By Ishaka Mohammed
Children smile when they are happy and cry or weep when they are hurting. They see you (an adult) as a loved one and guardian, so they hold your clothes, allow you to touch them and accept your gifts. Kids believe that everyone is innocent like them. Little do they know that some of their “loved” ones are child sexual abusers looking for opportunities to steal their innocence.
From relatives and friends to neighbours and teachers, we see people who derive pleasure from destroying poor kids. We live with people whom we consider as lovely friends and guardians of innocent children, unknown to us that they are monsters who see the innocent kids as sex objects. What a wicked world!
Although male children are also victims, sexual violence or abuse disproportionately affects female children. At a tender age, the girl-child suffers sexual abuse from people she’s supposed to trust. While at home, her mother tends to be indifferent when a man starts his subliminal seduction by touching her and calling her “my wife”. And at school, some of her male teachers use their bare hands to smack her—not as a punishment. These unscrupulous men abuse the girl-child while smiling and making her do the same, taking advantage of her naivety.
I recently read a disturbing story about the arrest of a teacher who allegedly defiled four underaged sisters within ten weeks. It’s even shocking that the eldest of those girls is just 14 years old. I initially wondered how the suspect got a one-to-one meeting with the girls. I later realised that some parents are utterly irresponsible.
While listening to a Muslim cleric a couple of weeks ago, a man rebutted the claim that the religious orientation of children (especially girls) is a collective responsibility. According to him (a supposed father), parents had done their part by enrolling their wards and paying school fees, so the rest should be on Islamiyya schools. I was disappointed to hear such from someone who sometimes leads us in prayer. With this kind of man as a parent, it might be easy for a male teacher to even invite a female student to his house for a special (one-to-one) session.
Many parents trivialise the care of the girl-child nowadays. Maybe they are oblivious to her vulnerability, so they leave her to the mercy of people they tend to trust. Call it suspicion or being overprotective; I insist that it can be disastrous for a girl to be with a man (except her husband) in seclusion, regardless of their biological or social relationship.
While searching the incidence of incest in Nigeria some time ago, I found an enormous volume of reports. The findings shocked me because I grew up in a society where almost every family protected its name by keeping such nasty stories from the public. Besides, I never imagined sexual activities between parents and their children. Although I’ve read a few stories involving mothers, this unthinkable act happens mostly between fathers and daughters. If poor kids could be abused by their biological fathers, I doubt if they’d be safer anywhere else. So, what’s the way out?
Here’s my take. To protect the girl-child, we must shun emotional blackmail and take rigid measures. Members of every family should unanimously agree that any man (father, uncle, brother, teacher, etc.) that wants to talk to a female member should do so in the presence of other people. However, in the case of something seemingly private, they can be given a gap but must be visible to another member of the family.
You may think my position is absurd, but I’m sure you’d change your mind after reading some of the reports I’ve accessed. Child sexual abuse and incest in Nigeria cut across all regions and religions, so we must deny one another the chance to engage in this heinous act.
I once saw a quote that reads, “Virginity isn’t dignity; it’s lack of opportunity.” Although I disagree with the first part, I find the last one meaningful. A lot of people are innocent because they have no chance to commit certain sins.
I know a man in his late 30s who used to be angry with his dad because he had no personal room to copulate with girls, but this fellow is grateful today for the opportunity he didn’t have years ago. Indeed, a lack of something might just be a blessing in disguise. Dear men, let’s fight child sexual abuse by denying one another a one-to-one meeting with any girl.