By Aisha Musa Auyo

Perhaps the only group of people that see women beyond their looks are the blind. They judge us based on our character and attitude and, with time, our intellect and intelligence.

I often get judged based on my looks, which pisses me off. It took time, patience, and convincing to come to terms with the reality that people will always judge one by his looks. I want us to ponder that our looks have nothing to do with our intelligence and demeanour.

Personality psychologists have argued that physical appearance is a significant factor in personality development because people form opinions by what they see in a person physically and respond to that person accordingly. In turn, people tend to fulfil the expectations they believe others have for them. 

For example, short people are said to be too aggressive or demand too much respect, or tall people are foolish. And in our society, it’s believed that rich people are evil and will go to hell, while poor people are good people. So they say, “Ku ci a nan, ma ci a can”, meaning “You enjoy this life, and we – the poor – will enjoy in the hereafter”. 

Other common myths that align personality with looks are: slim girls tend to be arrogant and lack patience, while chubby girls are easygoing and humble. Looking good and dressing well makes you arrogant automatically, or driving an expensive car is a showoff. 

Please, let’s study people before we pass judgement, as people’s behaviour evolves with time, education and experiences (these are what make and shape us) regardless of their physical traits. Let’s not allow people’s expectations or comments to shape our thinking. I know it’s easier said than done, but can we try?

I can remember some years back when I went to write a Senior Secondary School entrance aptitude test for my cousin. After greeting the panels, one of them said, “Miss, I hope you have something to bring to the table beside your good looks. I was 13 years then, and his rhetorical question sent a doubt in my mind that I may not pass the exams. It took convincing myself that if I couldn’t do it, I wouldn’t be illegally adopted as a mercenary for someone else, implying that if I had allowed his comment get me, I might probably fail the exams. This is an example of how people’s expectations shape our thinking.

After the general exams, we were to go for another test, this time one by one with the examiners. I was given a mathematics exercise to solve fractions and square roots. God helped me solve that equation in less than a minute, and the judges were awed. It happened that I was the first one to solve that particular question since they started the test that very day. That man asked me again, which school are you attending? To him, it must be the school that is good, not me. 

A similar incident happened recently during my PhD coursework. I was doing statistics tutorials for my cluster, and the news spread that a tutorial was going on. Some groups of women decided to join. As they entered the class and saw me at the board with a marker, one of the women said, “so there’s a brain inside that fine face”. 

I retorted. My brain is finer than my face, in my mind, of course, as this woman is old enough to be my mom. But this time around, I didn’t let her statement intimidate me. All thanks to age and experience. I just pretended not to hear and continued with the class: If I’d allowed that to get through me and said what came to my mind aloud, it would prove that slim ladies are arrogant.

These cases should sound like compliments, but they’re an insult. Why do people believe that beauty and brains are mutually exclusive? What does our look have to do with our brain? My best friend, the best in mathematics in our class, is one of the most beautiful people I’ve met. She’s a civil engineer now.

My other best friend, a tall, fair, beautiful Fulani lady, is now a medical doctor. I have also met short people who are soft-hearted and humble. I’ve met wealthy people who are down-to-earth, simple and have a kind heart. I’ve met not so good looking people who are also not so brilliant but have strength in kindness, empathy, and excellent marketing skills. 

Each person has strengths, so also weaknesses. For example, a blind person may have superpowers that someone with eyes may not. I’ve seen disabled people do things with their only leg or hand that are humanly impossible. 

This debate of physical traits and how they manifest in our personality is beyond human comprehension, for it involves genetics, life experiences, grit, tenacity, and willpower. This unending nature-nurture debate could only be laid to rest if we agree that these matters are beyond us.

ByAdmin

4 thought on “Can we see people beyond their looks?”
  1. Well written truth. Exactly this is what is happening in our Hausa society. But in must of the time it may be correct because,is hardly to see,for example a beautiful female Professor.And any girl that has a sweet voice so she is not a good looking one.

  2. Indeed you have said it all. But what manifest into the personality examination we are seeing is sometimes an experience. But generalizing it is wrong I ascribed to that idea.

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