Love

By Maryam Ahmad

Brazilian and Real Madrid football sensation Endrick has captured the hearts of fans worldwide with his exceptional talent on the pitch, but his love story with Gabriely is just as captivating. In a heartfelt revelation, Gabriely shared how she fell in love with the young star without knowing he was a rising footballer.

Recalling their first encounter, Gabriely described the moment she first saw Endrick at a shopping mall. “When I first saw Endrick, I didn’t know he was a football player. He was sitting on his own,” she said. “I looked at him and thought, ‘What a wonderful man! He has a seductive look and character.’”

It was a moment of instant connection for Gabriely, who felt something special before she even knew of Endrick’s football career. “I saw that he was the man of my life, of my future… I fell in love at first sight, then discovered he was a Palmeiras player,” she added.

The teenage football prodigy, who has already signed with Real Madrid and is set to join the club in 2024, has been making headlines for his performances with Palmeiras. However, his love story with Gabriely adds a personal touch to his journey, proving that true connections can happen in the most unexpected ways.

By Aisha M Auyo

Love, it is popularly said, makes the world go round. This implies that the presence of love engenders harmony, peace, and tranquillity in relationships.

As the nucleus of the family, which in turn is the pivot of human society, it is very important that true or genuine love exists between the two people who live together as a couple, as in husband and wife.

Do you know the concept of love language? Do you know your love language? Do you know your partner’s love language?

Knowing about these will solve most of the issues that usually rock marriages and our relationships with others.

Love language is defined as a person’s characteristic means of showing affection or care for another. It can also be portrayed as how a person prefers to express love to—and receive it from—a partner. 

If you doubt your partner still loves you, know you are not alone. The fact is, you might be speaking a different love language from that of your partner. 

Relationship expert Dr. Gary Chapman created the concept of love languages in his book The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. 

The book explains that to ensure a healthy relationship, it is essential to identify and use your partner’s love language. This will help eliminate miscommunication and allow for a more understanding, harmonious couple. The following are some points to know about love languages to help you on the road to a healthier relationship.

There are five types of love languages: 

1. Words of affirmation.

When words of affirmation are your love language, words build you up. You thrive on spoken affection, praise, encouragement, and compliments. Harsh words and criticism irk and can bother you for a long time.

2. Acts of service.

As a woman, anything your partner does willingly to ease your workload is a sign of love to you. You feel cared for when, for instance, your partner vacuums (or sweeps) before you get to it or makes you breakfast as a surprise. On the other hand, broken promises or laziness can make you feel unimportant.

3. Receiving gifts.

When you speak this love language, a thoughtful (special) gift shows you that you are special. In contrast, generic gifts and forgotten special events have the opposite effect. This love language is not necessarily materialistic – it could be as simple as receiving your favourite snack after a bad day.

4. Quality time.

To you, nothing says you’re loved like undivided attention. When your partner is genuinely present (not looking at their phone, laptop or TV), it makes you feel important. Failure to actively listen or long periods without one-on-one time can make you feel unloved.

5. Physical touch.

Holding hands, kisses, hugs, and other tender touches are your preferred ways to show and receive love. Appropriate touches convey warmth and safety, while physical neglect can drive a wedge between you and your partner. 

Generally, men are people of action, while women thrive on words. If a woman disrespects a man, doesn’t obey his orders, or talks to him disparagingly, it is usually very difficult to convince that man that she loves him, even if she does.

 If you, as a man, spend time, resources, and efforts to make life easier for a woman and make no effort to tell her sweet nonsense, trust me, you may not win her heart. On the other hand, a playboy, with few spoken words like, ‘I love you’ or ‘you’re beautiful’, will win her heart in no time.

 Although some women may be materialistic and prefer gifts and money, some men, too, may prefer a voluptuous or sophisticated woman to a submissive, uneducated one. The examples are endless.

How love languages can improve your relationships

Most of us have one or two preferred love languages – often different than our significant other’s. If you express your love through your preferred love language, the chances are that it goes unnoticed by your partner.

For example, if your love language is gifts, and you often surprise your partner with thoughtful gifts, how does it make you feel when they just have a quick look at your thoughtful present? Meanwhile, your partner hardly values gifts but appreciates acts of service. It would mean the world to them if you did chores around the house instead of buying gifts. So you and your partner won’t feel loved, as there is a difference between what one gives and what the other wants to receive.

Many women complain that their men are not romantic: no hugs, pecks, or holding hands. Some frown at their women when they initiate any of these gestures. Some men find it hard to vocalise their feelings, such as “I love you”, “I miss you”, “you are beautiful”, and “You smell nice” appear to be very difficult for some men. “Allah Ya yi miki albarka” is difficult for some men. The issue here is a difference in love language between the couples. 

If these men go out of their way to provide for the family and make you comfortable, then to them, they’re communicating that they love you. If your man is interested in what you do, listen to your small and big talks, even if he doesn’t say a word, it means he cares about you.

My sister, if your man hardly comments on your clothes or outfits, it means he values your character and personality more than your looks. But if he’s so inclined to your physical appearance, it means you should pay much more attention to how you look than how you behave.

My brother, I know it’s a man’s nature not to vocalise what you feel, but your woman needs to know your love language to please you. Know your love language and communicate it accordingly. Also, try and get to know hers.

Some women love gifts, but this doesn’t mean they’re materialistic. Even if it’s something small, the thought matters to them. She will be happy and submissive. 

Some women love to hear sweet nonsense. These kinds of women do not care about your gift as much as they care about your attention and affection. If your woman is of this type, men, your wealth or gift will not mean much to her. Lack of attention makes her feel unloved.

In conclusion, speaking your partner’s preferred language can drastically strengthen your relationship. Relate with your partner in their love language, not yours, for a better and more fulfilling relationship. Let me stop here.

Aisha Musa Auyo is a Doctorate researcher in Educational Psychology, a wife, a mother of three, a homemaker, a chef, and a parenting/ relationship coach. She can be reached via aishamuauyo@live.co.uk.

By Aliyu Abdulkadir Atiku

The reaction of our people towards the mind-boggling story of Rakiya Moussa from Hadiza Gabon’s Talk Show shows how most of us are driven by emotion. Love has been an emotional rollercoaster, and so would it forever be. It is an accident (yes, you read me right)  usually triggered by interest. That’s why it dissipates with time as the material that interests the other party fade.

Delving wholly into someone’s heart is akin to driving a car with a blindfold  — know the right person to shoulder the repercussions! While I believe pure love does exist, that’s only if the objection did not cross beyond the confines of biological love. Besides the love of parents and siblings and close relatives, every love develops with certain circumstances depending on the preference of one another.

Moreover, whenever someone narrates a story that profoundly aches their psyche, they are more prone to leverage the story in their favour, thereby attracting public sympathy. I may not be precisely accurate to say the lady in question has once played with the mindset of a man in the name of love and ended up breaking his heart into smaller pieces than hers, but something near-equally enticing must’ve happened. Who knows? 

It’s high time we acknowledged that the interest we build in love often determines fate. Most, if not all, the love we complain of today is not intended to culminate in marriage but rather to speed up the time, have fun and quench some thirst. 

Aliyu Abdulkadir Atiku wrote via aliyuabdulkadiratiku48@gmail.com.

By Alkasim Harisu

In my neighbourhoods, a marriage contract that had stayed long in the making was recently cancelled. I received this news that made my worst news of the month about a week ago. My mother broke this tragic story about two families connected by blood and kinship marriage. They also were and are united by whereabouts. Above all, they once lived in the same house.

The two lovers dated for more than seven years. When the love commerce began, the girl was much younger. The guy, undoubtedly the older love partner, had kept courting the girl despite the difficulties that often arose. He had endured the immaturity girls the age of his date show. Whenever a misunderstanding happened between the duo, the girl would quickly fault him. But the guy would patiently swallow his anger, contrary opinion and eat humble pie even if he was correct. He is the epitome of patience. Because, as people close to him will say, the man epitomises patience in both his social and business intercourse with people. He never picks quarrels with people. He demonstrated more patience when the girl’s family postponed his wedding several times for no good reason because he should have tied the knot two years previously.

To cap it all, this guy was denied the girl on some loose basis. Guess why? He is not wealthy. It is sad to know that riches have capital importance to many of us. They mean everything, so to say. But, like it or not, in many circumstances, the continuation and/or breakdown of a relationship hugely rest upon riches.

I am not blowing my own trumpet, but I can indeed marry off my daughter to a responsible person provided he has got a job, and I don’t mind if he scavenges for a living. However, it is disappointing that today some people hate to give their daughters’ hands in marriage to people that carpenter, teach or plumb for a livelihood, no matter how morally and religiously good these people are. They consider such jobs disgusting and can’t bring themselves close to people in such occupations, let alone associating or identifying themselves with them. But you never can tell; such people can one day become stinking rich. Such is life.

Today, thanks to the difficulty of gaining employment, many people have had to combine jobs. As a result, many folks engage in various occupations, which fetches them a lot of money. I know one of such people who is currently building his own house due to his hard work and commitment.

To our dismay, the family of the girl I was earlier on talking about lost their humanity and sent back the engagement money of this guy. The marriage arrangement lacked architecture with them. This is evident in their frequent delaying of the wedding. They once said they were postponing the wedding to allow the man to complete his house because they did not want their daughter to languish in a rented house. As this occurred, only Allah knows how many sleepless nights the guy had experienced. Anyway, they have sufficiently assassinated their character themselves.

This girl has memorised some portion of the Holy Qur’an. Quite unfortunately, she shows it off. Even though she is not that beautiful, I can say she is averagely beautiful. And that does not matter. These and other reasons made her proudly say she could not wed someone with no gainful job. “Mai na sama ya ci, balle ya bawa na kasa“, the girl would often say. She was saying this because the guy is a jeweller. He is not rich enough to live up to her expectations. But he is responsible and can cater for her.

Towards the end of this love drama, the girl started making new dates. Just imagine the kind of family that permits this with a girl already betrothed. There was a time she got the number of my former colleague. Then, he was newly married. Not long ago, he got his firstborn. Seeing him in our neighbourhood with another co-working friend, she did the unimaginable to get his number. This Prince Charming stole her heart at first sight. No doubt, he came by car; that was why she lost herself to him. She ignorantly thought the car was his.

We share a neighbourhood with the elder sister of the ex-boyfriend. To be precise, she is our next-door neighbour. They rent their house. Shamelessly, the girl did not care to stand with her new boyfriends before her sister-in-law’s house and cousin. “Biri ya yi kama da mutum!” Indeed, she no longer had the guy at heart. Nevertheless, she summoned up all her willpower to do this to provoke her already-broken-hearted boyfriend.

When I passed by the girl’s house, I would often see her a bit far from the guy. I kept wondering how this was happening between lovers. From the perspective of space, the gap between them did not explain a love relationship. Those who study the science of space (proxemics) will tell us more. There is no telling that such a distance speaks about a lack of love. As I saw this, I always became the saddest.

Marriage is known to weld and cement relationships. But this cancelled marriage proposal will only devastate the relationship between the two families. I can’t think of the mess the two families will be in because the girl’s grandmother is the younger sister of the ex-boyfriend’s grandmother.

A lot of people think that peer pressure works on girls. I agree with them. Yes, most girls are misadvised by their close friends. This is even one of the disadvantages of collecting many friends. But this situation makes an exception. The problem originated from the girl’s family because the girl’s birth mother is worldly-wise; she only wants a wealthy person for her daughter. She is money-wise.

Indeed, you are a nobody to many people if you don’t have money. In sha Allah, they are only hoping against hope. The choice or dream husband will not come their way since they abandoned a poor person who sells jewellery for a living.

As the girl is becoming wiser with the passing of days, we pray she doesn’t end up in sexual commerce with people stealing her attention. Money talks, of course. But Allah is Ever-Awake. He will judge the situation.

Alkasim Hariru wrote from Kano. He can be reached via alkasabba10@gmail.com.