Lifestyle

By Usama Abdullahi 

Our car got stuck in poky traffic when I was heading home after visiting our ailing mother at the National Hospital Abuja last night. The motion was really slow, and that instantly made me feel bored. Also, a young lady was sitting close to me, making annoying phone calls and eating popcorn. I looked at everybody in the car, and they were all engrossed in their smartphones except the driver, who remained focused while driving. So I brought out my phone, rushed to my gallery and played a Hollywood clip. That’s how I decided to kill my boredom.

While watching the clip on my phone, the young lady sitting next to me tapped me on the shoulder – indicating that she needed to talk to me. I felt her tapping but hesitated to turn until she tapped me again. 

This time I turned and stared at her curiously. She then asked if what I was watching was interesting. “Oh, yeah. It’s an interesting clip. Would you love to see it?” I asked. “Ah, no. I thought it was a movie”, she responded. After learning that what I was watching was just a clip and not a movie, she continued to make her phone calls. She’s holding an iPhone. Even though I didn’t see her face clearly, I could attest to her gorgeousness through the softness of her voice.

She was happily on the phone with her boyfriend when one of her broke guys called. Unluckily for him, she didn’t hang the call to attend to his call until she was done talking to the rich boyfriend. She didn’t even greet him when she finally picked up the broke guy’s call. Instead, she began to yell at him for not sending the money he had promised her the other day. I keenly listened to them till the very end. Mind you; I wasn’t eavesdropping because she put the phone on speaker. So, I did hear every single bit of their heated phone conversations.

I was disgusted by what she said to the broke guy. I pitifully imagined myself in his shoes. Although I’m hopeful that I will never be entangled in such a type of unavailing relationship, I felt and still feel for the poor guy.

This encounter has taught me a bitter lesson: how transactional relationships have become these days. Today, only a handful of women love their men unconditionally. Instead, most of them love their men because of their monetary status. I’m not saying that money doesn’t play a significant role in relationships. Of course, it does, but it’s saddening how some women have reduced relationships to lucrative businesses where they earn big money without even investing a dime.

And it’s equally saddening that some men, too, only entertain sexual relationships. This is why we are fast losing our modesty as a society. Any relationship sorely built on material gain is doomed to fail. Loyalty and patience are the most important things that usually keep a relationship going. Money cannot possibly keep your relationship afloat, but loyalty and patience can.

Usama Abdullahi writes from Abuja and can be reached via usamagayyi@gmail.com.

By Hajara Shehu Esq.

A broken marriage can have adverse effects on the custody of children. In many cases, when a marriage ends, the focus of each partner is solely on how to hurt the other, regardless of the impact on their innocent children.

Nowadays, custody of children has become a weapon of choice in this scenario. As a result, the battling parties are often blinded by fury and anger, sacrificing their children’s well-being in the process.

Unfortunately, the person fighting for custody may not have a conducive environment to raise the child/children. The primary objective is simply to separate the child/children from the other parent as a token of hatred. The main problem is that whoever wins the custody case often destroys the child/children’s lives. In most cases, the child loses the love, care, and affection of the parent who lost the case due to anger, and the parent who wins may not offer the best life for the child.

For instance, if the father wins custody, he may not be married and may live with an elderly mother. In this situation, the child/children often wander around without proper and adequate care. In another scenario, the father may be married and take the child/children to a stepmother. However, this can lead to complete abandonment from the stepmother due to the father’s attitude and behaviour, overprotectiveness, and unending interference.

Similarly, if the mother wins custody, the father may neglect the child/children and completely surrender them to the mother. Unfortunately, most mothers from less privileged families or orphans may find it difficult to meet all the financial needs of the child/children.

While credit is given where it is due, a mother always tries her best until she remarries and has other children. Then, the children will automatically suffer the same fate as above, except in favourable situations where the mother is privileged.

Leaving a child/children to their maternal/paternal grandmother is not a bad thing. However, it is not the best option considering the grandmother’s age and the need for a child to have love, closeness, and affection to be a good individual. The most disturbing circumstance is when both parents are married and have other children, and the child/children are left alone under the care of their dearest grandmother. In such cases, the child/children become hardened by circumstances and are forced to grow faster than their age.

Every child needs to be allowed to grow according to their age in love, care, and affection. Every child deserves the love, respect, and affection of both parents. It is not a privilege but a huge responsibility placed on them by Allah, the Most High, which they shall account for. The Prophet (PBUH) said we are all shepherds and shall account for it on the last day.

Many victims of broken marriages have grown up to become drug addicts, thugs, armed robbers, thieves, and engaged in many other crimes. Love, care, and affection are the foundation of a good individual. Where these are lost, most children go astray except those that Allah guides.

It is disheartening to witness parents cursing, abusing, and calling each other names while holding each other responsible. However, the truth is that these kinds of parents are equally and jointly responsible.

In conclusion, no matter how a marriage ends, Allah’s precious gifts (children) are not the reason and should be kept away from battles. Instead, parents should allow each other to play various roles in the child/children’s life. Relationships might end, but the child/children’s relationship with the ex-partner will forever remain. Children deserve a good life filled with love, care, and affection; parents should ensure they have it!

Hajara can be reached via Hbshehu301@gmail.com.

By Aliyu Abdulkadir Atiku

The reaction of our people towards the mind-boggling story of Rakiya Moussa from Hadiza Gabon’s Talk Show shows how most of us are driven by emotion. Love has been an emotional rollercoaster, and so would it forever be. It is an accident (yes, you read me right)  usually triggered by interest. That’s why it dissipates with time as the material that interests the other party fade.

Delving wholly into someone’s heart is akin to driving a car with a blindfold  — know the right person to shoulder the repercussions! While I believe pure love does exist, that’s only if the objection did not cross beyond the confines of biological love. Besides the love of parents and siblings and close relatives, every love develops with certain circumstances depending on the preference of one another.

Moreover, whenever someone narrates a story that profoundly aches their psyche, they are more prone to leverage the story in their favour, thereby attracting public sympathy. I may not be precisely accurate to say the lady in question has once played with the mindset of a man in the name of love and ended up breaking his heart into smaller pieces than hers, but something near-equally enticing must’ve happened. Who knows? 

It’s high time we acknowledged that the interest we build in love often determines fate. Most, if not all, the love we complain of today is not intended to culminate in marriage but rather to speed up the time, have fun and quench some thirst. 

Aliyu Abdulkadir Atiku wrote via aliyuabdulkadiratiku48@gmail.com.

By Hajara Jaoji

Kudos to my paternal uncle (a family man) who cared for ten of us, including my mom, after our dad died in 2010. He ensured we had a sound, good life as if our late father were on earth. 

This story is about me, a young beautiful, under thirty years old single intelligent lady. I am the third in my family, with two older brothers, two younger brothers and four younger sisters.  I graduated from university and finished my youth service in 2020. I got a temporary job appointment (still on it) before,  during,  and after my youth service.

I used to help and take care of my siblings. Regarding education, I helped my eldest brother pay his professional exam fees. I also help my immediate older brother in pursuing his education at university. In addition, I covered all the expenses for the two junior brothers in their secondary school days. One is now a student at Aminu Kano College of Legal Studies (second year); the youngest brother recently graduated from secondary school and is looking forward to securing admission into the university for him. 

For the sisters, I took over my immediate younger sister’s expenses from my uncle. She’s a student at Bayero University, Kano (BUK). The other junior sister recently got admission to the School of Hygiene, Kano, while the two younger ones are secondary school students, and I still care for them all. 

Maturity is not by age but rather by the number of responsibilities one is able to shoulder. The best investment in life is to invest in human beings. I would rather walk around with old clothes and an old-fashioned phone, knowing that my siblings are busy getting qualitative education (modern and religious).

I  pray that God will increase my heart and bless my income so that I will help other non-blood-related orphaned children worldwide.

Hajara can be contacted via hajaraibrahimjaoji2019@gmail.com.

By Muhammad Suleiman Yobe.

Jigawa State Ministry of Health has confirmed 141 new cases of Cerebrospinal Meningitis that claimed eight lives in the state.

The ministry’s Permanent Secretary, Dr Salisu Mu’azu, confirmed the cases to Daily Reality in Dutse, the state capital.

The Permanent Secretary, who spoke through Dr Sabi’u Muhmmad of the disease control department in the ministry, outlined some areas in Kaugama, Birniwa, Gumel, and Maigatari Local Governments the cases were identified.

Dr Muhammad said 134 out of the 141 patients were infected by Neisseria Meningitis type C, and 6 contracted Strept pneumonia while one was identified with Neisseria Meningitis type X and among the cases identified, about eight death were recorded.

He said that all measures had been put in place to avert the pandemic. He further advised communities in the affected areas to be conscious and refer a suspected case to the nearest general hospital for all necessary action. The state government has procured free medication for patients with such cases.

By Bashir Abdu Muzakkari, Ph.D.

Kano State is the most populous state in Nigeria with a projection of over 20 million people. Access to quality and affordable healthcare services in Kano state have been a major challenge for many years which is due to various factors: inadequate healthcare facilities, shortage of healthcare professionals, poverty, and a lack of awareness and enlightenment among the people about the importance of healthcare. The incoming government under His Excellency, Abba K. Yusuf, has made a commitment to revive the healthcare system in the state through a range of initiatives.

One of the major initiatives is the recruitment of human resources for health sector. This is because, Kano has a shortage of healthcare professionals which has led to inadequate access to quality healthcare services. The government aims to attract more healthcare workers to work in the state by providing incentives and partnering with medical schools to train more healthcare experts locally.

The establishment of mobile clinics and ambulance services is also a key initiative of the government. These services will provide basic healthcare services to people living in remote areas who may not have access to healthcare otherwise. Ambulance services ensure that patients can be transported to hospitals quickly in case of an emergency, improving their chances of survival.

The free Maternal and Child Health (MNCH) program is another significant initiative. This program will provide free healthcare services to pregnant women and children under the age of five. This initiative will help in reducing maternal and child mortality rates in the state as more women will have access to free antenatal care and delivery services.

Primary healthcare services are also a priority for the government. The provision of basic healthcare services at the community level helps to reduce the burden on hospitals and clinics. This initiative will help people access healthcare services closer to their homes, especially those in remote areas.

Partnerships and donor coordination in the health sector are also critical. This initiative will lead to increased funding for healthcare services in the state and partnerships with international organizations and donors to improve healthcare infrastructure and services.

The renovation of major hospitals in the state will also be a crucial part of the incoming government’s efforts. This initiative will improve healthcare services and increase patient satisfaction. The government will also encourage private investment in the health sector to improve access to health services.

To make it easier for people, the government will set up a smart contributory health plan. The scheme is aimed at ensuring that people have access to healthcare services regardless of their income level. This initiative has helped poor and marginalized people all over the world to get better access to healthcare services.

Finally, the government will provide support for medical students and doctors in residency training. This ensures that healthcare professionals are adequately trained and prepared to provide high-quality healthcare services.

In conclusion, the incoming government under His Excellency Abba K. Yusuf’s leadership has shown a commitment to improving access to quality and affordable healthcare services in Kano state. If implemented by the government, the initiatives: recruitment of healthcare professionals, establishment of mobile clinics and ambulance services, free maternal and child health program, primary healthcare services, partnership and donor coordination in the health sector, renovation of major hospitals, private investment in the health sector, a contributory health scheme, doctor residency training and support for medical students will contribute to the improvement of healthcare services in Kano state. These initiatives have the potential to transform the healthcare system in the state and improve access to healthcare services for the people of Kano state.

Bashir A. Muzakkari, Ph.D. writes from Kano.

By Aisha Mahmud Yusuf

A few days ago, Dr Muhsin Ibrahim shared a story about a divorcee whose ex-husband refused to pay her medical bills. This is a familiar story as it happens to many people in our society.

I know of a divorced woman with three kids who has nowhere to go. Another woman was in an abusive marriage. When asked why she wouldn’t leave her husband, she said that he took care of her financial needs.

There’s also this woman whose husband was a serial womaniser and a drunkard, yet she couldn’t leave him because she has no means to sustain herself as her parents are dead.

In this society, a woman will be married off with no skill or education. Then get divorced and be left to start from scratch, thanks to the stigma attached to divorcees. No woman should be in an abusive marriage or miserable because she lacks financial independence.

Parents should let their girls finish at least secondary school and ensure they learn a skill. Those who finished higher institutions should be allowed to work or engage in business. The time to stay idle for women has passed. We should not let this poverty and misery cycle continue.

A woman should be financially independent regardless of her marital status. In case of divorce or the husband’s death, she should be able to care for herself and her children at least.

There’s no denying that our marriage institution needs reform, and the time to do so is now. Alhamdulillah, our scholars are now discussing it, but we need action. There is a need for sensitisation across rural as well as urban communities.

Girl-child education should be supported. There are many opportunities for learning that women can learn in the comfort of their homes, and they should be encouraged to do so.

 Aisha Mahmud Yusuf wrote via aishatyusuf63@gmail.com.

By Hamza Basiru Tsoho

My name is Hamza. My father had two wives.  The family comprised ten children from two different mothers. I was the eldest and the sixth in my mother’s room and the family, respectively. We were three in my mother’s room. 

One fateful day, our father, Alhaji Basiru, and his friends travelled to Katsina. Unfortunately, they had a ghostly road accident returning to Funtua, our hometown. Only one person survived. I was not enrolled in a public primary school at that time, not to talk of my younger brothers. Our mother became our father and mother; for she had taken all the responsibilities of the father. 

Glory be to the Sustainer.  Since before our father gave up the ghost, she had embraced some petty trade at home like selling ruwan leda (water, then, usually,  packed in a medium-sized leather after being cooled by a Randa ‘earthy pot’), roasted groundnut and selling food later. Her local restaurant, which was home, had become renowned in the locality and the neighbour then, as there were fewer restauranteurs in the area. 

She used to sell a bag of rice in two or three days in the comfort of her home. Over time,  competition increased. Sequel to that, she boiled to cook only a few measures of rice. I hawked the food on a silver tray when things started getting out of hand. The hawking was usually done after I returned from morning school and sold before late afternoon prayer (Asr), after which I had the opportunity to go to Islamiyya.

Furthermore, she ensured we had all we wanted so that we had the equal privilege to be educated like other children whose parents are alive. I can never forget when I told her what someone told me about what seemed to them like we were chasing education. He said one of his friends said, “If he (referring to me) must further his education, we will see who will sponsor him.” 

I felt sad even after narrating the story to our mother. She said, “You see, all these hardships that I endure are for you to be educated. I wish I had money to sponsor your education to university; I can spend any amount in my belongings for you to be educated”. She continued, “Although I do not have enough money to sponsor your education, I believe you will get someone to help you, and that is what I always pray for.” Whenever I remember that, I feel motivated. 

Fortunately, I sat for my SSCE and came out with flying colours. It was in the school of our neighbour and brother who sponsored a duo of us, my half-brother and I, in his school. May Allah (SWT) reward him and add to his wealth, amin. 

I then applied to Ahmadu Bello University (ABU) Zaria with a JAMB score of 252 for MBBS in 2020. After some years of waiting, due to Covid-19 and the lingering strike, I sat for post-UTME and scored relatively well. However, afterwards, I did not secure admission. That may be due to too much competition.

Still, I did not give up. I knew MBBS was, most of the time, not a one-off thing. So the following year, I sat for another one, prayed, and worked harder. This time around was Federal University Dutse (FUD) and still the MBBS. After all, I got it in that school in early January this year (2023). 

I owe my success to my dearest mother. As Prof. Abdalla  Uba wrote, her likes are the “REAL woman of substance.” In a few years, I hope to become a feather in her cap ( to be a professional medical doctor ), become an important person to society and save the lives of many victims.

Hamza Basiru Tsoho wrote from Funtua via hamzafta212@gmail.com.

By Aisha Musa Auyo 

The current trends of housemaids poisoning their employers are so sickening and scary. It happened countless times, and one can’t escape seeing one or two videos of such heinous acts. From sexual and physical to mental abuse, housemaids and their masters always have these issues in their relationship.

Whenever I encounter such an incident, I wonder why we continue to employ maids or why others leave their homes and work with people they hate. I had maids, and I grew up with maids in our house. But things are different now. People do not fear God. Humanity is lost. From the employee to employers, we are all at fault. 

As much as we agree, the maids are vulnerable and more likely to become victims. Unfortunately, these maids have upped their games, and the family employed them are becoming the victims. I’m not here to tell who is right or wrong, but I know that maids had abused us, taken advantage of our kindness, stolen from us, and deceived us to the extent that we decided we no longer have maids in our home.

Is it easy? No. Is it doable? Yes. We can bring an end to this problem. This issue is almost none existence in developed countries. Regardless of how educated or wealthy you are, cleaning your home is something one takes pride in doing, except for celebrities and rich people who employ the services of cleaning agencies who can hardly be cheated on and are less likely to betray too.

Another advantage of doing your house chore is that it helps you burn calories. Moving your body here and there, doing this and that makes you burn calories, makes you more energetic and more alert. As a result, you gain most of the advantages that come with doing exercise. Researchers have proven that active women around the home are healthier and less likely to be attacked with a certain illness than women who sit and do nothing all day.

As a homemaker, I’ve devised ways to survive without a maid, and with the help of Allah, I’m doing fine, if not great. I don’t have the constant apprehension of trying not to harm another person or be hurt by that person. The peace that comes with this feeling is priceless. 

1. Wake up earlier than others, or simply reduce your sleep hours. You will be surprised what an extra hour will do to make your work faster and your home cleaner. This can be an hour before everyone wakes up or an hour after everyone else sleeps. This will give you undivided attention to do whatever needs to be done.

2. Engage other family members. From your kids to whomever you are living with, allocate an age-appropriate chore to everyone, and ensure they do it. Even if it’s just cleaning up after their mess. A five-year-old can wash their plate and spoon. Can pick up toys, and older than/six years old can change the bedding, bathe themselves, and clean up after using the loo.

3. Clean as you go. From always picking up dirt and cleaning drops with wipes or napkins to washing dishes as you cook and immediately after eating, you will manage to have a clean space almost all the time.

4. Reduce the number of plates for dishing up. All those fancy food flasks, jugs, spoons, forks, saucers, knives, and big trays are not a must. Use only what you need except when you have visitors. I mostly dish up from the pot straight to the plate (there are elegant plating styles to please the eyes) or a plate and a bowl. Fruits could be served or arranged in a big bowl for everyone to eat together. Drinks can be served directly in used water bottles or paper cups, so you can just throw them away after use. 

5. Hire a one-day help at intervals. The point here is to get someone to help you with things you find hard and time-consuming. For example, laundry is my number one weakness, so we employed someone to do this, as the person doesn’t have to go and stay with us to achieve this. You can engage them weekly or bi-weekly, so they can help you with bulk cleaning, like removing the cobwebs, cleaning the compound, brushing sofas and rugs, and doing other deep cleanings that will help keep the house sane throughout the weeks. If this is not an option for you, you can just take the clothes to laundry services, as you will need all the help you can get.

6. The toilets. Depending on the number of people using it, a bathroom should be washed every other day. In between, ensure that every mess is cleaned after usage.

7. Fridges and freezers; the fridge can be cleaned and decluttered once a week, and the freezer can be cleaned once a month, depending on how you shop and cook.

8. Buy machines that will make your work easier. From a washing machine, a strong blender that can blend Tiger nuts and beans, a vacuum, a dishwasher, and many others, depending on your pocket size, you need all the help you can get. This is where your husband comes in. He should know that you made a sacrifice for the safety and sanity of the family, and you need his financial support and understanding.

9. Husbands, we need your support here. You see, all those allowances that should have been used to pay a maid, we need it, in two or three folds. We are the glorified house helps now. We keep the home set and safe. A token will motivate us to do better.

Verbal support is a must. Commend her efforts for taking good care of the homeland and everyone in the family. It’s not easy. I know it’s her duty, but one or two good words won’t hurt, you know?

Still, the husband should try to overlook when she sometimes errs in caring for the house. She is only human, with two hands. And if you can sometimes help with one or two things when you are less busy, that will be a plus for you and her, if you know what I mean.

If you can afford it, make water and electricity 2/47-thing. This is a necessity, not a luxury. She needs this to make work easier for her. Almost all the tasks at home need either electricity, water, or both.

10. Look for temporary help when you are sick or pregnant. Find someone reliable from your family or friends to help you before you get back on your feet.

11. If you can afford it, carve out a playroom or a play area for your kids so that they limit their playing objects to that place. Your living room should always be clean; a toy here and there will make that mission impossible.

12. Lastly, start the day with prayers and a potent stimulant. A hot black tea or coffee will do the trick. Trust me; you need it. If you are an addict like me, ensure you never run out of it. Also, habitually do the zikr – Subhanallah, Alhamdulillah, and Wallahu Akbar – while you go around your daily routines. Our prophet taught Nana Fatima this when she asked him to give her a slave to help her with domestic chores. He said this would be best for her, here and hereafter. Listen to radio, podcasts, Quranic recitations, music, or audiobook. This will energise, entertain, educate and make housework less burdensome and easy for you.

My fellow woman, this piece is not for the sick, pregnant, lazy, or full-time working mom (9-5). If you are lucky with your maid, hold on to her, don’t come and kill yourself with work.

But if you are healthy, up and doing, have a flexible job, or not working at all, this is for you; congratulation. You will be rewarded immensely for this. You will have peace of mind, thus not constantly worrying about what’s happening in your house. You will raise a family who will learn to manage a home without depending on others. You won’t raise another person’s child at the expense of yours. And trust me, it won’t last forever. Once the kids are all grown, you can relax and do minor chores.

Whenever I feel overwhelmed and think of getting a maid, this idea will often cross my mind, especially if I can afford it. I ask myself, how will I cope if I live in a Western country? This resets me.

Aisha Musa Auyo is a Doctorate researcher in Educational Psychology, a mother of three, a Home Maker, a caterer and a parenting/ relationship coach.

By Muhsin Ibrahim

Social media has a double-edged function. It can uplift you or do the exact opposite. It largely depends on the people and pages you interact with. Worried about their teens’ mental health, Utah became the first US state to regulate teen social media access this week.

According to a BBC report, “under the measures enacted on Thursday, a parent or guardian’s explicit consent will be needed before children can create accounts on apps such [as] Instagram, Facebook and TikTok.”

People of all ages can have their mental health wrecked on social media if they aren’t cautious. Some of us crave attention or other’s validation. Thus, people do crazy things to get more “likes” or ensure what they do gets their friends’ applause. That is one thing some of your social media ‘friends’ will never grant you because they are not your friends in the true sense of the word. So, the earlier you understand this, the better.

Of course, you should not be carefree. Each culture has its codes, and so on. So, consider these etiquettes but worry not about people’s attention or endorsement. Social media friendship is primarily fake. Folks, especially teens, can’t understand this. Thus, trolling push them to lose self-esteem, hate themselves, and some take their lives!

I salute the government of Utah. I am sure more states in the US and elsewhere will do the same. However, as ours (in Nigeria) will likely not do the same anytime soon, parents and guardians should do more. As it’s very challenging to deny your kids access to social media, monitor whom they interact with and the pages they visit.

Muhsin Ibrahim lives and works in Cologne, Germany. He can be contacted via muhsin2008@gmail.com.