Mariticide

By Abubakar Aliyu

I discussed with a friend about the woman that stabbed her husband to death, and this part of her opinion makes me ponder deeply about our society; “Living with the identity, “the woman that stabbed her husband” when she was just a woman who did not want to be in the marriage to start with.”

I can never trust the sanity of a man who forces himself on a woman that made it clear in the first place that she does not want to be with him. I think only delusional and toxic men—purported alpha men—will find it normal to subdue a woman into marriage despite being vivid that she is not into it.

And you wonder why the same woman you forced into a marriage lets loose of her survival instinct, ignoring all rational and objective views, therefore, prepared to perpetrate unbelievable atrocities to “escape”. At this juncture, nobody cares to come to her aid until what could have been averted—by peacefully ending the marriage—has happened, a society that incited it will be pointing fingers at her.

I understand that no amount of pressure can justify the action of a woman who stabbed her husband to death. But the fundamental driving forces of this preventable menace largely boil down to societal pressure. Society coerces women to accept that being in a marriage—no matter how abusive and toxic it gets—is the best thing that could ever happen to her as a woman.

Islamically, marriage affords a man to marry as many women as he is allowed—not beyond four. To a woman, marriage is a world she is allowed to live in for the rest of her life with one man only. So imagine living the rest of your life with someone you do not love or whom you once loved but turned out to be toxic and abusive! To have a simulation of a woman living in a toxic or forced marriage, picture yourself stuck in a pit latrine for the rest of your life.

Marriage is supposed to be a willing union of mutual love, tolerance, and respect between a man and a woman. Whenever any party insists on separating, it suggests that some or all of these three ingredients are short-changed beyond repair. That is why when couples are in crisis, one thing society needs to do is hear the concerns of both parties and intervene with no intention to subdue anyone to the detriment of the other.

Even when they do not reciprocate, chivalry toward women is a virtue of a gentleman. But it is good you know when a woman runs out of love for you and makes it clear that she wants to leave. Acknowledge and respect her feelings and yourself and let her go—unless you are not a gentleman. Humans fall in and out of love for several reasons, and it is normal because many of these reasons do not necessarily have to do with you in the first place—it is not your fault.

As a woman entangled in a forced or toxic marriage, know that you are faced with two evils—resorting to violence which you will live to regret, or leaving the marriage against all odds. Always choose the lesser evil, which is to, by any means, end the marriage. It is always better they describe you as a woman who refused to stay married than as a murderer.

To put it briefly, as long as the willingness to form a marriage union is not mutual, or the couple does not see any reason to stay in the marriage, the society—this includes parents, guardians, and religious and traditional leaders—has to respect their decision and let them go their separate way without trying to judge or bully any one of them into staying for the sake of their children. It is easier for children to live with the trauma of a broken home than with the unsettling fact that their mother killed their father.

Dear gentlemen and others (self-acclaimed alpha men), ask yourselves, do you want to get married or marred? A word is enough for the wise!

Abubakar Aliyu wrote via abubakaraliyu599@gmail.com.

By Lawan Bukar Maigana 

Maimunatu Suleiman, 21, stabbed her husband, Aliyu Mohammed Gidado, to death on July 5th, 2023, in their residence at Kofar Dumi in Bauchi State, Nigeria. 

Since then, I have read different narratives about the tragic incident. Some said she killed him because it was a forced marriage, while others said she murdered him because of his willingness to remarry. 

As a trained journalist and fact-checker, I needed to investigate the narratives’ source, save the public from being misled by merchants of misinformation and fake news, and feed the crowd with authentic information.  

Using Facebook, I identified his neighbour and demanded that he send me his phone number so we could talk about the incident, and he did. He told me that Aliyu and his wife married in January 2020 and have one child—a boy. 

“Their marriage was out of love. Everybody knows them, and most people in their area have admired them because of their love for each other which culminated in their marriage. 

“And they never had any serious issues until recently when Aliyu realised that Maimuna had been going out without his permission as her husband.

“Aliyu returned home three days ago and expressed sadness about her deviant conduct, which later resulted in a serious misunderstanding between them that nearly broke their marriage, but his father and older brother intervened”, the neighbour explained.

On the day the incident happened, Gidado’s father saw Maimunatu’s friend coming out of their house after they spent hours in her room holding her plasma TV, but he didn’t talk to them. 

It is a tradition in their house that the last person who comes in after 10:00 pm ensures everyone is around before closing the gate. 

Wednesday night after 10 pm, his older brother called his name and asked if he was around so he would lock the gate, but Aliyu didn’t answer. His brother asked thrice but to no avail. 

Worriedly, his brother approached his room and observed that he was gasping for breath. He quickly got back to his room and took a touch and entered the room and saw his brother soaked in blood while his wife, the prime suspect, was facing him. 

That was when he quickly called their father to see what happened and subsequently sought help from their neighbours to rush their brother to the hospital. Unluckily, Gidado died before they got to the hospital. 

Out of patience, concern, and resilience, they rushed his wife to the hospital, thinking she was stabbed. The doctors informed them that she was safe and had only sustained bruises on her stomach. 

After she regained consciousness, Gidado’s father asked what had happened, and she told them that thieves had jumped over the fence and killed her husband when she went to the toilet to pour her child’s urine. 

She even told them that the thieves ran with her plasma TV, unknown to her that the bereaved old man saw her friends going with her plasma TV hours before the unfortunate incident but didn’t argue with her. 

Curiously, the victim’s father told her that there was no way thieves would jump over the fence without being seen by a tea seller beside their gate, whose place is always busy with people. 

After discovering that she was suspicious, they called police on her. 

The cops took her to the station, where she confessed that she stabbed him twice in his chest because of a misunderstanding in the evening. 

It was also reliably confirmed that she has a three-month pregnancy for Gidado. 

Therefore, those who said the murderer was forcefully married to him are just lying to the public. Their marriage was out of enormous love. 

Similarly, an Abuja-based lady Maryam Sanda mercilessly stabbed her husband to death on November 2017. 

Many media outlets, largely online alongside social media influencers, had disseminated unverified chronicle stories about the tragic incident without confirmation from the parties involved. 

Sharing unfiltered and fabricated information is seemingly becoming a norm in Nigeria among media outlets and internet users to manipulate people’s perceptions of facts. 

It is necessary to call on spreaders of information and netizens to please desist from sharing unverified information and cultivate the habit of digging into stories before publishing them. 

Please pray for the repose of Gidado and his mother. She died in early January 2023. 

Lawan Bukar Maigana writes from Borno and can be reached via email:lawanbukarmaigana@gmail.com.