By A. F. Sesay
When I was young I had a pure heart, bright eyes and a sparkling smile. All I wanted then was to grow up quickly and set things right. I wanted to be a shoulder for the poor, a shield for the oppressed and a think-tank for my nation. I grew a bit older …. And then there was a minus one to my dreams.
Then I entered youth with exuberance and disillusion I knew the people who have ruined the nation more than I knew myself. I wished I had the power to remove all of them from power. I knew I was a good young man but I never gave much thought to the realities of life, not more the realities of power. I grew a bit older and I got my first job (as well as my first shock). And then there was a minus one to my dreams…
Here I am today with so much money but very little direction. With a special room in every seven-star hotel, I lay my “ears” on. Yet I have very little peace in my mind. I thought money was all I needed to change the world. If I could stop being poor and deprived, I had thought, then I would be happy and resourceful. Little did I know that money had little to do with wellbeing.
True, sometimes money brings the tools of happiness, but it takes a grateful and content mind to put them to good use. What use will the money be, when all people around me wallow in mud and dirt poverty? I wonder. But people like and respect me even though I am a corrupt rich man. Corruption persists when all around you insist that your La Vida Loca life is an inspiration for them, without asking for your source of income. Actually, they don’t want to do bad belle for you.
I spray money at their functions to feed my empty ego. I donate a lot of money (well that’s a very tiny per cent of the loot) to charity organisations in return for publicity and praise. But deep within my soul, the truth keeps me debased. The wound of conscience brings more pain than a thousand dagger cuts. I spend here and I spend there. But at night, I secretly spend much more to feed the dirty flesh. Then I grew older …. And then there was a minus one to my life.
Sometimes, I make more money in a day than some unfortunate PhD holder may make in his/her whole lifetime. Don’t mind these Doctors of Philosophy! They talk a lot about the evil things we do. But when they cook up “research” to carry out, they bring the proposals and we give them part of that evil money and they are all smiles. Now that’s the power of corruption trumping the power of “knowledge”. You get the point now.
I grew a bit older and I started losing the taste for money. All efforts to seek reliable sources of pleasure proved abortive. No amount of beautiful women, or exotic cars or houses or even new places ever sang the you-have-finally-arrived song I heart longs for. The more I got, the less fulfilled I became. Then I made a resolution to give up bribery and corruption, but my soul resisted. In fact, the organ that transports blood to my heart almost became rotten in protest. I was rushed to my doctor and he vehemently advised that I should not give up corruption so that I can pay all my medical bills on time. And some more during medical tourism. As you know, the nation can’t afford that so I have to foot my heavy bills.
My children told me they are tired of studying overseas where they are daily exposed to insults over race and nationality. So I had to look for them the best private school in the country. Their school fee per annum is my exact salary for a whole year! But never mind, I have a way of fetching it in a twinkle of an eye.
In this final quarter of the year, I discussed my resolution to give up corruption with my children’s school principal, a tiny white man, who reminds me of my grandfather’s master before the 1960s. He is a practical man. also told me, “Be fair to yourself,” He emphatically told me. In sum: if I knew I was sincere about giving up corruption, he had posed, why did I bring my children to their school when salary was not paid in pounds sterling. I grew a bit older …. Then there was depression looming in the air. Ready to take me to my grave, even before I have eaten a tenth of what I have ‘worked’ for.
I look around again and it seems everything around me encourages me to remain corrupt. After all, everybody is doing it (or so I thought). One day in my solitary reflections, two stubborn questions popped up in my head. What if I suddenly die without repenting, will God punish me for all my sins? Will I be deprived of all that I have done in life? I tried to fight them by asserting that the Hereafter is an ancient tale told by religious men who wanted to exercise their will to power. But it is difficult to convince myself. Deep within me, I harbour doubts since there had been no standard (or even a substandard) experiment to nullify the belief in life beyond the grave so as to prove these religious folks wrong. And the complex process of life from inception to death also betrays a complete denial to resurrection. There has to be an Intelligent and Just Lord waiting in ambush! What will I say to Him, if Hell turns out to be true? Will I enter it alongside my beloved wife and children who are nourished by the fats and protein public wealth?
Truly, I am afraid, but I am also afraid of poverty. If I give up corruption and become poor, my enemies will think it is their curse that overtook me. But if I die with the wealth of the nation in my private account, will my enemies assist me against the Angel of Punishment? I am somewhat torn between the devil and the deep blue sea.
My dear friend! Imagine if what you just read was a false confession from a young man who is reflecting on what he will make out of his life were he to be a public officer, will his false confessions make any true impact on your life? What if it is actually a true confession of an old civil servant or politician who has approached old age (and subsequently death) will you learn any lessons from his “wasted” years! It is important for us to know, fellow citizens, that people’s wealth can never be ours. Both conscience and religion deny us that.
Let’s be honest and work hard and sincerely for whatever we want in life. Just because we are living in hard times, does not mean we have got a licence to take bribes. Many became billionaires without reliance on the public treasury and many more will. So, O young man, why are you afraid of relying on God and unleashing your potential to the fullest! Be wise now that you still have some time.