divorce

By Kamal Alkasim

For many divorcées, the decision to return to school and pursue their dreams after parting ways with their husbands presents a significant challenge. In this article, we will explore the undeniable transformative power of education and its role in empowering divorcées to build a brighter future for themselves. Through the voices of these resilient women, we will understand the importance of providing them with the opportunity to pursue higher education and break free from the false theories that have hindered their path.

The Transformative Power of Education

Education is a powerful tool that can turn any individual into a star; women are no exception. By prioritising their studies over remarriage, divorcées can equip themselves with knowledge, skills, and confidence to overcome obstacles and shape their destiny. Education serves as the foundation for the development of any society and holds the key to personal and societal growth.

Challenging False Theories

Unfortunately, outdated and false theories surrounding women’s education in tertiary institutions have deterred many from pursuing their dreams. These misconceptions have created barriers for divorcées seeking to return to school. By challenging these beliefs, society can open new opportunities for these women to thrive.

Voices of Empowerment

Through conversations with divorcées who have chosen to pursue their dreams through education, we gain valuable insights into their determination and resilience. One woman shared her regret for not pursuing her studies earlier but expressed optimism about the positive changes education would bring to her future. Another divorcée spoke of her unwavering ambition to gain an education and fulfil her goals despite her challenges.

“If I had known earlier, I would have pursued my studies long ago. But now, this opportunity will bring positive changes to my future. I may have faced some challenges, but with education, I can overcome any obstacle.” – Divorcée.

“My greatest ambition is to gain an education, and after my divorce, I promised myself that I would come back to achieve this goal.” – Divorcée.

“People may judge me based on appearances and talk rubbish, but that won’t deter me. I will mind my own business and study human behaviour. This knowledge will help me solve matrimonial cases and more.” – Divorcée.

Overcoming Judgment and Criticism

Divorcées often encounter judgment and criticism from others, but their determination to succeed remains unshaken. One brave woman acknowledged the judgment she faced but declared her commitment to minding her own business and studying human behaviour to help others in similar situations. These voices exemplify the strength and resolve of divorcées in their pursuit of education.

Empowerment Through Education

Let us join hands in defeating these nonsensical theories and supporting divorcées in their educational journey. By empowering these women with education, we provide them with the tools to overcome obstacles and create a brighter future. Education holds the potential to transform lives and enable divorcées to achieve their dreams without fear or judgment.

Education is a beacon of hope for divorcées seeking to rebuild their lives and pursue their aspirations. By allowing them to learn and grow, society can break down barriers and empower these women to become agents of positive change. Let us recognise the transformative power of education and support divorcées in their quest for knowledge and self-fulfilment. With education as their ally, the future holds boundless opportunities for these strong and determined women.

Kamal Alkasm is writing from Kano.

By Uzair Adam Imam

A frustrated husband in Katsina State has reportedly divorced his 14-year-old wife after realising that she was attended by the male medical practitioner while giving birth.

It was gathered that the woman was rushed to the hospital for medical care because of the complications she had during her labour.

However, as there was no female medical practioner on ground to attend to her, the woman was attended by the only male medical practioner available.

Dr. Fatima Adamu, the Executive Director of Nana Women and Girls Empowerment Initiative, disclosed this on Thursday while speaking as a keynote speaker at the Human Resources for Health Production Dialogue in Abuja.

She appealed to governments, especially state governments, to ensure there was equity in the recruitment and deployment of medical personnel to rural communities.

“A 14- year old Fulani girl in Katsina State,she delivered and had difficulty with delivery, so we had to take her to the hospital and after the delivery, the husband divorced her because she was attended by a man. This young girl was divorced all because she was attended by a man during delivery,”she lamented.

By Muhammad Muhammad Khalil

Marriages built on love, affection and mercy are expected to last forever. But, unfortunately, whilst some marriages crash in infancy, others spanning for decades end up in divorce, too. The psychological trauma children of those failed marriages experience due to their parent’s separation is deep and enormous, negatively affecting their physical and mental health.

In most cases, the love lost between ex-couples shifts to their children. Both the mother and father show unconditional love and care for them, for love of one’s progeny is an inborn disposition in humans and animals.

Despite this, there are pockets of male parents in our society who decline to provide sustenance for their children once the split occurs. They, sadly, leave their ex-wives and their families with the burden of fending for their seeds. Instead, the wives’ families, stacked with their backbreaking responsibilities, bid their daughters to take the matter to court.

It is profoundly depressing how our Sharia courts are flooded with such cases (as mentioned above). I have seen multiple men go to jail for failure to comply with court orders, namely, to give their ex-wives the measly amount designated for the sustenance and upkeep of their children.

From what I have learnt thus far, some men defaulted not because they could not afford it but rather due to their fall-out with their ex-wives, the children’s mothers. The innocent kids usually take a back seat thanks to the resentment the father harbours against the mother. To treat their ex-wives harshly, they deprive their children of their necessities. One wonders: what benefit do such men draw from putting their kids’ lives in misery and danger?

The situation of some divorcees is both worrisome and pathetic. Many have become frequent court-goers because their kids’ fathers are reluctant to relieve the burden. Scores of children of failed marriages suffer significantly because the wrangling between their parents barely stops. The kids’ welfare stays truncated as a result.

My plea to such men is to fear Allah (SWT). And remember that the children they’re endowed with are a trust for which they’ll account. Their children have rights and responsibilities upon them.

As the prophetic saying goes: “All of you are guardians and are responsible for your charges; a man is a guardian of his family and is responsible for his charge.”

Muhammad Muhammad Khalil wrote this via muhdmuhdkhalil@gmail.com.

By Uzair Adam Imam

Marriage break-up is perceived as one of the major challenges bedevilling relationships in Kano State, a development that leaves a severe psychological impact on the windows. A report by the BBC Network African Programme in collaboration with the Kano State disclosed that there were over one million divorcées in the state.

The research disclosed that 32% of marriages in Kano State survives only a period of three to six months; and that many young people between the age of 20-25 years are said to have gone through three marriages at least.

The Executive Director National Association of Divorcees/Widows and Orphans, Hajiya Altine Abdullahi, decried the rate of divorce in the state. She had once threatened to protest the menace. This menacing issue of marriage break-up has continued to witness a steep increment in Kano State more recently, making it a serious problem needing mitigation.

The Daily Reality had reported materialism as one of the contributing factors militating against marriages these days.

Divorce, how abrupt it occurs

As though a competition, many husbands partake in the race for divorce. The issue has now graduated to a national problem in dire need of mitigation.

A photographer, Aminu A. Gambo, recounted the harrowing tale of how a one-week-old marriage crashed.

He said, “I once covered a wedding. The wedding took us almost a week, as they started the events from Tuesday throughout Thursday the following week and had a break on Friday.

“The events continued on Saturday and Sunday was wedding Fatiha, which concluded with conveyance of bride late evening that day.

“In the subsequent week, on a fateful Wednesday, the groom called me as early as 6 am and told me to calculate my balance and send my account number. As I did, he then transferred the amount to my account and told me that their marriage was no more,” he stated.

Also, Abubakar Umar confided in our reporter that he was rather perplexed on hearing that the marriage he attended just a week ago had broken up.

Umar said the marriage had broken up even before some relatives who attended the wedding from far places returned to their various destinations.

He added, “it came to me as a surprise that a week-old marriage had broken up just abruptly like this despite the bond between the couple.”

Understanding the root cause

Many concerned citizens argued that there are no tangible reasons behind the increased marriage dissolution.

Hashim Ibrahim described the menacing issue as a problematic phenomenon that defies every explanation.

He said, “The problem is that what triggers Mr A to divorce his wife might not be the same reason for Mr B to end his marriage.”

Muhammad Tasi’u stated that: “There are only two things that lead to the marriage breaking up; the exaltation of men and the ignorance of women.”

Aisha Mujitaba looked at the issue from a different angle, saying guys pretend to be rich in order to woo girls.

“Nowadays, both loves and marriages are based on materialism; that is how equivocation and deception have chipped in in the process of getting married.

“Guys pretend to be wealthy in order to win girls’ hearts. Consequently, when they are joined in matrimony, the true nature of what the person is will be revealed. This leads to the breakdown of relationships,” Aisha said.

Fatima Sha’aibu also believed that lying was one of the contributing factors leading to the marriage break up.

She said, “Mostly guys lie to win affections. Then after the marriage, when the truth was revealed, the girl might feel she can’t resist living with a life-faking husband.”

By Hussaina Sufyan Ahmed

We can categorically define a divorcee as someone unlucky in a specific marriage. I know that I will be in the minority if I say divorcees are given less chance to develop themselves personally before getting pressured into remarrying in the Northern part of Nigeria.

I understand and appreciate the concern with threading carefully regarding resuscitated emotions and intimate urges. However, a ‘decent’ society like Northern Nigeria expects that you abide by the rules of decency in ensuring that you either preserve yourself for your next spouse or remarry to avoid falling into the traps of indecency.

In this aspect, indecency refers to the lack of adhering to the control of urges for every culturally and religiously conscious person. These traits are seen as the signs of responsibility, including sustaining oneself; ready to take up self-evaluation, focusing on goodness, and maintaining dignity.

The pressure that comes from the family, society and whatnot is justifiable. However, the pressure that comes with engaging these divorcees in personal development is a progressive vacuum seat.

A divorcee can either be a man or a woman. But statistics show that a woman is more affected by divorce financially while a man is affected mentally. But, of course, this assertion is opinionated, as there can exist other varying opinions.

Let’s take Kano State as a case study. In 2020, Dr Sabo Dambazau, in an interview with Kano Focus, said 45% of divorces in Kano are caused by co-wife rivalry. Other causes he highlighted include forced marriage, fake identity by the men before marriage, lack of catering for family financial affairs succinctly, and suspicion from either the man or the woman.

For Dambazau, a lack of trust causes suspicion. And this distrust is seen in wives taking their husbands’ phones. Often, both check each other’s phones.

According to Dambazau, couples need counselling, personality development, and consciousness of Islamic teachings through the actual practice of the teachings to reduce divorce. This can be supported by enrolling in Islamic schools. He ended with advice on staying genuine and honest during the courtship before marriage.

My scope will be Personal Development for the Divorcee. It is essential to know that learning and seeking knowledge are the two fundamental processes that every human should consciously and intentionally be involved in.

As a divorcee, the first focus should be personal development. And this cannot be achieved without being intentional about self-development. So, how do you achieve personal development?

As someone who might have gone through emotional downturns or physical battles in their marriage,  self-development evaluation is a facet to help you check yourself and correct the mistakes you might have made. Every human is fallible. Hence the premise of every divorce is that both parties have a role to play in the faults. However, one side usually weighed in as more wrong than the other. Still, there is never a party devoid of guilt(s). So, you use the experience of a failed marriage to build your knowledge about marriage if you wish to be in it again.

In trying times, maintaining spirituality is crucial. In the North, an epitomic feature is the presence of religious rooms to learn from – while you rule in self-development. You cannot rule out upgrading your belief. For instance, there are many Islamic schools for Muslim divorcees in various Northern states. And seeking the appropriate knowledge through such schools enhance and contribute to the upliftment of morale.

This sums up an inference of a child’s upbringing in a typical Northern Muslim home. Thus, before reaching the age of five, recitation of verses from the Quran begins, opening the ability to read and recite rhymes and books in western schools. So, who says learning has a boundary or specific scope?

Another aspect of personal development is acquiring soft skills. For some female divorcees, one of the reasons their families or society has pressured them is usually due to self-sustenance. A woman in a non-secular community like the North has to either sustain herself financially, be under her parents or a man. You do not have to rush into another marriage to develop yourself personally. Instead, go out and learn soft skills such as MS Office, graphic design, Corel Draw, Digital marketing, social media management, online journalism, etc. You can acquire most of these skills online or offline for free or pay a token, especially if you desire to get the certificate.

Personal development stretches out to unlearning, learning and relearning, and in this, we cannot rule out upgrading education level to the next stage. If you are a primary school certificate holder, secure a secondary admission. If you are a secondary school certificate holder, try and acquire a UTME form, sit for the exams, and pursue admission, even if it’s a polytechnic or college of education. And for a bachelor’s degree holder, it is easier though costlier, which makes it essential to personally develop the self so as far as there is determination and hard work.

In all of these, I suggest that families and society give premium corporations to divorcees to see that they are helped towards self-development and not pressured to remarry. Of course, marriage can come later but having productive and oriented divorcees instead of a new payroll of reproductions will push the nation’s economy forward.

“Read. Read in the name of thy Lord who created; [He] created the human being from a blood clot. Read in the name of thy Lord who taught by the pen: [He] taught the human being what he did not know” (Quran, 96: 1-5).

Hussaina Sufyan Ahmed wrote from Kano. She can be reached via sufyanhussainaahmed@gmail.com.

By Naseer Tijjani

From the simplest to the most complex, all human societies have some forms of inequality that seem stratified. God Has distributed sustenance among humankind in different ways for them to live in comfort with one another. Almighty Has created all creatures in pairs (male and female) for their proper existence on the earth. Marriage has been described as the legal relationship between husband and wife. When the former and the latter agree to live legally, then they become a married couple.

Comparatively,  the relationship between men and women is as old as the world itself. The two are meant to interact and survive together for so many reasons. However, marriage does not bring a higher status for many men and women than bachelorhood or spinsterhood. Equally, to some, surviving with husband or wife has a tremendous advantage.

There is no doubt that our society is now full of unmarried girls, widows and divorcees. Women are getting divorced daily and at a very high rate. To me, none of the couples should be blameless, for marital conflict involves two parties.

Where do the problems lie?

Divorce is often pronounced when the husband or wife is provoked due to certain utterances or actions of one of them. If a conflict exists between the couples to the extent that they cannot control their temper, then divorce usually comes as a last resort. Culturally, parents/guardians play a significant role in resolving any form of misunderstanding between husband and wife. They mediate wisely and eloquently whenever the problem arises. In a typical Hausa society, parents/ guardians are the final judges that preside over any marital problem. The culture is still in existence in some places. However, it is good to note that marriage is all about tolerance, perseverance, patience, kindness, love, affection, caring, concern and peace of mind. When these are lost, the purpose has been defeated.

Nowadays, some people get married only to satisfy their sexual desire and not establish a peaceful family with purpose and focus. Before the marriage, the two loved each other like Romeo and Juliet, exchanging terms like “sweetheart”, “my honey”, “my other half”, “my dream,” “my happiness,” etc. However, the story begins to change after the marriage. Meanwhile, failure to fulfil the mandate of each other also brings the couples to separation. When the two refuse to shoulder their responsibilities with care, there must be problems at some – or all – levels.

The Needful Actions

We should maintain the culture of consulting parents/guardians before making any decision. Therefore, one should not divorce his wife without the consent of his parents/guardians. In addition, the couples should make sure that they fulfil all the marriage obligations enforced on them by religion and culture (where necessary).

Sometimes, the best response to women is silence. Don’t exchange terms with her when you are provoked. Instead, get out of the house for a while so as not to hear her offensive words.

Being the pillar of the family, the husband should not hesitate to apologise if a mistake is made, as should the wife. The couples should Continue to use the love terms as mentioned earlier, for they assist a lot.

Naseer Tijjani writes from Gwaram and can be reached via tijjaninasiru@gmail.com.