By Aisha Musa Auyo
I know this is coming in late, but better late than never, huh? Ramadan is a sacred month that is supposed to be dedicated to fasting, Quranic recitation, prayers, sadaqah, etc. But part of that ibadah comes with a lot of cooking and eating.
Ramadan is synonymous with a delicious variety of dishes—a paradox, right? That’s why many media stations and content creators dedicate time, energy, and resources to Ramadan dishes and treats.
Women are more often on the receiving end of this cooking duty during Ramadan. This has been the tradition since time immemorial, so we cannot change it, but we can create ways that will help us adapt, manage, and not be overwhelmed by it. We can make it beneficial and more rewarding.
First and foremost, cook with the intention of getting rewarded, not to impress your man, the family, or his friends. That gender may not even say thank you, sannu da aiki, abincin yayi dadi, or even Allah Ya miki albarka. But if your intention is to get rewarded by Allah, you are sure to have that reward. Innamal a’amaalu binniyati.
Know that whoever feeds a fasting person receives an immense reward. The Prophet (PBUH) said, “He who feeds a fasting person will have a reward like that of the fasting person, without any reduction in his reward.” (Tirmidhi) This applies to the one who buys the food as well as the one who cooks the food.
When it comes to tafsir, Ramadan lectures, and the like, technology has made things easier for us. You can listen to live or recorded programs on your phone, wherever you are in the world, while you’re cooking or cleaning. You can listen to Quranic recitation too; you can do lots of dhikr and istighfar while doing most chores. Try not to miss out on this.
If you have the means, give out sadaqah in cash and in kind, especially food and water. That will fetch you an immense reward. In the end, it’s the reward we are aiming for, so the end justifies the means.
If you are fortunate enough to have electricity, you can devote your weekends to making pepper soups, stews, and juices. Then, freeze them, which will make cooking easier for the rest of the week. Also, make use of food processors and other appliances that will simplify your work.
Make use of processed foods as much as you can afford. For example, if you want to make tiger nut drink, buy tiger nut powder from Auyo’s Cuisines. This will make your work faster and easier, and you will have the energy for Tarawih. Other processed foods that are much needed for Ramadan are ground peppers, ground kuli, masa premix, and garin kunu, all of which are available and affordable at Auyo’s Cuisines.
Making a weekly food timetable ahead of time helps a lot. Thinking about what to cook is very draining; knowing what to cook is like finishing half the work.
Seek help; don’t try to do everything yourself. Engage the kids and hire someone to help you, even if it’s just for the month. Going to the market will drain you and waste your time; find someone to help you with that from time to time.
You see that Zirkr our Prophet gave his daughter when she asked for servants, Subhanallah, walhamdulillah, and wallWallahar, don’t joke with it before you sleep, you need it now, more than ever.
Try to hydrate a lot during the non-fasting hours. Don’t be too exhausted to eat; you need health and energy more than anyone.
As much as you can, avoid social media, movies, useless chit-chats, and worldly distractions. You will have ample time for that after Ramadan. This month is sacred and only comes once a year. The Prophet said, “Verily, Gabriel came to me and he said: Whoever reaches the month of Ramadan and he is not forgiven, then he will enter Hellfire and Allah will cast him far away,”.
The Prophet peace be upon him also said, that a loser is the one who witnessed Ramadan and didn’t earn Allah’s pardon. A loser is one who’s despaired of Allah’s mercy. A loser lets time pass by procrastinating good deeds. A loser is the one who loses the reward of his fasting to mere hunger and thirst.
My fellow women, try to be on your best behavior this month. Try not to be a loser. As a woman, know that you will sleep less than anyone else in the house, but it’s okay; that’s your part of the sacrifice. Men go out to work too; some men work under the scorching sun. Some men’s work involves hard labor, harder than what you do at home. Some men, even though they work under AC, have pressures and issues they need to solve, which is also very difficult and draining.
Over to you, my brother. If you can afford it, please get some domestic help for your wife. She needs it, especially this month. If not someone who will help in the kitchen, find someone who will help with the shopping and outdoor activities.
If you want to bring people for iftar, do so in moderation. She is only human with two hands.
If you want to feed many people, employ ‘Mai kosai da kunu’ for that project. Many people need the job and the extra money that comes with it. Allow your wife to handle the family’s iftar. Allah Ya biya ka da aljanna.
Bro, I know you’re working hard to provide, but a kind word, a prayer, a gift (in cash or in kind) will make your woman feel appreciated and loved. It won’t kill you.
My fellow women, know that all this work you are doing might not be possible if your man were not providing the food and resources. Appreciate him, encourage him, and respect him. You are not the only one working hard.
But if you are the woman of the house and also the one providing for the household, know that only Allah SWT can help and reward you. I cannot explain or tell you how to manage your time, but I know you are incredible, and in sha Allah, you will enjoy the fruits of your labor, here and in the hereafter.
If you are a son or daughter still living with your parents, know that you also have roles to play. These roles can range from helping with meal preparation and cleaning to running errands and greeting your parents when they return home from work. Praying for your parents is also an important act of worship.
If you are earning money, buy fruits, vegetables, or gifts for your parents and siblings.
Guy, before you shamelessly take a Ramadan basket or kayan sallah to your girlfriend, who may not even marry you, do so for your parents first. It will be more rewarding for you.
Girl, before you shamelessly invite that stingy boyfriend of yours for iftar with your parents’ cefane, make sure you are always helping out with the cooking and cleaning; it will be more rewarding for you. Don’t be a lazy girl and then an active one when your guy is coming for iftar.
Dear couples, as much as I know you are tired, don’t ignore za oza room ibada during this month. It is very rewarding, it enhances mood and offers benefits for physical and psychological health including lowering stress, improving sleep, and boosting immune function.
Experts say the hour before suhoor is the best during Ramadan. By then, couples are well-rested, and they will be waking up for suhoor anyway.
Let me stop here. May Allah accept our ibadah. May He give us the health and wealth to perform this ibadah to the best of our abilities. May Allah make us among the servants who will be freed at the end of this month. May He forgive our shortcomings, and may all our prayers and wishes be granted. May we witness many more Ramadans in good health and wealth.
Aisha Musa Auyo is a Doctoral researcher in Educational Psychology, a wife, and a mother of three. She is a homemaker, caterer, and parenting/relationship coach.