It’s better to wait long than to marry wrong

By Hafsat Ja’afar

When are you getting hitched? Are you still single? When are we meeting our in-law or the Mr Right? You’re just choosy, aren’t you? So hurry up and get married! All these questions are uncalled for. Seriously people!

Do you need to go that extreme in asking people unanswerable questions who do not know the unseen?  It’s driven people nuts, and it needs to stop. Believe it or not, delayed marriage is a trendy issue not only within our society but also a universal issue due to the changes in our modern times.

Marriage delays in Northern Nigeria may result from the following;

Nature: Some are destined to stay single up to old age, while some are afflicted with natural diseases, which, no matter how much they want or try to get married, they cannot.

Tradition: Every family has its norms, values,  and principles. Some think their children must reach a certain age or level of education before marrying them off.  The issue of trousseau is a major setback too. These principles sometimes hurt the life of the people involved.

Illiteracy: This is another side of the coin, as some of the established youths consider marriage a burden, so they prefer private/commercial affairs. To them, getting married is like inviting old age while the “I’m Still Young” slogan still rings in their heads.

Expectation: This plays a significant role as the backbone of the marriage delay, as both parties expect luxury and goodies before marriage. The gents are looking for capacitated in-laws, and the ladies are waiting to marry into an influential family. However, this might take years for some to achieve.

Financial Instability: Due to unemployment, underemployment, inflation, cashless policy and other financial crises we all know about, some people run away from marriage.

Societal pressure on why and when you’re getting married has led many into failed and toxic marriages, which they later regret. Due to such pressure, someone I know married a man who gave his terms and conditions on splitting the bills 50-50.

As a classroom teacher, she was to handle school fees, medication, and other things. In the end, the marriage broke down because, according to the husband, she’s not complying and not making ends meet. She’s now a divorcee with two kids.

A friend-turned-sister married a man she doesn’t love, but he loves her dearly. For years their matrimony was nothing to write home about with four kids. She made his life and family a living hell to escape the marriage. She finally succeeded, taking her kids along with her and denying him custody of them.

Someone also told me it’s better to bear the title of Mrs in an abusive marriage than to stay single while time is against us. I was shocked beyond words for her to say this. She desperately needs a husband, someone to call her own.

Another one got married to a tricycle driver out of desperation, though he’s an NCE holder with no job, and she’s a graduate with a job. The interference of friends and relatives in their marital life led to serious malice between the two families. The couple used to spend weeks on no-speaking terms. All the love and sacrifices made for each other vanished, and the blame game became the order of the day. Sessions of reconciliation took place with no positive results. Finally, they went their separate ways and found peace and tranquillity, as they say.

The hustle and bustle of life is an essential element that paves the way for critical and creative thinking, mainly if a person engages him /herself in business, studying, working, and what have you. No matter how small it is, it fades away. Whatever is bothering an individual gives room for greater achievements in life.

As the saying goes, ‘it’s better to wait long than to marry wrong’. To avoid jumping into an erroneous affair, you must pray and choose wisely to avoid unforeseen circumstances.

Hafsat Ja’afar read BA (Ed) English at Bayero University, Kano. She wrote from Kano via jaafarhafsat@gmail.com.