Lifestyle

By Uzair Adam Imam 

The New Incentive All Babies Are Equal has recognised five local governments in Kano State with a cash award of N150,000 each for their steadfast dedication to child vaccination efforts in their respective areas. 

Mubarak Bawa, the Operations Coordinator of the programme, revealed that the selection criteria for the award included metrics such as enrollment figures, retention rates for the Penta vaccine, vaccine supply management, documentation accuracy, and the extent of vaccination-related activities, all based on data from 2023. 

Bawa disclosed this information during the ‘Kano State and LGA Award’ ceremony held at The Afficent Event Center in Nassarawa GRA, Kano.

He stated the program’s overarching goal of efficiently saving lives. 

He further stated that a significant achievement in Kano, where over 520,000 infants were enrolled, and a total disbursement exceeding N1.4 billion, facilitated more than 5 million vaccinations across the state. 

The event, conducted in collaboration with the Kano state government, aimed to recognise the dedicated efforts of individuals and organisations in boosting childhood immunisation rates and saving lives in the state. 

Out of the 44 local governments in Kano, five were awarded N150,000 each based on criteria such as enrollments, penta retention rate, vaccine supply, documentation, and activities using 2023 data.

The awarded local governments were Nassarawa, Tsanyawa, Dawakin Tofa, Takai, and Minjibir, respectively. 

He added that, “Since 2017, we have been actively coordinating with state governments and LGAs to provide cash incentives to increase childhood vaccinations in Northern Nigeria.” 

He also noted the importance of incentivizing efforts, stating, “Data shows that rewarding people for their efforts helps increase engagement and accountability—leading to a more productive and efficient system as we work toward our common goals.” 

In recognition of his outstanding dedication to enrollments, immunisation rates, activities, and stakeholder engagement, Kamilu Ahmad Musa was awarded N30,000 as the best NI-ABAE manager in Kano State. 

Dr. Nasir Mahmoud Muhammad, the Kano Director General of the Primary Healthcare Management Board, commended the New Incentive All Babies are Equal for their support towards the state’s Primary Healthcare program.  

He noted, “The New Incentive Kano State Management Board recognized local government areas that are excelling in the provision of immunization.  

“Based on the criteria and ranking, we selected the best local governments out of the 44, who gathered here and were recognized,” he added.

By Usman Muhammad Salihu

Jos, the capital city of Plateau State, has for long been grappling with the persistent issue of water scarcity, leaving residents to endure the consequences of insufficient water supply from the body responsible. The lack of functional boreholes and wells further compounds the challenge, painting a grim picture of daily life for the city’s inhabitants.

The city, despite being blessed with natural water sources, finds itself in the grip of a water crisis. Government efforts to address this issue have fallen short, with inadequate infrastructure and supply systems unable to meet the teeming demand.

To effectively bring an end to the menace, the government must prioritize infrastructure development, including the construction of water treatment plants and distribution networks, to ensure equitable access to clean water across the city.

Implementing and enforcing water management policies and regulations can help curb wastage and ensure responsible usage of available resources.

Engaging with local communities to understand their needs and involve them in decision-making processes can foster a sense of ownership and accountability in water management initiatives.

On the other hand, well-to-do individuals and private companies operating in Jos should integrate water provision mechanism and sustainability practices into their corporate social responsibility initiatives.

Collaborating with government agencies and NGOs can amplify the impact of private sector efforts, leveraging resources and expertise to address water scarcity more effectively.

Empowering residents with knowledge about water conservation and hygiene practices can promote responsible usage and reduce strain on limited water resources.

Supporting grassroots initiatives aimed at water conservation, such as community-led well drilling projects or water purification programs, can foster resilience and self-sufficiency within our neighborhoods.

By implementing comprehensive solutions that span governmental, private, and community sectors, the city can break free from the cycle of scarcity and ensure a sustainable water future for generations to come.

Usman Muhammad Salihu writes from Jos, Nigeria.
muhammadu5363@gmail.com

By Elisha Bello

Yesterday, I embarked on a nostalgic journey to visit the son of the late Mallam Ahmadu, a kindhearted individual who had significantly impacted my life during my entrepreneurial venture in Buni Yadi, Gujba LGA, Yobe State.

I used to design and sell posters and stickers featuring Hausa Movie Kannywood actors, Bollywood actors, and football players. My business trips would take me to Kano, where I would purchase these posters and return to sell them in rural markets like Bumsa, Goniri, Kukuwa, Wagir, Buni Gari, and Tarmuwa.

Mallam Ahmadu, may he rest in peace, was a constant source of encouragement and support. He would often welcome me with a warm smile and a refreshing African Tea, accompanied by bread and egg, all for just ₦450. I would make it a point to deposit some money with him in advance, ensuring I could enjoy his hospitality whenever I returned from the markets. On occasion, he would even offer me free tea, a gesture that meant the world to me.

One fateful day, I faced a significant setback when I lost my business capital due to unforeseen circumstances. With my SSS 3 school fees and WAEC/NECO exams looming, I was desperate for a solution. Despite pleading with those around me, I couldn’t gather the required ₦13,250. Feeling defeated, I considered abandoning my education to focus on my business. That’s when Mallam Ahmadu noticed my absence from school and inquired about the reason. I shared my predicament with him, and without hesitation, he asked me to return in the evening to collect the necessary funds.

True to his word, he handed me the exact amount from his wooden drawer, saying, “Allah ya ba da nasara, Doctor Elisha” (May God grant you success, Doctor Elisha). I was overwhelmed with gratitude and asked how I could repay him. He simply said, “Whenever God blesses you, come back and pay me back.” Mallam Ahmadu’s kindness and encouragement stayed with me, and he fondly referred to me as “Doctor Elisha” due to my ability to read and interpret both Hausa and English languages.

Fast-forward 20 years, and I recently had the opportunity to reunite with his eldest son, Salisu, who has continued his father’s legacy. As I shared this story with him, we both became emotional, reminiscing about the past. I treated myself to a cup of African tea, and the memories of Mallam Ahmadu came flooding back. I’ve since repaid the debt and purchased food items for the family. Moreover, I’ve committed to supporting Fatima, his daughter, with her school fees until she completes her university education.

As I parted ways with Salisu, I shared with him that I’ve finally become a Doctor, just as his father used to affectionately call me. He was overjoyed and offered his prayers for me. This heartwarming encounter serves as a poignant reminder of the power of kindness and the impact one person can have on another’s life.

Sunana Elisha Bello, Ph.D.

Editor’s note: The story was published on Dr Elisha Bello’s verified Facebook page.

By Fatimat Ibr

It was my first Ramadan as a graduate and as a serving copper, and it was two days before Ramadan. As a tradition, I called my mom to ask her about the preparation for Ramadan. I knew I couldn’t afford her anything just yet, but checking in was very necessary and important.

She answered, “Hmmm, you know the condition of this house before you left, nothing ohh I don’t have anything, this is 08:30, I am still on my way home from the market, I delayed hoping I will eventually make a good sale so I can get some things we need but no show, things are expensive, we don’t have beans, rice auger or millet, like always I will be buying with cups when I can, Aisha is sick, Usman hasn’t pay his school fees, wallahi I am tired, you and your sis should do fast and come and continue I am tired”.

Before she ended her conversation, my throat was dry and tight, tears were rolling down my cheeks, I couldn’t form a word, tried but couldn’t, and had to end the call.

This is a story of one to a hundred youths in Nigeria, both male and female.

I am a young girl in her early twenties, already caught in the fire of fending for myself, which I barely can do and must carry on with four or five family members. Why? Because I need to pay the “black tax.”

Black tax is a term that originated in South Africa and refers to money that black workers or professionals and others with high income give their parents, siblings, friends, or other family members. The origin of the black tax is rooted in historical and systemic inequality that was prevalent at the time. 

The history of black tax can be traced back to the legacy of apartheid in South Africa, which ended in the 1990s. During the apartheid era, Black individuals and families were denied access to many economic opportunities and resources. As a result, they often relied on the support of extended family and community members to make ends meet.

When apartheid ended, many Black individuals and families gained access to new economic opportunities and were able to improve their financial situations. However, they continued to feel a sense of responsibility towards their extended family and community, and this financial obligation became known as the “black tax.”

The black tax has become a menace in Nigeria that needs to be curbed due to the increase in the rate of poverty.

However, we know that it is a thing of honour and Noble to extend hands to others, family, and the community at large,but not at the expense of your personal development and growth.

As the saying goes, “You can’t give what you don’t have”, which is why you need to show up fully for yourself to be able to show up for others.

I want you, my friends and youths, to know and learn to show up for your siblings, parents, and your community with a full cup. You could be there for them emotionally and intellectually.

I talked with fellow corps members, and they have these to say.

“I do not pick up calls from my mum or siblings anymore. I am taking care of my mental health, and I am tired of hearing stories and being guilt-tripped about how I was trained for school and all. I do know  they are my responsibility, but I need them to understand that I am trying and thinking about them” ~ Oghene Martha

“I have been paying Black tax since my undergraduate days, and I never get to try restaurants and fun places in school that require money. In school, I constantly thought of things we lacked at home that I needed to get when going back, so I used to do little business in school to stay afloat. Now that I am serving and had to go to a different state, it is challenging because I haven’t recognised any opportunity here, and the 33k barely takes me through for three weeks, but I still have to send money home. My siblings always ranting, it overwhelming actually” ~ Yusuf Nana

Both religion and education have taught us the benefits of giving, and its importance cannot be overemphasised. However, strategy and caution are needed in all aspects of life. We strain ourselves so much to our elastic limit that when things get turpsy, we are again looking for the next best target to Leach off from.

How To Deal with Black Tax?

Communicate:  Talk to your family; they will understand. Be transparent, and let them know how much you are trying and working to help yourself and for them. Tell them how much their understanding and emotional support would mean to you. Assure them that you know, see all they did for you, and appreciate them, but you need them to be patient with you.

Work with gross income, not Net income: Your gross income is what you have after settling or deducting your debts, transportation costs, and other daily costs you incur while working over the month. If you must tell your parents, siblings, and friends your salary, it should be your Gross income.

Example: My net income is 250k, and if I tell my parents that I earn that, how would they feel when I send 50k at the end of the month? The best way is this: You earn 250k, you spend 50k monthly on transportation, and airtime 5k. You are left with 195. Then, that is what you share with them. They would be happier if you sent them 30 to 45k.

Set Financial Goals: No matter how minimal your income is, you should have a savings plan; all it takes is discipline, and you will make it work. In the end, it all goes to add up.

Do not lend money to friends and family: 80% of the money you borrow from your friends and family will be very difficult to recover. Most debts end up severing ties between friends and family. Instead, you could adopt this strategy. My friend or one of my siblings asked me to lend her 20k, and I told her I did not have that money, but I could spare her 4 to 5k. I am giving you this for free, so you do not need to pay it back. This is a proven strategy that works most of the time. You protected your relationship and your money. Never give room for cash to steer problems between you and a family.

Learn to say No: This is difficult, but it is necessary. You can be in everyone’s good books. Know what you can bear, recognise your strength, and say no to everything else. Remember, you are nobody’s last hope. Eventually, they will find a way to survive with or without you.

Invest in yourself: You need money to make money, buy things, take trips, and eat good meals. If you fail, people pulling you down with expectations will be the first to criticize you. Take care of yourself. 

Be intentional about your physical, intellectual, and financial growth. Black tax is a tool for guilt trips and emotional blackmail, creating balance, and taking care of your mental health.

Until we learn to eliminate pressure, expectations, and guilt and focus on building sustainability and savings, the black tax will continue to be an endemic that will continue to affect future generations.

Together, we can break the vicious cycle of generational dependence.

Fatimat Ibrahim Abedoh is a corps member in Nassarawa State and wrote via abedohfatimat@gmail.com.

By Uzair Adam Imam

A recent study conducted by scientists at the University of California has uncovered intriguing insights into the mechanics of sleep, particularly focusing on the brain’s activity during this crucial rest period.

Published in Nature, the study sheds light on how sleep acts as a “reset” for the brain, primarily during the initial half of the night.

According to the research, during sleep, the brain undergoes a process of weakening newly formed connections between neurons, known as synaptic pruning. This phenomenon predominantly occurs during the first half of sleep, suggesting that this period is crucial for streamlining neural connections.

However, the purpose of the second half of sleep remains enigmatic. While researchers speculate that it may involve processes such as waste removal or cellular repair, further investigation is needed to elucidate its exact function.

Lead author Professor Jason Rihel from UCL Cell & Developmental Biology explains, “When we are awake, the connections between brain cells get stronger and more complex.

“If this activity were to continue unabated, it would be energetically unsustainable. Too many active connections between brain cells could prevent new connections from being made the following day.”

The study supports the Synaptic Homeostasis Hypothesis, suggesting that sleep serves as a necessary reset for the brain, facilitating optimal cognitive function.

Using optically translucent zebrafish, researchers monitored synaptic activity over multiple sleep-wake cycles.

They observed that brain cells gain connections during wakefulness and lose them during sleep, with the extent of synaptic rearrangement influenced by sleep pressure.

Furthermore, the study revealed that synaptic remodeling predominantly occurs in the first half of the nightly sleep cycle, correlating with patterns of slow-wave activity.

While the findings provide valuable insights into the role of sleep in synaptic regulation, questions persist regarding the functions of the second half of sleep.

The study hints at potential avenues for future research into the broader functions of sleep beyond synaptic pruning.

By Aisha Musa Auyo

Do you know about dental floss? Please do not tell me that you don’t. I was shocked when I conducted an oral poll about dental floss and found out that only about 10 percent of people know about it, and only about 4 percent practice it. This could be part of the reason why dentists are making outrageous money. This could be part of the reason why people get irritated while listening to you. This could be part of the reason why your spouse doesn’t like kissing you.

According to the Cambridge Dictionary, flossing is the practice of cleaning between your teeth using dental floss. It also states that regular flossing is essential for healthy gums.

Flossing is an important oral hygiene habit. It is a habit that helps clean and dislodge food stuck between your teeth, which reduces the amount of bacteria and plaque in your mouth. Plaque is a sticky film (that looks like cream) that builds up on the teeth and causes gum disease, bad breath, and tooth decay if not managed properly.

Even though many people brush their teeth daily, some even do it twice daily, not everyone flosses their teeth. Flossing should be as regular as brushing. Brushing can never fulfill the function of flossing. Regardless of how expensive your toothpaste and toothbrush are, flossing is vital.

So now that you know, I need to tell you that it’s not about simply flossing. It is important to do it correctly, or else you will damage your teeth and gums. Brushing twice daily for at least two minutes each time is the first step in keeping your teeth and gums healthy. But even the best toothbrush can’t thoroughly cleanse the spaces between your teeth. That’s why the American Dental Association recommends that you floss once a day to remove food particles and plaque—the sticky film on your teeth that can lead to cavities and gum disease.

Plaque contains cavity-causing bacteria that feed on leftover food in your mouth. These bacteria thrive on sugary substances—and as they feast on them, they produce acids that can damage the shiny, protective surface of your teeth, setting the stage for tooth decay.

Plaque that isn’t removed by brushing or flossing can harden into a rough substance called tartar or calculus. Tartar builds up along the gum line, which can lead to gum disease.

Once tartar forms, only your dentist can remove it. However, flossing every day can help prevent plaque buildup. Some mouthwash can perform the function of flossing when gargled for over two minutes. However, excessive use of commercial mouthwash is not healthy or environmentally friendly.

Cloves soaked in water can also do it, but that should not stop you from mechanically flossing your teeth one by one.

How often should you floss?

The ADA recommends brushing your teeth for 2 minutes twice a day and flossing at least once a day. I floss after every meal or snack. I’m obsessed with it. I always carry my floss around with me, just like I do my phone.😀

I feel cleaner and more confident in my breath and teeth. I would advise you to do what works for you. It’s up to you whether you floss before brushing or afterward. It depends on your comfort and timing.

In conclusion, dental floss is readily available and affordable. It saves you the expense of visiting a dentist, spares you the embarrassment of bad breath and plaque-stained teeth, and improves both your confidence and oral health.

Let us take our oral hygiene very seriously. It reveals a great deal about our overall hygiene and self-care practices and strengthens our relationships with our spouses and others in general.

By Aisha Musa Auyo

I often dismiss the hearsay that everyone must be attacked by this virus once in their lifetime. It’s a superstition, I would reply to them. My sisters were all attacked by the virus, one after the other at a roll, all four of them. I was the one applying calamine lotion on them. We were all waiting for my turn, but I wasn’t infected. Very unusual, even the doctors would say. I must be immune to the chickenpox, I would boast.

After about 15 years, the virus knocked and crushed me to the point of losing hope of living again. From high fever, sore throat, muscle pain, dizziness, and general discomfort. My son was the one who contracted the virus, and obviously, I’ll be the one to take care of him. I did it with full confidence and carelessness that I was immune to the virus. However, I separated him from his siblings and classmates. His illness didn’t last for more than five days, and in a week, he was okay and mixing with everyone.

We travelled for Easter, and I was sick throughout the Easter break. It is Kano weather, I would say. All I do is lie down. Cooking and Tarawih during the last days of Ramadan became impossible for me, yet I didn’t go to the hospital. I deceived myself into thinking I’d get better when my body adjusted to the weather. Until one Tuesday, I felt so sick I couldn’t walk, couldn’t talk, and hated the sound of everything.

Then, one of my kids complained of heat rashes. I undressed him so I could bathe, and viola! Chickenpox rashes all over his body. I checked my other son and found the same issue, then I took a closer look at myself, the rashes were all over my body. I was so sick that I wasn’t paying attention to my skin. It then dawned on me that all three of us were infected by Haidar two weeks after his illness.

I made some calls and was told to stay at home, that we can infect the entire community by going to the hospital. The virus is very contagious. We stayed indoors, and medication was sent to us. We were told not to entertain visitors and not to go out till we were fully recovered and free from the virus.

“Lockdown II,” I thought to myself. We became prisoners in our house, and although the lockdown did give me a chance to rest and bond with the kids, it’s not anything I would hope for anyone.

My fever kept getting high, and I was told the virus punishes adults 50 times the way it treats kids. 

My kids were active and eating after three days, but I wasn’t. The rashes were all over me, including my feet, palms, ears, scalp, lips, throat and tongue. Eating and drinking become difficult. These rashes are not only irritating to the eyes, they hurt like ant bite. I have to be recording my temperature every 3 hours just to see if everything is going well. I finished all the painkillers in the house. Sitting becomes difficult, and leaving my room becomes difficult, too.

I kept thinking something else must definitely be wrong with me; chickenpox could not be this hard. A malaria drug was prescribed for me. Since I wasn’t eating, the ulcer came back in full force. Then I learned that the rashes and scars do not go away. My world was crumbling, and I was crying like a baby. I can’t imagine living with these scars forever.

After nine days, the pain became bearable. I felt better and had the hope of living again. I was told I could still spread the virus even at that time, so I spent my Eid al Fitr at home, browsing and researching chickenpox and how to get rid of the scars.

I learned that the only immunity to the virus is being infected by it. Once you are infected, you will hardly get infected again. It happens once in a lifetime. Although some countries were able to eradicate it, most countries are still battling the virus.

Now and then, especially during the hot season, this virus will spread. It’s there to make sure everyone is immunized, meaning everyone is infected with it once in his lifetime. If it’s a choice, one would prefer to be infected at a younger age, as the virus is merciful to kids and merciless to adults, lol. I’ve come up with a few things to do when the virus strikes.

• As a parent, once you notice that such a contagious virus infects a family member of yours, kindly seclude your ward from the public. It starts with one person, and in less than a week, the whole committee can be infected. Kindly reject visitors by letting them know your condition. Do not travel till you are fully recovered. These teachings from our beloved Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him. He emphasized the importance of quarantine, separating sick individuals from healthy ones, and avoiding contact with contagious diseases to prevent their spread, all of which are integral to Islamic rulings on managing infectious diseases.

• Chickenpox medications are over-the-counter meds. You don’t have to go see a doctor. Once you notice fever, headache, muscle ache, and rashes, know that it’s either chickenpox or measles. They’re contagious. By going to the hospital, one may infect the nurses, receptionist, and even the doctors. Send an immune person to get the drugs for you.

• Drink a lot of water and fluids. Those monster rashes drain one to the point of dehydration.

• You, as a healthy individual, should not feel bad when a person tells you not to visit due to the nature of their illness. Kindly understand that they have your best interest at heart. A colleague of mine is still angry with his Uncle because the uncle told him not to visit them as the whole family is infected with chickenpox.

• Chickenpox doesn’t sit well with heat, so make sure you stay in a well-ventilated space and do not wear clothes since you are indoors.

• Bathe at least thrice a day with room temperature water, and avoid hot or warm water.

• If possible, wash your hands with a hand wash every hour when you are not sleeping.

• Try your best not to forcefully scratch or remove the rashes when they’re drying. Allow your skin to shed them. This is easier said than done. Feeling a blister or bump on your skin and letting go isn’t easy. Let me not deceive you.

• Calamine lotion helps to soothe and dry the rashes.

• If the fever is high, try using a damp cloth over the patient and take painkillers according to the doctor’s instructions.

• After you are healthy and free of infection, sanitize the house and the clothes you use with hot water and disinfectants. This includes towels, bedspread and sofas.

• I was told the rashes and scars never disappear; some said it takes years before they disappear. One of my sisters was born with a fair complexion, but after a chickenpox infection, her complexion darkened. She never recovered her colour. As discouraging and sad as this may sound, one should not relax and allow the virus to ruin one’s looks and confidence. Aloe vera gel does wonders with consistency and patience.

• Honey, neem oil, or water infused with neem leaves also help a lot. Retinol creams are also very effective. But please don’t bleach your skin or use harsh chemicals on your body.

Aisha Musa Auyo is a Doctoral researcher in Educational Psychology, a wife, and a mother of three. She is a homemaker, caterer, and parenting/relationship coach.

By Uzair Adam Imam

Dr. Gaza Gwamna, the Nasarawa State Commissioner for Health, revealed that 7,345 residents were diagnosed with tuberculosis in 2023 during a media briefing in Lafia, the state capital, marking the 2024 World Tuberculosis Day themed “Yes, we can end TB.”

Gwamna stated that this figure represented a notable increase compared to the previous year, with 21 percent of cases co-infected with HIV, a rise from the previous year’s 18 percent.

These cases spanned across all 13 Local Government Areas of the state.

Expressing concern, Gwamna, represented by the Permanent Secretary of the Ministry of Health, Dr. Damina John, stressed the urgency of taking measures to prevent further spread, warning of the potential threat to the state’s residents.

Providing a breakdown, Gwamna highlighted significant numbers in various LGAs, including Awe LGA with 179 cases, Obi LGA with 350 cases, Wamba LGA with 178 cases, Nasarawa Eggon LGA with 682 cases, Nassarawa LGA with 1,846 cases, and Toto LGA with 143 cases.

Although the treatment success rate currently stands at 89 percent, Gwamna acknowledged that the state has yet to achieve the 95 percent target set by the National TB Control Programme, indicating the necessity for further efforts in combating the disease.

By Uzair Adam Imam

NAFDAC on Thursday uncovered a network of counterfeit goods being sold in Abuja, culminating in raids at Sahad Stores and H-Medix outlets.

The simultaneous raids across the capital city led to the confiscation of fake cosmetics and drugs.At Sahad Stores, renowned for its supermarket chain, authorities seized counterfeit products.

Meanwhile, at H-Medix outlets in Wuse 2 and Gwarinpa, as well as the Utako market, counterfeit cosmetics and medications were confiscated.

Embugushiki-Musa Godiya, the NAFDAC Head of Investigation and Enforcement/Federal Taskforce, FCT, Abuja, highlighted the extensive nature of the operation.

In addition to the raids in Abuja, similar crackdowns were carried out in Kugbo market in Nyanya and the Mararaba area in Nasarawa State earlier in the week.

Godiya expressed shock at the discovery of substandard products masquerading as reputable brands, such as purported NIVEA creams.

These counterfeit items, despite their inferior quality, were being sold at higher prices than genuine NAFDAC-approved products, illustrating the extent of criminal activity in the market.

The seized goods, including fake NIVEA products, cosmetics, and household items like Jik bleach, Harpic toilet cleaner, and Airwick room fresheners, amounted to a staggering total value of N50 million.

NAFDAC’s rigorous enforcement efforts underscore the agency’s commitment to safeguarding public health and combating the proliferation of counterfeit goods.

By Khalilah Bint Aliyu

Never have I found it this difficult to write down my thoughts on a particular subject. The institution of marriage is highly coveted by women, especially African women. Societal pressure, feelings of vulnerability, the biological clock, and to some extent, a bit of a misunderstanding about whether it is compulsory or not.

Marriage, even though highly encouraged, is not compulsory for either gender, as long as a person can stay clear of immorality and remain firm in their tenets of faith. Allowing culture to override what the scripture states puts overwhelming pressure on many unmarried women, especially Muslim women.

I have watched bright minds become shadows of themselves for no apparent reason, yet they have to wake up daily to taunts and endless questions about when they intend to marry. A woman’s success gets downplayed. Some brave women might be willing to shrug off these tons of negative energy directed at them and pursue excellence, but they will meet an unwavering blockade from an angry parent or guardian.

Addressing this issue has to come in two aspects. We are going to address the parents or guardians and then the crux of the matter, the lady herself.

African parents, especially our mothers, derive pleasure from getting all their female children married. Should there be any delay, they get worried and intentionally or unintentionally transfer the negative energy in the form of pressure onto the unmarried ladies. It is destiny: some will marry early, others late, and some not at all. It is a gift and uncertain in nature. Aspiring for our womenfolk to marry in their early or mid-twenties is not a crime in itself, but making it a must and putting untold pressure on them can lead to poor spousal choices, deteriorating mental health, severe insecurity, and in some cases, amoral behaviors.

I want to use this analogy. A gardener sowed some orange seeds to sell the sprouts. He tended to them, and they grew healthy and strong, but no buyer showed interest. He kept watering and caring for the plants, much to the amazement of passersby. He was advised to let them be, but he paid no heed, and the seedlings grew into healthy orange trees that provided both shade and juicy fruits, subsequently attracting the attention of the right people who offered to buy the entire garden.

Women, unlike the plants here, are not for sale but are nurtured to prepare them to do the same and even more for the next generation. The more learned and well-mannered your wards are, the better equipped they will be as wives, mothers, and custodians of generations to come. Marriage will come at its destined time, and the terms “early” and “late” are manmade, designed to cause anxiety.

Keep your female children on the path of growth without any hindrance, support them, and alleviate the stress that society may throw at them, as this will make them flourish and live a life of purpose, leaving behind long-lasting positive footprints or a legacy, as it is popularly called.

For the ladies, you are strong, resilient, empathetic, and gifted with multitasking abilities. Jannah is not only for the married but also for the servants of Allah who stand firmly on the path of righteousness.

Define your life goals and, as long as they do not go against the ethics of your religion, pursue them purposefully. Don’t settle for less. I know how discouraging it can be to be told you are not enough just because you are not married. The delay that you are distressed about is a gold mine of opportunity. The fewer the number of stakeholders, the easier it is to make a decision.

As an unmarried woman, all you need to make a choice is a nod from your parents and guardians. This is not true for married women; you have husbands, in-laws, and children to think about before making decisions.

I had an opportunity to attend a two-week intensive training, an opportunity I had coveted for a while. Luckily, I got the slot. I received a nod from my husband, but I searched and could not find a trusted nanny to care for my infant for the duration of the training. I had no other option but to let go of the opportunity and wait for another one, praying that every force of nature would be favorable to me.

The above narrative is very common among women juggling both career and family. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, in one of her interviews, spoke about how having a little princess slowed the pace of her writing career. She said, “Becoming a mother is a glorious gift, but it comes at a cost. I could probably have written two novels had I not had my child.”

I implore you all to eat well, exercise, read widely, be kind, attend seminars, symposia, volunteer your services, and watch for a deluge of opportunities, including marriage proposals. Who doesn’t want a beautiful flower?

Khalilah Aliyu Yahaya writes from Kaduna and can be reached via Khalilah20@gmail.com.