By Aisha Musa Auyo
There’s this widespread belief that going into marriage makes one complete. It’s one area that most couples have gotten wrong. We can probably blame our movies and fairytales for most of it. But, perhaps, it’s a mere misappropriation of the word ‘complete’ in relation to marriage.
It makes a great storyline that someone can come into your life and complete you. The problem is that you are already a complete person, created by Allaah with or without someone else in your life.
If you have perceived lacks and weaknesses, you need to seek Allaah, your Creator alone, to help you fill those spaces, not another person. As long as you feel you must have another human to complete you, you are a danger to them and yourself.
No one within themselves can fill you with everything you need. You will drain your spouse with unrealistic expectations, and when you finally discover that they cannot provide all that you need, you will become dissatisfied and frustrated. You will begin to think that you may have made a mistake picking your spouse, which could tear you two apart.
Now, suppose you begin to put your spouse in proper perspective, realizing that Allaah allowed you two to come together and complement one another with each other’s unique characteristics and strengths. In that case, you can then learn to appreciate your spouse without draining them.
Learning how to lighten the relationship with each other’s talents and abilities enhances and improves your lives together. This is not always the most straightforward key to understand and embrace, but as you figure it out, it will allow much of the tension in your home to drain away.
Aisha Musa Auyo is a Doctorate researcher in Educational Psychology, a mother of three, a Home Maker, caterer and parenting/ relationship coach.
