By Aisha M Auyo
You are married to me, not the kids.”
“I was here before the kids.”
“I come first and not the kids.”
“Your primary duty is to me and not the kids.”
How often do wives/mothers hear the above statements? Very often, of course. And to many, it’s a shame that husbands or fathers compete with their kids to get the attention of the woman of the house? Is it really?
Well, one may say, “aren’t you lucky to have your husband and kids fight over you?” But no, that is far from being lucky. The woman in this context is thrown into a state of dilemma, confusion and psychological trauma.
Husbands should be able to save their wives from this heartache and trauma by being more considerate and appreciative of the wives-cum-mothers’ indispensable roles in the family.
The moment a child is born into the world, a mother’s duties commence. In the first days of its existence, an infant is more feeble and helpless than any other living creature. They are unable to minister to their own needs. But to meet this weakness and incapacity on the part of the infant, God has implanted in the mother’s heart a yearning affection for her offspring. No one can understand so well or ever so ready to meet the needs of a child as a mother.
Nevertheless, having said all these, let’s pause and ask ourselves, “is it appropriate for a mother to make her kids her first care in a bid to fulfilling her duties?’ No. Her whole time should not be spent attending to the kids’ needs at the expense of her husband’s. However, it is necessary that reasonable time should be spent so that the kids could have the comfort and happiness they deserve.
It is, therefore, imperative to stress that husbands SHOULD NOT be neglected; neither should they be substituted for their kids.
One of the purposes of marriage is companionship and a man is expected to find this in his wife. As the wife becomes overly involved with and attached to her kids, she falls short of fulfilling this purpose towards her husband.
When this happens, the man feels lonely and loses his best friend, who is supposed to be his wife. He then becomes vulnerable to outside temptations. Will you, therefore, blame a man for reacting to this?
When a woman places her kids above her husband, her action tells him that she loves the kids more than him. This should not be so. Instead, make your husband feel important and know how much you value him.
Alternatively, instead of treating him as a second-class citizen in his own home, why not treat him as one of your children. After all, the legendary French fashion designer Gabrielle Bonheur Chanel (CoCo Chanel) rightly said, “As long as you know men are like children, you know everything!”
Wives/mothers, be wise. But I must admit, it’s easier said than done!
Aisha Musa Auyo is a Doctorate researcher in Educational Psychology, a mother of three, a Home Maker, caterer and parenting/ relationship coach.