Family

The curious connection between money and relatives

By Abdulrazak Mukhtar

Money uniquely impacts family relationships, often leading to complex dynamics and a range of emotions. When individuals come into money, it can suddenly bring distant relatives to the forefront, seeking a connection or financial assistance. Conversely, acquiring wealth can also result in the emergence of long-lost relatives, appearing out of nowhere and claiming familial ties. This intriguing interplay between money and family sheds light on how our financial status influences our relationships.

When individuals experience a financial windfall, it’s not uncommon for distant relatives to suddenly appear. The allure of wealth and the possibility of benefiting from it can lead relatives who were once distant or disinterested to seek a connection. Whether driven by curiosity or a desire to share in the newfound affluence, these relatives may approach with familiarity, hoping to establish a bond and potentially reap the benefits of financial success.

Conversely, when someone finds themselves in a financially favourable position, they often become a target for relatives seeking assistance. Family members may seek financial support for personal endeavours, investments, or during hardship. The individual’s newfound wealth positions them as a potential source of aid, which can create a delicate dynamic of balancing familial obligations, personal goals, and responsible resource management.

The convergence of money and relatives can create a unique tug-of-war within family dynamics. Individuals who come into wealth must navigate the complexities of determining the authenticity of newfound relationships and managing expectations. Striking a balance between generosity and self-preservation is essential in maintaining healthy relationships while safeguarding personal interests.

To navigate this complex terrain, it is crucial to approach these situations with sensitivity and caution. Open communication is vital in establishing clear expectations, boundaries, and intentions with relatives. Honest conversations can foster genuine connections while managing financial expectations.

Defining personal goals becomes essential to make informed decisions about resource allocation. Individuals can prioritise their needs by aligning financial decisions with values and aspirations while considering family interests.

Seeking professional guidance from financial advisors, estate planners, or family counsellors can provide valuable insights and strategies for managing family dynamics while preserving personal financial well-being. These professionals can help individuals navigate the complexities of money-related familial relationships, offering objective advice and support.

Maintaining emotional boundaries is crucial when dealing with the influx of relatives during prosperous times. Distinguishing between genuine relationships rooted in care and those driven solely by financial motives is necessary to protect oneself from exploitation or manipulation.

Emphasising shared experiences, values, and interests can help foster authentic connections with relatives. Individuals can cultivate meaningful connections based on mutual understanding and common ground by focusing on the aspects of the relationship that go beyond monetary considerations.

In conclusion, the interplay between money and relatives within family relationships can be intricate and challenging. Managing the sudden emergence of distant relatives and requests for financial assistance requires careful consideration, open communication, and setting personal boundaries. By balancing familial obligations and personal goals, individuals can foster healthy relationships while protecting their financial well-being.

Abdulrazak Mukhtar can be contacted via prof4true1@gmail.com.

How to plan the prosperity of your family through Waqf  (II)

By Abdullahi Abubakar Lamido

Bleak Economic Future on Losing bread Winner

Think of it; the moment you die, the socioeconomic status of your children and wives changes. Your children (those young among them especially) become orphans, and your wives are called widows. While alive, you worked hard and earned for their feeding, clothing, shelter, education, healthcare and general wellbeing. The moment you die, they lose a breadwinner. If in your lifetime you have searched from the Islamic Sharī’ah, you would have learned the art and science of planning beyond your lifetime for these prospective widows and orphans. After relying on Allah, you would have built for them a prospect such that they would live a life of meaning, success, prosperity and contribution, insha Allah. And here comes the relevance of family waqf; waqf, in general, being the Islamic instrument for institutionalising philanthropy and ensuring perpetuity in giving!

Family Waqf as a superb socioeconomic institution enables one posthumously to maintain his parenthood and breadwinner status for his family, generates him reward permanently and preserves the dignity of his progeny everlastingly. In family waqf, you find one of the essential instruments for planning the future prosperity of your progeny.

Family Waqf as Solution

Family waqf, also called posterity waqf, is a kind of endowment created as a futuristic investment for the sustainable prosperity of the endower’s relatives or friends. It is often called a restricted waqf, distinct from a public waqf whose benefits go to an open class of beneficiaries. It can be for the immediate family; wives and children. It may also include parents. It can be made for the extended family, depending upon the financial capacity of the endower. One can make a family waqf for a child with a special need, say one with sickle-cell disease. The beneficiaries of a family waqf, in short, are those defined by the endower.    

Significantly, although the primary beneficiaries of this form of waqf are those pinpointed from the endower’s family, time may expand the scope of the recipients of its fruits. When, for example, the revenues generated from the waqf grow so large beyond the family’s need, or when the family gradually goes extinct after some long time, the waqf could be converted to a public waqf, expanding the coverage of those who enjoy its benefits. Therefore, what distinguishes a family waqf from a general public waqf is its scope of defined beneficiaries. Virtually all other rules of its governance are the same with public waqf. It can be made a direct waqf, one that creates direct benefits, on an investment waqf whose revenues are distributed to the designated recipients.   

Family waqf can be made for the provision of all forms of welfare and empowerment services for the family. It can be made for education, healthcare, feeding, clothing and other needs. It can also be made, specifically for the sponsorship of Hajj to family members. In this regard, instead of spending five million naira for two or three members of the family to perform Hajj this year, the same amount can be invested as a waqf, such that after its maturity, the proceeds from the investment waqf can be used to sponsor Hajj for a certain number of family members every year. With proper management and Allah’s barakah, instead of three family members, dozens of them can enjoy Hajj from the same seed money even long after the demise of the original donor. Waqf multiplies benefits and rewards manifold.

More often than not, you hear people complain over the demands of their family members overwhelming them even as they want to contribute. But little do they know they have a satisfactory answer in family waqf. For example, suppose you know you spend two million naira for the education of your children and extended family annually. Why not make an investment waqf so that the proceeds of the waqf relieve you of any spending in that direction in some years to come?

Form and Functioning of the Family Waqf

A person can build a rentable shopping complex, subscribe to Islamic bonds (Sukuk), buy shares of a halal company, and dedicate the same and profits thereof as a waqf for the education of his children and grandchildren. Likewise, one can build an orchard full of date trees, mango trees and other fruit-bearing trees, dedicating them as a waqf for the future specific or general financing of the needs of their children.

When the endower specifies in the waqf deed that it is only for the education of his children, then, as a rule, no part of the rentals shall be spent on other needs, just as the resources cannot be used to fund the education of children other than his, except when the yields grow far beyond the education of the designated siblings. If the endower dedicates it to education and healthcare, its proceeds cannot be diverted to feeding the family or other things except under absolute necessity. All this is to safeguard the sanctity of the waqf, ensure its sustainability, and guarantee the continuous flow of its yields in line with the overall goals and objectives for which it is created.

 The good thing is that, like all other waqfs, making it a family waqf makes the investment/asset inalienable. It prevents it from being counted among the inheritable wealth of the endower, as it will remain a separate entity that creates benefits perpetually to the entire qualified beneficiaries. The asset can neither be sold nor given as collateral. It remains a waqf asset. This way, even when the children need other things, they source them outside the waqf, allowing the waqf to maintain its defined purpose perpetually.  

The idea behind family waqf stems from Islam’s emphasis on ensuring the wellbeing of a person’s family and biological relations and the need to spend continuously on all aspects of their needs; spiritual, intellectual, biological, physiological, socio-cultural, and so on. Talking about spending, the Qur’an draws attention to prioritising spending on the family. When, for instance, the companions continued to ask the Prophet (SAW) how best to organise their spending, Allah intervened with a divine spending formula: that whatever you plan to spend for good or charity, direct it to your “parents, relatives, orphans, the needy and the traveller” (Qur’an 2: 215).

Your family, in short, occupies the first three spaces on your scale of spending preference. They are the primary beneficiaries of your giving, be it obligatory or voluntary. Now, if, as the Prophet declares, the most pleasing act in the sight of Allah is one that is perpetual and sustainable; then it becomes apparent that the most rewarding spending on the family is the “gift that keeps on giving”, that is a waqf that keeps bearing fruits to the family.

Start Early, Start Now!

It is important you begin the waqf plan early. Many people start their marital lives with moderate incomes, which, with little adjustments, a futuristic mindset and financial discipline, are sufficient to be divided into consumption, saving and little investments. However, financial shortsightedness often prevents them from allocating some portion of that “meagre income” to what would ease their financial burdens and create a sustainable flow of income – and reward- for themselves and their family in the future. Little do they realise that as their family grows, so do their financial burdens. If these are added to inflation and other economic unpredictables, the complexity of the situation worsens.

Many people do not also realise that the best immunisation from the negative socioeconomic consequences of shrinking disposable income is to begin early implementation of an effective financial plan. Many begin to regret when the regret cannot change anything; they would want to start to cry when the head is already cut off!  

So, plan for the future of your beloved wives, children and relatives. That is a Sunnah, a well-established one, for that matter. A viable and well-managed revenue-generating waqf can do that for you. You get double rewards; you safeguard your family’s future Islamically and earn rewards perpetually. Make an effective plan for their feeding, sheltering, education, medicine, and socioeconomic prosperity. Make a waqf for their Hajj, ‘umrah and general spiritual wellbeing. That is sunnatic. Do not miss the opportunity to practice this multidimensional Sunnah, the Sunnah of family waqf. Our dear mother and wife of the Noblest Prophet, Aisha, reports to us that the Prophet (peace be upon him) dedicated his seven gardens as waqf to benefit the clans of Banū Abd Muttalib and Banū Hāshim as recorded by Bayhaqi.

We also see emphasising family waqf in the guidance of the Prophet to his companions. After the revelation of the verse “By no means shall you attain righteousness/piety unless you spend of that which you love; and whatever good you spend, Allah knows it well” (3:92), Abu Talha met the Prophet and said, “This is what Allah has revealed, and the most treasured of all my wealth is this garden, Bayruhā’. I have set it aside as a adaqah to attract reward from Allah. Therefore, you should administer it the way you wish”. The Prophet was amazed by this gesture. And so he said, “Certainly your wealth is blessed. Having heard what you have said, I recommend that you dedicate it as a perpetual charity to your relatives”. Based on this Prophetic advice Abu Talhah made it a waqf for his close relatives and cousins (Bukhari and Muslim).

It is interesting also that most companions of the Prophet are reported to have implemented this Sunnah. For example, Caliph Abubakar dedicated a house as a waqf for his son, and Umar dedicated a waqf near Marwa to his son. Also, Zubayr endowed a house in Makkah, another in Egypt, and yet another in Medina as waqfs for his children. Amr b. ‘Āss endowed a house and another huge property in Mecca for his children, just as Hakīm b. Hizām also dedicated a house as a waqf in Mecca and another in Medina for his son. After reporting all of these, Ibn Qudamah says in al-Mughniy, “All this are intact till date”.

Family waqf is a Sunnah of the Prophet, his companions and generations of Muslims in the last fourteen centuries. It is a well-developed institution that grew as a robust instrument for family empowerment and societal development until it faced the orchestrated wrath of the colonial monsters. The colonialists saw it as an institution that gave families and societies independence against their mercilessness and hence officially abolished it in Muslim nations like Egypt, Morocco, and so on.

Sadly, there is hardly any evidence of its practice as enshrined in Islamic law and civilisation here in Nigeria. With the growing waqf awakening in Nigeria, one hopes that a new page would be opened for entrenching this all-important Islamic civilisational institution. The good news is that with each family doing it, we gradually build a new waqf generation. Through that, we give a big blow to poverty at family levels before we finally eject it out of our communities. The early we sow, the earlier we reap. The more we sow, the more we reap. May we begin this journey NOW.

Abdullahi Abubakar Lamido, Chairman, Zakah and Waqf Foundation, Gombe . He can be reached via lamidomabudi@gmail.com.

The unseen tears of firstborns

By Fatihu Ibrahim

Going through my newsfeed,  I came across a letter dated the 7th of May 2021. Onukwubiri Ifeanyi Kingsley allegedly renounced his position as the first son in the family, because (as he said in the letter) the position increased his problems, increased his liability, and was a thorn in his flesh. 

I wonder if he graciously relinquishes his position out of fear of responsibilities. If this is the case, he is wrong to flee from his duties. This life is nothing but a set of examinations, tribulations and challenges, running from the one you may likely encounter superior challenges along your way. So the best solution is to face your challenges and try your best to conquer them.

Historically, in a patriarchal society like ours, the firstborn child’s role has been socially significant, particularly for a firstborn son. As a result, there are sets of expected do’s and don’ts in the lives of firstborns.

As the firstborns, our parents expect us to be 101% good. We have to set the example for other siblings; we have to be brilliant, extra careful, perfect, intelligent, great administrators, toppers in any exam, good athletes and the list goes on. The level of expectation on us is very high, and the burden on our shoulders is quite heavy.

Being the eldest son was never our choice nor our intention, but nature has its way of imposing things on us, and here we are as the firstborns, a position we will hold for our entire life. 

Moreover, our darling parents never see us the same as our fellow siblings but rather as alpha children moulded into hardworking gentlemen responsible for steering various homes’ wheels. This blend of expectation and motives sometimes stressed us, resulting in anxiety, which overclouded our verdicts. We fall prey to superfluous fear of the future, which affects our existence, dwindling our efforts in conquering dilemmas.

My advice to all the firstborns is never to see this position as a burden but rather as a blessing. Do your very best in all facets of life, and always look to the Mighty Lord for guidance. If by any chance you feel like losing hope, remember the Quran 26:62 “إنَّ مَعِیَ رَبِّی سَیَھدِ ینِ” “Indeed my Lord is with me, and He is going to guide me”. So when the lord is in control, we have to trust Him and play our part by doing our very best. 

To all the firstborns, hold your head high up. You have been endowed with qualities such as strength, struggle and some considered leadership characteristics.

May God bless our hustle, amin. God bless Nigeria, amin.

Fatihu Ibrahim sent this article via fisabbankudi123@gmail.com.

Family members contribute to bad attitude of youths

By Garba Sidi

Attitudes are fundamental to understanding social perceptions because they strongly influence our perception of people we meet, the people we live with, the groups we join or avoid, and colleagues in our various communities. In addition, attitudes are essential in organising information about other people. Thus, as we interact with different individuals, objects or situations from time to time and in different environments, we tend to form specific attitudes just as others form attitudes about us.

As psychologists said, our attitudes are formed firstly from family, society and schools. These three places are where children shape their attitudes, either negative or positive. Children will not pass without family, so that means the family is the first chain for shaping a child’s attitude. Whatever role the family play is how their children will grow and develop cognitively.

Family combine parents, sisters and brothers in nuclear family and grandfather, grandmother and uncles are included in the extended family. Each one of those members has a role to play in shaping a child attitude positively and negatively. Family is like a tree; any branch and leaf have a role in contributing to the survival of that tree. Failure of one branch or leaf will cause damage to the entire tree. That’s how the wrong role of one member will cause an unwanted attitude to the children of that family.

Sadly, nowadays family ignore their responsibility and substitute it with hatred, showing concerns to only biological sons and daughters. Even some parents leave their sons and daughters to live like sheep without shepherds. This careless behaviour that emerges today is hazardous, and it’s the central foundation of the problems we indulged in today.

Unfortunately, frustration is what leads the majority of children to form all these kinds of undesirable attitudes. Some children find themselves in a family full of challenges like hatred toward the mother by one’s stepmother, father not taking responsibility for his children, etc.

All these will lead a child to form unwanted behaviour after indulged in frustration. No doubt, our society is ravaged by kidnappers, sexual immorality, drunkenness and armed robbery. Children lack a sense of duty with lofty aspirations of becoming rich overnight to fulfil their needs. They engage in cultism and occultism, a fastest ritual way of getting rich and are subjected to unbearable pains and suffering.

May Allah save us, amin.

Garba Sidi can be reached at sidihadejia@yahoo.com.