By Naseer Tijjani
From the simplest to the most complex, all human societies have some forms of inequality that seem stratified. God Has distributed sustenance among humankind in different ways for them to live in comfort with one another. Almighty Has created all creatures in pairs (male and female) for their proper existence on the earth. Marriage has been described as the legal relationship between husband and wife. When the former and the latter agree to live legally, then they become a married couple.
Comparatively, the relationship between men and women is as old as the world itself. The two are meant to interact and survive together for so many reasons. However, marriage does not bring a higher status for many men and women than bachelorhood or spinsterhood. Equally, to some, surviving with husband or wife has a tremendous advantage.
There is no doubt that our society is now full of unmarried girls, widows and divorcees. Women are getting divorced daily and at a very high rate. To me, none of the couples should be blameless, for marital conflict involves two parties.
Where do the problems lie?
Divorce is often pronounced when the husband or wife is provoked due to certain utterances or actions of one of them. If a conflict exists between the couples to the extent that they cannot control their temper, then divorce usually comes as a last resort. Culturally, parents/guardians play a significant role in resolving any form of misunderstanding between husband and wife. They mediate wisely and eloquently whenever the problem arises. In a typical Hausa society, parents/ guardians are the final judges that preside over any marital problem. The culture is still in existence in some places. However, it is good to note that marriage is all about tolerance, perseverance, patience, kindness, love, affection, caring, concern and peace of mind. When these are lost, the purpose has been defeated.
Nowadays, some people get married only to satisfy their sexual desire and not establish a peaceful family with purpose and focus. Before the marriage, the two loved each other like Romeo and Juliet, exchanging terms like “sweetheart”, “my honey”, “my other half”, “my dream,” “my happiness,” etc. However, the story begins to change after the marriage. Meanwhile, failure to fulfil the mandate of each other also brings the couples to separation. When the two refuse to shoulder their responsibilities with care, there must be problems at some – or all – levels.
The Needful Actions
We should maintain the culture of consulting parents/guardians before making any decision. Therefore, one should not divorce his wife without the consent of his parents/guardians. In addition, the couples should make sure that they fulfil all the marriage obligations enforced on them by religion and culture (where necessary).
Sometimes, the best response to women is silence. Don’t exchange terms with her when you are provoked. Instead, get out of the house for a while so as not to hear her offensive words.
Being the pillar of the family, the husband should not hesitate to apologise if a mistake is made, as should the wife. The couples should Continue to use the love terms as mentioned earlier, for they assist a lot.
Naseer Tijjani writes from Gwaram and can be reached via tijjaninasiru@gmail.com.
