Religion

By Muhsin Ibrahim

Religion was central to Bola Tinubu’s emergence as the APC’s candidate for the 2023 presidential election. We discussed the issue as if it would not end. Since the 1993 annulled election of Abiola/Kingibe (both Muslims), no major candidate and his running mate have ever come from the same religion until now: Tinubu/Shettima (both Muslims). But, as the election approaches (we are, in fact, counting hours), only a few people talk about that. However, religion will play a significant role in the voting pattern.

The wild popularity of Labour Party’s Peter Obi on social media and his appeal to foreign media has something to do with his religion. I know this may sound controversial, but it is so. The three other front candidates are Muslims, while Obi is Christian. Besides this, I can’t see a glaring difference between him and NNPP’s Engr. Rabiu Musa Kwankwaso per se.

Tinubu and PDP’s Atiku Abubakar are in their 70s, while Kwankwaso and Obi are in their 60s. The four leading candidates are stinking rich and belong to 1% of the Nigerian elite. Interestingly, the candidates represent Nigeria’s so-called major ethnolinguistic groups of Yoruba, Hausa and Igbo, alias WAZOBIA.

Though, there is a parallel between Obi and Tinubu. Many people will vote for them because of their religious identities. I learned that many churches, especially in the North, had ordered their members to vote for Obi. Likewise, the faith-based civil liberties organisation Muslim Rights Concern (MURIC) recently “reminded Northern Muslims of their promise to support a Southern Muslim [i.e. Tinubu] in the 2023 presidential election”.

Given the above, I agree with some observers and analysts that Obi may surprise his critics, such as myself, in the upcoming election. The votes from his Christian brethren and others supporting him for other reasons will make a difference. However, Tinubu has many more advantages – being APC the ruling party and his decades-old political footprints, among others.

Anyway, we hope for the best and pray for peaceful elections. But, please, stay away from violence. Your safety should be your most treasured possession. No politician or political party is worth dying for.

With love from a disenfranchised Nigerian citizen.

Muhsin Ibrahim works and lives in Cologne, Germany and can be reached via muhsin2008@gmail.com.

By Uzair Adam Imam

The Presidential Candidate of the People’s Democratic Party (PDP), Atiku Abubakar, vowed to implement policies presented to him by Christian Association of Nigeria (CAN) on Tuesday.

According to him, the CAN’s policy document was not in contradiction with his belief, as some of the points presented were contained in the book he wrote when he was a vice president of Nigeria.

The Presidential Candidate made this disclosure during his meeting with the CAN leadership in Abuja Tuesday.

He said, “I have listened to the presentation of the CAN document and I can tell you the CAN document is totally in conformity with my thoughts in a book that I published when I was the Vice President and this led to a fundamental disagreement with my boss as well as my constituents.

“There is no difference between my book and CAN’s presentation. I stand before you not to campaign but to tell you the honest truth, what you have presented is what I have always believed in. And if I have the opportunity, I swear to God I will do it.

“Oil didn’t send me to school, my parents paid cattle tax, market tax, radio tax and these were the taxes that sent me school from primary to university. If God has given you gold or oil, take your oil or gold but I will tax you.

“Why should we be fighting over resources that have been endowed to whoever it is endowed to,” said the presidential candidate.

Atiku was received by the CAN’s President, Archbishop Daniel Okoh, the Secretary of the association, and other executive members.

The CAN’s president, while presenting the document they titled “Policy Roadmap for Future Nigeria”, said the the document was for avoidance of doubt.

He said, “For avoidance of doubt, we present the policies that we believe will address the crises of development in Nigeria.”

By Khalilah Yahya Aliyu

Nothing like polygamy has been grossly abhorred and misunderstood in marriage, especially among women. It trends both ways, be it positive or negative, with the latter being blown out of proportion – leading to an intense phobia for women young and old.

Please note that we Muslims don’t practice polygamy. What we are allowed to practice is polygyny. The difference here is that in polygamy, both men and women are allowed to have multiple wives or husbands, respectively, while polygyny refers to a husband taking more than one wife, four to be precise. So, I will use polygamy for this article.

The piece will be dominated by my point of view, garnished with some spicy personal experiences. Writing this has been difficult because I felt as though I was laying bare a part of my soul. After going through numerous articles and books on polygyny, I realised that much attention is given to the perspective of the first wife or existing wives. Their fears and insecurities when confronted with polygyny and ways to overcome them were discussed in detail. Therefore, the added wife is left to nurse her worries and insecurities alone as it is being treated as non-existent.

During my secondary school days, we did ask ourselves questions regarding polygyny, and we all wanted to be the first wife. This position to our understanding back then, comes with these benefits:

Societal empathy towards the first wife, with the man and his new wives, considered wrongdoers, conspiring to destabilise the existing wife’s life.

You enjoy the man’s prime years and resources, which translates to more attention and care. You get a clearer understanding of the man’s personality as a husband, having spent more years with him and his close and extended family.

Being his first and as humans, we tend to get sentimentally attached to our first of everything, be it a child, car, job, etc.

Those are a few of the benefits. They could be more or less depending on the person and the current situation. All these made me crave that position, too, to the extent of being willing to welcome co-wives so that I could hold on to the bragging rights of knowing him first. Well, fate has an entirely different story lying in waiting for me.

I met this amazing man. I have always been an incurable romantic at heart, placing emphasis on those zings and sparks you feel when you meet someone you share a strong chemistry with. “This here is the man of my dream,” I exclaimed to myself. The feelings were mutual; I am sure you will be like, “why didn’t you get married right away” as it is the only legal way to have a relationship with non-Mahram. It wasn’t that easy because here I am, a not previously-married young lady from a monogamous home presenting a married man as a suitor to her family. The more the number of wives, the more difficult it is for our parents to accept the man as a spousal choice for their girls. In my case, it was even wives, not a wife, an unsurmountable wall, it seemed.

As parts of the tenets of our Deen, we must accept “qadr”, otherwise known as the divine decree, regardless of how it comes. I drew strength from this and presented him as my choice. During the waiting period before the wedding, I was riddled with nerves and bouts of insecurities. This shows that added wives, too, have fears. What if the other wives are better looking, cooks and humans than I am? No day passes without my heart racing faster when I think about what lies ahead. Your intentions might be noble, but you can’t say the same about the other parties with the recent ugly trend of co-wives harming one another. The what-ifs were actually numerous, including the ability of our husband to treat us fairly.

I channelled the energy generated by these fears into finding a better version of myself, seeking religious knowledge and reading more on human psychology to understand better the tricks of maintaining a healthy relationship between humans—anything on polygyny I devoured keenly to better prepare for what lies ahead. Marriage is a lifetime journey, and no preparation is termed too much. So when I felt ready, armed with prayers and all I have learnt, I plunged bravely into it and “Alhamdulillah”, it was not as difficult as I envisaged.

Though no amount of preparation is adequate when reality finally hits, coping mechanisms are needed to maintain a healthy relationship when jealousy glares its ugly head. A naturally occurring phenomenon, even our mothers, the wives of our noble prophet (S.A.W), were not spared. Feeling bouts of jealousy is normal, but borrowing a leaf from how our role models, Mothers of the Faithful, dealt with theirs will keep this strong emotion in check. How you handle this emotion can make or break you. I try to always look at a person as a human first, and no matter how jealous or angry I get, I will try my best to treat the person humanely. No one is worth your “Iman” I repeat, never lose your “Iman” over anything. Keep striving to maintain a better version of yourself. Study your co-wives because understanding their temperaments will make it easier for you to relate with them accordingly. It might not lead to friendship per se, but an amicable relationship is assured.

Plus, always remember that humans are dignified creatures, and every soul has its unique form of beauty. As a famous saying goes, “beauty is in the eyes of the beholder” sister, you are beautiful. Indulge in many positive affirmations, eat healthy, exercise, and maintain positive hygiene to boost your self-esteem should you ever feel your co-wives are better.

Contrary to popular belief of competition between co-wives, you are there to compete with no one; be yourself and try as much as you can to support and not bring them down. Remember, as your sisters in Islam, you owe them that. Banters will be thrown, especially that of knowing him before you did or you coming to marry their husband. He was never meant for them alone; it was decreed that he would marry you all in the manner or order he did. You have the same right as any of them, but this shouldn’t make you disrespectful. Support your spouse; it takes a lot of spunk and sacrifice to maintain a wife and talk more about wives.

Personally, polygyny has been a blessing. Ask pizza lovers; having a slice of it is better than not having a taste at all. I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy the good moments with the man of my dreams if it wasn’t legal for him to marry me too.

Regardless of being the first or last, we are all advised to make it work. Equip yourself with what it takes to build a peaceful haven or sanctuary for yourself, your husband, and everyone visiting your home. He is yours; make every moment count. It is not how much time is spent but how qualitative it is. To the added wife, know this, you are brave and unique, and you’ve got nothing to fear. Be yourself, and I wish you the best.

Khalilah Yahya Aliyu writes from Kaduna and can be reached via khalilah20@gmail.com.

By Uzair Adam Imam

Darul Erkam Foundation has fully sponsored three indigenous students of Kano state for undergraduate studies in Istanbul, Türkiye.

Aliyu Yusuf, the Director Public Enlightenment, Ministry of Education Kano State, disclosed this in a statement Friday.

Yusuf said the youths were sponsored following their outstanding performance in the just concluded Reading Competition of the Biography of Prophet Muhammad (SAW).

He added in the statement, “The 3 sponsored students are Muhammad Nasiru Dantiye from Asal College, Fadima Musa Haruna from Kuntau Academy and Al-Amin Sani from Governor’s college.

“In addition to their sponsorship, Muhammad Nasiru Dantiye, who emerged as the overall winner of the reading competition, got a Prize of N700,000 and a Trophy, Fatima Musa Haruna received N650,000 and a Trophy for emerging in the 2nd position, while Al-Amin Sani who emerged the 3rd position received N600,000 and a Trophy.

“Speaking during the presentation of the awards at the coronation Hall of the state government House, Kano, the Commissioner of Education, Rt Hon. Ya’u Abdullahi Yan’shana expressed gratitude to Darul-Erkam Foundation for the kind gesture.

“The Commissioner noted with great pleasure the various humanitarian activities been rendered not only in Kano but in other states by the Darul-Erkam Foundation, saying only Allah the most gracious can reward them.

“Rt. Hon Yan’shana said he was much happier than any one of you here because this achievement has been recorded during my stewardship as the Commissioner of Education” 

“While congratulating the sponsored students for the height they have attained, he urged them to be good ambassadors of the state and their parents when they found themselves in Istanbul.

“To other participants of the reading competition who also revised different consolation prizes and medals, the Commissioner said they should not be reluctant as more opportunities are coming to their way, stressing that all of them should put into practice what they have read in the Biography of our Noble Prophet.

“In their separate remarks, the Chairmen of Murat Huda Vendigar Vafki Foundation and that of Darul-Erkam Foundation disclosed that the reading competition was part of the Humanitarian activities of the foundations aimed at boosting the reading culture of the participants as well as inculcating the practices of the life of the Prophet Muhammad SAW in their day to day activities.

“During the award presentations, all the participants were given a medal and cash prizes ranging from N5,000 to N200,000 depending on their performance,” the statement concluded.

• News Desk

Oyo State branch of the Muslim Rights Concern (MURIC) has waded into the case of rape inside the mosque in Ibadan where a Muslim woman was raped inside a mosque by one Idris, a.k.a. Kesari Rekereke.  

In a press statement released on Wednesday, 1^st February 2023, by Ustadh Ibrahim Agunbiade, the ambassador of MURIC in Oyo State, the group warned that the case must not be swept under the carpet.

MURIC confirmed that the suspect is Kesari Rekereke. The group further noted that Kesari Rekereke is the son of a transport union leader known as Almajiri of the Oyo State National Union of Road Transport Workers (NURTW).  

The Islamic human rights organisation called for the prosecution of Idris and warned that the case must not be swept under the carpet. Although MURIC commended the police for arresting the culprit, it maintained that justice must not only be done in this case, it must be seen to have been done.

The group also appealed to Muslims in the state to refrain from attempting any reprisal attack.

By Muhammad Jameel Yusha’u, PhD

On Friday, I spent the early morning hours participating in a boot camp on negotiation. It was part of the effort of Professor Rand Wentworth to build the capacity of his students in negotiation. The boot camp was facilitated by Monica Giannone.

Immediately after the boot camp ended at 12 pm, my friend Alibek Nurbekov and I proceeded to the Friday prayer. As I was about to enter the prayer hall, Dr Khalil Abdur-Rashid was also arriving. Dr Khalil is the Muslim Chaplain at Harvard University and teaches courses at Harvard Kennedy School and Harvard Divinity School.

“Sheikh Khalil, welcome back from Umrah,” I said as he made his way into the prayer hall.

“Good to see you, Jameel. I need to talk to you after the prayer,” he said, and I nodded in agreement.

Dr Khalil led a group of students and other members of the Harvard Community to participate in Umrah, the lesser Muslim pilgrimage, where Muslims visit Makkah and perform the Umrah rites. They also visit Prophet Muhammad’s (PBUH) mosque in Madina and other historical places in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia.

I came to know about the Harvard Umrah trip during the welcome orientation for students led by Dr Khalil last year at the beginning of the fall semester. He announced that some donors had provided scholarships for Muslim students to attend the pilgrimage, and he played a video for us on the experience in 2019 when they went on a similar voyage. Many students pledged to join the group for the trip in January.

Organising trips to different countries is a common tradition at Harvard University during the January break. Many trips were organised to Brazil, Singapore, Mexico, Saudi Arabia and more. The Harvard chaplaincy also utilised the break to organise the Umrah from 4th-14th January 2023.

Quoting Dr Khalil, The Harvard Crimson reported that “a generous donation from a graduate of Harvard Business School and a parent of two current Harvard undergraduates allowed the University to offer the trip at no cost to first-generation, low-income Muslim students. The donation for this year’s trip reportedly totalled approximately $100,000.”

As the Friday prayer finished, I waited patiently for Dr Khalil. As he came out, he asked me to walk towards his car. He brought a gift from the car and handed it to me. “This is a gift from the Umrah.” His wife Samia, who is also the female Muslim Chaplain, said, “it is a little gift for your girls.”

I thanked them in appreciation and headed home to enjoy the rest of the evening with my family. You can find the full story on the Harvard Umrah trip entitled “Spiritually Stimulating: Harvard Students Embarked on First Umrah Trip in Four Years.” (https://lnkd.in/et_dEBer).

Takeaway: Spiritual well-being is important in helping students to have a balanced educational experience.

Muhammad Jameel Yusha’u, PhD, is a candidate for a Mid-Career Master’s in Public Administration at Harvard University, John F Kennedy School of Government. He can be reached via mjyushau@yahoo.com.

By Umm Khalid

Playing singles means you are playing by yourself with no one else on your team. You face off against another individual opponent. I found playing singles easier because it was simple: I knew that every ball that comes over the net was my responsibility. No one else was there to share the responsibility with. Playing a singles game is straightforward. One on one.

But it is exhausting. Every ball is your responsibility. There’s no one to help you, no partner to get the balls you can’t reach, no one to back you up. You have to run back and forth to cover the length and width of your side of the court by yourself.

Playing doubles tennis, on the other hand, means you have a partner and the two of you are a team facing off against another team of two. You and your teammate work together to hit the ball back over the net, so each of you has fewer balls to hit, less court space to cover.

But I hated it because it’s very easy to lose when you play doubles. Very often, the ball comes sailing right between the two of you as both of you look, startled, at one another and neither person hits the ball.

The first person assumed that the second was going to get it, and the second person assumed that the first person was going to get it. Neither gets it, and the ball bounces off the court and you lose the point.

Continue playing like this, and you lose the game, the set, and the match. You walk off the court, defeated and disappointed.

Marriage is a little like playing doubles tennis. The only way to win is to have well-defined tasks and to communicate CLEARLY with your partner. The two of you must coordinate so that nothing falls through the cracks. Each person knows exactly what he or she is going to cover. You know you’re on the same team and that you’ve got each other’s back–but you still need to talk about who’s going to do what and what your expectations are and ask for help when you need it.

To have a good marriage, the husband and wife need to work together like a well-oiled machine.

It is, of course, challenging to work so closely with another person, to coordinate tasks, to divide labor evenly based on each person’s strengths.

This is why many modern women prefer to just play singles games, living the single life without the hassle of being on a team or dealing with another person.

But living that single life is exhausting and lonely. Sure, you don’t have to work things out with anyone else and can do things all by yourself…but… you are all by yourself.

Marriage is a joint effort for the sake of Allah, a combined struggle of both the husband and the wife to build and maintain a strong Muslim family. The husband and the wife are a team: they each have clearly-defined assigned roles, but they also don’t hesitate to lovingly step in to help one another if it’s needed.

If you play it right, you can reap all the benefits of playing doubles tennis without the drawbacks.

Make sure that you:

1. Have a clear division of labor, so each person knows which side of the tennis court they’re responsible for. In marriage, we call this gender roles.
2. Communicate clearly, so no points are lost due to each person expecting the other to hit the ball. In marriage, the husband and wife have to communicate effectively with each other to decide which non-obvious tasks fall under whose domain so that all tasks are covered.
3. Ask for help if you need it, so that unlike in a singles game, your doubles partner can bail you out or back you up if you try to hit your ball but miss. In marriage, each spouse has a well-defined role, but one of the beauties of marriage is the ability to ask your spouse for help if you need help. Marriage is a soft, loving relationship between a man and a woman who have love and mercy for one another. You have someone who will willingly step in to carry your load on the days you find it to be too heavy, until you get back on your feet.
4. Be a team player, not selfish, self-centered, or negligent of your role. In our modern age, hyper-individualism has made many people selfish and narcissistic, putting themselves and their own individual whims above the needs of the group or their role in the collective. When you play selfish, whether in tennis or in marriage, you lose.

May Allah bless our marriages, our homes, and our families, ameen.

By Tijjani Muhammad Musa

I left the house without taking breakfast or even a bath in order to meet an 8:00 am appointment with the rest of our SWS.Comms production crew. A client has brought in an advert for emergency production and airing on the radio against an event scheduled to take place the next day, Saturday morning, by 10:00 am after the monthly Sanitation exercise.

The heavy traffic of Adaidaita Sahu, private vehicles, motorcycles, and so on State Road was highly discouraging as I turned into it from Maiduguri Road. Quickly calculating my other options, I thought of taking alternative routes to steer me away from the delay most likely to occur if I should get trapped in the traffic mess.

However, thinking positively and hoping for the best, I still drove into the snailing jam of vehicles. Soon, however, I saw an opening on the side of the road accommodating a trickle of cars and the ever-daring tricycle riders. Now being in a bit of a hurry, I instinctively branched into that flow. 

This gave me and many others the opportunity to cut off almost three-quarters of the “go-slow” that was caused due to road repairs, maintenance and renovation work going on on the roads as a result of adverse effects of heavy rainfall witnessed in the city in recent time. 

So many of the roads in the metropolis have turned into shallow graves and potholes, forcing many drivers to demonstrate their driving skills and dexterity, with pedestrians expressing their anger and annoyance once in a while from getting splashed with dirty potholed rainwater.

As I slowly snake through the engaging challenge, turning my head side to side to check the distance between me and the line up of tricycles to my left, I suddenly saw her in one of the Adaidaita and couldn’t help but stare. While briefly looking at it, I at that same time sensed myself being stared at. So I checked to see who was poring his or her eyes over me.

It was a much younger woman sitting next to the person who had caught my rapt attention. Clearly, she was wondering why my face lightened up and suddenly saddened again upon seeing the old woman sitting calmly by her side. 

To douse her fears, I lowered my car window, pointed at the old woman and loudly said, “She reminds me of my mother, who is now late. May her soul be blessed and rest in peace.” I whispered the supplication to my hearing only.

The younger woman, now relaxed and with a slight smile, said, “Allaah Sarki. Allaah Ya jik’anta da rahama” and I said, “Amin thumma amin” as tears wheeled up my eyes. I quickly got hold of myself as I averted the gaze of both the woman as well as the okada rider, whose attention had now turned to me.

I looked at the old woman intently once again and realized that she didn’t actually look like my Hajia in any way except for her height and the frail, wrinkled body characteristic of old women in their octagenarian stage of life. She was looking absent-mindedly into a future that none could tell what it was her mind’s eye was seeing or thinking.

Once again, tears overwhelmed me, for I could remember clearly the same kind of look on the face of my mother. She didn’t want to die due to the uncertainties that lay ahead. But then, none can avert its coming to pass, as it is a promise that must be fulfilled.

This is because Allaah AWJ Says in the Qur’an, “Kullu nafsin za ikatul maut” – Every soul must taste of death (Q3:185). So we all must eventually bow out. When, where, why, by what or how none of us knows. Thus by the 1001 ways and more to die, we all must become deceased.

I felt for her as I did feel for Hajia then whenever I saw that worrisome look registered on her face. I would immediately want to do something to distract her attention so as to change her mood for the lighter from such disturbing thoughts. 

Suddenly without thinking, I reached into the pigeon hole in front of my dashboard and fetched out some money I usually keep there in case of an emergency and asked the Adaidaita rider how much was the cost of the ride. He told me, and I handed much more than the amount to him, telling him to give her the change.

The old woman looked at me and smiled. She was pleased with what I did and waved her two palms at me in thanks, and all of a brief flash, I saw my mother in her. It was a beautiful sight. The younger woman with her was also happy and prayed fervently for me as I drove off.

Then by Allaah SWT, the dam broke, and I started crying, in the wonder of what my mother might be going through, wherever she might be at that moment. There and then, I started praying to Allaah AWJ to please forgive her, whatever wrong she might have done while alive and bail her from anybody’s haqqi if she has done them wrong. 

That my Lord and Maker should please compensate whoever she owes, whatever it might be and set her soul free in Barzakh, pending when she will be admitted into Jannah and His AWJ’s much sought after Grace. Fortunately, I’ve dreamt of her 3 times already. She’s doing alright, bi iznilLaahi.

In one of such dream, we were at an occasion with Prof. Yusuf Adamu, and she came to the place. So I excitedly introduced her to him. As he respectfully greeted her and started thanking her for me, she said to him, smiling, “A’a haba ai mu ne da godiya”. More tears tore into my composure like a small child.

I had to stop myself as passersby were beginning to stare at me, wondering and whispering to each other what they thought was wrong with me. Though I never liked the idea of tinting off my car windows since I have nothing to hide, for a change, I wished I had done so, so I could indulge and enjoy my emotional outburst in full privacy. 

It’s not every day that such grace from Allaah happens to me. Anyway, I pray that all our parents who have died be in better existing conditions, wherever they may be right now than when they were here living on earth. 

May all other mothers and fathers be similarly forgiven for their wrongs, mistakes and shortcomings. Allaahumma amin thumma amin.

By Uzair Adam Imam

There was excitement on the faces of inmates and tears in their eyes when Darus-Sunnah Foundation Wednesday visited the Goron Dutse Correctional Center, Kano, to bail out some of the inmates.

The foundation, under the leadership of Sheikh Muhammad Aminu Ibrahim Daurawa, was able to secure the release of 14 inmates, who, amidst joy, departed to reunite with their families.

The development was contained in a statement issued and signed on Saturday by Malam Aisar Salihu Musa, the committee secretary.

Salihu said the foundation had bailed out the inmates charged with civil offences and debts, where N250,000 was spent in the process.

He added that the foundation also paid for medical treatment for some sick inmates.

Need for authority to intervene

The foundation also called on the authority to intervene in feeding and bailing some of these inmates, whose offences are not criminal.

“There is a need for our rich people and politicians to be taken their annual alms (zakka) to such correctional centres and bail out inmates.

“They need to know that these people suffer because of the little debt or fine they couldn’t afford to pay.

“We need to help them with food, water, clothes, shoes, etc. Some of these inmates will go down on their knees to thank you because of just one Maggi cube.”

Inmates jailed for minor offences

“There is also a need for lawyers and non-governmental organisations (NGOs) to visit such places because some inmates are jailed for minor offences.

“They need to interview them, review their warrants, and ensure their constitutional rights are not injured.

The leadership of this foundation also instructed Malam Anas Madabo and Malam Aisar Salihu Musa to preach to the freed inmates before they left.

By Umm Khalid

When I was in college and still single, I was considering a proposal from a certain brother (named Daniel).

I had a conversation with one of my closest friends about what qualities are important to look for in a husband. Alhamdulillah, this Saudi friend was 5 years older than me and had seen many of her peers get married, and she gave me some wise advice.

She told me, “After checking on the basics, his deen and his خلق (character), you know what the most critical qualities are? He needs to be هَيِّن لَيِّن.”

These two Arabic words refer to basically the same general characteristic: one of ease, leniency. A man who is laidback, relaxed, easygoing. Basically, he should be a chill dude.

Of course, he can’t be chill about everything. We all have to stand for something, to care deeply about SOME issues, to be strict in SOME matters. But he should be strict when it matters, when it’s warranted; like when it comes to the commands and limits set by Allah, for example. Then he should absolutely not be chill or lenient, as that amounts to negligence and abandonment of the laws of Allah, and that leads to destruction.

But when it comes to other matters, smaller issues of inconsequential everyday things, you want your husband to be laidback. Not uptight, nitpicky, rigid, inflexible, exacting, OCD about the littlest things, overly sensitive to every small detail. Some people, just by their nature or personality, would be classified by most as “difficult people.”

You don’t want this type of rigidity in a husband. It makes everyday life unnecessarily stressful. Life is already hard enough by itself, that the last thing we need is a spouse who nitpicks and needs everything to be just so. Then married life would be a nightmare.

A good husband is a man who is tough or strict when he needs to be, but with his wife in their home life, he is relaxed and easy. He has a fun side and a sense of humor about life’s ups and downs, and is understanding when things go south. He is lenient with her and indulgent and forgiving (up to a point, of course! Within reason!). He doesn’t, for example, ask her why she moved this small object from this side table to the coffee table, or castigate her for accidentally putting in the wrong address into the GPS, or flip out if dinner is 15 minutes late or on the verge of being under-salted, or interrogate her about small and inconsequential details that are innocuous. Someone who acts this way is usually not easy to be around or live with.

You want your husband to be easy to live with. Because… you will live with him.

Alhamdulillah, now looking back more than a decade later, I completely confirm that advice. An easygoing, chill husband is an enormous blessing.

Of course, the thing is: as a wife, don’t forget to return the favor! If you are blessed with a chill husband, extend the same courtesy back to him and let the little things go. Don’t nitpick or nag him when he annoys you. No person is perfect.