coaster of emotional and physical changes. There will be noticeable differences in her attitude, looks, behaviour, and even how she smells. There will be irritability, sadness, and heightened or lowered confidence.

Women have heightened hormonal influence during certain periods. When she grows from a girl to an adult, when she’s ovulating, and at different times when she is on her monthly period. There is a hormonal influence in pregnancy when she is breastfeeding and when she is using hormonal contraceptives. There is yet another hormonal issue at menopause, just as it is at adolescence. 

A few days to menstrual onset (ovulation periods), a woman experiences a libido boost, appetite changes, heightened sense of smell and mood changes…usually in a good mood. But, during the onset of their period, a woman will experience cramps, dizziness, bloating, acne breakout, feeling tired, and mood swings…sadness, anger and anxiety. It isjust a roller-coaster of feelings and emotions. 

When pregnant (this should be a topic of its own), a woman is most likely to experience, among other things, morning sickness, dizziness, nausea, and vomiting; strange food cravings; fatigue; heightened sense of smell; forgetfulness; lack of patience; and crying for no explicit reasons. Bro, be patient and empathic; it’s beyond her. 

Then there comes the postpartum and breastfeeding period, which is associated with crying, difficulty in making decisions, lack of sleep or oversleeping, tiredness, mood swings, etc. Not infrequently, a woman may fall into depression at this phase. 

Then, there are issues relating to the use of contraceptives. These range from headache, migraine, acne, weight loss or gain, hair loss, smooth skin, dryness, and mood swings. The signs are numerous, depending on the woman and the type of contraceptives used.

Then, there is the advent of menopause, which comes with palpitations, hot or cold flashes, difficulty sleeping, tiredness and irritability, dryness and a whole lot of other changes.

Have you ever noticed how a woman can be so lovely today and nasty the next day for no reason? Have you ever seen a woman cry just like that? Have you ever seen a woman with clear skin today and skin full of rashes or acne tomorrow? Have you ever noticed that a woman can be thin today and bloated the day after? Know that these amazing, dramatic transformations result from the interplay of hormones. You have to be tolerant, understanding, and kind.

As a husband, father, son, brother, or friend, you need to understand the complexities of hormones in women to a certain level. This will help you make informed decisions about certain behaviours. This might help explain some oddities in women’s behaviour you experience or notice. The knowledge will help you and be the person she needs during those trying periods.

Sometimes, all a woman needs is space, silence, patience, kind words, empathy, massages, or a shoulder to cry on (that is, if she’s your wife, yauwa!). Chocolates, a listening ear, a credit alert (LOL!), hot tea, a pain killer, or taking her on a walk may be the healing or soothing balm.

The above is just a summary of what women go through. I will expound on each stage in subsequent editions, each stage as a topic of itself, and see how we can navigate through each milestone of hormonal symphony and the complexities of women’s health and emotions. Insha Allah.

Dear reader, but do you know that men, too, have hormones and emotional issues which we overlook? From childhood to adolescence and adulthood, men also come under certain societal expectations and pressure to suppress their feelings. I will try to summarise that in my next article.

Aisha Musa Auyo is a Doctorate researcher in Educational Psychology, a wife, a mother of three, a homemaker, a chef, and a parenting/ relationship coach. She can be reached via aishamuauyo@live.co.uk.